Mother son trip or let Nana come?

[perditax]

I have a friend who always wants to come on our trips and then spends the whole time complaining. Never again.

I realize it's not the same as a family member, just saying I can sympathize.

I don't understand why some of these folks even want to go in the first place. If it was me and I was inviting myself on a trip, and I found I couldn't keep up or didn't like the plans, I would very graciously say I was going back to the hotel alone, or that I was off to do X and we could meet later at Y.

I think it's the combo of "miserable on trip" + "still wants to control everyone else's plans" that can really cause problems. This describes the friend I mentioned above to a T.

 

[Nancyg56]

Wow. Nana is so lucky to have such a great daughter.

Exactly.

OP- If I was your Mother I would not want to go with you. Not because I could not keep up or because my feet hurt, but because you really feel as though you are doing me a favor. I never "tag" along with anyone, not even my own children.

I travel with my DD and her family often. They ask me to join them, and they mean it. While I would not want them to completely change their plans for me, I would expect them to compromise a bit for something that meant somethng to me. For instance, I get the QS meals, but you really wont book a TS if your mom would enjoy that? If you include someone, but you make it clear in your actions that it is your trip and they are along for the ride, well, like I said, I would stay home.

 

[ndavis]

IMO-I think people forget about family dynamics, and how selfish people can be at times-in this instance most likely nana, my grandmother when in her 50's was always miserable no matter what she was doing-unless life revolved around her. And I can tell you nothing has changed now that she is in her 80's and I am her caregiver. My mother would guilt us something terrible if I suggested she cut her day short and we continue without her. That being said, she would make me feel guilty for not bringing her. My suggestion would be to tell her you promised your son some 1:1 time and the 4 parks a day, BUT suggest an alternative trip that you two actively plan together, if she isn't interested in that, it's her loss. Go with your gut but find a way not to hurt her feelings.

 

[100AcreWood]

What did you decide to do? I wouldn't take your mom for many of the reasons other people already mentioned.

 

[Realfoodfans]

What did you decide to do? I wouldn't take your mom for many of the reasons other people already mentioned.

I wonder what OP decided too! As a Nana myself we go away 3 generations and I take over the littlies sometimes to give my DD a break (my DGS has special needs and enjoys one to one time). But we respect each other's choices and split up sometimes as preferred. We also go away with my DS and DIL who have no children and enjoy party nights and cocktail bars with them.
I'm a very, very lucky mum/Nanna!

 

[100AcreWood]

I wonder what OP decided too! As a Nana myself we go away 3 generations and I take over the littlies sometimes to give my DD a break (my DGS has special needs and enjoys one to one time). But we respect each other's choices and split up sometimes as preferred. We also go away with my DS and DIL who have no children and enjoy party nights and cocktail bars with them.
I'm a very, very lucky mum/Nanna!

It sounds like they are the lucky ones! I'm sure you already know this but not ever Nanna is helpful. I always admire people like you who haven't forgotten what it is like to be a parent of young children. We need all the help we can get!

 

[ndavis]

It sounds like they are the lucky ones! I'm sure you already know this but not ever Nanna is helpful. I always admire people like you who haven't forgotten what it is like to be a parent of young children. We need all the help we can get!

This! People with amazing and supportive parents/grandparents assume all are.

 

[Angel Ariel]

Back story. I surprised my son with a WDW trip in August 2015 for his 8th birthday. It took 16 months of saving and secret keeping to make it happen and during that time my mom asked if she could go. Having never been to WDW myself I said yes, figuring the extra set of hands and eyes would be helpful and that it would be a great opportunity for the three of us to create special memories together.

I did all the planning. ALL of it. With little to no input from Nana. It was MY trip and I was letting her tag along. I did keep her preferences in mind while making ADRs, FP+, etc but DS was my priority, not a grown 52yo woman.

Fast forward to the actual trip. It went OK. We had a lot of fun and made some great memories that will always be cherished but honestly, she slowed us down. We ended up changing most of our CS plans because she didn't want to eat here or there, she whined like a cranky toddler every evening about her feet hurting, we cut most, if not all, of our days short and missed seeing every fireworks show because she was tired. blah blah blah. It just wasn't how I expected her to act/react in the happiest place on earth.

We truly DID have a lot of fun having her with us and having a second adult lowered my overall costs because we shared a room.

DS and I took another trip in August 2016, just the 2 of us. BB w/free QSDP. It was amazing. We ate where we wanted, rode what we wanted (over and over and over again), went exploring deep into the WS, rope drop to park close multiple times, and even had an unplanned rest day just hanging out in our room when Hermine was blowing through. We didn't have anyone slowing us down when we felt like touring hardcore and a 5 minute rest here and there was perfect. I feel like we got to experience so much more when it was just the two of us.

This year we are booked again to go in August. Currently our reservation is just the 2 of us for 7 nights at Pop, 6 day park hoppers (I may end up adding a day to our ticket while we are down there) with free QSDP. DS wants to do all four parks in one day at least once. He actually wanted to attempt it every day and I had to back him away from that crazy ledge.

My mom wants to come with us again and I'm not sure how I feel about it. She liked DDP, DS and I prefer not taking up touring time with TS meals. If we just add her to our reservation as-is it would bring down the cost to $778 per person, saving me $325. If we add her and upgrade to the DDP we'd be looking at $925 per person, saving me $33 but would have the upgraded dining. The savings would in reality be zero and would actually end up costing me a little more because of TS tips.

I'm torn. The three of us did have fun together on our first trip and I'm sure we'd have fun together again but she just doesn't tour the way we prefer. I just don't know what to decide but I know I need to make a decision soon because our 180 days is only a month away and if we are going to upgrade to DDP I need to get my ADR game plan together. HELP!

If you aren't willing to tour differently, then I'd leave her home.

We have gone to DLR with my parents for the last 2 years. Year 1 was OK, but a little stressed at times because of the idiosyncrasies involved with having my dad along and not really knowing how to plan for him. Year 2 was better because I learned from what didn't go well in year 1 and avoided those issues this time around. The trip was much more smooth because of that. But we have always been willing to alter our personal touring style whenever someone else is with us. For us, that's just part of the gig when you have people joining you. If you don't want to do that, or doing that will cause resentment, then it's probably best for her not to come.