My 18yr dd want to go to Disney without her family after graduations with a classmate

[clareita]

What I'm sort of shocked by in this thread is how many people believe that age 18 (or college) is when they should START to give their kids some freedom and start to teach them to be an adult. In my opinion, that should start much earlier, with 18 being the end goal. You may not think of your child as an adult at 18, but society does and that can have severe consequences -- legally (by now facing real consequences if they break the law) and financially (by being able to enter into legal contracts and get into financial trouble). I think you are doing a disservice to your children by not preparing them for that.

I totally agree. I live in a community where we have an epidemic of helicopter parents many of whom have seemed to redefine successful parenting as getting your child into an Ivy League university. The overwhelming majority of kids in my town will go away to college where they will be able to do virtually anything they want to any time they want to. Their parents know this, or at least they should know it, and yet there is very little effort to teach them to be self-sufficient individuals capable of navigating the world in an adult manner. I've got four years before my oldest goes away to college, and when that day comes, she needs to be able to make sound decisions for herself without me and her father next to every step of the way. She could be at a college thousands of miles from our home - I won't be able to come to her rescue at the drop of a hat.

On our family's trip to WDW in April, I'm planning on letting our two oldest kids (14 and 12) have some free time in the parks without us. They will have cell phones and times when they are expected to check in with us. If we go back in a couple of years, I will expand this to going to a park without us on Disney transportation. Since two years after that she could be off who knows where doing who knows what, I need to make sure she is learning how to be responsible while she is still living with with me a majority of the time.

 

[jasonflk]

I totally agree. I live in a community where we have an epidemic of helicopter parents many of whom have seemed to redefine successful parenting as getting your child into an Ivy League university. The overwhelming majority of kids in my town will go away to college where they will be able to do virtually anything they want to any time they want to. Their parents know this, or at least they should know it, and yet there is very little effort to teach them to be self-sufficient individuals capable of navigating the world in an adult manner. I've got four years before my oldest goes away to college, and when that day comes, she needs to be able to make sound decisions for herself without me and her father next to every step of the way. She could be at a college thousands of miles from our home - I won't be able to come to her rescue at the drop of a hat.

On our family's trip to WDW in April, I'm planning on letting our two oldest kids (14 and 12) have some free time in the parks without us. They will have cell phones and times when they are expected to check in with us. If we go back in a couple of years, I will expand this to going to a park without us on Disney transportation. Since two years after that she could be off who knows where doing who knows what, I need to make sure she is learning how to be responsible while she is still living with with me a majority of the time.

Totally agree with your plan

 

[cleophus12]

I would just say to the OP that if your daughter has enough respect for you to ask your permission before going on this trip, then you have probably raised her right and I would imagine she will behave herself in a way that would be respectful of you also.

 

[mulberrybush]

My folks let me go with a friend when I was 18. We were responsible and didn't "party". We just enjoyed disney...but that was 15+ years ago and the world is a scarier place now. I would think as long as they are both well educated on the dangers and how to avoid bad situations, it would be fine. I would let my daughter go.

 

[sammons70]

This is not an issue where you should be analyzing a young person's entire life on this post like previous posters are doing. All we have here is a young people wanting to celebrate a milestone without parents.
I think it seems totally harmless. You can lecture the teens about good judgement before they go. Disney land is secure. No weapons are permitted in the parks, so in that regard, they are safe. They are not old enough to drink, so you shouldn't have to worry about alcohol clouding their judgement, unless they sneak it from home or have fake IDs. According to your description of your daughter, it doesn't sound like you have had to worry about that.
The biggest risk I see is if they leave the park with strangers. They may meet guys there that they don't know. They should be clearly instructed to not leave the park with anyone they don't know. You could check in with them often on a cell phone. Set requirements for checking in with updates, maybe even make a park itinerary in advance, so you know what park they should be at on each day, require them to use check in on FB to verify, and this trip should be just fine.

 

[Princess Sleepy]

My DD9's perspective: if Mom pays, Mom should get to go. Let's hope she keeps this attitude when she's 18!

 

[rndmr2]

When I graduated HS (Philadelphia) in 1991 I went with a group of 6 other girls, 7 total. We stayed at CBR and had a great time, we had 2 rooms (3/4), stayed strictly on Disney property and took Buses everywhere. Back then, it was tradition to go on a "Senior Week" trip after graduation. Not sure if they still do that or not.

ETA, the only problem my parents had with me going is that they couldn't go with me! Not to be overprotective, they just loved it as much as I did.

 

[Yellosno]

Do you live on your own? Do you pay for your insurance (with 2 teens of my own I know this is no small thing)? If you live at home, do you pay your parents for your food and rent? Are your parents paying the tuition, room and board for your college or just incidentals?

I assume since you refer to your parents paying "this and that" maybe you're paying more of your own way than most 18 year olds.

I a living at home until the end of the summer when I ship off to basic training for the air force. I do not pay rent, so I have a few basic rules I must follow. I pay for about 80-90% of my food or get it for free from work most nights. I paid for my car, the gas, the insurance on it, which is through my moms but I do pay my part every month, and pay for the classes I take at school and for field trips. I also just recently got a cell phone and pay the monthly bill for that as well. For college I will have that paid for the military if I do go after 4 years of service. I basically work full time and have a very limited social life especially during cross country and track season.

 

[SamSam]

I a living at home until the end of the summer when I ship off to basic training for the air force. I do not pay rent, so I have a few basic rules I must follow. I pay for about 80-90% of my food or get it for free from work most nights. I paid for my car, the gas, the insurance on it, which is through my moms but I do pay my part every month, and pay for the classes I take at school and for field trips. I also just recently got a cell phone and pay the monthly bill for that as well. For college I will have that paid for the military if I do go after 4 years of service. I basically work full time and have a very limited social life especially during cross country and track season.

First, thank you for your future service to our country.

I love how you are learning to be so independent and how to be 'an adult' taking care of yourself.

We taught our kids to be that way, by expecting/insisting that they pay their own car insurance, earn their own spending money, etc. They were both excellent students, involved in extra-curricular activities, so they didn't work through the school year, but worked every summer to save up for the future years expenses. While they were at home (on our dime) they did have rules to follow, but pretty relaxed rules appropriate to their ages...more things you would expect from a guest ie. pick up after yourself, pitch in and help with housework, let us know where you''re going and how long you will be gone. They are now 31 and 36, have careers and manage very well.

One mother (at a store I shopped at when my kids were small) told me that her sons (teenagers at the time) told her that they actually felt sorry for their classmates who had everything given to them because they (the other students) didn't seem to appreciate any of it.

 

[DVC-Don]

We sent both of our kids to WDW for their high school graduation. Both took a friend along ( at the friends expense) and we paid for a value resort room. They did Magical Express and stayed in WDW the whole week.

 

[pearlieq]

After reading this thread, I have to ask all the people who said at 18 they'd do whatever they want, what kind of jobs they had???? Wow, to be able to support yourself - pay rent, utilities, insurance, food, school, etc. - and still be able to afford vacations to Disney World! You all must have had much better jobs then I did at 18! Kudos to you making so much money.

By 18 I had been working since I was 14 (earlier if you count babysitting). I worked at least 20 hours a week during the school year and 40+ in the summer (I usually had 2 jobs in the summer) so I had savings and was able to buy a car. I had an academic scholarship for college that covered most of my tuition, federal student loans paid for the last bit of tuition plus room/board/books.

I did secretarial work from the end of high school to the end of college, so I made anywhere from $9-$12/hour back in the late 90's. It was enough to cover my living expenses and I could have saved up a couple thousand for a cheap & cheerful Disney trip (instead of blowing it on clothes and eating out, like I actually did )

Aside from being on my mom's health insurance until I married at 21, I was financially independent at 18 and was definitely informing my mother of my plans and occasionally asking advice, not asking for permission.

 

[gtpoohbear]

By 18 I had been working since I was 14 (earlier if you count babysitting). I worked at least 20 hours a week during the school year and 40+ in the summer (I usually had 2 jobs in the summer) so I had savings and was able to buy a car. I had an academic scholarship for college that covered most of my tuition, federal student loans paid for the last bit of tuition plus room/board/books.

I did secretarial work from the end of high school to the end of college, so I made anywhere from $9-$12/hour back in the late 90's. It was enough to cover my living expenses and I could have saved up a couple thousand for a cheap & cheerful Disney trip (instead of blowing it on clothes and eating out, like I actually did )

Aside from being on my mom's health insurance until I married at 21, I was financially independent at 18 and was definitely informing my mother of my plans and occasionally asking advice, not asking for permission.

Sounds a lot like me I actually saved up enough from working part-time during my senior year of high school to take my mom and sister on a Disney vacation! My parents had NO $$ at the time, and I had a hefty savings account with no other plans, so on a whim, we went! It was awesome.

On that note though, my parents had saved nothing for my college. Not a dime. And they were broke. So once I left home for college, the days of their financial support were mostly over. They would occasionally scrounge up a couple hundred dollars to help me cover rent, but that was it. And that wasn't even a guarantee every month.

Fortunately, I had an academic scholarship (2 actually) that covered most of my tuition. My other living expenses were met from a combination of student loans (which I JUST finished paying off, almost 15 years later), Federal Grants, 2 Internship jobs, and many other part-time jobs (tutoring at a local elementary school, being a Professor's aide, etc)

DH and I got married after my Junior year, and soon after he graduated and was working full-time so things got much easier then.

So, my parents certainly didn't have much say over what I did. But even if they had been fully supporting me, I hope they would have recognized that I WAS an adult, and capable of making choices about my day-to-day life. Respect goes both ways.

 

[SamSam]

By 18 I had been working since I was 14 (earlier if you count babysitting). I worked at least 20 hours a week during the school year and 40+ in the summer (I usually had 2 jobs in the summer) so I had savings and was able to buy a car. I had an academic scholarship for college that covered most of my tuition, federal student loans paid for the last bit of tuition plus room/board/books.

I did secretarial work from the end of high school to the end of college, so I made anywhere from $9-$12/hour back in the late 90's. It was enough to cover my living expenses and I could have saved up a couple thousand for a cheap & cheerful Disney trip (instead of blowing it on clothes and eating out, like I actually did )

Aside from being on my mom's health insurance until I married at 21, I was financially independent at 18 and was definitely informing my mother of my plans and occasionally asking advice, not asking for permission.

Very commendable, and I applaud you. Still, you need to appreciate being on your Mom's health insurance, that's actually a huge 'deal'.

 

[Planogirl]

I moved out when I was 18 and I paid for everything. I had a decent job and two roommates and paid for my own insurance, car and so on. It can be done or at least that was true back in the dark ages.

My father did help me out with college costs in later years but he never tried to tell me what to do. He wanted his kids to be educated and that came first for him. He attached no strings. I'm endlessly grateful.

 

[Mom2six]

By 18 I had been working since I was 14 (earlier if you count babysitting). I worked at least 20 hours a week during the school year and 40+ in the summer (I usually had 2 jobs in the summer) so I had savings and was able to buy a car. I had an academic scholarship for college that covered most of my tuition, federal student loans paid for the last bit of tuition plus room/board/books.

I did secretarial work from the end of high school to the end of college, so I made anywhere from $9-$12/hour back in the late 90's. It was enough to cover my living expenses and I could have saved up a couple thousand for a cheap & cheerful Disney trip (instead of blowing it on clothes and eating out, like I actually did )

Aside from being on my mom's health insurance until I married at 21, I was financially independent at 18 and was definitely informing my mother of my plans and occasionally asking advice, not asking for permission.

You sound like you were a mature and responsible young person. My comment was more to the people who said they wouldn't even mention the trip to their parents (especially due to "financial independence" that did not come from working or responsible behavior). Not even mentioning the trip to your parents ect is not only rude but unsafe when you are not even fully independent. My cousin found that out when he went on a ski trip for the weekend and the first time they heard about it was a call from the hospital to come drive him home. Or my neighbor's 19 year old daughter who went on a cross country road trip - spur of the moment and oops forgot her ID. The car broke down and the mother could not even wire money to her - she had to fly out there to get the daughter taking her license with her.
It seems to me that all the people who have commented on this thread that were truly independent and responsible say they would have discussed it with their parents - even if they themselves make the final decision. Being an adult does not just mean "I don't have to listen to you."
As for people who join the military - my husband retired from the army after 23 years. I know that the first few years even after basic training consists of inspections of your quarters and a lot of rules and people keeping track of you and your behavior.
I am sure the OP's daughter will have a great time, but the OP wanting reassurance or advice from others does not mean that her children have never had any freedom and are unprepared for life/school etc.
And who does everyone think goes to Disney World - real life people, not a bunch of people from fairy land. Just because it is Disney does not mean it is a perfectly safe environment and that would worry me the most about my daughter going. If she thought she did not have to be cautious just b amuse it is Disney. Crime happens everywhere.

 

[Sparkly]

Being an adult is not a magical age. Turning into one is a process and does not happen overnight on an 18th birthday.

Oh definitely, as I learnt myself. I'm 19 and still don't feel really like one.

 

[Cyrano]

Moving to community so the thread can continue the discussion