Most reasonably priced activity on Oahu in Hawaii? And a bit of a rant about inlaws

[tink_lover]

OP - your post has really disturbed me tonight. Why are you so concerned about placing a monetary value to your various family gifts? More money does not equal more love for gift giving. It doesn't matter if they will complain about the price you paid out or not. For all it really matters (or all they seem to care) a $10 gift would be the same as a $100 gift. Do yourself a favor, give yourself a break and let your dh take care of his dear parents this holiday season.

 

[Iforgetmypassword]

OP - your post has really disturbed me tonight. Why are you so concerned about placing a monetary value to your various family gifts? More money does not equal more love for gift giving. It doesn't matter if they will complain about the price you paid out or not. For all it really matters (or all they seem to care) a $10 gift would be the same as a $100 gift. Do yourself a favor, give yourself a break and let your dh take care of his dear parents this holiday season.

 

[auralia]

You misunderstand they won't complain about the price I paid they will complain if my cluelessness about Hawaii causes me to pick something that is not"worth" what I spent on it and/or not enjoyable.

 

[DisLis]

Someone else mentioned the Hale Koa. This is military hotel and as we'll as the wonderful and very reasonable luau, they have trip packages. We went on a wonderful snorkeling trip to a nearby volcanic bay. Call and see what they have. Kudos to you for wanting to do something for them.

 

[bigbabyblues]

I would leave this one to your husband. They are his parents, if he wants them to have a gift, he can take care of it.

I'm sorry they treat your family like that, that's awful.

 

[auralia]

Obviously I know money doesn't = love as you can see I spend many hours making things by hand many years because these things are more meaningful. I made mil a cross stitch wine scene once (wine is her kitchen/dining theme) that was cheap but time consuming, but I haven't had the time this year to make things for most people. I wish I had the time to make jewelry and quilts for everyone. (Well except the guys lol) one year I made my sil a whole scrapbook to put pics in because "she is too busy to do stuff like that for her kids" I just hope she added the pics!

 

[beansmom]

but, yanno, there are some people who will never appreciate anything you do for them. My mil is one of them. So to her i say 'eh...forget you'. After i learned she has turned her nose up at everything i have ever done for her, I have decided that she is not MY mother...dh can handle her from now on. It causes me much less stress.

I admire the generosity of your heart but I really doubt anything you gave them would be good enough or appreciated. I say donate in their name...that is a gift that keeps giving.

 

[weezyree]

I also agree gifts should be from the heart and if you feel $100 to $150 budget is good for your 'distant and cold' in-laws, then what is your limit for those that you get a long with??

I think you should get them a nice card and everyone sign their sentiments and if you feel you need to make a monetary gift, then make a donation in their honor to an organization you like. Wounded Warrior Project, The Fisher House, etc.

We are a military family too and if my in-laws treated me like that, I would not feel obliged to get them anything monetarily. A card would suffice.

I don't feel it's being ugly or beneath yourself to do so, but a gentle reminder you are not going to allow them to treat you cruddy and STILL get a 'gift' for any holiday or occasion would be a clear message.

I still say a nice card with a donation made in their honor would be sufficient.

Just some thoughts. Also, don't wrap yourself up in their lack of interest in your and the kids because they are just extended family. Your family is your husband and your kids. Make the best of that and enjoy it!!

Best of luck fellow military wife!!

 

[McKelly]

OP - I say give them a restaurant gift certificate for Oahu. I know how you feel about having to get them something, otherwise, that would probably be one more thing against you if you didn't! I have similar circumstances.

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

Aside from the family dynamics, I would think that if they visit Hawaii that often, they may have already done the PCC and a few luaus already...
I agree that it would be "safer" to make a nice donation to a charity in their names. At least you know it will be appreciated by the recipient!

 

[okeydokey]

You misunderstand they won't complain about the price I paid they will complain if my cluelessness about Hawaii causes me to pick something that is not"worth" what I spent on it and/or not enjoyable.

Then don't do it. You are asking for their negative judgement if you do. Donate to charity or let your DH handle it. Just because he has never bought a gift doesn't mean he can't, it means you have never had him do it before.

How many hours have you spent with your stomach in knots agonizing over this? That is not what gift giving should be about.

 

[akcire]

Op--I totally understand. The best "gift" my mother in law ever gave me was when she died. She was a horrible person. Of course, she avoided all responsibility so her 95 year old mother (who had been their personal piggy bank for 30 years) with dimentia became my responsibility. I remember my father-in-law telling me that grandma probably should have been in a nursing home 6 or 7 years ago, but if they did they she couldn't to continue to fund their lifestyle. Nice!

Grandma lived with us until she died, because her funds were almost gone when we took charge. I did send my father-in-law a demand letter for all the promisary notes he signed, still waiting... The inlaws didn't attend the funeral, we only heard from them to see about an inheritance.

My personal favorite was the first Christmas we had Grandma when my then 20 year old sister in law, cried because "grandma didn't give her a nice enough gift". Grandma lived 10 minutes from them at my house, and no one had visited her in 6 months (Grandma didn't travel so well). Seriously, grandma who couldn't take care of herself, which meant I did the shopping. Grandma gave her a $200 gc to a retailer, and she also got an addtional $100 from my husband and I. That was the last year ANYONE in my husband's family over 18 who wasn't a student got a gift. We would typically give $500-$750 in gifts to my father-in-law and the kids. We would receive $50 total in gift cards in return to the gas station. Two years ago the last person in my husband's family "aged" out and I no longer buy any gifts for his family.

I agree with others if you must do something, make a donation to a charity. Otherwise do nothing, or remind them they have grandkids and let each of them make a picture. If you spend the $$ you would have on some art supplies for your kids, I am sure they will have fun, and you can send a small sampling of the finished product to your in-laws as their gift. I think the funniest thing I ever saw was when one of my friends had her kids do a painting for her in-laws. She took a picture and included it in a card, that said Merry Christmas the artwork was to valuable/fragile to ship; but next time they visit they could take it home. The artwork is still on my friend's wall.

Keep in mind, I am jaded and no longer have to deal with my in-laws but I wouldn't spend money or time on people who suck. You can however make a donation to heiffer international and send a real message. I think you can still "buy a donkey", you get my meaning.

 

[wvjules]

I wouldn't give them a GC for a place in HI eiher. I wouldn't be surprised if they turned around and gave that gift to your BIL.

 

[dimimi]

I am surprised by some of the opinions. I can see the OP question/concern. Even though they may not be her "favorite" people, they are her husband's parents and out of respect for her husband, she wants to get them a gift. To her, $150 is a modest gift. I think she just would appreciate some ideas to a few good places. I would also suggest looking at trip advisor. You can read reviews of a lot of places.

 

[scbelleatheart]

Op--I totally understand. The best "gift" my mother in law ever gave me was when she died. She was a horrible person. Of course, she avoided all responsibility so her 95 year old mother (who had been their personal piggy bank for 30 years) with dimentia became my responsibility. I remember my father-in-law telling me that grandma probably should have been in a nursing home 6 or 7 years ago, but if they did they she couldn't to continue to fund their lifestyle. Nice!

Grandma lived with us until she died, because her funds were almost gone when we took charge. I did send my father-in-law a demand letter for all the promisary notes he signed, still waiting... The inlaws didn't attend the funeral, we only heard from them to see about an inheritance.

My personal favorite was the first Christmas we had Grandma when my then 20 year old sister in law, cried because "grandma didn't give her a nice enough gift". Grandma lived 10 minutes from them at my house, and no one had visited her in 6 months (Grandma didn't travel so well). Seriously, grandma who couldn't take care of herself, which meant I did the shopping. Grandma gave her a $200 gc to a retailer, and she also got an addtional $100 from my husband and I. That was the last year ANYONE in my husband's family over 18 who wasn't a student got a gift. We would typically give $500-$750 in gifts to my father-in-law and the kids. We would receive $50 total in gift cards in return to the gas station. Two years ago the last person in my husband's family "aged" out and I no longer buy any gifts for his family.

I agree with others if you must do something, make a donation to a charity. Otherwise do nothing, or remind them they have grandkids and let each of them make a picture. If you spend the $$ you would have on some art supplies for your kids, I am sure they will have fun, and you can send a small sampling of the finished product to your in-laws as their gift. I think the funniest thing I ever saw was when one of my friends had her kids do a painting for her in-laws. She took a picture and included it in a card, that said Merry Christmas the artwork was to valuable/fragile to ship; but next time they visit they could take it home. The artwork is still on my friend's wall.

Keep in mind, I am jaded and no longer have to deal with my in-laws but I wouldn't spend money or time on people who suck. You can however make a donation to heiffer international and send a real message. I think you can still "buy a donkey", you get my meaning.

I find this so sad.There are so many of you who really dislike the in-laws. Are they really that horrible that you would post it on a message board? I have people I dislike but try to look at them through rose colored glasses and imagine if I were in their shoes. I might be a bit fussy too!

 

[JoyG]

Aside from the family dynamics, I would think that if they visit Hawaii that often, they may have already done the PCC and a few luaus already...
I agree that it would be "safer" to make a nice donation to a charity in their names. At least you know it will be appreciated by the recipient!

I agree, they've probably already done everything there is to do in Oahu if they've gone already.

I like the idea of a charitable donation...

Or how about paying for a family photo session on the beach? You could probably find a good deal by looking on the Hawaii Groupon.

 

[sasmmb]

OP, I commend you for continuing to find the perfect gift for those you love, and those you don't. Your thoughtfulness about giving your in-laws something they can use in Hawaii proves that. Now since they aren't the appreciative type, take a deep breath, choose the first thing that comes to mind (for me that was a Roy's restaurant GC), and call it done and move on.
May you have a joyous holiday season with those you love.

 

[bpesch]

Just because my in laws are not great people doesn't mean I should be as heartless and uncaring as they are. I just felt like an explanation why I don't want to go spending a whole bunch of money was needed. My bil and his wife almost never acknowledge us or our children (once in the last 5 years or so) and I still send them birthday and Christmas gifts and trinkets on minor holidays because how their parents are has no barring on how I should act more does my in laws callous treatment of my family. I can always hope it may change some day.

I'm sure you don't want to hear another poster saying they agree with the ones who are saying no gift, but I do. At some point you have to just say stop. You don't have to be heartless and uncaring, but being a doormat is equally as bad. There is nothing wrong with sending a nice card and letting it go. If your in-laws really cared, things would likely be different. It might be that they are as happy to let it go as you might be.

 

[beansmom]

I find this so sad.There are so many of you who really dislike the in-laws. Are they really that horrible that you would post it on a message board? I have people I dislike but try to look at them through rose colored glasses and imagine if I were in their shoes. I might be a bit fussy too!

lots of family dynamics run old and deep. while i won't be blowing whistles and waving banners when my mil passes, there will be something of a collective sigh of relief amongst many family members.

if you and your inlaws get along famously, lucky you. some of us have to put up with the thorns that come with the lovely roses we married.

 

[scbelleatheart]

lots of family dynamics run old and deep. while i won't be blowing whistles and waving banners when my mil passes, there will be something of a collective sigh of relief amongst many family members.

if you and your inlaws get along famously, lucky you. some of us have to put up with the thorns that come with the lovely roses we married.

No we do not get along well. I dislike some of the family issues but I choose to let them go. Got in a knock down dragout with in laws years ago. I let it go. Not worth my time and my kids memories of their grandparents. Sorry you have such miserable relatives.