My In-laws are worse than your In-laws!

[Katy Belle]

A couple of in-law Christmas stories.

MIL always tells me specifically what to get her... and I always do it. I never ask her, she TELLS me. She does the same for her daughter, but daughter ignores and gets something goofy, or another set of dishes, even though MIL is constantly saying "don't get me any more dishes." So MIL asked me for a popcorn popper, WEst Bend brand, etc. and a small serving spatula. I got the popper, 2 nice Oenida spatulas, pop corn, dish towels, and pot holders (hers are worn out) and some other kitcheny stuff.

This year she asked what I wanted and I told her a set of steak knives, with a least 6 knives. Simple enough. What did I get...??? A glow in the dark thing for the yard and a jewel encrusted "business card holder." I am a SAHM, have been for 16 years. I have no business cards. Fine. But it is tempting next year to ignore her requests.

SIL...hands us a box and tells us its for the whole family. We have boys ages 11,14,16. The box contains stuff she's purchased from her kids fundraisers over the year, she told us that. So... a jar of honey, a shaker of salsa seasoning, a beer bread mix, a calendar, some tiny plastic food containers. Really? I got her kids toys and gift cards. We got her and her husband nice gifts. I'm over it. Next year I'm copying her gift. My kids have fundraisers too. Boy Scout popcorn and cookie dough for her whole family.

 

[Katy Belle]

I can't believe I forgot this story!!! We were at MILs Christmas morning to open gifts and SIL and family enter. She has to kiddos, Dniece6 and Dnephew10. FIL asked them what Santa brought... Dniece6 says, "A pink guitar, a guitar tuner, a stand, 3 picks, and some skittles." Dnephew says..."He brought me only skittles." So sad.

And then we opened gifts from eveyone and Dnephew didn't get anything from FIL and MIL, his grandparents. So FIL says to MIL, why didn't we get him anything??? And she answered "I gave his parents $100 to buy him something." So they said they will be getting him a mountain bike, but have nothing for him today. Poor kiddo. Luckily we got him a stack of books, that he loved, and a $20 gift card and BIL gave him an erector set.

I don't know if he believes in Santa or not. I'm hoping not and they explained to him that he wouldn't be getting anything. Poor kiddo.

 

[pkondz]

I'm over it. Next year I'm copying her gift. My kids have fundraisers too. Boy Scout popcorn and cookie dough for her whole family.

Good one! Here's hoping the fundraising stuff is even worse than what you've described.

 

[pkondz]

...Dnephew says..."He brought me only skittles." ...

I don't know if he believes in Santa or not. I'm hoping not and they explained to him that he wouldn't be getting anything. Poor kiddo.

Wow. That's just awful. I guess his parents couldn't find a lump of coal anywhere? What is with people?

 

[pkondz]

Okay, my own Christmas story. For the back story, see post #533 on the previous page. In a nutshell, BIL and his family was their turn to cook Xmas meal but couldn't because there were too many people if we came... but it was okay if we would cook for the same amount of people...

So as of a week before Xmas, we still hadn't heard anything about Xmas with MIL's side. We've been together for about 25 years now (including dating and married) and for all that time, we've had Xmas Eve dinner at MIL's and Xmas day dinner at my parents. MIL's family has always opened gifts after dinner (or church when they used to go) on Xmas Eve. My side was flexible. Late Xmas Eve? Early Xmas day? After dinner Xmas day? Whatever works for everybody. For the first few years that we were dating and married, MIL insisted that we come over for dinner on Xmas Eve, go to her church that evening and then come over and spend the entire day and evening on Xmas at her place as well. Um... hello? Maybe I'd like to see my family for 5 minutes? Any way, we put our foot down and told her, "No. We will be spending the evening of the 25th at my parent's place." It's been fine ever since.

Fast forward to 5 years ago... I'd started cooking the Xmas meal for my DMom since she's getting older and cooking a big meal is a lot of work. I offered to do the same for DW's family. (Her Mom, BIL, SIL, and over the years as the family grew 1-3 nephews and niece. Plus, we had to invite DW's Aunt and Uncle.) Not complaining. Not at all. I enjoyed it and was pleased that DW could have all her family over and enjoy a nice meal.

The second year I did it, we decided to do a brunch instead of dinner (cooking two huge meals back to back is a lot of work.) Worked out great. I put out a huge spread and everyone was happy. The next year BIL announces that we should take turns and they would host Xmas dinner. Sounds great! They served hamburgers. Odd choice for Xmas dinner, but I was okay with it. The following year (last year) since it was our turn and brunch had been so successful we did it again. I'm not bragging but to give you an idea of the amount of work I did (i.e. not burgers) there was:

Eggs, toast, fresh made hashbrowns, sauteed mushrooms, scratch made waffles, breakfast pizza (egg base covered in mushrooms, sausage, tomatoes and cheese), side bacon, back bacon and made to order omelettes.

Which brings us to.. This year. (cue scary music)

MIL asks us what we are going to be doing for Xmas (This was back in October). DW replies that it's BIL's turn and to ask him.

Days go by.
Weeks go by.
Two months go by.

The drama of post #533 occurs.

One week before Xmas, I still don't really know what's going on. "So are we going to your Brother's place? Do we know what's happening on Xmas Eve?"

Nope.

MIL informs us that since BIL's family is cooking for people on Xmas day, then that is the day we have to come over. Umm... no. We've already bought all the ingredients for Xmas day dinner with my family and I've already done prep work and frozen things for it. MIL responds with "Well! You said that Christmas would be at BIL's house!" Ummm... Xmas is a season and it's been Xmas eve for 25 years.

At the church we go to, there are several services throughout the evening. They are all packed full. We make the decision that we will go to the 4pm service. (It's the Children's service) We indicate that our kids will be in attendance. We figure that if at the last minute BIL decides to do brunch, we'll be able to go and still go to Church (BIL is an atheist now, so they don't go). If he decides to have dinner, we can be there right after Church. If there's no dinner, but wants us to come over after dinner for presents, we've got that covered too.

December 22. MIL calls and tells us that BIL is going to have a dinner after all. We have to be there at... you guessed it 4pm. DW and I discuss it and decide if a. you can't tell us until two days before that you're having dinner and b. can't even tell us yourselves and c. we'd already made plans to go to the 4pm service... Sorry, we can't make it for 4pm, we'll be at Church.

No response.

December 23. Still not knowing what's going on. (Are we still going there for dinner? Will they wait for us? Dunno.) Finally, I've had enough and we decide that we just don't care anymore and we'll drop off gifts, visit for a while and go to church and eat something, somewhere and possibly go back after for more visiting. Sorry, but we're not going to tell someone else that we will invite ourselves over for dinner, or dictate what time they'll eat. DW sends an email to BIL that we'll pop over around 2pm and drop off gifts. This is the first direct communication with BIL about Xmas. Not once during this entire charade had he attempted to talk, phone, text, facebook, email, carrier pigeon... you get the idea.

So...

We get an email back from him which basically says:

"So you're not coming for dinner? You made it very clear that it was our turn. So just return the gifts you bought and we'll do the same and I am done with you."

There was great rejoicing.

BTW, just a footnote. I mentioned that BIL doesn't believe in God, but that's not strictly true. He does worship the almighty dollar. I'll never forget the time he gave my girls new watches for Xmas. They were watches that you got for free from Burger King when you ordered a kid's meal. Every year, since, I've always had the feeling that he only grudgingly gives us gifts. Kind of a 'Well I know they're giving gifts so I guess I'll have to.' So when he emailed to "return the gifts and we'll do the same", his real motivation became pretty clear, don't you think?

If you've reached this part and are still reading... congratulations! You win a prize! PM me for details!

 

[Disney Doll]

Venting

Back story. My MIL and SILs HATE for anyone to return any gift they give. Even if it is the wrong size. They also HATE regifting, for any reason.

MIL gave me a robe....with no tags. Even the size/care tag at the neck was cut off. BTW, you can see the stitching where the neck tag was.

The problem? It is too, too small. Never mind it is not the style I like; I was willing to just go with it. Until I got home and I held it up and realized it looked a bit small. I tried it on and sure enough it would not zip up, b/c it is way too small.

The kicker.....DH says he thinks (1) she bought the robe for herself and cut the neck tag off b/c it would bother her, then realized it was the wrong size. Or, (2) she could have bought it for her mother (who is in a nursing home) and DGM couldn't use it, so she gave it to me.

Thanks for letting me vent.

My late DMIL, who really did have good intentions, had the bad habit of not being able to keep track of her receipts when she bought gifts. No matter how many times I said "Keep an envelope in your purse and whenthe clerk hands you the receipt put it right in the envelope" invariably she would buy something the wrong size and then not have the receipt for return/exchange. I'd go to retun stuff without the receipt after Christmas and of course then it was the sale price and was nowhere near what she paid for it. If I could exchange it, no problem. But I used to hate to return things and know I wasn't getting her the right amount of money back. Sometimes I wouldn't return them. I'd donate them and at least feel good that someone had a nice new outfit instaed of a hand me down.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

Okay, my own Christmas story. For the back story, see post #533 on the previous page. In a nutshell, BIL and his family was their turn to cook Xmas meal but couldn't because there were too many people if we came... but it was okay if we would cook for the same amount of people...

So as of a week before Xmas, we still hadn't heard anything about Xmas with MIL's side. We've been together for about 25 years now (including dating and married) and for all that time, we've had Xmas Eve dinner at MIL's and Xmas day dinner at my parents. MIL's family has always opened gifts after dinner (or church when they used to go) on Xmas Eve. My side was flexible. Late Xmas Eve? Early Xmas day? After dinner Xmas day? Whatever works for everybody. For the first few years that we were dating and married, MIL insisted that we come over for dinner on Xmas Eve, go to her church that evening and then come over and spend the entire day and evening on Xmas at her place as well. Um... hello? Maybe I'd like to see my family for 5 minutes? Any way, we put our foot down and told her, "No. We will be spending the evening of the 25th at my parent's place." It's been fine ever since.

Fast forward to 5 years ago... I'd started cooking the Xmas meal for my DMom since she's getting older and cooking a big meal is a lot of work. I offered to do the same for DW's family. (Her Mom, BIL, SIL, and over the years as the family grew 1-3 nephews and niece. Plus, we had to invite DW's Aunt and Uncle.) Not complaining. Not at all. I enjoyed it and was pleased that DW could have all her family over and enjoy a nice meal.

The second year I did it, we decided to do a brunch instead of dinner (cooking two huge meals back to back is a lot of work.) Worked out great. I put out a huge spread and everyone was happy. The next year BIL announces that we should take turns and they would host Xmas dinner. Sounds great! They served hamburgers. Odd choice for Xmas dinner, but I was okay with it. The following year (last year) since it was our turn and brunch had been so successful we did it again. I'm not bragging but to give you an idea of the amount of work I did (i.e. not burgers) there was:

Eggs, toast, fresh made hashbrowns, sauteed mushrooms, scratch made waffles, breakfast pizza (egg base covered in mushrooms, sausage, tomatoes and cheese), side bacon, back bacon and made to order omelettes.

Which brings us to.. This year. (cue scary music)

MIL asks us what we are going to be doing for Xmas (This was back in October). DW replies that it's BIL's turn and to ask him.

Days go by.
Weeks go by.
Two months go by.

The drama of post #533 occurs.

One week before Xmas, I still don't really know what's going on. "So are we going to your Brother's place? Do we know what's happening on Xmas Eve?"

Nope.

MIL informs us that since BIL's family is cooking for people on Xmas day, then that is the day we have to come over. Umm... no. We've already bought all the ingredients for Xmas day dinner with my family and I've already done prep work and frozen things for it. MIL responds with "Well! You said that Christmas would be at BIL's house!" Ummm... Xmas is a season and it's been Xmas eve for 25 years.

At the church we go to, there are several services throughout the evening. They are all packed full. We make the decision that we will go to the 4pm service. (It's the Children's service) We indicate that our kids will be in attendance. We figure that if at the last minute BIL decides to do brunch, we'll be able to go and still go to Church (BIL is an atheist now, so they don't go). If he decides to have dinner, we can be there right after Church. If there's no dinner, but wants us to come over after dinner for presents, we've got that covered too.

December 22. MIL calls and tells us that BIL is going to have a dinner after all. We have to be there at... you guessed it 4pm. DW and I discuss it and decide if a. you can't tell us until two days before that you're having dinner and b. can't even tell us yourselves and c. we'd already made plans to go to the 4pm service... Sorry, we can't make it for 4pm, we'll be at Church.

No response.

December 23. Still not knowing what's going on. (Are we still going there for dinner? Will they wait for us? Dunno.) Finally, I've had enough and we decide that we just don't care anymore and we'll drop off gifts, visit for a while and go to church and eat something, somewhere and possibly go back after for more visiting. Sorry, but we're not going to tell someone else that we will invite ourselves over for dinner, or dictate what time they'll eat. DW sends an email to BIL that we'll pop over around 2pm and drop off gifts. This is the first direct communication with BIL about Xmas. Not once during this entire charade had he attempted to talk, phone, text, facebook, email, carrier pigeon... you get the idea.

So...

We get an email back from him which basically says:

"So you're not coming for dinner? You made it very clear that it was our turn. So just return the gifts you bought and we'll do the same and I am done with you."
There was great rejoicing.

BTW, just a footnote. I mentioned that BIL doesn't believe in God, but that's not strictly true. He does worship the almighty dollar. I'll never forget the time he gave my girls new watches for Xmas. They were watches that you got for free from Burger King when you ordered a kid's meal. Every year, since, I've always had the feeling that he only grudgingly gives us gifts. Kind of a 'Well I know they're giving gifts so I guess I'll have to.' So when he emailed to "return the gifts and we'll do the same", his real motivation became pretty clear, don't you think?

If you've reached this part and are still reading... congratulations! You win a prize! PM me for details!

Your family sounds so much like mine - from the horrible lack of communication right down to, unfortunately, the "I'm done with you". I'm so sorry. Even though on one hand it may be a relief, on the other hand it's still sad and hurts.

So now I'm curious - did you still give them their gifts and did they accept them or give them bach?

 

[christineann]

I had my in-law problems, too, but they don't come close to many of these horror stories. One incident occurred the week after we lost our house and belongings in a hurricane, and 5 days prior to the hurricane, my 16 month old had a finger amputated and re-attached. The MIL was mad because we didn't send her a birthday card (we did call).

I divorced the husband because he was an abusive alcoholic. The MIL never really seemed to like me anyway and then refused to acknowledge my existence or the children's, even though we sent her birthday and Christmas cards for years after the divorce before giving up. The ex-husband lost all visitation rights (family court mediation probably saved their lives).

After she died, I received a photo book from her then-husband, who included many photos of her other grandchildren and a photo of each of my children printed off of Facebook with a paragraph about how sad she was that she wasn't allowed to see or get to know my children as they grew up. She lived several states away, and I had always said that I would personally bring them to see her (and stay away myself if that was her wish) if she wanted me to do so.

It was her loss and her choice.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm sure her then-husband was hearing her version of the story, if you know what I mean?

 

[christineann]

Yup, I'm sure of it. As sad as it was that she disowned her own grandchildren, their lives (and mine) were probably a little less stressful because of it.

 

[rszdtrvl]

We didn't even get a phone call from MIL or FIL. DS got absolutely nothing from either of them.

Fine by me.

We had a great Christmas with my parents and 2 brothers. And webcammed with the other brother in a different state.

It was low key, and nice.

DH and I have had it with his family. They only call when they want something, so DH decided that he would no longer call them at all.

Here's to a great 2012!

 

[pkondz]

Even though on one hand it may be a relief, on the other hand it's still sad and hurts.

So now I'm curious - did you still give them their gifts and did they accept them or give them bach?

Well, it was a long time coming, with lots of drama but thanks for the hug.

As for the gifts...
DD14 and DD11 had bought gifts for their cousins. We gave them this evening to MIL to give to them. We'll see what happens. MIL did say that the cousins were sad that my DDs weren't going over... Collateral damage unfortunately, but what can you do?

We gave Dniece's gift to the little girl across the street that DD14 babysits. We'll return the rest except for the BestBuy Gift card which you can't return. We'll use that to buy an Xbox game for DDs.

So we didn't give them our gifts (nor will we) so we won't know if they would give them Bach... but at least now we have a Handel on the situation.

 

[pkondz]

PRINCESS VIJA check your PMs. I sent you your prize.

 

[KiminChicago]

Unfortunately for DH, it's my family that's the issue....

As I've posted on the DIS before, my DH is something of a hoarder. I can pretty much keep it confined to certain areas, and he is working on his ability to let things go, but we haven't been able to use our dining room in two years. Every time my parents come over (which is maybe twice a year for the kids' birthdays, even though they live only 15 minutes away), my mom starts picking at my DH about how her "house would never look like this." I've tried to tell her that it doesn't help when she does that, and that a little bit of humor about the situation goes a long way with DH, but still she keeps up the snide commentary the entire time they're here. Which is never very long anyway, the minute they walk in the door they have a million and one reasons why they can't stay, so we usually have to rush through dinner, cake and opening presents so that they can be on their way.

My brother and sister-in-law never come for our kids' birthdays, even though DH and I always go to their house for DNiece and Dnephew's birthday, and they live only 10 minutes away. My mom and dad can always make it to my brother's and spend the whole day. I'd say that maybe it was the clutter that was making my parents cut their visits to my house short, but my SIL is almost as big a collector as DH, so their house is filled with Precious Moments figurines and other knickknacks.

My sister is 16 months younger than me, and has been living with my parents since her divorce 25 years ago. She had one daughter with her ex, and then she got pregnant by another man 10 years later. She lived there with her two girls completely rent-free for 20 of those 25 years until my parents told her that if she didn't start helping out, they were going to lose their house. DH and I think that my sister has an undiagnosed bi-polar disorder because we never know what she's going to be like. From the time we were little, my sister and I had a troubled relationship. When we were in grade school, I was the A student and she always had to work harder. My parents sent us to a tiny private school (my 8th grade class had 12 students), so teachers were always comparing us. My sister used to get together with the other girls and encourage them to make fun of me (that's right, I lived with my school bully).
One evening, my parents left the two of us home with our brother and another younger sister and sister #1 took both of the younger siblings into the family room and told me that I'd better not come in because it was their club and I wasn't invited.

As adults, I never know when I'll say something to cause her to turn on me. One day she'll be sweet as pie, the next day she isn't speaking to me. A couple of years ago, DH, DS, DD and I were at my parents' house for New Year's Eve and we still don't know what happened but my sister got mad at someone, and, after sitting in the corner talking to herself for a half hour, she stomped off into her bedroom and refused to come out for the rest of the night -- not even at midnight. Another year, my parents went to Michigan for New Year's and sister #1 made a point of inviting my brother and his family over to my parents' house for a party and excluded me and DH. She even made sure she talked about it in front of me so I'd get the message. Growing up, whenever I'd complain to my parents about sister #1, their response was always "well, you know how your sister is." Yep, mean and crazy is how she is.

Well, this year was the last straw. I took my kids over to my parents' house on the Saturday after Thanksgiving so they could spend some time with the cousins from Michigan, but as soon as we walked in the door, sister #1 started in with the snarky comments. I told the kids to pack up, that we were leaving. I later called my mother and told her that I would no longer visit their house as long as dear sis was living there. Which apparently is fine with my parents, since they went out to dinner with sister dear for Christmas Eve and spent Christmas Day with my brother and his family. Strangely, this turned out to be my best Christmas ever. We went out to dinner on Christmas Eve with DH's brother and father and we all laughed all the way through it. Then my FIL and BIL came out to our house for Christmas Day and we worked a jigsaw puzzle and watched the Bears-Packers game.

 

[pkondz]

Strangely, this turned out to be my best Christmas ever. We went out to dinner on Christmas Eve with DH's brother and father and we all laughed all the way through it. Then my FIL and BIL came out to our house for Christmas Day and we worked a jigsaw puzzle and watched the Bears-Packers game.

Isn't it odd how supposed obligations can make us miserable. And yet when we finally let go, life can be pretty good.

"You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family."

 

[DumboPrincess]

Today we were supposed to drive 2 hours to do Christmas with MIL, FIL, and SIL. SIL is a teacher about 4 hours away. They came to our house on the 23, just because (and I saw them for about 10 minutes because they came while I was at work). At 6am, our youngest threw up. Cleaned her up, put her back in bed, and by 7am she threw up again. One I'll let pass, but 2 means something is wrong. I tell DH to call MIL and tell them we're not coming. She says come anyway, she and SIL are around sick kids all the time, being teachers. If we won't come to them, they want to come to us. They think unwrapping presents will be good distraction. I said no. From DH end of the conversation I can tell she thinks it's about how clean my house is. Nope. I don't care. They were just here, only gave a days notice, so it's not that. They've seen my messy house. I just don't believe in going anywhere (besides the doctor) or having anyone over when my child is vomiting. So, my DH is upset because his family are not "guests" to him, they're family. So it's not like I have to "host". I told him my own mom or sister wouldn't be welcome either. So apparently, I'm the bad guy here.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

Well, it was a long time coming, with lots of drama but thanks for the hug.

As for the gifts...
DD14 and DD11 had bought gifts for their cousins. We gave them this evening to MIL to give to them. We'll see what happens. MIL did say that the cousins were sad that my DDs weren't going over... Collateral damage unfortunately, but what can you do?

We gave Dniece's gift to the little girl across the street that DD14 babysits. We'll return the rest except for the BestBuy Gift card which you can't return. We'll use that to buy an Xbox game for DDs.

So we didn't give them our gifts (nor will we) so we won't know if they would give them Bach... but at least now we have a Handel on the situation.

EXCELLENT way to spin a typo!!

 

[pkondz]

So it's not like I have to "host". I told him my own mom or sister wouldn't be welcome either. So apparently, I'm the bad guy here.

Yes you are! Bad Mommy! How dare you take care of your sick child. And while we're on the topic... your child is bad too. Extremely inconsiderate of her to vomit on Christmas... not just once, but twice! Totally rude.

Our youngest DD was celebrating her Birthday by having all grandparents and uncles and aunts over for dinner, cake and presents (8 people). Just as people were sitting down to dinner, DD announces that she's not feeling well. She spent the rest of the evening either in bed or with her head in a bucket. Poor thing. Didn't even feel up to opening her gifts. Know how you feel, just wish I could've cancelled everything before people got there. I kept shuttling back and forth from the dining room to her room and back. Just wished everybody would hurry up and leave so I could devote 100% of the time to her.

 

[pkondz]

EXCELLENT way to spin a typo!!

What typo?

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

I may have posted on this thread a long time ago. Forgive me if I repeat myself.

My inlaws have done things that infuriate me over the years, and my Dad isn't much better.

Here is a small sample.

My husband goes to lodge on Tuesdays with his Dad. Well, this happened a few years ago. My husband comes home from lodge one night...and I ask if he wants anything to eat. No...his Dad had taken him out for a steak for his birthday. My husband didn't know that the plans had changed, and I wasn't invited. My husband then hands me my birthday card from his Dad. (My bday is 9 days before hubbys.) So...I open up the card and it says "Your not old until the fat lady sings" and then it has one of those audio things. Let's just say I'm not thin. I'm not at all thin. I really don't like being reminded about it. Plus, I know that they are embarassed to be around me, and don't approve of me because of my weight.

So, fast forward another year. Hubby comes home from lodge and hands me a card from his Dad. Great...So as I'm opening the card...I say to hubby...Its ok that they don't want to celebrate my birthday with me...and this card can't be as horrible as the last one...Oh yes it can...they got me the same card!! They didn't think, "Let's insult the fat girl" once...no! They had the same thought twice!!

Now for my Dad...
I've been working toward a Ph.D. in Public Policy for quite awhile, and will graduate in May. This is a really big deal for our entire family. I am a 1st generation college graduate, and my sisters have bachelors degrees. For a long time, my Dad was thrilled beyond belief. The key is that he was thrilled BEYOND belief. Then, he was able to put it in a perspective he could understand.

While I've been in school, Dad's wife's great nephew has become an optometrist (not an opthamologist -- an optometrist) and practices in a small town. So...now when I talk to my Dad he tells me that his wife's nephew is a REAL doctor. I actually feel a little sorry for Dad. He is now an old man and cannot see that he or his family is good enough to do anything that is remotely a big deal.