My Disney Dilemma

[MossMan]

I thought I’d post this here and hopefully get some opinions and possibly a little perspective from the people who haunt this forum. Bear with me though; this will take a little explaining.

Last July, my sister and I made a deal with my niece (my sister’s daughter) and my two daughters. If they each saved enough for their own park tickets and did well at school this last year, we (my sister and I) would take them plus one friend each to spend a week in Orlando at you-know-where at the end of August.

Summer is extremely busy for my wife and my sister’s husband passed away a couple of years ago. So it would be just my sister and I to look after 6 girls aged 13 to 15. Well, we just found out that my sister is quite sick. She is going to be OK, but no way is she going to be up to traveling this summer. In fact the doctors have expressly forbid her from doing anything but stay at home and take it very easy for the next few months.

But we still have this trip planned. All the girls have done well at school and each has saved the money they needed to save. So despite the fact that my sister cannot go, they are obviously still anxious to go on a trip they have been looking forward to for a year. And I agree with them. But that is where we are having a bit of a problem.

I don’t think I will have any problem looking after the girls by myself. They will each have their own cell phone and will be spending each day at the parks. All of the girls are quite responsible and have promised me that they will stay together as a group in the parks. I don’t have a problem with this. I will have a van and will be dropping them off and picking them up at the end of the day. I will join them for any evening activities. (I might also spend some time with them at the parks, but my daughters at least are looking forward to some time sans their parents – which I can completely understand.) I have a bead on a few places to stay – either a 3 bedroom condo or a 4 bedroom house at a gated community. Either way, when not at the parks they will be with me.

The problem is that both my wife and sister are uncomfortable with this. Each of them thinks there should be an adult female along for the ride. I disagree – as you probably can tell. Six teenage girls may be a lot to handle, but the logistics of this trip are pretty simple. We aren’t going to any other theme parks, so their entire trip will be spent onsite at Disney. I think both my wife and sister are being too overprotective. My oldest (the 15 year old and her friend) have assured me that they will stay with the others at all times (the other 4 girls are all around 13 years old), and both these girls have always shown they can be trusted.

Maybe some of you have some thoughts on this or have experienced this type of trip before. I would love to hear what you have to say.

 

[BevS97]

well my dd's not 13 yet, so I'm not sure how I would feel when she was that old - but my feeling is that if I was a parent of one of the friends then I would be a bit uncomfortable about the level of supervision - not because you are a bloke, but because basically there would only be 1 adult there, and he would not be around during park time. I firmly believe that teens are safe on their own within the disney parks, but my gut instinct on reading your post, was that it was just too many girls and not enough adults.

Would it be possible to either rope in another adult to come along - maybe one of the friends parents? Or else postpone the trip until your sister is feeling better?

bev

 

[MossMan]

Thanks BevS97,

I did talk to the parents of the other girls going - hopefully looking for one of them to join us. All the other parents are actually fine with me looking after the whole lot of them. (The girls going with my daughters have been friends for years and we have gotten to know their parents quite well).

And as for postponing the trip, we would have to wait until summer 05. Of course the girls are aghast at that idea.

But I will say your perspective certainly mirrors the concerns expressed by my wife and sister. Nothing really definite, just more a feeling of being uncomfortable.

 

[Mrs. Toaster]

First of all, let me say that you sound like a wonderful man to do this! It is really a sweet gesture! However, when I first read your post, I also had that general feeling of uneasiness about it. I used to go to Disney with a youth organization when I was about their ages, and we always traveled in packs, without the adults. However, there were many adult chaperones, and we were required to meet up with them in the parks, several times throughout the day, just to check-in.

My concern would not be with you being a male, but just with you being the only adult, and not seeing the girls until the evenings. Even though you are close friends with the other girls' parents, accidents do happen, and you never know how even close friends will react. Could you limit the trip to just the girls in the family? I know that would be disappointing, but it might be a safer option, given that no other adult will be along for the trip. If not, you might consider physically checking in with the girls once a day, just to do a visual headcount and make sure everyone is doing well.

 

[MossMan]

I must say, that when my sister was still going to go, the plan was never to chaperone the girls while in the park. I figure with the cell phones, they would be required to check in with me at certain intervals.

How likely is it that something is going to go wrong? And if something does happen, how likely will it be something I can't handle by myself?

 

[Mrs. Toaster]

Well, things can and do happen anywhere, but I'm sure everything will probably be fine. You asked for honest opinions on this board, but it sounds like you have already made your decision.

 

[MossMan]

Certainly I've made my mind up Mrs. Toaster. I think the girls have worked hard and I want to reward them. But there are two women (my wife and sister) who are teetering on this question.

I certainly appreciate your input and am not trying put you off commenting on this. I guess I'm just trying to pry out some opinions and perspectives from some objective observers. Which you most certainly are Toaster. I want what's best for my family. And I think it's great that people on this forum are willing to help me explore this question with me.

 

[Disney Princess 6]

I can tell you that I would not be comforable with the arrangement you described - especially if my daughter were one of the friends. As others said - it's not that you are male. But I definitely would have a problem with adult/child ratio and I would not let my daughter attend under the conditions you described.
I know you said you are quite friendly with the other parents, but I admit that I'm shocked they don't have an issue with this.

Teenagers are still children and so many things could go wrong. Fifteen is still quite young. It's one thing to let the girls have 2-3 park hours alone, but quite another to drop them in the morning and pick them up in the evening - in my opinion - this is only my opinion. Obviously, other people feel differently.

I think the poster who suggested taking only the girls in the family had the best idea. The three girls are cousins and probably can have a great time without bringing the friends. I know they might be disappointed, but I think that they should be able to understand why the change is necessary - and the parents of the friends should understand it too.

I hope your sister feels better really soon. And good luck!

 

[bigbabyblues]

I'm sorry your looking at this situation. Seems it hasn't been too good of a time for your family, especially your sister's immediate family, and I'm sorry you all have to go through this. I am glad your sister's going to be ok though.

You are a great dad and uncle to be even thinking of doing a trip like this! It doesn't seem like there's any easy answer for you. If you take the girls by yourself, your wife and sister have problems with it; if you don't, the girls may be hurt. You're stuck in the middle to make hard decisions.

Please don't be offended by this, I don't direct this towards you personally, I'm just speaking in general terms. As a mother, I would be leary of letting my young teenage daughter go on a trip with only one adult, especially with just a man, regardless of how well I knew and respected him, and 5 other girls roughly her age. I would feel the same if it were 6 boys and only a female adult (my kids are both boys, fwiw). What's the reason? I don't exactly know, but as soon as I read your post I knew I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Maybe it's instinct to protect, because you just don't know what can happen.

My kids aren't teenagers yet, and heaven help me when they get to be teenagers, but I don't think I'd want them unchaperoned in the parks for more than a couple hours at a time either, like to ride a couple of things then meet up at X place at X time every couple of hours. That's nothing against you or anyone else chaperoning them, that's just the fact that things can happen to them anytime, anywhere, you just never know. My DH, on the other hand, would see no problem with it. Maybe it's because when I was growing up I was raised by grandparents and I wasn't allowed to go off on my own, accompanied by my friends or not, and DH was one of 4 kids, and the older 3 were allowed to do things like that, I don't know.

I have to agree with the other poster that mentioned taking only your daughters and your neice this time, unless at least one of the other parents would agree to go? Maybe you and your sister could take them and their friends next summer, or the one after? I realize it's a huge expense and the girls have worked hard to earn this trip, but maybe it would also be nice for your sister to get to go when she's completely recovered and able to enjoy the time with her family. I would sit all of them down together, with your wife and sister, and explain it to them. Make sure they understand and know what the reasons are, whether you take the friends or not.

Just from your original post, you remind me of my DH. He would be the one willing to undertake something like this; actually, he did one time offer to take a group of kids (not ours, kids in our youth group at church that are the kids of our close friends, and we're close to most of the kids as well) to Kings Island in Ohio. The trip (not a church-related trip, just him taking some kids and their friends, most of whom go to church with us) would have been about 8 kids, boys and girls, all of them were 16-17 years old, only a day trip, no hotel, and the parents of the girls threw a fit, insisting that I go along to be a female adult--I couldn't go, because I was 8 months pregnant and it was summertime, too much heat and traveling. We never really got a reason as to why they insisted on the female adult either, but I can relate to it, I just can't give it a name or a term, because I don't know. Anyway, one of our friends who was a parent of one of the boys went along with them, so the kids could go. He was so upset that they weren't going to be able to go, at least not all of the kids, and I can imagine that you would probably feel the same way.

I've rambled on long enough, especially since I didn't have any input that helped. I hope things work out so you can take them, as I said before, my hats off to you for doing this for them. Let us know what you decide and how it goes!

Steph

 

[sconnell]

If you would be joining the girls in the park for any activity, then wouldn't it be easy enough for you to stay in the park during the day? That way you could have a face-to-face meeting with the girls. Like others have said, I have been on many trips with large groups of teenagers who were allowed to "roam free." We had set meeting times, usually once near lunch and dinner. Our chaperone always stayed in one place, at Six Flags over GA, it was the carousel. He read newspapers or books. Enjoyed the shade and the scenerey. We could always find him if we needed him.
It isn't very likely that anything will go wrong and cell phones will be a big help, but if something were to go wrong, I would want to be already in the park. Another benifit of seeing the girls during the day would be that when you see the girls you know how they are doing. If you talk to them on the phone, you might not know that one of them is looking ill or that someone is taking charge of everyone, leaving others unhappy. Looking at them can tell you a whole lot more.
Just a thought.

 

[undertheradar]

Perhaps one of the girls' Moms could go to give them a female chaperone.

 

[Barb D]

Another thing you might want to consider is that you need to avoid even the APPEARANCE of impropriety. I know that we shouldn't HAVE to worry about how things "look", but in this day and age I think we do. For instance, an adult male teacher or coach has to be careful never to be alone with a girl or even a group of girls where something COULD happen, or could be perceived as having happened. I'm not saying that anything would or that this would even enter your mind, or the girls' minds. I know I wouldn't allow my daughter to be one of the friends, even if it was a dad I knew well. And if my DH wanted to be the dad in question, I would STRONGLY discourage it.

Is there any way your sister could come along, and just hang out at the house or pool relaxing during the day? Then at least she'd be there at the house at night.

I'm with you....I'd do anything to be able to keep this trip going as planned. The girls' friends have been looking forward to it, too. But I do think you need to come up with some way to have an adult female along on the trip.

Edit: You say summer is busy for your wife. What does this mean? Is there a way you could plan the trip for another time, say, when the girls have in-service days off from school in the fall, or next Spring break? Surely the girls will understand if the trip has to be postponed a bit because of illness.

 

[Selket]

I don't have teenagers - I did go to the MK as a teenage girl about 13 or so with one friend along and basically spent most of the time running around with my friend and met up with my mom now and then during the day. I think you should be able to supervise them all but no question (to me) that you absolutely should GO to the parks with them every day. If they park hop then you hop too and schedule regular meetings with them - like for meals or what not. Keeping in touch by cell phone is nice too.

I wouldn't let my child attend such a trip unless the adult was actually going to be in the park with them and checking on them a few times a day.

**edited to add - What a plum vacation! I can't believe one of the moms won't come along! I'll volunteer for going to the park all day and doing whatever I want! When do we leave?

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

No way would I let my young teen go with a 1 adult to 6 kid ratio.
No way would it be acceptable without the adults in the park.

 

[MomlovesDad]

Just one word - INTUITION - never underestimate a woman's intuition. Listen to your wife and sister.

 

[Schmeck]

Check the official WDW site - there are also age restrictions for when children can enter the parks unattended by an adult. Although, I think the age limit is actually pretty low...

 

[belleandthebeast]

I know I am the oddball but I say go for it.

The girls worked so hard not to. If they were immature 8 year olds I would question it -but they are 15 and 13 and from what you decribed very responsible. It's not like you're going to let them run wild through the parks.

If you have to wait until next year, you might not be able to go.

 

[MossMan]

I should probably make myself a little clearer. When I said I would drop the girls off then pick them up, that wasn’t meant to suggest that I would be heading back to the room for a snooze. I will be at (or around) the parks all day, and I will be available to drive them between the parks if they decided to do some park hopping. (Unless they decide to take onsite transportation – then I will just shift my base of operations.) Since they will have their cells, I won’t be more than 5 or 10 minutes away at the most if they need me. It’s just that I won’t be there following them around as they do their thing. I want them to be on their own.

And truth be told, I really believe this is one of things that my daughters at least are looking forward to most. Every other trip we have taken to Disney has been a strict family affair. Now they are getting a chance to set their own agendas and make their own decisions. My thinking is if they are old enough to earn the trip (besides having to do well at school, they have to earn enough to pay for park tickets, all food and all other entertainment), then they have shown the requisite ability to take some responsibility for themselves. I believe that responsible behavior should be rewarded with trust. And that’s what I’m doing with this trip – making a conscious decision to trust them in a way I haven’t before. The fact that Disney is probably the safest environment you can think of to show this level of trust isn’t lost on me however.

Now that last paragraph constitutes the thrust of the argument I have made to my wife and sister. I actually think I made a pretty good case.

But I must admit that my sister came up with a pretty good rebuttal. What happens if one of the kids gets sick and can’t go to the parks one day. Then what am I going to do? I can’t very well leave a sick kid in house by themselves, yet I still need to be available to the girls at the parks.

Well, it may be that I have found a solution. I have another niece (on my wife’s side this time) who is just finishing off her sophomore year at college and has a job working at a hotel in Miami this summer. She adores everything Disney and told me that she is willing to take the last week off her job and join me in the girls in Orlando before heading back to University. My daughters think of her as a big sister and I’m sure the rest of the girls will love her as well.

So who knows, maybe I will get some naps in afterall.

 

[belleandthebeast]

I truly hope it all works out for you!

 

[dsnycrzy]

Someone tossed a little pixie dust your way for that neice to cover just in time. Hope you enjoy your trip