My DH doesn't like kids so.....

[auntpolly]

Whoops Bob - I didn't see your post -- I think we are all agreeing!

One more thing -- if we asked DD to stop doing something and she didn't -- it didn't matter where she was. Church.....Christmas dinner.....wherever.......she was removed and punished.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by auntpolly
Bob said to wait until the company left -- my point is not to wait. I didn't mean make a big spectacle in front of everybody. But the lesson and the apology needs to happen immediately.

I am reading and rereading what the DH did....he needs to apologize for being grossed out? For acting irritated? The OP says he didn't yell at the kid -- I really think you guys are advocating babying this litte boy. Kids have to learn that not everyone is going to think everything they do is precious!

I'm not advocating coddling a child. It's a gray area whether what happened was entirely accidental or partially on purpose. I think the child s/h said he was sorry either way.

I think the DH's reaction was a little off base though. He could have reacted more effectively. Do we even know whether the mom saw her child do this? I know if my DD did this and I didn't see it I would actually appreciate her being quietly reminded that spitting even accidentally is not nice. Even though we constantly teach her about good manners there are going to be lapses. However, I think I would be a little annoyed if someone was harsh with her.

 

[gometros]

Originally posted by meandtheguys2
If I was a brat or behaving in a bratty manner, and my folks did not deal with it, then I would have to agree they dropped the ball. Parents are not perfect. I certainly miss chance to teach my children the correct behavior on occasion. It *seems* to me that was all that was said, and you took it personally. If I am mistaken, then I apologize.

Geez, give BellHop a break. All he was trying to say that the kid was acting like, well, a five-year old. I went back and the read the original post. It's not like the kid orignally did it on purpose and when he did it the second time, a quiet adminishment would have sufficed, instead of making a major issue of it.

People on this board have a way of reading way too much into comments and exploiting that misinterpretation. By saying he wasn't civilized at five-years old didn't necessarily make him Baby Face Nelson. How many five year olds do you know who act like Little Lord Fauntleroy? rather, they act like mischievous five-year olds, which is way too normal.

 

[gometros]

Originally posted by goofygirl
You made it my business when you posted about how a difficult child you were.

Yes, I'm not a parent, but I am guessing you are not either. I don't know your age, but from what I gather, you seem like you are rather young (teen?)

Trust me goofygirl, from your responses, he's way much older than you are. Tell me where he said he was a difficult child?

 

[kidsrstinky]

Well I'll tell you what, if one of my nieces or nephews EVER spit food or drink on me, they'd get whirled around and spanked but good. That is totally unacceptable and I'm sorry to tell you, but your sister's an idiot for tolerating that kind of behaviour. And you don't have to condon it in your own home and allow it to go un-punished. That's YOUR house, YOU pay the bills. Grow some balls woman and handle it yourself. Cute means jack ****. A cute kid is a behaved kid. His lack of proper rearing and absent manners makes him an ugly child.
I think your husband is much more tolerant then I would be. Consider yourself lucky.

 

[goofygirl]

And if TheBellhop is a young teen, would that put him on your "do not like list"?

FYI: people of ALL ages make my "do not like list."

You totally missed my point. Bellhop implied that I should not comment on parenting because I am not a parent. Well, he is not a parent either so by his logic he should not be commenting on the issue as well.

Yet he's telling us all to give a misbehaving 5 year old (and his parents) a break!

 

[luvmk]

I have been reading this post with interest because I grew up with an aunt and uncle who weren't "kid people." They do, however, have two of their own.

I agree with the posters who said that having an adult not like you won't be a big deal in how you turn out as an adult. It can, however, have an effect on how you deal with your relatives as you get older. I am so lucky that my parents didn't force me to have a relationship with my aunt and uncle when I got older. They pretty much ignored my brother and me when we were little all the way through high school. They couldn't be "bothered" with children. I see now that my parents did a very good job of keeping us away from one another, except for holidays. They were my only aunt and uncle so our holidays consisted of my family, them and my grandparents. WOO HOO, let the good times roll!

After I was married, my mom told me that my aunt and uncle called on several occasions to find out why they weren't invited to my high school or college graduation parties, or why their kids weren't in my wedding. My aunt wanted to know why she wasn't asked to host a bridal shower for me. They both decided that once we entered college we were "worthy" enough to be around and talk with because we weren't children any longer. We were finally adults, the kind of people they liked to be around. Well, I decided that if they could get by with "we're not kid people," I can be "I'm not grumpy aunt and uncle people." It's sad because they are my only aunt and uncle, but I can't get over how they treated me for years. I don't remember when I was 5, I definately remember when I was 10 or 16.

It's fine not to like being around kids, but when it's family there is more to think about. Family is forever. I hope the people who don't want a relationship with their young relatives don't want one with them when they are older, because it may not work out that way. It's a little easier for me because dh has a huge family who is very loving of all relatives, no matter what the age. I am very close with them, which makes not being close with my aunt and uncle tolerable.


Rachel

 

[goofygirl]

Trust me goofygirl, from your responses, he's way much older than you are. Tell me where he said he was a difficult child?

If you believe that, than you have no clue what my age is, or his age is.

He said he was glad I behaved in a civilized manner as a kid because he did not. Go back a few pages, you'll see it.

I really hope Bellhop plans on having children and that he has kids just like himself and the kid mentioned in the OP.

 

[TheBellhop]

Just because I said I wasn't a sweet little angel doesn't mean I was the worst kid in the world and it doesn't mean I was difficult

From now on I'm ignoring this thread because people like you rip things apart from what I originally said. Have fun trashing what other people say!

 

[airhead]

nice screenname. So,are you new to the DIS??????

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Originally posted by luvmk
It's fine not to like being around kids, but when it's family there is more to think about. Family is forever. I hope the people who don't want a relationship with their young relatives don't want one with them when they are older, because it may not work out that way. It's a little easier for me because dh has a huge family who is very loving of all relatives, no matter what the age. I am very close with them, which makes not being close with my aunt and uncle tolerable.


Rachel

Good point. Will serve the OP's husband right when Ian doesn't want to have anything to do with him as an adult. Doesn't sound like the OP's husband is even making an attempt to behave in a mature, adult way, so why should he be upset when the 5yo isn't behaving in a mature manner (but of course the 5yo's behavior does sound like it's in the range of normal...).

As to the post by kidsrstinky, it doesn't even deserve a reply. Wow, what a mature individual for saying those comments.

T&B

 

[katerkat]

Wow, I guess I'm weird. I grew up with an aunt and uncle who didn't like kids - they didn't have any of their own, either. We were together for holidays and my parents spent time with them alone while my sisters and I were young. Once my sisters and I hit high school, my parents started bringing us along. We now have an extremely good relationship with our aunt and uncle, despite the fact that for the first 15 years or so of our lives, they didn't enjoy hanging out with us. In fact, probably better in that we were never forced to be around each other and resent that.

 

[auntpolly]

Originally posted by katerkat
Wow, I guess I'm weird. I grew up with an aunt and uncle who didn't like kids - they didn't have any of their own, either. We were together for holidays and my parents spent time with them alone while my sisters and I were young. Once my sisters and I hit high school, my parents started bringing us along. We now have an extremely good relationship with our aunt and uncle, despite the fact that for the first 15 years or so of our lives, they didn't enjoy hanging out with us. In fact, probably better in that we were never forced to be around each other and resent that.

I think kids must be alot more fragile than they used to be!

I really don't know how we survived childhood with all the brutality we had to endure!

 

[gometros]

Originally posted by goofygirl
If you believe that, than you have no clue what my age is, or his age is.

He said he was glad I behaved in a civilized manner as a kid because he did not. Go back a few pages, you'll see it.

I really hope Bellhop plans on having children and that he has kids just like himself and the kid mentioned in the OP.

You're assuming I was referring to age chronologically. And I did go back a few pages the first time. I believe he was being facetious. I'd really like to know what a civilized five-year old behaves like. Does he use the proper fork when eating his salad? Does he know the difference between Lord and an Earl?

I'm not saying what the kid did was right, but he was being a kid for crying out loud. It wasn't a capital crime. Admonish him and then if he does it again, we can talk about how to deal with it.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Originally posted by gometros
Geez, give BellHop a break. All he was trying to say that the kid was acting like, well, a five-year old. I went back and the read the original post. It's not like the kid orignally did it on purpose and when he did it the second time, a quiet adminishment would have sufficed, instead of making a major issue of it.

People on this board have a way of reading way too much into comments and exploiting that misinterpretation. By saying he wasn't civilized at five-years old didn't necessarily make him Baby Face Nelson. How many five year olds do you know who act like Little Lord Fauntleroy? rather, they act like mischievous five-year olds, which is way too normal.

HUH? I just asked a question related to one of his posts. I don't think I said I would scream or beat the child, I merely stated I would deal with it. Then explained that parents are people who make mistakes too. Geesh.

I am rearing my third 5 year old right now. He is not perfect, but I intend to teach him the appropriate way to act. Last I heard that was a part of the job.

 

[justpassingby]

<p>After reading a number of responses, it reminded me of an incident that happened this summer. My wife and I put on a family reunion with 85 in attendance at our vacation home in New Hampshire. My wife loves her family including all of her nieces and nephews and their children as well. Even though we have been married 20years and are staunchly ChildFree, my wife loves children. I, however, do not.

<p>To make a long story short, my wife’s aunt’s granddaughter, who is 11, was watching my wife’s niece who is 2. My wife’s brother and sister in-law were elsewhere so that left my wife’s aunt to keep an eye on the two girls. Something came up and the aunt had to leave and asked if I would watch them. Now I love my wife’s aunt and I would do anything for her, except watch children so I just politely said “I’m sorry, I do not watch children.”

<p>At first my wife’s aunt thought I was kidding until I explained the “fire rule”. The fire rule goes like this; if your child is on fire, I will be more than happy to put him/her out, however, all other considerations are to be met by the parents. Needless to say my wife’s aunt wasn’t overly pleased with me or my fire rule, but I knew she would get over it and we would once again be friends.

<p>So I’m curious, is my fire rule overly harsh? Keep in mind I use fire as an analogy to any clear and present danger to a child, which I will intervene to save said child. I will not, however, intervene if a child wants a soda, be pushed on a swing, be feed, be watched, or any other host of activities parents deem acceptable to inflict on others.

 

[meandtheguys2]

You did put on your flameproof suit, didn't you?!

My SIL's first words when we said we were with child were "I don't babysit!" She softened a bit, but there are things we DO NOT expect from Auntie C.! I fully expect them to get along royally once they age a bit, though. In many ways they are like her.

 

[RobinMarie]

So I’m curious, is my fire rule overly harsh? Keep in mind I use fire as an analogy to any clear and present danger to a child, which I will intervene to save said child. I will not, however, intervene if a child wants a soda, be pushed on a swing, be feed, be watched, or any other host of activities parents deem acceptable to inflict on others.

IMHO, as long as you hold these beliefs for all people I'm fine with it.

Your choice of 'inflict' seems interesting. I love pushing children on swings. I also think most human beings are worth getting to know, despite their age.

 

[snoopy]

I can't believe I am jumping into the fray here, but I just had to comment on justpassingby's post.

I would have absolutely no problem with you telling me that you want nothing to do with my children. I'd appreciate it, in fact. I also would not attend your family reunions or be a guest in your home, nor would you be one in mine. I'm all for people doing what they like to do, but I wouldn't subject my children to that sort of attitude. Wouldn't need to, there are plenty of people out there, some who have kids, some who don't, that would enjoy the company of my family as a whole. We've known a few people like you over the years, some were old friends, but the relationship fizzled since we have nothing in common with people who feel being around our children is a chore or something that makes them feel inflicted upon.

As for the OP's dilemma, I like Hagred's advice.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Originally posted by snoopy
I can't believe I am jumping into the fray here, but I just had to comment on justpassingby's post.

I would have absolutely no problem with you telling me that you want nothing to do with my children. I'd appreciate it, in fact. I also would not attend your family reunions or be a guest in your home, nor would you be one in mine. I'm all for people doing what they like to do, but I wouldn't subject my children to that sort of attitude. Wouldn't need to, there are plenty of people out there, some who have kids, some who don't, that would enjoy the company of my family as a whole. We've known a few people like you over the years, some were old friends, but the relationship fizzled since we have nothing in common with people who feel being around our children is a chore or something that makes them feel inflicted upon.

As for the OP's dilemma, I like Hagred's advice.

Great post snoopy - you summed up my feelings about the situation.