My Daughter's Gerbil Died

[va32h]

She is absolutely devastated. I don't think I have ever seen her so upset.

The poor little thing was belly up in the corner of his habitat this morning. We are having a little burial for him later today, after it stops raining. I found a nice box and we lined it with cloth.

My husband and I are disagreeing on one issue though. The gerbil's water bottle was bone dry, so that is probably why he died. My husband thinks we should tell her this - not in an accusing way, but as a lesson on the importance of pet care. She is ten, and he thinks that if that's old enough to handle the responsibility of a pet, it should also be old enough to deal with the consequences.

I disagree. She already feels horrible, and telling her that it's probably her fault, no matter how "gently" is just going to make her feel worse.

Besides, I feel partly responsible myself. I usually remind my kids to check on their gerbils (ds has one too) and this week it just slipped my mind.

What do you think?

 

[crazy4disney01]

I don't think I would tell her about the water bottle and what you think might have happened to the gerbil. She is already upset.

If she gets a new one, I might just go over responsibility to her and what needs to be done for the gerbil, but no blame, reminders, or emphasis on what happened to the other one. She needs to learn responsibilty, but the gerbil could have died from something else and it isn't going to make a difference now its dead. You can teach responsibilty in different ways and saying something would only make her feel worse.

But that's just me...I'm really sorry, my DD's goldfish died yesterday so I understand how hard it is to watch your child learn these hard life lessons, especially about death.

 

[DVCLiz]

Our water bottles always leaked, and it was not uncommon to go a few days with no water. Unlss you are 100% sure there was no other possible cause, and you know for a fact that the gerbil had been without water long enough to die, I wouldn't do that to my child.

We had many small rodents over the years, and they tended to die weirdly and often. It's just a fact of pet life!!

Sorry for your loss....

 

[Sherri]

I remember when I was 10 and my hamster died. I thought my heart would never heal. The loss of a pet is a very tough thing for anyone, especially a child. To point out the water bottle being dry would only make her feel worst. It's hard enough for adults to play the would have, should have, could have game, I wouldn't do that to a ten year old.
Also, Gerbils don't live very long. Maybe this one was older then you thought when you got him.
I am really sorry for your dd loss.

 

[Christine]

I am grieving for a pet today too so I am very sorry.

I understand your husband's rationale but I think it's a bad idea. Believe me, she probably is old enough to feel bad enough. If you tell her this, it will just eat away at her.

When I was 12, my pet rabbit was killed by a dog in the yard. I didn't do anything to cause it but I spent years blaming myself for any fault I could find (the cage wasn't strong enough, it should have been higher off the ground).

 

[poohandwendy]

I would not say anything that points to her being responsible. If she gets another pet, I would stress the importance of it's care and how you want to do everything to make sure it stays healthy.

I would like to point out that the water bottle being dry may not be why the animal died. I am sure it didn't help, but unless it was dry for a few days, it may have been anything that killed it. Small critters like gerbils have a tendency to short life spans, to begin with.

So sad, I know how hard it is for children to lose pets, very hard on them.

 

[Chim Chiminy]

I wouldn't tell her, the guilt is probably already there with her wondering what happened, what did I do etc.

My DD hamster died last February, just after his first birthday. She was devestated, so was I. He had gotten out of the cage somehow (we called him Houdini even though his name was Cleopatra). I looked frantically everywhere for him. The next day she found him dead in his cage under the bedding.
She still cries about him sometimes.

We had a little funeral service for him and she wrote and illustrated a book about him to help with her grief.

Give your DD a big hug. Pet deaths are always hard to accept.

 

[LuvN~Travel]

I feel for your daughter. Our daughter woke up yesterday and found her pet rabbit dead as well. So devastating for her! We knew she was in a bad way lately, but it's still hard on our kids. The rabbit was eight years old or so, and I figure that's pretty long for a rabbit to live though. We'll give our daughter some time to get over it and then we'll start looking for another pet/pets.
Give her lots of hugs.
Kim

 

[donnajon]

How old was the gerbil? I wouldn't tell her. Why tell a 10 year old, "You killed your gerbil."? Our gerbils lived almost 3 1/2 years - very old for gerbils. They are desert animals and going without water for a little while wont hurt them. Our ran out of water several times.

 

[Joanna71985]

I know how she feels. My hampster died very unexpectaly (??) right before I left home in May. I had had her since she was a baby (she came from my sister's hampsters). Here is a hug for her.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

aww i'm sorry to hear about this!

hey......my hampster died just a few weeks ago and i was a mess too! lol. losing a pet is terrible no matter how old you are.


i don't think you should tell her. it could possibly not even be her fault. when my hampster died he went thru 3 bottles of water in 2 days....he was obviously sick in some way and was probably dehydrated......so it might really not even be her fault. plus, making her feel bad about it ontop of her feeling bad about him dying isn't going to make things better.

i think the burial is a nice idea! good luck with everything!

 

[va32h]

It has literally rained all day, so we haven't had a chance to bury him. Unfortunately, our dog is elderly and ill too, so it's a bad weekend for the pets in our household.

My daughter is still very sad, but we have been reassuring her that it is not her fault (and I am so relieved to read all your experiences that is probably really isn't because of the water situation).

She talked with her best friend on the phone - who had a hamster die earlier this year - and I think that was really helpful, because who knows better what a 10 year old girl is feeling than another 10 year old girl?

 

[katymae]

I am so sorry! I dread the day this happens at our house. My dd7 is absolutely obsessed with her gerbil. Here's a little pixie dust for your sweet dd...