I lost my mom when I turned 40. She was 59. Massive heart attack as well. I took my first solo trip to Disney a week after because I just wanted to be alone in my happy place. Maybe you could do the same? Just a couple of days to regroup is the best therapy you can find. Even if Disney has sucked half of the magic out of their parks with all of the pandemic nonsense, just being away is especially healing. In fact, that trip was the best trip I ever had and look at it this way, the mask will hide the crying face. I found I cried at things I never saw coming like when Cinderella passed by in the parade. Mom loved her. Sending prayers for strength and a healing heart and know that God took her home because her work was done here and it was time for her to rest. We're all on our way to the same place, it was just her turn to start the journey. Thinking of that helped to get me through. I hope it helps you too.