My 18yr dd want to go to Disney without her family after graduations with a classmate

[despina]

Wow I would really try to change your attitude about your daughter. The only reason I say something is because, I was the 18 year old daughter. My mom was so controlling and wanted to keep tabs on everything I did. I had to report to her constantly and ask her if it was ok first. She would never let me stay out late with friends. In fact, I ended up "running away from home" when I was 18, and did not speak to my mom for two years. You are heading down that same path if you do not lighten up. My mom said the exact same words you have written to me.

Your daughter is 18. She is an adult. Offer guidance, support and advice. Don't restrict her.

Sorry if I came off in such a negatve way. I'm sorry what you went though, have to admit I had it rough to at this age, it was awful. My dd has it good, she does alot on her own. I'm just a worrier. I like your your last sentence. I am a little over protective...I do appreciate advice

 

[TangledUp]

Some are saying she is 18 and an adult who doesn't need to ask. I might have missed it, but don't think the OP said who is paying for this trip. Or where the daughter lives. I think that if you still live under mom and dad's roof, and if they still pay your way, you're not actually an adult. (I'm not speaking about legalities, I'm speaking about practicalities). Adulthood to me is more about a process of becoming independent (in many ways, not the least of which is financially) than about an actual age.

I really am amused by comments I see on threads like this where people say at 18 they should just TELL their parents what they are doing and do it. But then that same "adult" asks the parents to pay for it, pay for their cell phone, pay for their car, pay for their college, pay for their food. Sorry, that's not adulthood.

That said, if my child had a plan for life after high school showing signs of responsibility (heading for college or having a job lined up) and wanted to go to Disney at 18 with some responsible friends, I would do everything I could to make that happen.

We can expect our children to be respectful of us and thankful for the things we provide, and they can expect us to be reasonable and try to help them do the things they want. It's very much a 2 way street. And that doesn't change when they turn some magical age.

OP..... I hope your daughter goes and has an amazing trip!

So nice to see this written by a parent. I'm 24 now and living on my own, financially independent, etc. At this point in my life I make all of my own decisions though I will consult with my parents from time to time. However, this wasn't the case when I was in college. My parents paid for my entire college tuition and I lived at home during breaks. My parents paid for almost everything (I did have a part time job but didn't make much). Because of that I never thought they were out of line for refusing to let me do something. Of course they would consider my opinion but in the end they had the final say. Looking back I think this worked out great. As I grew older and gained more independence their rules adapted and I never felt smothered.

Too many times when reading these types of threads I feel personally attacked. Let me assure you that strict parents don't result in rebellious and hateful children, not when there is mutual love and respect. I respected the sacrifice my parents made in paying my tuition (keeping me from being in debt now) and therefore followed their rules. I don't think there was anything unreasonable in this even though I was 18, 19, 20, even 21 years old at the time. Essentially they would respect my decision but make the final decision. Now that I am financially independent however, that has been flipped. I respect their input, but ultimately it is my choice what I do. PP, you hit the nail on the head when you said that being an adult doesn't come magically when you turn 18 - it's a state of mind and some people hit it earlier than others (for a number of reasons like how they are raised and who is paying the bills).

OP, kudos to you for raising a loving and respectful daughter. I'm sure she'll have a fantastic time. I know one of my favorite Disney trips was my Senior Class Trip in high school. It really was an awesome time hanging out with my friends in my favorite place on earth.

 

[DisneyBelle27]

I'm going to ignore all the drama here, lol, and just say that I did this exact thing when I was 18. I went to WDW with my best friend (who was a Disney newbie, so it was extra exciting!) right after I graduated high school. I saved up my money to pay for it, and as a reward for doing that my parents actually then paid for part of the trip. We stayed onsite (CBR), used all on-site transportation, and had a blast!!!

 

[NHKristy76]

Wow.. All I asked for was your opinion on letting her go with a friend...yeah she's 18. Just because she's 18 doesn't mean she is gonna do anything she wants. She has alot of freedom but still needs guidance from her parents. So enough with the .. She can do what she wants, she is 18 . Never said Im the boss!! Just being a worried mom, is that okay still if she's 18???

In my opinion, it's perfectly fine to worry. It's another ball of wax entirely when you start to talk about "letting" your daughter, who is an adult, do things.

And remember... You asked.

 

[Hollywoodhaha]

Considering at 18 I had gone down to Disney for 7 months to do the college program and lived down there without parents...yes, I think she can handle going, it'll be fun!

 

[bebelle]

We took my son and his friend after graduation.. We stayed at the BC and got two rooms. We thought of it as a controlled spring break.

 

[TowMater92]

After high school graduation, my daughter and her friend want to go by themselves to Disney. Both girls are 18 and they are responsible young adults. They would be staying at a Disney Resort and using Disney transportation to get around, even taking the Magic Express to and from airport. My daughter has been to Disney many times, including twice last year, so she knows Disney pretty well. With this said, I am still trying to convince myself it would be okay for them to go without me. Should I let her go...would you...confused...maybe I'm worrying too much

My parents gave my sister then myself each a room for a week as our graduation present to take a trip with our friends and that was before everyone had cell phones. They're adults I'm pretty sure they will be fine. I was driving across the state with friends(300 miles) to go to MLB and NFL games when I was 16. Kids aren't as helpless as some people on the DIS think they are. Your daughter could move out if she wants she's an adult and is she going away to college, she'll be away from you like thousands of other 18yo's that go to college and you're only talking a trip not a school year?

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

That is a hard situation to be in. Mine is a few years from graduation and I would be vacillating on the subject just as you are. At some point, as hard as it is, we have to let go a little. Maybe it will be easier to let her do this instead of something else since she knows the area so well and is familiar with her surroundings.

 

[Yellosno]

As an 18 year old senior myself if my mom said no to me going I would just do it anyways (I pay for all of my things and work a lot of hours to afford everything I want/need). I know that about 90% of my peers would do the same thing. The people who would listen would be very bitter towards their parents, for quite a long time. I realize that you as the parent may be paying for this or paying for college and that could weigh into her decision to listen to you or not. I know a lot of the kids at my school and I are all heading down to Corolla for the week, and Im positive that Disney is a much safer environment for a teenager (as close to alcohol and drug free as you can be especially if flying). I am not sure if this is a concern for you or not. Your daughter is lucky to have someone who wants to go to WDW with, I'd much rather spend another week in WDW than at the beach, but all my friends would rather go to the beach. All in all if your daughter wants to go to WDW for graduation as a parent I would be way happier than almost any other place. -from an 18 year olds perspective

 

[disneynewbee]

I can understand you being nervous I would too but if she's responsible I would let her go. As long as they stay at a Disney resort and use Disney transportation exclusively. I sent my 17yo daughter off to college 4 hours away, hardest thing I've ever done but watching her grow into an adult more every day makes it worth it. She will be finishing her sophmore year soon and she still has some growing to do before I consider her an adult. These baby steps are how they get to adulthood though and I feel a Disney trip is pretty low risk. Good luck it's hard.

 

[mom2rtk]

As an 18 year old senior myself if my mom said no to me going I would just do it anyways (I pay for all of my things and work a lot of hours to afford everything I want/need). I know that about 90% of my peers would do the same thing. The people who would listen would be very bitter towards their parents, for quite a long time. I realize that you as the parent may be paying for this or paying for college and that could weigh into her decision to listen to you or not. I know a lot of the kids at my school and I are all heading down to Corolla for the week, and Im positive that Disney is a much safer environment for a teenager (as close to alcohol and drug free as you can be especially if flying). I am not sure if this is a concern for you or not. Your daughter is lucky to have someone who wants to go to WDW with, I'd much rather spend another week in WDW than at the beach, but all my friends would rather go to the beach. All in all if your daughter wants to go to WDW for graduation as a parent I would be way happier than almost any other place. -from an 18 year olds perspective

First off, kudos to you for working so hard to earn your way!

But I am curious......

Do you live on your own? Do you pay for your insurance (with 2 teens of my own I know this is no small thing)? If you live at home, do you pay your parents for your food and rent? Are your parents paying the tuition, room and board for your college or just incidentals?

I assume since you refer to your parents paying "this and that" maybe you're paying more of your own way than most 18 year olds.

 

[Mom2six]

I think that if your daughter is responsible, and understands that although it is Disney, it is still just a place with ordinary people in it and carries much the same general risk as any other place, then she should be fine. Make sure she knows that she still has to take the same precautions as she would anywhere else etc. I'm sure she will have a great time with her friend.

After reading this thread, I have to ask all the people who said at 18 they'd do whatever they want, what kind of jobs they had???? Wow, to be able to support yourself - pay rent, utilities, insurance, food, school, etc. - and still be able to afford vacations to Disney World! You all must have had much better jobs then I did at 18! Kudos to you making so much money.

 

[clareita]

After reading this thread, I have to ask all the people who said at 18 they'd do whatever they want, what kind of jobs they had???? Wow, to be able to support yourself - pay rent, utilities, insurance, food, school, etc. - and still be able to afford vacations to Disney World! You all must have had much better jobs then I did at 18! Kudos to you making so much money.

When I was 18, I was at college and my parents had next to no role in paying for it. Due to my parents' less than stellar financial situation I had a financial aid package that covered all my expenses - tuition, room and board, and books. It was a combination of a generous grant from the university, a Pell grant from the government, and student loans. My parents bought me two round trip tickets each year so I could come home at Christmas and for a week in the summer (I chose to work on campus over the summers instead of spending the summer at home.) My dad also sent me $50 a month. Other than that, every cent I had came from my part time job. So, yes it is possible for an 18 year old to be making their own financial decisions.

When my friends and I decided to do a road trip to WDW for spring break when I was 19, I'm not sure I even told them I was going, never mind asking for permission.

 

[JaymeC]

OP - Just to help keep things in perspective when my dh was 18 he ran off and joined the military. There are much less safe things that 18yo's can do

I'm sure she'll be fine, and in reality it's a good thing to let her start experiencing things on her own. I fell into the crowd that by the time I was 18 I pretty much did what I wanted... but I paid for everything too. I had friends who were on all ends of that spectrum. One even called her mom up from our college dorm to ask her permission to go to the mall and what not. That I think it's a tad bit too controlling, but being concerned about your daughter taking a trip is pretty normal. But she'll be in what is probably one of the safest locations in the states and having a blast. Much better than a lot of the senior trips out there

 

[Mom2six]

When I was 18, I was at college and my parents had next to no role in paying for it. Due to my parents' less than stellar financial situation I had a financial aid package that covered all my expenses - tuition, room and board, and books. It was a combination of a generous grant from the university, a Pell grant from the government, and student loans. My parents bought me two round trip tickets each year so I could come home at Christmas and for a week in the summer (I chose to work on campus over the summers instead of spending the summer at home.) My dad also sent me $50 a month. Other than that, every cent I had came from my part time job. So, yes it is possible for an 18 year old to be making their own financial decisions.

When my friends and I decided to do a road trip to WDW for spring break when I was 19, I'm not sure I even told them I was going, never mind asking for permission.

Yes, I agree that it is possible for an 18 year to make their own financial decisions. I myself worked fulltime when I was 18 years old to pay for my school and all my expenses (I obviously didn't have the money to also pay for vacations.) I'm glad that getting money from the university, the government, and your financially insecure father was able to give your financial freedom! Kudos to you. I'm sure supporting yourself helped you to learn to make adult decisions. And you got a fun vacation to remember!

OP your daughter will have a great time, and is lucky to have a mom who cares about her enough to wonder about her safety.

 

[tartemis]

After reading this thread, I have to ask all the people who said at 18 they'd do whatever they want, what kind of jobs they had???? Wow, to be able to support yourself - pay rent, utilities, insurance, food, school, etc. - and still be able to afford vacations to Disney World! You all must have had much better jobs then I did at 18! Kudos to you making so much money.

I was on full athletic scholarship -- room, board, tuition, etc, -- when I left home to go to college at 17. Plus, I had a side job that gave me spending money. My parents and I have a great relationship, but I was financially pretty self sufficient at that time.

What I'm sort of shocked by in this thread is how many people believe that age 18 (or college) is when they should START to give their kids some freedom and start to teach them to be an adult. In my opinion, that should start much earlier, with 18 being the end goal. You may not think of your child as an adult at 18, but society does and that can have severe consequences -- legally (by now facing real consequences if they break the law) and financially (by being able to enter into legal contracts and get into financial trouble). I think you are doing a disservice to your children by not preparing them for that.

By 16, I was traveling on my own for scholarship visits (supervised once I got to the end destination), traveled to Europe with my school, where we were given total freedom some days to go and see whatever we want, and otherwise given loads of responsibility.

Of course, that doesn't mean that at 18 your job as a parent is done. It is never done! I still consult my parents with most major decisions, as I value their input, even though I'm a thirty-something adult with two kids. But the days of them "letting" me to do anything were done once I moved out of their house.

 

[scoutie]

To those saying that these 18 year olds must have stellar jobs, at 18, I was a college sophomore and had quite a bit of expendable cash. I shared an apartment with three girls, and all bills were split. I was still under my parents' health insurance, as is fairly common, but all other bills were mine....paid for by a waitressing gig. No student loans to pay yet, no daycare bills....just basic living expenses split three ways. I paid for trips to London, Mexico and Orlando. Not unheard of!

 

[DebbieB]

WDW is probably the least worrysome place she could be going. You know she will not be in bars or clubs. She's been there before.

 

[Robbi]

She's 18 for goodness sake, not 12. Of course, she should be able to go with a friend to WDW.
OP, I read your update that states she's going. Good job- letting go is hard but necessary. In my experience if you act like your child can be trusted, they will live up to that. On the other hand, if a parent acts like their child can't be trusted and is very restricted, the child will sneak out and sometimes really push the envelope.

 

[smellyia]

To the OP: I see a lot of comments about just let them go and financials. I get that.

My perspective from that age was a little different. When I graduated HS, I lived at home initially and had a part time job. Parents provided me with my first transportation and paid for part of my upcoming college. We had a simple deal - their house, their rules-however they saw fit. If I wanted complete autonomy I had the option of moving out and covering my own expenses completely- including insurance college rent food etc. For me my little waitressing gig part time did not allow for that and college. So I stayed home and lived by their easy rules. Once I turned 18 and proved I could be responsible with my legal "adulthood" things like curfews lightened up as well as trips with friends. Sometimes I paid and sometimes they did.

Basically, I don't believe a question like this is as easy as they're 18 and should be left to do whatever. Your kid, your home, your rules and most importantly - YOUR COMFORT LEVEL. No matter when letting go is hard - regardless if its a relatively benign place like WDW. This could be the right time to make that step with your child for independence or maybe not. No one knows better than you. This wouldn't be an easy decision with my kid no matter how responsible they were and you have every right to think and reflect on it or discuss with a spouse.

So I say good luck! If it works out for your child I hope the trip is magical! If it doesn't, you did what your felt was right and there will be other opportunities.