Mother-in-law trying to tag along..HELP

[disneysnowflake]

I would be honest if my mother-in-law wanted to go on a Disney trip, and I didn't want her to go.

My brother in law has been to Disney several times recently. We haven't been there at all. He lives about 6 hours away from us.

As soon as he heard we were going to Disney he came up with a great idea. He would take time off from work and go with us without his family. He even started planning out our trip for us with him as our tour guide. Ugh!

I just bluntly told him that it was a trip for our family. While I appreciated the fact that he knew so much about Disney, it was going to be our trip alone. He took it very well. I told him that we saved for a few years for this trip and wanted to do things our way. He said he understood.

Still, part of me thinks that when our commuter flight lands in DC and we switch to a bigger plane there he'll be to surprise us as our tour guide.. Ugh. I hope not.

 

[chrisn]

What a pickle! There is NO WAY I would let someone invade my family vacation. It's WAY too expensive to go into it feeling the way some of you are feeling. If I felt like I could not say anything, I would let DH handle it. He's taken the brunt of things like this several times over the years. My knight in shining armor.

 

[dee2zo]

This is only my opinion.....
This trip was planned for you and your family. It is disrespectful for your MIL to assume she is welcome to tag along. What I would do is let her know that this trip is a treat you planned for the immediate family. She may be irritated and act inappropriately but the only actions you control are your own. Do not let this insensitive, selfish act spoil your vacation.


Again...Just my opinion
Good luck...and enjoy your vacation!
Dee

 

[my3princes]

I have mixed advice. First of all I can certainly understand it from your MILs point of view. She probably doesn't get to see her son or grandkids as much as she would like to so she is probably looking as forward to this trip as you are. My parents live 10 minutes from us and we see them on a daily basis. We have done wdw twice with them and twice without them (their choice). DH and I both enjoy having them along. We split the cost of gas and lodging which lowers the budget for us, they help with the kids and often by the kids souveniers and meals. My kids absolutely love spending time with them. We are going back this July and my mom is coming for the whole trip and my Dad and niece are coming for the first week. My kids are so excited because they can't wait to take Papa on the Thrill rides. They have even gotten my Mom on the Barnstormer (huge for her). My mom has also offered to take care of our 3DS's so that we can have a night out alone. Keep in mind that your MIL won't be around forever and perhaps you could do a future trip without her or even try DL. If you hadn't planned to visit her I would not have mentioned the trip to her. My DH's grandmother lives a couple of hours outside of Disney. He is not close to her, has seen her once in the 17 years that I have known him and she has phoned once. We feel that we don't have the time nor want to drive the extra 2 hours during our vacation and she won't meet us so we choose not to tell her and ask his mom not to mention that we will be down there as we don't want to hurt her feeling. If they had a closer relationship I know that I would feel obligated to meet with her. Hope this helps.

 

[phorsenuf]

DON"T DO IT!!!!!

We did a trip with my MIL and it was awful. We had plans and PS's but everything just went out the window because of her. I even missed out on going to the California Grill even tho we had PS's. Never ever again will I do that. Even the kids complained when we got home to their friends parents when asked about the trip. Really the only good times we had was when she stayed behind. It sure woke me up! LOL

If she wants to vacation with you plan it for another time, another place!

 

[AreWeThereYet]

Originally posted by bkrusen
...my mother-in-law who live 1 1/2 hours north of DW has been told about our trip and wants to tag along... how do we nicely tell her we don't want her tagging along. ...she's the type that gets her nose out of joint about the littlest things so tack is of the utmost importance.

Man oh Man!! I feel your pain. We love DW. I mean REALLY love it. But the worst trip we ever took anywhere was the trip where my MIL decided to guilt my DW into inviting her on our DW trip a few years ago. Now granted, she did pay her own way so that wasn't an issue, but let me tell you a little bit about what was the nightmare of that year's vacation.

First off, MIL needs to be the center of attention no matter what is going on at the time. If DW and I were trying to give DD's attention, MIL would do something to try and make one of them do something with or for her. That aggrivated DD's and neither one of them wants to play along after the first few hours of this nonsense.

Secondly, MIL doesn't know her boundaries. DW and I had to lock ourselves in the bathroom to have any type of conversation amongst ourselves. If we tried to talk in the car or anywhere else MIL would interrupt with her "more important" topic of discussion. DW and I are getting frustrated. If DW or I try to tell one of the girls "no" or "yes" or anything, MIL thinks it will be helpful of her to tell them "no" or "yes" because she is being helpful...girls are getting more aggrivated.

Thirdly, MIL sulks at night because neither DD wants to stay in her room with her. I think DD's can't believe there is a blood relationship between their mommy and MIL. MIL sulks when I take the camcorder from her to tape something the girls are doing....frustration, anger, want to go home by now.

Without going into any more details, let's just say that all of our vacations have been much more peaceful with just the four of us (now the five of us) and we feel that managing the expectations of our immediate family is difficult enought as it is. Adding the completely different needs and wants and expectations of additional family members did not work well for us.

We know other families are different, but just having us works well.

Don't know if this helps at all, but maybe it can help avoid "vacation in hades" for you and your family.

AWTY

 

[bkrusen]

I guess I should have mentioned that my MIL comes up for every holiday and birthday. Last year she was up 6 times in 12 months and she stays with us, so it's not like she never sees the kids or anything. Also the weekend before we go to DW she's going to be here for DD's birthday. She leaves to go home on Monday and we leave for DW on Thursday. She tried to make her plane reservations so she could fly down with us!!!! Fortunately we booked the flight awhile ago and now it's really expensive. She hasn't mentioned the trip in awhile so maybe no news is good news. Thanks for all you sympathy and suggestions. It's nice to know others are in the same boat.


30 Days till DW and counting!!

 

[Octoberbeauty]

I feel your pain. We are planning our first EVER family vacation to WDW next summer. Dh and I have been married for almost 8 years and our twins are almost 5. We mention to mil that we are planning this trip and she invites herself along!!! Hel-lo! Don't think so! Fortunately Dh said "NO way!" but he hasn't told her that yet. Ugh! She is just like arewethereyet's mil. She always has to be the center of attention even if she has to pull it away from the children and she will pout worse than a 3 yr old if she isn't. So, no there is NO way she is going with us. It would be a nightmare.

You need to have your dhubby have a talk with her. On the other hand I don't think it would be too bad to let her join you for dinner one night or watch the kids while you and dh go out. Maybe that would make everyone happy? Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Sherry

 

[AreWeThereYet]

AS IF!!!! My MIL has NEVER in all her visits offered to watch the DD's so DW and I could go out for a date - at WDW or at our home. If DW and I want to go out MIL insists on going too.

Poor me!!

Good thing the girls are old enough to stay home alone for a few hours now.

I wonder if it would be different if my parents wanted to come along. I think it would but DW might have a different opinion.

 

[Frozenfingers]

Hmmmm, being both a grandparent and SIL, I feel the pickle from both sides. I can relate to your MIL, kind of dominering and intrusive, some have called me that too In light of her already being such a big part of your lives with all the frequent visits.. I certainly wouldn't feel obligated or intimidated to include her in our FAMILY plans.. I have invited my DD three times to WDW (all expenses paid) and have been turned down each time.. reason? They want to make the first memories themselves as a family. Kinda hard to disrespect that... took the wind right out of MY sails.. sooooo, gonna kidnap the gkids when they are older..just kidding!!

 

[Scoootch]

I can totally relate to the OP's feelings . My MIL makes me crazy and is the type to get her nose out of joint over the littlest and/or most rediculas things.

That being said, after reading your 2nd post in this long thread about how you see her several times of year, she obviously gets her time in with you, dh and the kids so since she seems to have invited herself. I'd just be straight with her and say "sorry but no." We planned this trip for just us and since we will have had a visit with you just the week before, perhaps we can plan on a trip in the future (not that you have to actually go thru with making future plans but say it to appease her for the time being ). Believe me, she will get over it even if she does get her nose out of joint -- it probably won't take her long before she tries to pull something like this again. Just try not to feel guilty.

As to the poster with the problem of having the co-workers daughter inviting herself -- I'd set her straight too. Just tell her sorry but this is a family only trip. If she gets upset at all just say "no offence but I never actually invited you and up till now haven't been able to figure out how to let you down easy". The sooner you set her straight the better you will feel.

For both of you though, you have nothing to feel guilty about! Don't them them do this to you. You should be able to enjoy your trips guilt free. It's not your fault that they didn't have good enough mannor's to have been invited first instead of putting you in such an awkward position of having to figure out how to tell them sorry but not this time.

Best of luck and have a wonderful trip. Both of you!

 

[veraletta]

just hint about how nice it 's going to be for your family, to be taking a trip all by your're selves.. the word is ...hint... hint ..hint
or tell your husband to tell her. That he would just like it to be his family. That if she comes, he feels that her feelings would be hurt, that you guys would be spending from opening until closing at the at the park.
he is afraid that she would get tired, from all that running.
And he wouldnt want to hurt her feels by not going back to the resort when she gets tired.

its hard I know but its better if he tells her.
I'm a mother in law and I know my daughter would tell me in a heart beat.
Only thing is my son in law wants me to go every where with them. They are going to Dayton Beach in July and I've already been asked to go.
I told him no, but would go if I had too.
So I'm praying that his family goes with them, so I can save money for disney.
Now if he was going to Disney, I would go even though he not much Fun, He loves to sleep late, after two hours at the park he starts in, on how hot it is and on how nice it would be to go back to the resort and take a nap.
Me , I'm one that says, give me the kids.. and go back to the resort.

 

[AreWeThereYet]

Hey veraletta - that sounds like a new thread topic: "SIL or DIL wants me to go with them to Disney...what to I do?"

 

[ncgolfer]

On our next trip we invited and are taking my mother and my MIL. We are taking them to help with our DD 16 months. They don't wanna do the parks and we stay in the parks as much as possible (works out great). If I hadn't invited them both to go and they just invited themselves I would have had to put my foot down and sternly (but lovingly) said no. I'm not willing to waste the $3000.00 this vacations costing me to not get to do exactly what we want to do, when we want to do it. Hope everything works out okay for you

 

[nana2tots]

We have that same MIL problem everywhere we go, and that's hardly anywhere. She has two other grown kids, but wants to tag along w/ our family plans. Every now and then is o;k;, but she can get pretty darn nerve- wracking, plus we end up having to foot her bill.She makes me feel like a darn 10 yr. old when she goes w/ us, complains at ticket booths about how much tickets are, how much we spend on food, her idea of eating would be a Mayo sandwich, I'm serious. If they cheat me out of a penny, you better believe she will let them know, i just walk away, or sometimes me and DH willget into a big agreement about her. Sometimes it can be a tough situation, I haven't had to deal w/ my parent's. They deceased when i was 27 yrs.old, so my poor old DH, what he has to go through sometime just to please his Mother!!!!!!!!Good Luck!!!!!I am not bashing my MIL, but sometime she can be a pain in the rump!
Good example, my DH and i are trying to qiut smoking, cleaned house out, totally over week-end, so that there want be anymore smoking in our house. i have painted, washed everything, i mean EVERYTHING in the house, and talked w/ MIL yesterday, told her about this, and the first thing that came out of her mouth was, Well, i guess i want be coming to your house for a visit anymore, because i get to cold to sit outside and smoke. I told her Tuff Turkey, quit smoking. That's the way she is. Oh well, sorry so long. disneykid

 

[Papa Deuce]

We are inviting my mom down for 3 - 5 days of our 10 days. My wife isn't best friends with my mom but they get along. Your kids would probably enjoy having their GM along, and obviously she wants to be there.

Just politley put a limit on the time spent. If she only lives 1.5 hours away she could meet you just for a day and go home at night.

Personally I think it would be wrong not to invite her, at least for a day.

BTW, this is our first ever family trip to DW. I have twin 3 year old girls, and I can only imagine the hapiness seeing them at Disneyworld will bring to my mom. And no, my mom isn't always easy to get along with for my wife or I. But they are HER grandkids just as much as they are your kids. Unless you absolutely hate each other, I say COMPROMISE for one day.

 

[fun & fancy free]

last year we did bring my mother w/us. Big mistake. We only were able to accomplish half of what we set out to do. When we made our plans for this year we told her we were going and wanted this trip to be for us to spend time without other people. Of course we indicated that it was not ment to hurt feelings and that we hoped she would understand. To our surprise she was just fine with our decission. So if yu truly want just you family be honest and hopfully she will give your space. If not you could always invite her for the later half of the day. That way your whole day isn't a wash.