Moving away from kids...

[WDWDancer]

My husbands ex wife filed for divorce when their daughter was 5. He is military they were lucky and stationed by both families; within a year of the divorce she met her new husband and packed up their daughter moved to the opposite coast away from him and all family.

There wasn't much he could do and he tried to make the best of it. Even though mom was the one with primary custody and she was the one who moved them away his daughter (an adult now) still feels like he abandoned her.

Good luck with whatever choice you make

 

[NY Disney fan]

This whole thread is about another woman?! *faint!* So she was reason your marriage went sour...wow & just wow. No wonder no one wants to support you.

 

[Skywalker]

This whole thread is about another woman?! *faint!* So she was reason your marriage went sour...wow & just wow. No wonder no one wants to support you.

Well he gets fair share of financial support, lol. First he gets supported by his wife, then his mom, now his girlfriend. What is with dude -- must be a real smooth talker. Of course, sooner or later it always hits the fan.

 

[lisaviolet]

I think fathers are so important in a child's life.

However, I've seen a lot of damage from fathers who are there, and then they're not, and then they are, and then they can't deal with their children's feelings around it all. In and out and back and forth.

Sometimes I think that damage is worse than a father disappearing. I don't know.

So OP, I've edited my original thoughts about "your children need you".

IF you can't even deal with your feelings rationally - how the heck can you be there for your children?

So grow some quickly, get your priorities straight in life or do leave. Some kind of middle ground is practically worthless, from what I've seen. No foundation.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

When you are married with children, your number one responsibility should ALWAYS be your spouse and children. If, for whatever reason, you find yourself no longer married (widowed or divorced), you primary responsibility becomes your children. Now, that said, let's take a look at this situation with them being the sole focus.

Through absolutely no fault of their own, their world has just gotten rocked. They went from living in a stable home where mommy worked hard, daddy worked hard, and they both worked together to make sure that a loving parent was home with them at all times. That is a lifestyle that they are most used to and come to rely on. Now, mommy and daddy no longer live together. Mommy still works hard and daddy still works hard, but they are no longer both there for the children whenever the child needs them.

Mommy has to work hard now to pay for a home that she used to have help from daddy to pay for. This stresses out mommy. Daddy doesn't live there anymore. He now lives with grandma who doesn't really like the new arrangement. This stresses out both daddy and grandma. Now, when they see daddy, it's because he is coming home to get away from grandma and all of that stress. The kids know this and are picking up on it. Now they know that daddy no longer lives with mommy and, in fact, is thinking of moving in with another woman across the country. Later, they will find out that you dated this woman prior to their mother and that you two had an emotional affair while you were still married to their mother. They are going to have a very hard time warming up to this woman because they will see her are the catalyst who set all of this in motion. She will be the reason (or at least the largest reason) that their entire world was turned upside down.

Knowing this, do you think it wise to go ahead and move across the country, shaking their world up even more, and being there for them even less than you are able to be now which, as you know, is significantly less than you were there for them as little as one year ago? For better or for worse, if you do this move, people (your exwife, children, parents, friends, etc.) will see it as you choosing your girlfriend over your children. Is that something you are willing to live with?

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

I haven't read everything, but just the first five pages made me feel so badly for your children.

Parents do not leave their young children for their own self-happiness. You put the children first. I love my wife with all my heart, but if we were to ever split up (which I cannot even fathom in the theoretical sense) I'd fight tooth and nail to share custody and spend every minute possible with them. Moving 1,000 feet away would pain me, much less 1,000 miles.

Parents do NOT abandon their children so that they can satisfy their own desires. Full stop.

 

[HHSTigerFan]

This whole thread is about another woman?! *faint!* So she was reason your marriage went sour...wow & just wow. No wonder no one wants to support you.

Huh??? I had been living with my mom for 5 months when I first saw her

 

[tennvalgirl]

Should you move away?
First you need to ask yourself if you're through with being selfish.
If not, you should just go and be with whomever it is you're really wanting to be with.

 

[dsny1mom]

One trip to my place is actually two as it's non a non stop, that's why 4 trips per week.. My job?? Director for elite travel baseball tournaments..

Bottom line is nothing should matter EXCEPT your children and parenting them.

Your living arrangements, your love interest in Texas, and anything else SHOULD take the backseat to your 8 and 10 year old children.

That is, if you love your children more than you love yourself.

If you want to pursue the relationship with the Texas woman, then go see her when your children are with their Mother, and have her come see you when her children are with their Father after you are divorced. Will it be easy? Nope. It will be difficult, but you should shoulder the tough stuff not your children.

Many have given you good advice on this thread. Some have been brutally honest about their opinion of you based on what you are considering doing. For your own sake and the sake of your children listen to what they are saying.

You may "think" moving will be just fine, and maybe it will be initially for you but it will NEVER be fine with your children and eventually it will end up being horrible for you too once you realize how much damage you have done to your children and your relationship with them.

Here's a plan of action for you, since you seem to be in need of some direction:

1) Get a year round job. Your spring/summer job doesn't cut it.

2) Learn to coexist with your mother in her home until you can afford to live on your own

3) Prioritize your life: Kids and your ability to care for them (in all ways including financially) first. Everything else second

4) Get your divorce taken care and THEN AND ONLY THEN, start or build a new relationship with this woman in Texas or another.

That should put enough on your plate that you won't have time to think about moving away from your children.

dsny1mom

 

[moon]

As others have said, it's better that this loser leaves. Hopefully his children's mom will marry a real man, and the kids will know what an honest, caring, loving father is, and the OP will be nothing but a distant, unpleasant, bitter blip on their radar.

Oh, and the girlfriends children...you will be their third "daddy". They saw their stepfather commit suicide. they must be some really-well adjusted kids, considering the life they've had /sarcasm.

OP, I predict your idyllic life with that family will turn into a hell on earth so fast your head will spin

 

[minnie mum]

Hmm. So you started out living off of your wife's salary. Then you move back home to Mommy. Now you propose to move in with new/old girlfriend and live off of her.

Do it. Get out of your children's lives now. Before they learn just what kind of person their father really is. You'll be doing them a huge favor. And for their sake and yours, make it permanent.

 

[HHSTigerFan]

Funny thing after reading what a fee of you wack kind have typed... All I have asked for opinions, not once have I said I am going... Goof balls!!

 

[aaarcher86]

funny thing after reading what a fee of you wack kind have typed... All i have asked for opinions, not once have i said i am going... Goof balls!!

.... Wut

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

.... Wut

I'm dying.... What is right!

 

[lisaviolet]

I was more stuck on his use of the words *goof balls*.

 

[lisaviolet]

I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. I can't even imagine. Sighing.

 

[moon]

Tiger, what kind of responses where you expecting from your OP?

Did you think one (or many) replies would say stuff like "Oh, I see my kids 3 times a month, they adore me and we have a blast! They are really, really crazy about me, and live for those visits!! Our relationship could not be better and we couldn't be any closer!!! I'm just sorry I didn't do this before!!! OP, go ahead, your children will love you forever for doing this!!!!!

Seriously?

 

[tasha99]

My parents lived on opposite coasts, and I still have a great relationship with my dad. He made an effort and flew us out to visit him several times a year (that was back in the day when plane tickets were far more expensive than they are now.) The difference between my dad's situation and yours, though, is that he didn't choose it. He went to court to block my mom moving to the east coast and lost, as most dads did in the 70's.

I also lived apart from one of my children and do not recommend it. Initially I got custody of all three, but our oldest REALLY wanted to live with his dad; we let him. That wasn't really a choice either, though--my ex was military and it was unreasonable for me to move every year to follow him as an ex-wife (his longest assignment during our marriage was 14 months). Soo . . .while our kids are resilient, it was still very, very hard on them. Both the younger kids had therapy related to missing their dad. I think you should wait. Find a job locally and think about moving later. 10 years will go by so quickly, you won't believe it.

 

[okeydokey]

Funny thing after reading what a fee of you wack kind have typed... All I have asked for opinions, not once have I said I am going... Goof balls!!

But you are going.

You are leaving in early December for a month, spending the holidays with someone else's children instead of your own.

 

[NY Disney fan]

Huh??? I had been living with my mom for 5 months when I first saw her

Do you want another man fathering your kids? Because you are dangerously close to making that happen.