My feelings are hurt

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by dakcp2001, Feb 21, 2013.

  1. dakcp2001

    dakcp2001 <font color=darkorchid>Am I wrong to want a cashie

    Jun 8, 2007
    I know, get over it. My best friend of 15 years has always enjoyed being the center of attention. She can best described as attention seeking. She likes big parties for her birthday, she had a gigantic wedding, her Facebook statuses are always uber dramatic. You get the drift. I don't normally mind any of that, her parties are fun. But man if you forget to do something for her or celebrate her big day ( I had to miss a party once to go to an in laws funeral And she didn't speak to me for a week). My issue is that she does not reciprocate. She always forgets my birthday. Now with Facebook reminders, she didn't forget, I got a text just now at 11 pm. If she attends a party for me, it ends up being about her. Sprained ankle with crutches. A big fall on the way in. She had to be wheelchaired down the aisle for another wedding she was in due to an ankle injury that disappeared the next day. It's just her world and we are living in it.

    Would it have killed her to call and say happy birthday? I did call after getting her text, I went to voicemail. I guess it doesn't help that my husband doesn't care for her.
  2. kathie859

    kathie859 DIS Veteran

    Jul 19, 2005
    I think it's time to make a list of positives and negatives of having this self absorbed character in your life. FWIW, I don't do drama so I would have backed away from her by now. :confused3
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  4. Pea-n-Me

    Pea-n-Me DIS Veteran

    Jul 18, 2004
    Happy Birthday! :flower3:

    No advice on the friend issue - sounds high maintenance!
  5. Buckalew11

    Buckalew11 2013 1/2 Marathon Finisher!!! Woohoo!!

    Oct 15, 2004
    I think your husband is a smart man.

    Happy Birthday to you!! Tomorrow is my dd's! :)
  6. Baliezer

    Baliezer DIS Veteran

    Nov 19, 2012
    Does not sound like such a great friend.

    Happy Birthday!!
  7. StephMK

    StephMK DIS Veteran

    Mar 22, 2004
    I know a few like that. She won't change so it's up to you to decide if you want to deal with it or not. I get it because people like that are a lot of fun but I pulled back from two because I got tired of the wild stories/exaggerations and their lack of interest outside of their own issues.

    Happy Birthday!!!
  8. Minerva Mouse

    Minerva Mouse DIS Veteran

    Jul 16, 2012
    Fifteen years is a huge investment. What qualities kept her around this long?

    But I totally see your point, it is hurtful, it makes me wonder if you have more invested in the friendship than she does. I agree with the poster who said it MAYBE time to cut some ties. If this isn't a mutual relationship, then she's not really your BFF, because she's her own BFF.

    Ask yourself, Is the relationship worth saving? If yes, then I think it maybe time for a talk. :thumbsup2
  9. POOHsie

    POOHsie DIS Veteran

    May 4, 2010
    Sorry, to me this is not a friendship. This is a narcissistic person who sees herself as the "star" and you are one of her adoring audience. Narcissistic people will suck the lifeblood out of you and give you nothing in return. And it will never stop. They will be this way for a lifetime. Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder for more info. My next-door neighbor was this way, and he disrupted the whole neighborhood for the 5 years he lived here. When he moved out-of-state, we all had peace again. He calls constantly, but thanks to caller ID, nobody takes his calls. I know he will make victims out of his new neighbors.

    Glad you finally put the pieces together and are beginning to see this person for what she really is. You need to make a clean break. Unfriend her on FB, don't answer her calls, let your DH field her calls. Good you are standing up for your own self-respect.
  10. auntfrannie

    auntfrannie DIS Veteran

    Aug 30, 2001
    I don't do high maintenance people, either. If someone texted me happy birthday at 11 at night I wouldn't have called her. That tells me I'm not worth anything more than a text to her.

    Time to cut her loose.

    Happy Belated Birthday!
  11. goofy4tink

    goofy4tink No tags...not needed! Transportation moderator Moderator

    May 2, 2002
    I"m going to tell you the same thing I tell my 36 y/o dd...this is not a real friendship!!! You are expecting people to treat you the way you treat them...and real friends do.
    A for instance. My dd always remembers her 'best friends' birthday. Buys her something thoughtful, takes her out to dinner, etc. When my dd's birthday comes around? Nada, zip, bubkis. My dd will sit and be miserable. Now, this is a high school friend, but as the years have passed, the 'friend' has moved on to other people, has gotten married and basically treated my dd as a 'ancillary' friend....there to be noticed if no one else is around.
    I have told my dd that she can not expect everyont to act the way you want. You have to realize that some people care most about themselves and how things impact them. Your life will be awful if you just sit around waiting for people to do nice things for you or to behave in the way you expect them to. They won't!! Plain and simple.
    So...OP...move on. This is the kind of person that is a sort of friend. We all have them. But best friend? Surely not. There must be other people out there that would value you for what you bring to a friendship. Go out and cultivate those friendships and move away from this attention stealer.
  12. shortbun

    shortbun <font color=green>Peacenik<br><font color=purple><

    Aug 21, 1999
    eh, use her for the parties and otherwise, quietly stop involving yourself in her life and her in yours. She should be on the lowest tier of 'friendship'; people who don't rate high enough for gifts and extra attention.

  13. Rylee

    Rylee DIS Veteran

    Nov 5, 2005
    Fifteen years is a long time, but people grow and change, as they should. If this was once a fulfilling friendship but more one-sided now, you might want to reevaluate her place in your life, or let the relationship go entirely.

    If you decide to call it quits, you don't have to have a big blow out, (in fact, I wouldn't recommend it, so you can comfortably attend the same social gatherings within your circle of friends.) Perhaps, just let contact fade out, less and less over time. If she notices and confronts you, you can decide then if it's worth addressing. If she doesn't notice, she doesn't deserve the title, "best friend" and it really isn't much of a loss.
  14. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc DIS Veteran

    Jul 2, 2007
    Tell me again why she's your best friend???

    Oh, and happy belated birthday.

    It just seems odd that you've gotten more birthday wishes from strangers here than from your "best friend of 15 years."
  15. The Mystery Machine

    The Mystery Machine Sunrise at my house. :+)

    Jan 4, 2001
    Do you see an issue here OP? You state that your issue is that she does reciprocate and then say would it have killed her to call and say happy birthday?

    You are describing the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing and expecting different results.

    This post reminds me of someone who is HOPING that one day things will change. You know she is not going to reciprocate so you have to go through the motions of "hurt" every birthday or major event.

    You can be "friends" with this person casually but I would be more realistic and not expect anything from her. IF she actually does something one day then you can be surprised and happy. Until then expect nothing.

    Would I go all out for her birthday? Hell no. I would do what she does to me and see if the friendship is real or not.
  16. Sgt Mickey

    Sgt Mickey <font color=red>I will always remember where I was

    Feb 5, 2009
    I agree with cutting her out of my life. BUT I understand it isn't that easy to do. SO I defiantly would start cutting down my time with her.
    She does it because everyone lets her act this way and doesn't call her out on it. :hug:You deserve a better friend then her.
  17. Hillbeans

    Hillbeans <font color=purple>If you're bored, please read a

    Feb 24, 2003
    Maybe I'm the lone dissenter but I think you should call her out, tell her a text at 11pm on your birthday is crap. I don't think you need to make a scene but you probably never say anything and she assumes her bad behavior is acceptable to you.
  18. emer95

    emer95 DIS Veteran

    Feb 22, 2005
    You know who she reminds me of, just based on how you described her? The friend in the book "Something Borrowed" by Emily Giffin. Read the book and see if you relate to the main character. I think there's a movie version too.
  19. wdwmom0f3

    wdwmom0f3 Disney Bound!

    Aug 10, 2008
    Happy birthday!!!:dance3:

    As far as the friend goes, she may have been a good friend to you at one time, but she's not a good friend to you now. Sometimes it's just best to walk away from someone who is not there for you like you want them to be, especially when you have always been there for them.

    You can't force her to be your close friend, even if she is to stupid to see what a good friend you are. It sounds like you value your friendship and she values herself. I would just let this go, and enjoy your birthday with people who love you and want to celebrate it with you. :grouphug:

    PS. By letting her get to you on your birthday you are only putting her in the spot light again. It's YOUR day! Focus on YOU and not on her.;)
  20. Nennie

    Nennie Insert funny comment here!

    Oct 11, 2005
    Sounds like my best friend from highschool! Only difference is back then (over 20 years ago) we were 2 of a kind. We both loved being the center of attention at parties, etc. I chalk it up to being young and immature!!

    I feel like I grew up, no longer wanted to be the center of attention, but as I pulled away from the spotlight, she started seeking it even more. Facebook does not help this matter, as she now just has a bigger audience for her drama.

    I know that has a good heart, but the attention seeking just got to be too embarassing to be around. We slowly drifted apart, and I haven't seen her in person in about 5 years. Even though I haven't seen her in such a long time, I confess that I still cringe at some of her FB statuses. Lets just say that they are so over the top that other people on FB will message each other about them.

    Sounds like maybe it's time to start drifting away from your friend as well??? It was hard in the beginning for me to let my friend go, but it's definitely worked out for the best!
  21. capshockeygrl

    capshockeygrl Mouseketeer

    Oct 23, 2012
    I'm sorry you're feeling hurt - I know all too well how it feels to be in your situation. :(

    On a much happier note, though...

    pixiedust:Happy Birthday!!!!pixiedust:


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