Mother-In-Laws(and future MIL's): What Do You Want To Be Called?

[crz4mm2]

I call my MIL by her first name. Always have. Didn't think to call her anything else. She didn't request it and I didn't ask. Just did.
I have a Mom, didn't feel right calling her Mom....

My DIL calls me Mom. I never thought about it one way or the other. Doesn't bother me. If she is ok with it, guess I am too.

 

[Lovin' Lorne]

I have to dissagree with the poster who said that if the MIL wants to be called Mom you should do it. If that was the case I wouldn't call her anything, just "Ummm" or "oh, hey" when I wanted her attention. I don't care who you are, my Mom is my only MOM, you can't hold that title over my head. Now if she can't understand that and keeps pushing it, maybe I could call her Mother Lorne, but that would be about it.

 

[S. C.]

I have one that calls me by my name. Another that calls me mom (his own doings)

And one that has called me well never mind. That one is now an EX

 

[kelleigh1]

When hubby and I got engaged, I started refering to his mother as Mom A. (which is her last initial - and mine now too) in emails. She loved it and that's now how she refers to herself and how all cards are signed (Mom & Dad A.)

On a side note: I remember right around the time I graduated from high school. My mother was working at a local store and one of my classmates (who wasn't a friend of mine) started calling her Mom. It just made me so mad because that was my mother, not hers and she was never going to be a member of my family, so I didn't like her refering to my mother as Mom.

 

[Doe]

Not a mother-in-law yet, but whatever they'll feel comfortable with as long as it's nice. Before my mother-in-law passed away everyone (the inlaws) called her mom. My husband calls my mom by her first name.

 

[binny]

I want them to call me whatever they are comfortable with as long as it something nice

I dont care if its mum, mom or my first name. Whatever makes them happy is fine with me


I call my MIL by her first name.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

My kid's friends all call me by my first name (except one or two whose parents insist that they call me Mrs. Pitman, which I don't really like because I'm single). So my daughter-in-law always called me by my first name before she married my son; then she started to call me Mom (which I love!) and now it's often Grandma because of course that's what her kids call me. Even my son has started calling me Grandma now because the kids would get confused when he referred to me as Mom.

Teresa (who thinks the name Grandma is a wonderful badge of honour!!)

 

[tigercat]

I call my mil dh's Mum. I have one sil who calls us by our first name and one who goes back and forth between our first names and Mum and Dad. He has lost both parents and is happy that we are there. We feel very privalaged to be called Mum by him. None of my kids are upset by it at all. I guess I can't understand being jealous or not liking someone else calling my dm Mum. We have had several people that are not related call them Mum and Dad. To me it is nice that someone feels so close to the family that they call my parents Mum and Dad. I would have call my mil Mum if she had said anything but she never did. As for calling my fil Dad that would never have happened. He would have had to earn it and he never did.
tigercat

 

[malibuconlee]

I flip flop with calling my in-laws by their first names or Ma and Pop or Dad. But that's also what they call each other. I don't think they mind. I wouldn't say I'm extremely close to them, but my parents are both gone and I've been with DH for 15 years now.

 

[pepperw23]

We are very informal around here. All my kids friends call me by my first name at my invitation.

 

[JessicaR]

My in laws are much older than my parents. It was natural to call them Mom and Dad but my husband calls my parents by their first names.

When my boys marry I will ask the girls to call me by my first name or Mom, what ever they are comfortable with.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I call my in-laws by their first names. I already have a Mom and Dad so I am not comfortable with calling anyone else that. Our kids are young but I always introduce myself with my first name. I am not formal and don't want to be called Mrs.Soandso.

 

[LadyBears]

I think it depends on the relationship.


I was very close with my ex-husbands family. When I was with them, I felt like part of the family. I called his parents Mom & Dad. I even referred to his sister as my sister (never bothered with the -inlaw part) & his niece was my niece. It felt right & comfortable for all of us.

I had an friend who also had parents that I called Mom & DaddyBob. But then again, that is just how that family was. ALL of his friends & his sisters friends called his parents that. None of us EVER thought to call them anything else.

My Mom was never offended because she understood that these two families welcomed me with open arms (& hearts) & treated me the way family should be treated. They all had my best interests at heart & respected me. Both of these were homes that when I walked into, I immediately felt comfortable & at home in.


My current husband - well I am not as close with his parents. Either I don't call them anything, or I once in a while refer to them by their first names or Grandma & Grandpa. They do not come across as loving or as welcoming or as thoughtful as the other families. Actually, they come across kind of coldly. If I ever even THOUGHT about calling his parents Mom & Dad - my parents would be crushed!



If/When I get a son in law (DD is only 8, so I have a while), if we feel close, I would hope he calls me Mom. Otherwise, I would want to be called by my first name. Mrs.XXXXX is my MIL & I am NOT her (thank God!!!!)


My cousin solved the problem creatively. They were married for like 10 years before they had kids & could call them Grandma or Grandpa. So she called her M-I-L & F-I-L: Mil & Fil (like Mill & Phil). I got the biggest kick out of that!! It works for them. Personally - I wouldn't want us to be called that, but I still love their solution.

 

[MoniqueU]

Well first off I never want to be a mother in law. I want to freeze my kids at the age they are now and just call it quits.
But I guess reluctantly when the time comes I want to be called my first name.

 

[tonilea]

I spent 15 years avoiding calling my MIL anything. I was 18 when DH and I got married, MIL was 60. I just did not have it in me to call her by her first name - that was just too disrespectful, she was old enough to be my grandmother, so "Mom" didn't seem appropriate and Mrs. H seemed far too formal. One of the perks of having Thomas was we started calling her "Granny Lou".

DS, who's self appointed title is "King Thomas the Great" calls me the "Queen Mudder" so I suppose that would be okay from what ever wench steals away my little boy.

Just kidding....

well, mostly kidding

ETA: I was really suprised to read about all the people who, like me, avoided calling their inlaws anything.

DH calls my mom by her first name or Ma. But he was calling her Ma before we even started dating. lol They worked together and most of the kids that worked in the store called her Ma. Then when we started dating, he started calling her by her first name. It was pretty funny at the time. He calls my dad by his first name, but my DH is only 16 years younger than my parents.

 

[Sugarfoot]

I never cared for being called "Mrs." by my son's and daughter's girlfriends and boyfriends while they were growing up. It just made me feel too "old." I prefered they use my first name.

Now, as a mother-in-law I have never told my son-in-law, or my daughters-in-law to call me "Mom". But they have always called me that on their own and that is just fine with me. If they weren't comfortable with that, my first name would do just fine. Still no "Mrs." for me.

I always called my own MIL "Mom" from day one, and she passed away several years ago and my FIL remarried but I have never felt comfortable calling her "Mom." I call her by her first name.

 

[mkymouse1928]

Hehe. This reminded me of a cute story just after DH and I got engaged. He had left his checkbook at my house (I still lived w/my parents). When he called to ask about it he expected my self or one of my siblings to answer the phone. When it was my mom he was totally thrown off guard and didn't know what to call her. In the end, he and my mom ended up going out to lunch and discussing it. He now calls my mom by her first name, but he had the choice because mom just wanted him to feel comfortable. He calls my dad sir, but they have had a bit of a rocky relationship, so it works for them

As for me, I call my inlaws by their first names.

 

[mjkacmom]

I called MIL "Mrs. _____" for the entire time DH and I were dating (six years), and then her first name when we married. It was very awkward for me, especially since she is actually DH's stepmom, and his sisters call her by her first name, and well as her DIL's. You think that after a year or two of dating, she could've offered to have me call her Barbara!

 

[rascalmom]

I call my MIL by her first name - we've never been particularly fond of each other (long story), so "mom" would never feel right - besides, I have my own Mom - who I adore!

DD20 has a steady boyfriend that she has been dating for most of this year....he is around quite a bit. Hadn't really thought about it - but he really doesn't call dh & I anything. They aren't serious enough (as far as I know ) for him to be calling me "mom", but since he has a lovely mother of his own - that would feel weird. I should invite him to call me by my firstname.

Most of both dd's friends refer to me as "Miss Firstname" - that is how they knew me through years of girl scouting, school volunteer stuff, etc. So either that or Mrs. Lastname is fine for now.

DD20 has requested to be taken to Vegas when she turns 21. I think there may be a few friends tagging along. At the point they are old enough to enjoy an adult beverage with me, they may call me by my firstname.

I hope my future sil's think of me fondly enough to feel comfortable calling me "mom" if they choose - but I really think that title should be reserved for their own mothers if they are still living. First name will be fine.

 

[Disney Doll]

I was raised to call adults Mr. or Mrs. Whatever until instructed to do otherwise. When I first met DMIL & DFIL, I called them Mr. or Mrs. The one day DH (who was DBoyfriend at the time) said in front of everyone "Why do you call my parents Mr. and Mrs. when everyone else calls them Marge and Bob?". I replied "Because it is respectful and I was raised to do that until I was told otherwise". At that point, my DMIL said "Of course you can call us Marge and Bob dear", so I did.

DH has always called my parents by their first names.