Mother son trip or let Nana come?

[disney minnie]

I know how you feel. My mom insists on coming to Disney with us sometimes. The problem is she doesn't like getting up early and she really doesn't like amusement parks.

My suggestion is to make your plans and then show them to your mom. Explain to her that she is welcome if she understands that you are not changing your schedule. Also, make sure she is aware that she can join you for parts of days and that you would completely understand. If she doesn't agree then you have your answer.

I would then follow up with the announcement that the family trip that you take in 2020 will meet everyone's needs.

Just to follow up... I'm 47 so not far from 52. I can still handle a park from opening to close with a smile. The difference may be that I love everything about it. We are only 4 hours away so we are able to make arrangements to visit a couple of times a year so we now feel that we don't have to see everything. BUT in the past I would take our son or daughter by themselves and we went from dusk to dawn. I loved every minute and understand why you want this to happen again. It was so nice to only have one person to make . It makes for a very successful trip.

 

[TillyDe]

I am a grandmother (Oma). I am planning my grandson's first trip in May. It will be me, him, and my daughter. All but 1 of our TS are breakfast. This way we will not have to stop and rush to a TS meal.
I have told my daughter that if I get tired, feet issue, etc. I will meet up with them later. If I spend a couple of hours alone in the room while they are at the park, that is okay.
Due to medical issues (back) there are rides I can not ride. I told my daughter that I will just wait and people watch while they go have fun. I am hoping to get FP+ for most of those.
My last trip I sprained my hip and spent one day at the care center and in the room. I informed my daughter if something like that happens again, she better take my grandson to the parks as planned.
I am the early riser. I hope I can get them up and going.

 

[momma2ethan]

Maybe I missed it, but did the OP say how often they see her mom normally?

We live very close, 15-20 minutes from each other, so we see each other often. We also run a youth drill team together, along with my sister, so we see each other minimum of once or twice a week, and fairly often lots more than that outside of drill. There are times that we'll end up seeing each other almost every single day. My son also spends a decent amount of quality time with her including a 10 day camping trip each summer.

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

My mom insists on coming to Disney with us sometimes.

This would simply not fly with me!

After a really stressful trip with my mom years ago, we just drew a line. Life and vacations are too short to be unhappy in the happiest place on earth (technically "the place where dreams come true", but you know what I mean )!

It's such a personal decision... whatever OP decides, I hope they have a great trip!!

 

[Golfjbc89]

The great thing about staying at a WDW hotel is that she can bus where your mother wants when she wants. if she goes back to the hotel everyday at 2pm and meets you for dinner and then goes back to the hotel let her do that. I would be upfront with her about your plans and let her know that she is welcome and that you will be staying to your previous plans.

As a side note I enjoyed TS meals for dinner because we used that as our afternoon break. it takes an hour and then before you know it you feel refreshed and can get back out there instead of borderline tantrum.

 

[mindeola]

We have a much different situation than most families- my parents, siblings and I and all of our spouses and kids travel together often. We do Disney, the beach and other locations, including overseas. Based on my experience with my parents I would never leave them if they wanted to come. However, they do not act like your Mom. That would be tough. I think you should probably leave her behind. If you have to ask, you probably know the answer already.

When our multi-generational family goes, we're a mixed bag of early/late risers, finicky/adventurous eaters, low/high energy, thrill seekers vs scaredy cats, you get the idea. Our Disney trips are fabulous. BUT, our conversations go like this:
"Why don't you choose the restaurant for lunch because I've already chosen the one for dinner."
"While you guys are repeatedly riding TOT I'm going to catch BatB again."
"I'm tired and heading back to the room. You guys have a great time at the fireworks."
"Why don't you go sit by the pool with a drink while we go circle MK one more time."
"Sure, I'd love to ride IASW with you again (even though I hate it, hate it, hate it)."

If you and your mom can't figure out how to say these types of things to each other, I wouldn't be planning a trip together.

THIS! So much hurt can happen if you do not have an open dialogue. Not every one is capable of that. If she isn't, leave her.

i have a few(or 10) more years "life experience" under my belt than Nana and it has been my privilege to make a number of trips with my grandsons and their parents. I firmly believe that the only one who gets to call the shots for their entire party is a solo traveller!

Multigenerational vacations can and should be cherished events, and everyone (even the kids) need to be their most considerate selves. Recognizing that you might turn into a wet blanket for whatever reason is important. I know I would far rather wait at home to see pictures than to have my family come home with memories of me holding them back. Despite 2 working parents and grandparents, we still sacrifice and save for these trips and we all feel obliged to protect that investment. DH reached his Disney saturation point a few trips ago, but absolutely enjoys his time in the sun, relaxing with books, tv, etc. I can't hope to keep pace with the super energetic boys, but am happy to sit more and let our paths intersect when possible.

Yes! I would definitely have her think of things she wants to do as well if he does come. It would be her vacation too.

I would probably say no. We are active 60's grandparents who often travel with adult kids and grandkids, we have as much energy most of the time, and if not it is easy to split up and some go back to the resort or sit down for a rest, this is why we always stay on site. We would never decide where people ate, or want everyone to travel together as a pack for our needs. And we usually pay for everything, but I don't look at paying as giving us the power to dictate as it is everyone's vacation!

But that being said, not everyone is alike. If Nana complained and dictated what you did on the last trip and you allowed her to make decisions for the group and change your plans to meet her needs, she is most likely not going to change and will do it again, maybe worse! Family dynamics seldom if ever change!

Isn't that the truth? It is doubtful that she will change the way she behaved last trip.

 

[Mom2Stitch]

This is a tough, tough question. I took my Mom along when DS was only 8, she was about the same age as your Mom. It was 5 of the longest days of my life. She didn't "get" all of the things we found so magical and fun. She was tired more quickly then we were. She really didn't like the food. There was no way I would have felt comfortable sending her back to the room on her own, Disney is a big place and how I would have felt horrible if she had gotten lost. Not everyone is the same with being able to maneuver outside of their comfort zones regardless of age. As a matter of fact I sat her on a bench in Town Square while we went into a shop quickly and she got up before we got back and blamed me for us getting separated.

Still there were memorable and cherished memories that will last forever. I tear up when I think of how excited she was to see Beauty and the Beast at DHS. Although I was an adult she bought me a stuff Eeyore - it's my favorite thing I've ever gotten from WDW.

To those who comment on the Mom's age-yep that's young. But you never, never know what will happen. Health is not guaranteed. She ended up having early onset dementia a few years after the trip and she declined rapidly. I'd live through those 5 days over and over again if it meant I could take her just one more time.

 

[IrishNYC]

I really get the "I'd give anything to spend one more day with my parent" thing, because I really would give anything to talk to my dad again, but not everyone has the kind of a relationship with a parent that works with spending a week together being very active. DH and I have a great relationship with his mother, and yes, I will miss her when she is gone, but a vacation together, especially at Disney, would damage that relationship. A vacation together with FIL would be a disaster for our relationship with him - it wouldn't be cherished time, it would be a memory of "remember that time your dad was a completely frustrating *** at Disney?" To try to guilt anyone here into feeling bad by saying you'd give anything for that time together again, for not wanting to take their parent with them to Disney, especially when it's already proven to be a troublesome trip, isn't very nice. It's really been bothering me since I read it here yesterday.

 

[bumbershoot]

Wow. Nana is so lucky to have such a great daughter.

It's ok for people to complain about parents. Really and truly.

As someone who would give anything to have one more day (or hour or minute) with my mom who passed suddenly in her 50's, I say you take her along!!!!!!

Even though it won't be fun? I wouldn't want that. My mom wouldn't have wanted me to want that. (though she also wouldn't have wanted me to hang on to all if her stuff like i have but oh well I'm not perfect.)

People keep saying you should take her because of her age

I think the people saying that aren't seeing seeing how young her mom is. Or they lost their mom when she was young and are in the camp of "one more day" no matter the sort of day (I thankfully came through that phase about 10 years into this nearly 17 year journey...it's exhausting to see all parent/grownchild arguments as "don't do that, you'll regret it", or all complaints as petty because I don't get to have those complaints anymore, or to wish for ANY time with them, even crappy argument-filled time).

Both parents (but especially my mom) are emotionally immature. She expects 5 star service at fast food places and will complain at the drop of a hat. She loves nothing more than to create drama. She will cry, pout, and give the silent treatment to anyone, family included, who does not deliver on a Pottery barn catalog perfect vacation/holiday/whatever. She is unwilling to self-reflect on her behavior

Are you my sister in law?

There are reasons we don't travel with the MIL. The ONLY reason she ever got invited on a Disney-containing trip was out of sheer guilt on our parts, because she chose, and chose to stay with, a scummy husband, who cheated her and left her with nothing but SURPRISE debt, and he never took her on actual real vacations (just RV trips which caused her MORE work than she had at home because of course he did none of the work to keep the family clean and fed) because they would do that after he retired...but he had no retirement account other than a pension and no life insurance and no nothing but IRS debt that I found out about after he died, when we found out he hadn't filed taxes in 7 years. So we felt bad and we invited her. And then she had a series of weird strokes and went on blood thinners and no one felt comfy with her traveling like that. And there went that invitation. (and now she tells us we shouldn't travel because we shold save now and travel...you got it...after retirement...as DH said to her..."did that work out well for you?")

Many of us have 8-year olds at Nana's age (I did so barring health concerns it sounds like a travel comparability issue, rather than keeping up with your pace.

I think if we all just picture Gwen Stefani in 7 years (when she's 54 and I believe her youngest will be 10) it'll help us stop seeing "nana" as a doddering old biddy.

I really get the "I'd give anything to spend one more day with my parent" thing, because I really would give anything to talk to my dad again, but not everyone has the kind of a relationship with a parent that works with spending a week together being very active. DH and I have a great relationship with his mother, and yes, I will miss her when she is gone, but a vacation together, especially at Disney, would damage that relationship. A vacation together with FIL would be a disaster for our relationship with him - it wouldn't be cherished time, it would be a memory of "remember that time your dad was a completely frustrating *** at Disney?" To try to guilt anyone here into feeling bad by saying you'd give anything for that time together again, for not wanting to take their parent with them to Disney, especially when it's already proven to be a troublesome trip, isn't very nice. It's really been bothering me since I read it here yesterday.

Agreed.

My mom and I, once we got through my teen years, had quite a good relationship, and any traveling I did with her was very nice. When we went to Disneyland and the teacups gave her a migraine she went back to the room and let us kids and stepdad have fun the rest of the day. When we went up to her and my second stepdad's timeshare in the Adirondacks we went for a crazy hike and had fun despite all nearly dying (an "easy hike" to people who live in the Adirondacks is a "you better kit yourself out for Everest" day trip for non-upstate-NY people, FYI).

But if we'd had a weird relationship I certainly wouldn't want those weird times again.

"remember that time your dad was a completely frustrating ***"...lol. That's all of DH's memories of his dad! Complicated memories, that's for sure!

Bothers me, too, though at one point I was in the camp.

 

[puddleduck]

As much as I can appreciate all the people encouraging you to take Nana because you never no how long you have with someone and to think of the memories, this is my perspective. I love my dad. We haven't always gotten along, but I do love him. We went on a trip to WDW in 2006 with my family, my parents, my sister's family and my brother's family. I will never, never, never go on a vacation with my dad again. Why would I want to remember vacations with him that went badly or cast him in a bad light? The whole trip wasn't a bust, but whenever I think back to it I get angry at how my dad behaved through the whole trip. If I want to spend time with him, I do it in ways that I know we can both enjoy.

If you didn't really enjoy having your mom with you, then go without her and spend time with her ways that you can both enjoy.

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

Wow. Nana is so lucky to have such a great daughter.

Lucky you, if you've never had cause to be frustrated with a parent!

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

I will never, never, never go on a vacation with my dad again. Why would I want to remember vacations with him that went badly or cast him in a bad light? The whole trip wasn't a bust, but whenever I think back to it I get angry at how my dad behaved through the whole trip. If I want to spend time with him, I do it in ways that I know we can both enjoy.

Sounds a lot like my experience with my mom years ago. I wouldn't say that we still get angry when thinking about it, but my sister and DO still sometimes mention how "she managed to be miserable in the happiest place on earth"... and we're not being complimentary...

Just not a great memory. It was much better to spend time with her under different circumstances. She has since passed away, and this does not change how we remember that one trip, nor do we now regret NOT having taken her to WDW again. The good times with her just didn't happen in WDW -- not the end of the world!

 

[DVC Jen]

Why can't Nana join you when she wants to and go back to the hotel when she doesn't? There is no reason you and your son can't stay out by yourselves to watch fireworks. I personally would want my son to have those memories with his Nana. I would also put forth the expectations upfront though. If she gets tired, she goes to the room to rest by herself.

This! Be honest with her without being hurtful. Tell her you had a lot of fun together and loved your time with her. Then gently tell her that you and your son really love the going all the time pace you have had in your trips. While you understand her not enjoying that pace, you and your son feel you miss out on things. Then tell her you would love to have her come along and are willing to compromise and enjoy table service meals with her to slow your pace down a bit if she can compromise and head back to the resort without you when you and and your son want to continue on.

I lost my Mom when I was 13. What I would give to have her back and enjoying Disney with me and my daughters.

 

[DVC Jen]

Ok, for those of you saying that Nana's not going to be around forever, she's 52!! (Or 54 now.) Unless she's in terrible health, she should still be around to go with OP's grandkids.

OP, I'm a single mom myself. DD and I took many trips to Disney (APs and DVC) as it was a great place to vacation for just the two of us. It got us that needed break from getting through work, commute, school, bills. It gave us some wonderful play time together. We laughed, played shadowtag, had the kind of fun that it's tough to have at home. Given that you all are doing a big family trip in the future, I'd go with your son. Honestly, he needs the memories with you more than he needs them with Nana. And if she says something, just tell her that. That you need some play time with your son.

My mother died of a rare cancer when she was 56. We had no idea when she was 52 that this would happen. She was in excellent health and a very active person before she got sick.

 

[David Brent]

Lucky you, if you've never had cause to be frustrated with a parent!

yes, when I was in high school and when my mother was alive. i'd give anything to be ''frustrated" with her at wdw with my 2yr old son.

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

yes, when I was in high school and when my mother was alive. i'd love to be ''frustrated" with her at wdw with my 2yr old son.

I lost my mother as well. Doesn't change the fact that as much as I loved her, she was VERY difficult at times. Just a fact. Had great times with her outside of WDW.

This is obviously subjective and depends ENTIRELY on the people involved. There shouldn't be a judgment here.

 

[TXAKDisneyFan]

We live very close, 15-20 minutes from each other, so we see each other often. We also run a youth drill team together, along with my sister, so we see each other minimum of once or twice a week, and fairly often lots more than that outside of drill. There are times that we'll end up seeing each other almost every single day. My son also spends a decent amount of quality time with her including a 10 day camping trip each summer.

So I don't think all the arguments about letting her go with you in order to spend another day with her apply to you then.

 

[mom2rtk]

We live very close, 15-20 minutes from each other, so we see each other often. We also run a youth drill team together, along with my sister, so we see each other minimum of once or twice a week, and fairly often lots more than that outside of drill. There are times that we'll end up seeing each other almost every single day. My son also spends a decent amount of quality time with her including a 10 day camping trip each summer.

Heck, I'd probably be looking at vacation as a chance for some time apart.

 

[HopperFan]

Fast forward to the actual trip. It went OK. We had a lot of fun and made some great memories that will always be cherished but honestly, she slowed us down. We ended up changing most of our CS plans because she didn't want to eat here or there, she whined like a cranky toddler every evening about her feet hurting, we cut most, if not all, of our days short and missed seeing every fireworks show because she was tired. blah blah blah. It just wasn't how I expected her to act/react in the happiest place on earth.

And now two years later do you really think she will go along with your plans on dining, not complain, not want to return to hotel at night and you will get to do all you want?

Yes you had a good (not great) trip with memories and saved money. But now you and your DS have experienced a great trip and that will be the one this next trip will be compared to ... by you and your DS .... and it's bound to come off less than good.

Make last year the beginning of your Mother/Son Annual Trips. I do Mother/Son trips with both my grown boys, to Disney since we continue to enjoy it there, and they are wonderful.

I hear the folks saying "oh she won't be around forever" and I get it, lost my Dad when he was 41 ............... that is not the point. OP is not trying to get out of spending time and making memories with Mom, but rather she found out that on Disney trips they are not compatible. I have had those trips and ... you learn.

Tell your Mom that last year you decided to have Mother/Son trips but that you really want to plan a trip somewhere different for a generation trip. Then come up with destinations that are not far, not as expensive and not as physical. Maybe a long weekend somewhere that will be special to just Grandma and Grandson, things special to her in his memories later.

I had the same thought as many others -- on the previous trip, why in the world did you and your son cut your days short if it was Nana's feet that were hurting???

That is the beauty of staying at a Disney resort. Anyone can return to the room whenever they please.

Maybe it's me but I read into this that Mom was not willing to go to hotel alone and the entire group was then expected to leave. There are plenty of folks that don't get the splitting up thing and that is a major reason I travel with very few. Been there, done that and I simply won't do that anymore.

We live very close, 15-20 minutes from each other, so we see each other often. We also run a youth drill team together, along with my sister, so we see each other minimum of once or twice a week, and fairly often lots more than that outside of drill. There are times that we'll end up seeing each other almost every single day. My son also spends a decent amount of quality time with her including a 10 day camping trip each summer.

Just saw this .............. oh my how lucky you and DS are to have her a part of your everyday lives and all these memories. Sounds like their camping trip is the special memory he will carry forward. I for sure would stick to my Mother/Son trip.

 

[happymommy]

No. Just no.

Do something else with her, but IMHO you answered your own question already.

I go with my DD alone most trips lately. Why? Because we travel well together. My folks invited themselves a couple times. I hated it when they were along. They don't like what we do, can't keep up, and it just made me miserable. So, I will not invite any other family along ever again. If I go I want to enjoy it.