much better, thanks all.

[lisajl]

I'm sorry about how this all turned out.
It is best to keep negative people out of your life. I know it will be hard because of your dad, but keep moving forward.

I wish you well...
Lisa

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, the good thing about all this is that now I really feel like I have the closure that I needed, and I can take off the Eeyore suit and let them go. Because that's what has to happen.

True.....

 

[PrincessKitty1]

 

[hlbtimes2]

This thread makes me so sad. My dad is gone, and my mom is very sick (two kinds of cancer). We'll be lucky if she makes it until the end of the year.

Family is special. Time here on earth can be cut short. Dont let something as stupid as a request to stay with you ruin what time you could be spending with them. You'll end up with HUGE regrets when they are gone. You'll wish you had handled things differently.

 

[Seahunt]

This thread makes me so sad. My dad is gone, and my mom is very sick (two kinds of cancer). We'll be lucky if she makes it until the end of the year.

Family is special. Time here on earth can be cut short. Dont let something as stupid as a request to stay with you ruin what time you could be spending with them. You'll end up with HUGE regrets when they are gone. You'll wish you had handled things differently.

Hugs to you as I've been there, done that, and know how hard it is. But like they say, hindsight is 20/20, and I have to agree with Linda - the future guilt can just eat you up

 

[famofsix]

It is really sad that no amends seem to be able to be made. But maybe in the future there will be a change of heart in the family. I am sure OP is hurting right now and I wish her the best.

 

[luvthatduke]

... so I sent her an email and asked her if she was still planning on going to Disney with us in December for our family vacation, because we have to bank our points soon and I needed to know one way or another.

I gave my 2 cents early on in the thread,
and I still think your best recourse is/was
to swallow the pill and be the one
to extend the olive branch.
I am not encouraging you to post the recent emails
(I didn't say it then but I agree it was not the
best decision to post them verbatim here),
however I am saddened if what I have bolded above is
the only "reason" you gave your mom for inquiring
if they were still going with you on vacation.
You made a point of saying you signed it "Love,"
but my question is:
was that the only "love" you displayed in this email?

(I am not taking sides, I think your original emails were
not received well and for good reason,
but I don't want to enter the debate here
regarding chances, boundaries, etc...).

I have prayed for you & your family, it is a sad dilemma.

 

[Disney Doll]

Perhaps their limit of people they are not speaking to is 3, so when your brother, who seems to be back in their good graces, does something again to deserve a "write off", you'll move back into position.

BTW, what is the deal with your brother???? I can tell you that with my brother & I, neither of us would allow our parents to "write off" the other one. There would have been quite a discussion about it.

 

[famofsix]

Well, I called her today and got no answer, so I sent her an email and asked her if she was still planning on going to Disney with us in December for our family vacation, because we have to bank our points soon and I needed to know one way or another.

Got a response back, the answer was, no. Some excuses about the economy where they live, etc. When I signed my letter I said Love, (my name). I got back "Mom".

I can post the emails if you want but that's basically the gist of it. The other amusing thing, in a sick, sad way, was that she made it very obvious in her letter that they've started communicating with my brother again since they cut me off. Well, the good thing about all this is that now I really feel like I have the closure that I needed, and I can take off the Eeyore suit and let them go. Because that's what has to happen.

The sad part is that every time I go into a Home Depot I think about being there with my dad and arguing over faucets, and that's a part of my life that's done now.

Maybe she told you that to show that she wants to make amends with everyone

I think it is a mistake to get closure from email....I encourage you to actually TALK to her.

Give it some time, you are already sad about your Dad. If you put on a bitterness suit instead of a Eeyore Suit you may regret what that bitterness does to you in a few years all over some emails. I think it is time to just be the real you and talk honestly with both your parents about your feelings. If they are trying to work things out with your bro maybe they are wanting to repair relationships. Maybe they think you have written them off and don't want to bother you. I don't have any idea. I just think you really don't know anything without talking with them.

 

[kinntj]

A very sticky situation indeed. I just don't know what to say. Your emails to your mother comes off very cold to me, so I can understand why your mom is hurt. I can also understand why you need to think of your immediate family first and make DH and your children happy.

I think email is a poor choice of communication. You really can't let your feelings show and really express how you feel. You need to explain to her why things were said in a more understanding tone and why you were hurt when she dropped you so fast without further communication about the situation.

I see that you emailed her again to ask about WDW. What were you thinking by putting it that way? Another very cold message. I know you're hurt by her cutting you out, but maybe you'll understand that you hurt her whether or not you intended to.

All this is just my opinion, so it might not mean much. My mom and I have a great relationship, so we are both quick to apologize if we know we hurt the others feelings. I usually say it with flowers and a phone call. Actually, she's coming to live with us starting Labor Day weekend. She lives by herself and has health problems, so DH and I both had long talks about what would become of this.

Everyone's family situtations and how we handle them are so different. It's not so surprising that you'll get many different opinions from both sides of the fence on this thread. My friends family is much different than mine and she responds completely opposite to how I respond when it comes to family issues. She thinks my family is too much like a clan.

My thoughts are with you going through this mess. Sometimes you need some time alone before you can go forward.

 

[Michigan]

This thread makes me so sad. My dad is gone, and my mom is very sick (two kinds of cancer). We'll be lucky if she makes it until the end of the year.

Family is special. Time here on earth can be cut short. Dont let something as stupid as a request to stay with you ruin what time you could be spending with them. You'll end up with HUGE regrets when they are gone. You'll wish you had handled things differently.

My mom died in last October and I would give the world if she could stay with me for even just one more day!

 

[bevtoy]

To the original poster:
I am curious if you and your brother are on speaking terms?

 

[Lanie]

I just wanted to write to say I'm really sorry and I hope it will work out in the end.

 

[Feeling Like Eeyore]

I had a big explanation posted here, but I had a chance to think about it on the way home from work (love early fridays) and I realized that I wasn't letting it go (thank you mystery machine!) yet again by posting and explaining more stuff.

soooo, thanks, everyone, I will just respond politely to her emails, be myself, and just sort of stay out of any drama from here on out. You guys have been very, very helpful with helping me to work stuff through. Even just posting, sitting on it, and rethinking was helpful.

 

[Nynaeve]

I'm so sorry OP.

I've already posted before, that if I were in your situation, I would have said no as well. If you still want your mom and dad in your life, I say give them a call. Try calling your mom first, and if you can't get a hold of her/she will not answer, leave her a message. Tell her what you told us here, how you love them, miss and love them, and want to help them. But say that you had to say no because you think it would have been longer than 2 weeks, and it would strain your marraige, and that has to come first with you.

If that does not work, call your dad. I know your mom asked you not to talk to him, but he's your dad! You have the right to stay in contact with him! Is there somewhere you can call him when he's not at home? Try talking to him, he may not like this as much as you!! At least you can tell him that you love him and miss him!!

This is just what I'd do if I were you, I hope you can get this fixed!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP,

Really, you shouldn't feel as if you have to explain and defend yourself to these other posters.

If I am seeing the big picture correctly, your mother is the controlling and demanding type. Either kiss her behind, or be excommunicated. She has effectively broken up relationships in your family. It is all very unfortunate and dysfunctional. This kind of thing is toxic. And, it sounds like you are just now finally realizing it.

No matter how much sugar&honey you add to a toxic drink, it is not gonna change the outcome.

Your post may have been rather 'forthright'. But, I would hardly say they were cold. I can fully understand that there is no such thing as a 'warm fuzzy' relationship with somebody who has done what you have described.

I think that going overboard with the 'warm fuzzies' with your mother at this point would only be construed as groveling. I can see why you have not done so.

If you really wanted to 'sugar it up' and try to get in your mother's so-called good graces... If you really felt that this was the right thing for you to do, then I am sure that you would have done so. Or would planning on doing so. You are (directly or indirectly) doing what is right for you and your immediate family at this time.

My best wishes that all works out for the best!

 

[Feeling Like Eeyore]

 

[Nik's Mom]

Wow, this has turned ugly. I'm so sorry for you. I have had issues with my siblings and I no longer speak to them. When "family" treats you like garbage, I no longer consider them family. I have friends who would do anything for me if I needed help. I am thankful for them. But not my family. My suggestion, just cut your losses and move on.

 

[Linzybrooke]

I don't have anything to really offer, but I'm sending thoughts and hugs your way. My mom and grandma have a similar relationship and have worked it out, sort of. I feel so bad for my mom, she has tried to hard and my grandparents use and abuse her regularly, and they are upset at her when things don't go the exact way that they wanted.

Hugs and prayers coming your way.

 

[Kristi1357]