Most reasonably priced activity on Oahu in Hawaii? And a bit of a rant about inlaws

[Fly4free]

lots of family dynamics run old and deep. while i won't be blowing whistles and waving banners when my mil passes, there will be something of a collective sigh of relief amongst many family members.

if you and your inlaws get along famously, lucky you. some of us have to put up with the thorns that come with the lovely roses we married.

So true!!!! I have often thought dh must have been switched at birth.

OP, check out Trip Advisors. I've discovered some real gems from that web site, both local and traveling.

 

[Minnie]

As your ILs are frequent travelers to Hawaii I wouldn't go with an experience type of gift as they likely have their own plans or favorites.

I'd either have your DH pick out the gift (if there is one) or go with the gift to charity (perhaps something to do with children and include pictures of their grandchildren in the card).

Good luck!

 

[beachbunny]

OP, good for you for taking the high road.

Roy's has become too touristy. It's the same at all locations, both in an out of Hawaii. And if they go to Hawaii often, they've probably already been there.

The best meal in Honolulu is actually the Sunday brunch at Orchids at the Halekulani hotel. You dine right on Waikiki beach with a view of Diamond Head. It's a little pricey but well worth it - about $60 per person.

 

[esk]

Hale Koa might not be the best idea, if BIL doesn't have an ID. We were there a few years ago and I think they did 100% ID check. And you KNOW they won't feel right about going out without BIL and SIL, so I'd skip the Hale Koa.

Honestly, I'd donate in their name. And not tell them how much. Then you've made the gesture and taken the high road, because yes, as everyone has pointed out, they have probably "done" Oahu already and anything you get is going to be snarked about.

Parents are weird (and I'm a parent) in the way they treat their kids. I treat mine equally (HAH! I think I do) but in 15 years they will probably say I favored one over the other. My parents give my sister money but would never think to give me any...and I'd never think to ask, but my sister asks with no problem at all. I'd be embarrassed but she's not. Go figure.

So they like BIL's family better. OK, whatever. I wouldn't spend any more time or effort on them.

We practically ignore DH's side of the family, because they are pretty wrapped up in themselves and being on the move for 20 years in the military hasn't helped the situation. These are people who have never been outside their hometown. So we are closer with my family, which suits me fine (of course!) and it's reciprocated. We tried for a long time with DH's dad, mom, sister, but just got nothing in return, so we're cordial but don't invest any emotion, time, or money in it.

And as to the comment "the people who gave your husband life"....wow. Uh, not all parents are good parents, and not all people who "gave life" are parents. Just because they procreated and now ignore your DH doesn't mean you need to grovel.

 

[plummer925]

OP - your post has really disturbed me tonight. Why are you so concerned about placing a monetary value to your various family gifts? More money does not equal more love for gift giving. It doesn't matter if they will complain about the price you paid out or not. For all it really matters (or all they seem to care) a $10 gift would be the same as a $100 gift. Do yourself a favor, give yourself a break and let your dh take care of his dear parents this holiday season.

I LOVE this post!!! VERY well said!!

 

[Angie789]

Sounds like they just aren't that into you - if they are that unpleasant, then that's a good thing! I agree with the other posters who say to let your DH decide what (or IF) Christmas presents will be given.

I'm willing to put up with a lot when it comes to in-laws because I do understand they are a package deal with marriage. HOWEVER, I will NOT let anyone treat my children poorly, grandparents or not. Aside from the short-term Christmas issue, I think it's time for you & your DH to have a serious discussion about what lessons your kids are learning from this family dynamic and if you are okay with that. Some changes might need to be made.

 

[auralia]

Another idea. Is there someplace they could take the kids with them (3 and 8) that would be a good grandparents and grand kids outing? I could up the price on this because it could replace the kids Christmas presents if it was geared to them as well.

In the end it is dh decision I just provide the ideas.

 

[shortbun]

Just because my in laws are not great people doesn't mean I should be as heartless and uncaring as they are. I just felt like an explanation why I don't want to go spending a whole bunch of money was needed. My bil and his wife almost never acknowledge us or our children (once in the last 5 years or so) and I still send them birthday and Christmas gifts and trinkets on minor holidays because how their parents are has no barring on how I should act more does my in laws callous treatment of my family. I can always hope it may change some day.

And as for them giving him life he was an oops baby and they made him well aware of it his whole life.

Tell them their gift is the money you spend on their plane tickets when they come to visit you. I don't understand how/why you would think $100-150 is a small gift. Send a floral arrangement to your BIL's in their name for about half that and be done with it. Or, send them some pineapples. Your description of their behavior and your concessions to them while they are behaving badly makes me think you are encouraging their behavior. Have you seen the film where the orphanage manager is delivering wacks to the children and their response is, "thank you Sir, may I have another?" You are sending a message to your children that they should allow people to treat them badly and be grateful for it. Stop. Everyone will breathe a sigh of relief.

I'm sorry the above seems somewhat caustic but believe me, it is said with love and good intentions. You are a generous person; turn that generosity back on yourself and quietly, calmly, without malice, stop extending gifts for bad behavior.
Send your husband to visit them when they're at his brothers.

 

[pklein09]

OP, my in-laws are not as bad as yours, but I have my issues as well. I would not let Christmas go by without acknowledging it. Instead of giving a gift certificate for an experience (outing or dinner), why not send them flowers? It would make a nice centerpiece for the table and it could be sent to everyone. FTD also has cake pops for about $30 that could be sent with flowers so there would be something pretty to look at and something sweet to enjoy.

Best of luck. I understand where you're coming from when you say it doesn't matter what you do, you're wrong.