Mother son trip or let Nana come?

[tyandskyesmom]

You're a braver woman than I! Although my mother and I haven't really even gotten along that well. We did a trip 16 years ago when my son was 2 and I distinctly remember finally having had enough and telling her, in tears, that SHE was the reason the trip was so bad. It was our first Disney trip, before I knew about the DIS so it was probably not all her but at the time it felt like it!

If you can get along enough and she can respect your wants/needs and you can respect hers...and if you can discuss it calmly before hand and no one is getting offended, then let her come. If not, no way! Disney is not a cheap vacation and you deserve to be able to enjoy it your way. There is no reason a grown woman can't move on to the CS she wants to eat at while you go to the one you want to eat at and either meet up after or one of you walk with your food to eat with the other one. There is no reason a grown woman can't sit down for a while when her feet rest while you and your son do something and then meet up after. There is no reason a grown woman cannot find her way back to her room when she feels done.

Needless to say, we don't travel with others anymore because my vacation is not your vacation and I don't feel like I need to compromise what my family wants to fit on what someone else (who has not paid for my vacation) wants.

And my memories with my kids are more important that my kid's memories with their grandmother...especially if it's going to end up making me miserable!

 

[North of Mouse]

Fast forward to the actual trip. It went OK. We had a lot of fun and made some great memories that will always be cherished but honestly, she slowed us down. We ended up changing most of our CS plans because she didn't want to eat here or there, she whined like a cranky toddler every evening about her feet hurting, we cut most, if not all, of our days short and missed seeing every fireworks show because she was tired. blah blah blah. It just wasn't how I expected her to act/react in the happiest place on earth.



slowing us down when we felt like touring hardcore and a 5 minute rest here and there was perfect. I feel like we got to experience so much more when it was just the two of us.

I'm torn. The three of us did have fun together on our first trip and I'm sure we'd have fun together again but she just doesn't tour the way we prefer. I just don't know what to decide but I know I need to make a decision soon because our 180 days is only a month away and if we are going to upgrade to DDP I need to get my ADR game plan together. HELP!

Read the first paragraph above which I quoted from you, and 'that' is your answer!!!! She doesn't seem to want to 'fit' in, but wants you & ds to do what 'she' wants! A 52 yr old should not be whining about her feet hurting, or keeping y'all from seeing the fireworks. She should have gone back to the hotel on the last trip!!

The answer to me is very clear - leave Nana (she's gone with you already, so has memories) and you and ds enjoy the next trip together. It will be more than worth the extra 'dollar cost' to do so! Happy touring!!

 

[DVC4US]

Like familyfirsttimer said - as someone who would give anything to have another trip/ day/hour with my mom who passed away 6 years ago, I would say take your mom but definitely let her know up front your touring style and what you want to do and let her make the decision to join you or not.

My mom battled cancer for 7 years but we took a lot of trips during that time to Disney and other places. When mom got tired her and dad just went back to the hotel. My dad is 71 and still travels with us. Disney is by no means his favorite place but he goes because he wants to be with family. When he gets tired of the parks/people he just heads back to the hotel - we love having him join us, but we never let him slow us down and he is fine with that.

It is your decision to make but I cherish the memories my daughters and I have of the trips we took with Granny and the ones we are still taking with Papa.

 

[Darcy03231]

FWIW I bring my mother along more often than not (DH went once 27 years ago and has previously refused to go back, but we are taking 2 days this year post-cruise because he wants to see Pandora/Avatar). My children are grown, but have very happy memories of my mother going with us.

Having said that - if my mom is tired she goes back to the room while the rest of us continue on if we want to and she doesn't make a fuss about it. She also doesn't like any of the bigger rides and is happy to sit on a park bench with a book and read and/or people watch or strike up a conversation with someone while she's waiting. As she's aged she usually goes to the parks in the morning for a few hours, takes an afternoon break and then goes back in the evening. She's happy to eat wherever we pick, but we also don't eat somewhere where she can't find something that she'd like (not a fan of spicy or greasy food). She's actually a great travel companion.

I'd let your mom know how you plan to do the trip and make sure that she's on board with counter-service meals and going back to the room on her own, meeting up in the parks later, etc. If she's not truly fine with both, I'd leave her home.

 

[GillianP1301]

Can you talk to your mother about your concerns and come up with some compromises? Maybe don't do the DDP and have to do TS every day, but maybe book 3 or 4 during the week. Many of the Disney restaurants are attractions in themselves and you may be pleasantly surprised and enjoy them and not find them to be a waste of time at all. I also think it's not unreasonable for your Mom to just pack it in a bit earlier than you and your son and head back to the room early on her own. If she's not willing to do that or if she would make you feel guilty about that, then I would not want her there.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

If I took here, there would have to be some understandings before we left.
1. You are doing QSDP. If she wants to go do TS meals on her own, she is welcome to do so. If she doesn't want to eat where you are, you can meet up after the meal.
2. If she is tired, she can rest/ go back to the room, but shouldn't expect you and your DS to do the same.

She's a grown woman, she doesn't have to be attached to you at the hip the entire trip. Do what works for you, and let her know she is free to do what works for her.

 

[Imagineer5]

So, I've taken two trips with my mom to Disney, out of the 18 or so that my almost-5 year old has been...I HATED Both times. After the 2nd time I said "NEVER AGAIN". However, my IL's have also come along and sound a bit more like your mom so I'll take it with that perspective LOL - I would talk it out with her NOW with respect to daily plans, what restaurants you want to go to. which ones you don't. This is YOUR vacation, and if she wants to tag along, she can do some things on her own if you don't want to. With my IL's we spent 6 nights with them in a 2 bedroom villa at the Beach Club (ideal to give each other some space), they had 4-day base park tickets and we had AP's - so we were able to hop to a park for a bit separate from them. We all enjoy good food/drinks so we generally met back up for dinner. Having that space was very much needed.

My mom on the other hand doesn't seem to understand the necessary space requirements, and I've always shared a room with her. By about Hour 2 of the trip I wasn't having a lot of fun. She complained the whole time, had issues finding food with a very limited diet, etc. So there will be NO more Disney trips in our future - instead we spend our quality time with her in other ways.

 

[MudQueen22]

I think if you go again, you need to set boundaries with her ahead of time. Do you both have cell phones? If so, and if she gets tired, have her return to the resort and call you when she makes it or if she has problems.
You and ds stay out later and ride what you want.

Make your dinner choices, but it never hurts to do one TS that you and DS can live with (if it will be in your budget). Or just tell her that you don't want to be out the extra money for the tips and the dining plan when it's not something you want. (Maybe OOP for one TS, if you're willing to do that.)

I agree with valuing parents and spending time with them. I wish I still had my grandparents. I wish so much I could take them to WDW with us and let them see it all. They would love it.
But my parents, at their age, don't change much as the years pass. My children, however, do. Things DD is looking forward to at WDW this year are different than what they were a few years ago. DS changes so quickly too. I'm savoring these childhood years since they pass by so quickly.

Yes, value the elders, but establish boundaries too. It's a balance.

 

[married2mm]

Firstly-I would not allow the finance aspect impact your decision..

I would view your decision as pp have stated:

How do you want to spend your days?
How does your ds want to spend his days?
How would nana want to spend her days?

Do you all have some common ground-or some form of compromise?
What kind of vacation do you want?

Personally-We've toured the parks with a variety of styles & slowed down as the years have passed..
One thing which won't be compromised on is am emh-if we are staying on site -
we will be there for rd or we shall see you later

Dmil (87) can be up and about early- but has never seen fireworks or parades.
We are delighted to have her company-if we ride one attraction a day with her-that's a beautiful bonus.

If we broke down cost per day or even added up the whole trip-it would be super scary-but worth every penny.

 

[married2mm]

[QUOTE="MudQueen22, post: 57032691, member: 509070

Yes, value the elders, but establish boundaries too. It's a balance.[/QUOTE]


Your last sentence says it all.
Life is a balance.

 

[Hikergirl]

I think its easier said than done when people say "just be up front, and tell her that she can go back to room alone, or do this alone or that alone". When you are there and its your mother possibly giving you a guilt trip or just whining that she doesn't want to be alone it can be hard.
I wouldn't take her, go and enjoy a trip with just you and your son. You don't need to tell her you don't want her there because of her, just tell her you want to enjoy a trip with your son.
People keep saying you should take her because of her age and you never know. Well, you never know whatever age you are.

 

[Southerndisney]

I think if your mom goes, she needs her own room to give you both a little space. Let her know your plans for quick service and hardcore touring. If she can entertain herself then it could work. If she needs to be with you all the time then it is not going to work. I am almost sixty and I would not ask my children to tour differently in Disney for me.

 

[MamaBelle4]

Like many previous posters said, I would take her, and I understand completely.

We took my parents (driving down from PA) in Oct, 2014. They fought, a most stood us up from a TS we were paying OOP, complained incessantly about certain things ("my leg is killing me", "why don't you wear your brace?" "I DON'T WANT TO." etc).

I still invited them on this trip (but then we found out my mom had breast cancer and they couldn't make it. Her follow up appointment is coming up, so hopefully we can schedule a celebratory trip!). All of that was cancelled out by the priceless memories they made with my girls. I wouldn't take that away from them for the world.

 

[kniquy]

Is she someone who can be independent and give you your own time to go at your own pace with your son? Can she handle the heat of the FL summers - I hear it is brutal. You can let her know what your plans are and your and your sons intentions, let her know that she might want to stroll through some shops or see a show while you and your son do rides she does not care for. Put your foot down and tell her that you can only afford the free QS offer and that upgrading is not an option, but if she would like to pay the difference you can upgrade. Work in a slower day or two to go at her pace. Let her know on days you and your son are planning on being park commando she can relax at the resort, go to Disney springs or whatever else she might want to do. Let her know up front so that there are no surprises and no whining about what you are doing or where you are eating or making her feel like she is being left behind.

Does she have a sister who might want to join you guys so that she has someone to travel about with at her own pace.

 

[loves to dive]

I was a single mom as well, we started going when my son was just shy of 3 and the very first trip, the only way we got to go was because my Mom lived in Florida - she and my older brother who lived with her had APs - and she paid for it. No brainer for me that trip. Had mom and big brother to help with my son if needed (which it wasn't) and my son loved going with Memaw and Unjin (he couldn't say his name). Fast forward, after that trip my son and I started going every other year, sometimes just us, sometimes Memaw went. My mother had Lupus, even at that first trip, so a lot of walking tired her out. If she got tired, she went back to the room. Even that trip we had to rent a wheelchair every once in awhile, which made MeMaw the pack horse. She would sit with my son while my brother and I rode rides he couldn't. Fast forward to later years when she joined us and she was in a wheel chair always in the parks, she didn't like using one so it was the good old fashioned kind you rented and pushed so she could decide if she wanted to walk for awhile. We made it a game of pushing her and letting go to see how far she would go. At this point, I paid for me and my son and her. If she got tired, she would go back to the room, sometimes we would go with her to make sure she got back o.k. then leave again. My son has great memories of those times.

I'd say set some boundrys. Explain to your mom that you and your son like to go without stopping and you have no problem with her going back to the room and maybe meeting ya'll somewhere later. Tell her you would rather not have the dining plan but if she wants it, she has to pay for everyone since the expense is not one you planned on. I'm betting that will get scraped. Heck, even now when my son and I go, one of us will go back to the room and the other one stay in the parks. I'm older now (will be 60 in a few months) and frankly can go more than my son can since he has permanent damage to the nerves of his spinal cord. I think it's all about making of it what you will, if you set out to be disappointed because you can't do what you want, you probably are going to not have a good time. If you set out to make some good memories, you'll laugh off those little issues that pop up.

 

[subtchr]

I had the same thought as many others -- on the previous trip, why in the world did you and your son cut your days short if it was Nana's feet that were hurting???

That is the beauty of staying at a Disney resort. Anyone can return to the room whenever they please.

That would be my solution -- allow her to join you, but make it very clear that you and your son like to stay at the parks late. She is welcome to join you, or to go back on her own.

As for the dining, to be honest, I'd take the DDP. You have a long enough trip, and your son is old enough, to enjoy sitting down for 90 minutes or so on a hot August day, and enjoying good meals. But you have to decide what is best for you and your son.

Good luck, please let us know what you decide!

 

[kniquy]

I would not ask my children to tour differently in Disney for me.

You are a good woman!! We invited my parents with us when we have gone to the beach. It was only for a couple of days, but she is very self centered, selfish and expects to be catered to. This was the first and last trip with them on our time -- which is unfortunate because my father is a saint! It is rather discouraging when everyone is cleaning up from dinner and i litterally have to wipe the crumbs on the table from around her because she wouldn't lift a finger to do anything --- sorry for the rant, but i totally see how choosing to invite family (not just parents) with you on vacation may not be the best choice. And you are right -- no one should ever just try to invite themselves on your vacation. I think that might be where the issue lies.

 

[robinb]

"Nana" appears to be 54, so I don't really think she has one foot in the grave, LOL. At least, as someone in their 50's, I certainly HOPE not!

OP, I would still encourage you to go with your mom with the understanding that you don't have to be joined at the hip. Encourage her to help with the planning so she feels like she's part of the vacation. Upgrade to the regular DDP so you and your son can have some down time with Nana ... as you know August can be brutally hot and sometimes you just need 60-90 minutes of a/c. I would even go as far as to suggest that you change to a moderate resort that includes the regular DDP instead of the QSDP. For about $35 more per night over the cost to upgrade the DDP you'll get a nicer resort, nicer pools and a bigger room.

 

[EmmyKay]

The great thing about staying on property is that it's so easy to split up. I have gone to DW with my parents (planning another trip Nov 17 with them). My mom cannot always keep up with us and she doesn't have to. She can always go back to room and rest. I plan the trip around what I think my boys would enjoy most and if anyone can't keep up, they go back and rest, or do whatever else makes them happy.
I think you should bring her but set ground rules. Maybe fit in one or two things for her, but your son should come first, and she needs to understand that.
Have a great time whatever you decide! Happy planning!

 

[MGD2007]

I've learned not to tell anybody about my upcoming trips. Far too many times someone has invited themselves and altered my plans. I co-sign the idea of planning another non-Disney trip with your mom--something more her speed.