Dear Mercy, ( sorry popdaddy, I can just tell this is going to be long)
I do not live in MD any more but am from there.
Our mom, who just passed away in Feb. of this year had a very similar situation.
We too, had to make the difficult decision about placement following rehab after it was determined that she could no longer live independently.
My oldest sister, who was living up there at the time did an extraordinary amount of firsthand reseach (on our behalf) in finding an assisted living facility that would meet our mother's needs.
We finally settled on "Catered Living" in Cockeysville. It is a small facility. 2 buildings each with about 15 residents. We felt that it was just right for mom, who among many other problems was blind.
The initial move was difficult. Be prepared for a rough period of adjustment if your mom is "with it". The dynamics of this sort of living situation is much like switching middle schools mid year. People have favorite friends and clicques and each time a new resident moves in it kind of shifts the foundation a bit. I would say that it took a few months for our mother to "fit in" and be accepted by the group.
She was very much a "part of the group" right up until about 6 or 7 weeks before she passed away. Towards the end she could no longer participate in their activities in the "living room" or go on their little bus trips and such.
A few of the residents paid her visits in her room but again the dynamics of elder care were in play. A few of the residents were early Alzhimer patients and a few had dementia to some degree or another, some were limited by their physical capabilities so there were only a handful that became visiting friends once the end was near and one dear "best friend".
The staff was marvelous however and made her time as comfortable as possible. When the end was most definitely drawing near they accomidated us in fulfilling our mother's wish that she be a hospice patient but not have to move to a hospice.
The Stella Maris staff and the Catered Living staff worked together to make her last few weeks as comfortable and peaceful as possible. Had we to do it all over again, I can honestly say that we would not have changed a thing.
What is remarkable about this situation is that we felt from the first day to the last that our mother recieved the best possible clinical care and that it was delivered with human dignity and kindness.
I know that the months ahead will be hard on you and I want you to know that you are not alone. Talk to the social worker assisting in your mother's care or if to get to the point where you will have to address hospice care, by all means ask for some support for yourself.
The chaplain I dealt with from Stella Maris was a lovely youngish nun. I really only had about 3 conversations with her . 1 while visiting my mother, 1 long distance phone call (initiated by her) and then she came to our mother's viewing (totally unexpected but much appreciated) She just happened to be there for me like an angel. She didn't *actively* do anything for me other than let me vent and validated my feelings. It was a great relief to talk to someone outside of the situation for a change. Here is a hug for you in case you need it!
