My friend is going to ruin my trip!!!!!! UPDATED #84!!

[Aliceacc]

I
She said "Disney is a public place and you can't control where I show up. My kids were looking forward to hanging out with your kids so that's what they'll do."

I told her that Disney was a public place and she was right, I can't keep her from showing up. I also said that my children are 6 years younger than her youngest child so really that argument doesn't wash. I asked her to respect my feelings and keep her distance from our vacation. She just said NO and then made an excuse to hang up.

?

Have a long chat with her. Indeed, Disney is a public place and you can't stop her from showing up. But disregarding your wishes in this matter would effectively put an end to the friendship. If she forces you to change your ADRS to avoid being stalked, (and, yes, I would use that word.) then I can't imagine ever wanting to see her socially again.

While she has a right to be anywhere she chooses, you have a right to decide where to spend your vacation, and with whom. You also have the right to supervise who your children spend time with.


So one way or another, you will NOT be spending your vacation together. Whether or not your friendship survives her attempts to sabotage your vacation is up to her.

 

[LaLalovesWDW]

Listen, I would not let anyone potentially ruin my trip to Disney, and we definitely don't want an upset DH. Even though it may be inconvenient, make a call to the reservation line and see if there is anything they can do for you without it costing you too much money or inconvenience.

If you run into her, just try the cordial "nice seeing you, we gotta run" route, but if she keeps stalking you, she might need to get her feelings hurt.

 

[DaniB]

I agree with many others. If you truly believe she will show up anyways - then it boils down to your husband & kids or your friend...

Considering you married your husband and have kids together... considering you are saying it took years to convince your husband to go to WDW... considering you said your husband is working a LOT of overtime to pay for this trip - do whatever you can to avoid seeing her! There's no question about it in my opinion.

Change your plans! Change your resort and do not tell her! It doesn't make that huge of a difference price-wise to change within the same class of resorts. If you are staying at a value, change to a different value! Moderate, change to a different moderate. Tell the resort someone who your family has have no wish to see/talk to may try to find you and to note that no information is to be given out.

Change all your ADRs. Everything!

Heck, if you haven't paid for airfare yet, and if you could change vacation time, etc. - I would seriously considering moving the trip up or down a bit and not telling her!

While tidying up I was thinking of what I wrote, and wanted to let you know I did not mean to come across as harsh or unfeeling. I am sorry you have to worry about this - especially on your first trip! My strong reaction to change everything was triggered on specific worries you mentioned in your posts, plus things I have seen/heard from two women (close to me) on stalking issues. I hate to think that this person you know might really be that unbalanced as to force herself on your vacation.

 

[dumbo_buddy]

sheesh, i'm so sorry you have to deal with this! i have to believe that your friend reacted so poorly because she didn't know how else to handle it. i mean, if someone told me they didn't want to hang with me i'd be pretty bummed about it. but i would respect that person's wishes!

at first i thought that you should change your resort and ADRs. and then i thought...NO WAY! why should YOU change your plans because of her?? that's not fair at all to you, especially since you've been planning this for so long!

if i were you i'd call her again and try to make nice. say something about how you're sorry for the way the last phone call went and you didn't mean to hurt her feelings. just nicely say how you value her friendship but your family doesn't want to make plans with anyone else because you need family alone time. sure, it's ridiculous to have to be nice to her after what she said to you but maybe she'll let up a bit.

plus, it is SO not fair for you to have to keep looking around to make sure she's not there on YOUR trip!

have a great time on vacation!

 

[badblackpug]

I know everyone has given you lots of ideas of how to avoid her I'm going to suggest something a bit different.

What if you level with her and say your DH and kids want to do Disney by themselves But you would enjoy getting together just the two of you for breakfast or lunch or a late night drink.

This way you keep the friendship, your DH doesn't have to see her, and in actuality you are probably the only one that wants to spend time with her and you are really the only one she wants to spend time with.

Do you loose a bit of your time with your family yes but you get to see your old friend in the least painful way for your family.

the not telling her you were coming ship has sailed, now it is time for damage control and to me this is a win win for everyone.

I think this is a very good idea. Your friend was probably hurt. She was looking forward to seeing you and showing you around WDW and had made plans to do the same now to be told that her presence isn't wanted. I would call her and explain to her what you explained to us, that it was very difficult to convince your husband to go at all, and that he is insisting that this be family time, and apologize for hurting her feelings. She probably made the excuse about her kids wanting to hang out with your because she is the one who really wants to hang out with you.

 

[billfatora]

I know everyone has given you lots of ideas of how to avoid her I'm going to suggest something a bit different.

What if you level with her and say your DH and kids want to do Disney by themselves But you would enjoy getting together just the two of you for breakfast or lunch or a late night drink.

This way you keep the friendship, your DH doesn't have to see her, and in actuality you are probably the only one that wants to spend time with her and you are really the only one she wants to spend time with.

Do you loose a bit of your time with your family yes but you get to see your old friend in the least painful way for your family.

the not telling her you were coming ship has sailed, now it is time for damage control and to me this is a win win for everyone.

Ya' know, I've actually been in a similar situation, and my biggest regret - as I look back - was the time I wasted, being worried about it. With that being said, I think that I agree with the quoted person, but only to an extent. I would make "the phone call" to your friend, and explain just how you feel, and offer the above-stated as an option. If, at that point, she chooses to be "a jerk about it", then you really do know where you stand with her... and you can tell her as much, without feeling guilty that you didn't give it a chance. If she pushes the issue, just advise her that if she can't understand your position, then you will just have to handle it by other means - infer "WDW security". I know it sounds drastic - but think about it this way... just how much have you and your family worked and saved for this "family vacation", and then ask yourself, "what's more important...!"

 

[disneydreamertoo]

Since you wrote for opinions--here's my two cents! I think it's very admirable of you wanting to keep family peace. I think every family deserves a" family only" vacation. With that being said, I think your husband should be mature enough not to be overly upset that this "friend" might show up! You're doing everything you can to rectify it. He should be satisfied with that! You need to show him these posts and show him that you are indeed trying to solve the problem. No need for him to be upset, at least not at you!

If "the friend" shows up you could politely say, "I'm sorry we can't stay and visit but my husband and I both agreed this was going to be exclusive family time. I'll call you later, Bye" If "the friend" does not let it go and continues to be stalk-ish, you indeed need to let the Disney people in charge know!

 

[seashoreCM]

Is it that bad if she follows you around?

You will want to have separate tables at meals for, among other things, preventing the server from combining your checks.

 

[rubato]

Your first commitment is to your family. Don't give in to her bullying! Ignore her if she shows up. If it were me and my hubby, he really would be so poed that it would ruin his vacation. And, if he had worked overtime to pay for the trip and was reluctant to go from the beginning, there is no way I would ruin his trip or allow a friend of mine to ruin his trip.

 

[JUJU814]

Remember..the only way she can ruin your trip is if you allow her to.!

Julie

 

[bumbershoot]

I would make "the phone call" to your friend, and explain just how you feel, and offer the above-stated as an option. If, at that point, she chooses to be "a jerk about it", then you really do know where you stand with her... and you can tell her as much, without feeling guilty that you didn't give it a chance.

I agree with this.


Sorry you're having to deal with this.

 

[dlhvac]

who told her you were going to disney in the first place dont do it again

 

[MamaOdie]

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I have to say that telling your "friend" all about your upcoming trip and all the details even though you knew your husband didn't really care for her was your mistake. While I don't condone her response to your request to stay away, can you blame her for feeling a little hurt? It's kind of like spending a whole year telling someone about your wedding plans then at the last minute saying "Oh, but you're not invited".
I also think that your husband needs to understand that simply seeing this woman in passing won't ruin your vacation unless he lets it. What will ruin it, probably, will be him being mad at you but I think you need to accept some responsibility for having told her all the details of the trip in the first place.

So don't change your plans, if you see her be polite and say hello but unless she's posing a danger to you or your family I think calling Security on her and her children might be a bit extreme. If she tries to follow or contact you, once again tell her firmly that this is a family vacation and you're sorry but she'll have to respect your wishes or it will end your friendship.

I think the best suggestion is as another poster mentioned. Call her back, apologize for having involved her in your family plans but reiterate that it is family time so you won't be able to spend time with her on this trip. Unless she really is that crazy, I doubt she'd embarrass herself by still showing up.

 

[jkc0325]

If it were me, I'd probably call her back and see if she's decided to leave you alone on your family vacation. If she's decided that she still plans to stalk you the I'd flat out lie and tell her "well, I changed resort and all my ADR's so you won't be able to find me anyway" Then I'd hope and pray she didn't call my bluff. I'd make sure my husband knew I had done this as a way to prevent her showing up. If she shows up after this, then he should be mad at her, not you.

I would NEVER tell her again of anything I planned to do in WDW!!!

 

[ScotsMinnie]

Sounds like a nightmare. Its hard when your DH does not like a friend. You are in a tough position.

You could always change the booking name your hotel is in and ask them not to share your room number with anyone.

You could also change the day of your ADR which would not incur a charge.

I like the idea of asking her is she wanted to meet for a drink or something. You could choose a time when your family would be settling down for bed or at the pool relaxing or something. If she agrees to meet then you could save the friendship (if thats what you want) but if she says no as she won't be going at least you would know for sure whether she was still planning to go there at that time or not. She maybe is just a little hurt and is lashing out - its possible. She was perhaps really looking forward to seeing you all. But I agree that she did it in an extreme way.

Hope you get it all sorted and above everything else I hope that it does not cause any problems with your DH. I don't blame you for sharing details of your trip with her. After all we all share every planned stay, meal etc on here in our PTR so there is not much difference.

Most of all I hope you have a lovley family holiday - you certainly seemed to have worked hard to get it!

 

[mmforme2009]

Last year we had a similar situation with a co-workers family traveling the same time and wanting to spend every minute with us. We adjusted our plans a little bit....hit some parks very early, stayed late at others. Didn't lie but just let them know that we do things so spur of the minute we weren't sure which park we'd be visiting until we were ready to go. Ended up we ran into them maybe twice during the whole week and we were headed in opposite directions. Worked out great and no feelings were hurt. It's worth a try

 

[duffy]

The thread title is very revealing. Friends don't ruin trips. Someone who ruins your trip is not a friend.

 

[Alice's Mommy]

Thank you for all your responses. I appreciate the input.

I will be addressing the possible "stalking" issue with my friend. I agree that she's not really a great friend. This fact has become abundantly clear in the last 24 hours.

While I never came out and said "You're not invited on my vacation" I have told her repeatedly how excited I was to finally have a family vacation that did not include friends or other family members. I have actually used that phrase several times. This is not something that has come out of left field for her. I won't be making plans to spend time with her alone. I don't want to spend time with her on my first family vacation. I am, as previously stated, looking forward to finally having a family vacation that does not include friends or other family members.

I feel it necessary to explain that I never shared details of my vacation planning without being asked. It never occurred to me to keep details of my vacation secret from any of my friends. I am the only one of all my friends to have not visited WDW and their enthusiasm and curiosity for my trip stems from their own enjoyable visits. It's not like I shared flight or confirmation numbers. Just basic info that I would share here.

Thanks for all the advice and input though. I've just gotta put on my big girl panties and handle this like a grown up.

 

[cariann77]

I really hopes that it works out for you. Try to resolve it before you leave if you can. If not, you'll be tense and looking over your shoulder the whole trip wondering when she'll show up.

If you haven't, tell you husband what she said. You did your part by asking her to stay away. He can't be mad at you if she shows. Then if she does show, tell her everything again in person and then be on your way to enjoy the rest of your vacation.

Good luck! Make the best of it, don't let it ruin your trip!

 

[deuceswild10]

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I have to say that telling your "friend" all about your upcoming trip and all the details even though you knew your husband didn't really care for her was your mistake. While I don't condone her response to your request to stay away, can you blame her for feeling a little hurt? It's kind of like spending a whole year telling someone about your wedding plans then at the last minute saying "Oh, but you're not invited".
I also think that your husband needs to understand that simply seeing this woman in passing won't ruin your vacation unless he lets it. What will ruin it, probably, will be him being mad at you but I think you need to accept some responsibility for having told her all the details of the trip in the first place.

So don't change your plans, if you see her be polite and say hello but unless she's posing a danger to you or your family I think calling Security on her and her children might be a bit extreme. If she tries to follow or contact you, once again tell her firmly that this is a family vacation and you're sorry but she'll have to respect your wishes or it will end your friendship.

I think the best suggestion is as another poster mentioned. Call her back, apologize for having involved her in your family plans but reiterate that it is family time so you won't be able to spend time with her on this trip. Unless she really is that crazy, I doubt she'd embarrass herself by still showing up.

I disagree! Since when does telling your friend about vacation plans mean somehow that they should be invited? A wedding and a family vacation are worlds apart.

OP, is this normal behavior for her? Hopefully she'll think better and won't bother coming.