My 12 yr old wants to bring a friend

[luvvseeyore]

DON'T....I have a only child, and we have brought friends on vacations before and then the vacation is not about your child, you're so busy trying to ensure the other child is having fun, you make your child sacrifice things they may not want to. We've done both, met other couples there and spent a week together, and brought a child with us. All turned out to be not as fun as we had anticipated. This year, we are so looking forward to it "just being us" and it's all about her!

Someone told me, one of the best thing you can do for your child is take them on vacation...don't spoil it for them. Let this be about her, what ever she wants, if she wants to go on a ride, great, if she doesn't then you don't have to feel bad for the other child that might want to.

If you do decide, (well, if my daughter was asked), I would not send her without paying for her myself. My daughter has gone with other people on vacation also (again, not as fun for her as she anticipated) and I always sent enough money with her to pay her own way. They would a couple of times pay her dinner, but mostly she would pay her own way, and also any attractions they went to, she had money to pay her ticket.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[3happydancers]

I think its great that you want to bring a friend for your dd to share her vacation with. I know that we consider dd's bff part of our family and she would always be welcome to come with us. I'm sure your dd and her friend will remember this trip forever.

As an only child, I too appreciated when my parents let me travel with a friend. I never had anyone to hang with, every single day of life at home I was only with adults. What a treasure it was to do something, even if only our local theme park, with a friend!

Now as a parent of 4 kids, I can't even imagine adding to the chaos, but it has been voiced as a request from my older ones. We'll see...

Thanks for the words of encouragement!!! It is nice to hear how the other side feels, you know, the child's side, after the fact.

We have done Disney together, just my DH, DD and myself four times, so sharing the magic of Disney with my daughters best friend (who has never been there) I think will make our trip even more magical.

A few years back, we brought my mom with us. It was her first trip to Disney and we had a great time. My daughter loved sharing all the "firsts" with her grandmother and never seemed to mind taking a slower pace (my mom was disabled). We really did not forfeit anything we wanted to do, but we did have plenty of time to fit in all of our adventures. We are able to book vacations for approximately 14 days as is the case this year as well.

 

[3happydancers]

DON'T....I have a only child, and we have brought friends on vacations before and then the vacation is not about your child, you're so busy trying to ensure the other child is having fun, you make your child sacrifice things they may not want to. We've done both, met other couples there and spent a week together, and brought a child with us. All turned out to be not as fun as we had anticipated. This year, we are so looking forward to it "just being us" and it's all about her!

Someone told me, one of the best thing you can do for your child is take them on vacation...don't spoil it for them. Let this be about her, what ever she wants, if she wants to go on a ride, great, if she doesn't then you don't have to feel bad for the other child that might want to.

If you do decide, (well, if my daughter was asked), I would not send her without paying for her myself. My daughter has gone with other people on vacation also (again, not as fun for her as she anticipated) and I always sent enough money with her to pay her own way. They would a couple of times pay her dinner, but mostly she would pay her own way, and also any attractions they went to, she had money to pay her ticket.

Good luck with your decision!

Thanks for your input. You have some valid points.

But, I did not mention that we have been to Disney several times alone with my daughter, so she has had our undivided attention for past vacations and we do take other trips that involve just us. We have shared short trips with this same friend she wants to ask to come and it has never been an issue when it comes to doing things she may not want to or forfeiting something she may want to do. In a way, being an only child, taking her bff can teach tolerance of others, not to mention sharing and the fact that she can still feel special even if some attention is given to another child (lessons she does not get to learn at home on a day to day basis because she IS the only one).
Of course, anything can happen, and this whole thing could turn out to be a bad experience, but I won't know until we try it. We were very careful in deciding who my dd could ask, taking into consideration the childs daily behavior, how the two interact and of course knowing that the child's family and us have the same type of rules and values (we have been good friends for several years!)

When it comes to allowing my dd to go off with another family on any trip, like you, I always send her with money to cover her way for tickets, food and spend money.

I have read everyone's replies, and I take all of your advise seriously!!! Thanks a bunch!

 

[bedillamouse]

You've gotten a lot of good advice....just wanted to add...I'd love to see a trip report after you get back. It would be fun to hear about how your daughter and her friend had fun. Especially since it would be your DD's friends first time there. Hope it all works out great!

 

[mjkacmom]

DON'T....I have a only child, and we have brought friends on vacations before and then the vacation is not about your child, you're so busy trying to ensure the other child is having fun, you make your child sacrifice things they may not want to. We've done both, met other couples there and spent a week together, and brought a child with us. All turned out to be not as fun as we had anticipated. This year, we are so looking forward to it "just being us" and it's all about her!

Someone told me, one of the best thing you can do for your child is take them on vacation...don't spoil it for them. Let this be about her, what ever she wants, if she wants to go on a ride, great, if she doesn't then you don't have to feel bad for the other child that might want to.
!

So, your dd would rather not bring a friend along to share in the excitement, because it wouldn't "be all about her," and she might not be able to do exactly what she wants, when she wants? I guess my kids aren't used to having it "be all about them," because if I told them they were going with us alone, without their siblings, they'd be sad. They'd rather have the comrodry of other children, and make compromises, than be the center of attention. We met up with a bunch of other families at the Great Wolf Lodge a couple of weeks ago, and they were out of their minds with excitement, because we can never fit friends. Sure, there was a lot of "let's go here" "no, lets go here," but they always worked it out, and everyone was happy.

 

[clutter]

Thanks. I know that I have read in the past where some of the expenses had been shared but I wasn't sure what was truely acceptable.

I was thinking about asking the child's parents to pay for the park ticket, but now I am not so sure. The room is covered, we are DVC members, airfare is reasonable, about 200.00 RT which we can swing, and we haven't decided what to do for meals. We usually take the meal plan which is 42.99 a day. We could scale down and take the QS meal plan which I think is about 32.00 a day. Our room does have a kitchen but I prefer not to cook on my vacation. I would just stock cold cereal an maybe some muffins or bagels for breakfast but eat out during the day.

Any additional advise is greatly appreciated!!!

Are her eating habits compatible with yours?

We're planning to take dd12's friend (13 by then) this summer. We normally get the DDP, but her friend, although a very varied eater, eats next to nothing. So I'm debating whether to do TIW instead (although it usually doesn't work for just the two of us). I know her friend would enjoy all the restaurnants we love, but I wonder if we'd be better off splitting a few meals. OTOH, my dd has another friend that I've been dying to take along for years. She's SUCH a picky eater, we'd never do the dining plan for her. She eats small meals all day long, so I could buy her a kids' QS meal 4 or 5 times a day, so it's not worth DDP.

 

[clutter]

DON'T....I have a only child, and we have brought friends on vacations before and then the vacation is not about your child, you're so busy trying to ensure the other child is having fun, you make your child sacrifice things they may not want to. We've done both, met other couples there and spent a week together, and brought a child with us. All turned out to be not as fun as we had anticipated. This year, we are so looking forward to it "just being us" and it's all about her!

Someone told me, one of the best thing you can do for your child is take them on vacation...don't spoil it for them. Let this be about her, what ever she wants, if she wants to go on a ride, great, if she doesn't then you don't have to feel bad for the other child that might want to.

Actually, my only child was the total opposite!!!

For the last two summers, we met another family we're friends with at Disney. She found that it was totally worth the 'sacrifice' to have a pal to hang out with! A few years ago, we went with another mom-and-kid family. The girl was nervous about every single ride, so my dd didn't get to ride some of her favorite things. She would totally do it again because she enjoyed her friend. (That's not happening, mom to totally too high-maintenance for me...)

 

[robinb]

I was thinking of the cost factor. We have a DVC so the room is already paid for and my husband and I would consider paying for either the childs airfare or meals. When we speak to my daughter's friends parents we were thinking of asking them to provide the park ticket and either the airfare OR the meals. I do know this would create an expense for the family but I would also let them know that if this was not an option that we would in no way be offended. At this time, I do not think I can afford to pay for everything for the child.

Is it appropriate to invite someone but then ask them to pay for part of the trip or should I be prepare to pay in full because I am doing the inviting?

I asked this same question a couple of weeks ago. I still have not decided myself. I would suggest that you speak to the parents before you speak to the girl. That way you don't get her hopes up if the parents can't afford for her to go.

Here is my thread:
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2362490

 

[3happydancers]

Are her eating habits compatible with yours?

We're planning to take dd12's friend (13 by then) this summer. We normally get the DDP, but her friend, although a very varied eater, eats next to nothing. So I'm debating whether to do TIW instead (although it usually doesn't work for just the two of us). I know her friend would enjoy all the restaurnants we love, but I wonder if we'd be better off splitting a few meals. OTOH, my dd has another friend that I've been dying to take along for years. She's SUCH a picky eater, we'd never do the dining plan for her. She eats small meals all day long, so I could buy her a kids' QS meal 4 or 5 times a day, so it's not worth DDP.

Exellent point! My daughter's 12 yr old friend is rather pickey and eats several little meals a day. So, maybe the DP is not the way to go. I do not know much about the TIW so I'd have to investigate. Do you know if you can use the TIW in places like the Crystal Palace, Tony's and Le Celliers?

 

[3happydancers]

Just answered my own question, It seems you have a wide variety of dining that the TIW can be used with BUT...we did not purchase annual passes because we do not go often enough for us to get the value out of the tickets. That said, I am back to DP our pay as we go...hmmmm

 

[shmatbert]

We have a six year old only child, and right now he really enjoys our company so our trips are without any friends along. However, I totally see us including a friend on some trips in a couple of years. It all depends on the temperment of both children, and I think it helps when the parents have established a strong relationship with the friend. We are already known as parents that are fun and silly who don't put up with bad behavior from our son or his friends in our home - my son's friends and their parents know this about us so they can use that information to make a decision about joining us.

I really can't see my selection of activities or dining changing too much based on a friend joining us. If that were the case, we probably wouldn't ask them to come along. I can see my son having a blast with his friends and I can see myself enjoying the whole spectacle.

 

[3happydancers]

We have a six year old only child, and right now he really enjoys our company so our trips are without any friends along. However, I totally see us including a friend on some trips in a couple of years. It all depends on the temperment of both children, and I think it helps when the parents have established a strong relationship with the friend. We are already known as parents that are fun and silly who don't put up with bad behavior from our son or his friends in our home - my son's friends and their parents know this about us so they can use that information to make a decision about joining us.

I really can't see my selection of activities or dining changing too much based on a friend joining us. If that were the case, we probably wouldn't ask them to come along. I can see my son having a blast with his friends and I can see myself enjoying the whole spectacle.

Your input is never too late! I appreciate all responses. Listening to other parents have brought thoughts and ideas to mind that I may not have thought of on my own. It is nice to hear from a parent who is thinking about what they will do in the future for their child! We did finally speak to the parents of my daughter's friend and they are thrilled that we would consider their child but...we are faced with something we had not considered. We were absolutely sure the child would jump at the opportunity but the child is not so sure about being away from mom. We will not try to sway the child at all. If the child is not ready, then I am glad the child recognizes this. I will let you know how this works out!