Most reasonably priced activity on Oahu in Hawaii? And a bit of a rant about inlaws

[auralia]

My inlaws are in Hawaii for the next month. I thought a decent Christmas gift (for the people who treat me poorly and pretend my children don't exist for the most part) would be to send them to a luau or some other thing like that.

Dh and I have no interest in Hawaii but I know lots of people here have been so I thought someone could direct me to something that isn't too expensive that would be a nice experience to get them. I don't really want to spend more than 100-150$. They are staying with their son, his wife, and their 2 small children. They travel to Hawaii every year once or twice a year to visit them (they have been to see us once and dh and I had to pay for half of their plane tickets and also spent 1000$ entertaining the for a week while they ignored me and our children and generally didn't speak unless dh was in the room... They go to the brothers house pay for everything, watch the children, do all of the house work while brother and his wife mooch off of them and use them. I will never understand it but I just can't bring myself to spend more than 100-150$ on them. this will just be for them we send the brothers family toys for the kiddos. Here's a good reference last Christmas they went to brothers for a week to watch his kids so he and his wife could go to Vegas... They told us our gift was picking us up from the airport (3 hour drive and we paid for gas) please mind we don't need or want gifts from these people but omg so with that in mind...

What is the best bang for my buck I can get? We can use military offers as dh is military and his father is retired national guard so has a retiree I'd.

 

[brymolmom]

Restaurants are expensive in Hawaii....I would think a nice $100 gift card to a restaurant would work.

I only went once - 13 years ago on my honeymoon but the Polynesian Cultural Center was very nice. At that time $150 could get you a nice experience for 2...However, it was on the 'other side' of the island from Honolulu (which might be inconvenient and Lord knows your post sounds like they wouldn't appreciate it). So a restaurant card might be the way to go.

 

[auralia]

Also open to names of restaurants that warrant a gift card! How long/far is it to the other side of the island? Bil has 2 cars so they could take one on a day that he is off.

 

[trip]

We've enjoyed the Luau at the Hale Koa in the past. It should be in your price range.

 

[plummer925]

A gift should come from the heart, and it's very apparent that you feel nothing but bitterness toward the people who gave your husband life. Maybe you should just skip giving them a present.

 

[beansmom]

^ tend to agree with PP.

 

[auralia]

Just because my in laws are not great people doesn't mean I should be as heartless and uncaring as they are. I just felt like an explanation why I don't want to go spending a whole bunch of money was needed. My bil and his wife almost never acknowledge us or our children (once in the last 5 years or so) and I still send them birthday and Christmas gifts and trinkets on minor holidays because how their parents are has no barring on how I should act more does my in laws callous treatment of my family. I can always hope it may change some day.

And as for them giving him life he was an oops baby and they made him well aware of it his whole life.

 

[Eastern]

I agree with the other posters that maybe you should not worry about getting them a gift.

I understand that you do not want to penalize your nieces and nephews because their parents are jerks, but in this case, your inlaws are adults and responsible for their own behavior. I don't believe that they don't realize they are being jerks.

It doesn't make sense to me that they always treat you poorly and yet you want to buy them a gift. You are messing up your own head.

 

[RitaE]

Just because my in laws are not great people doesn't mean I should be as heartless and uncaring as they are. I just felt like an explanation why I don't want to go spending a whole bunch of money was needed. My bil and his wife almost never acknowledge us or our children (once in the last 5 years or so) and I still send them birthday and Christmas gifts and trinkets on minor holidays because how their parents are has no barring on how I should act more does my in laws callous treatment of my family. I can always hope it may change some day.

And as for them giving him life he was an oops baby and they made him well aware of it his whole life.

If $150 is what you spend on the relatives you don't like and feel are unworthy, I'm just curious how much you spend on the people you like.

Sorry it just struck me as kind of odd. We spend about $25 to $50 on various relatives. I don't think I spend $150 on anybody outside my husband or kids. I think it is curious that you put so much money and effort into what is obviously a non-reciprocal situation.

This one though, I agree with the others and I'd definitely just hand off the gift choosing to your husband since they are his parents. Your heart obviously isn't in this and it seems to be just feeding into your resentment and ill feelings. I don't think that what you have going on is going to make you a better or non-resentful person. It seems like it is just making you madder than ever.

 

[tasha99]

I wouldn't get a gift at all. In fact, I might not even send a card. And I wouldn't let it bother me, either. If what you say is true, you're just wasting time and energy on people who don't love your family. I wouldn't be bitter about it, and that's what makes it (in my opinion) a better choice to drop the relationship than to hold on with disappointment and bitterness.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

I wouldn't get a gift at all. In fact, I might not even send a card. And I wouldn't let it bother me, either. If what you say is true, you're just wasting time and energy on people who don't love your family. I wouldn't be bitter about it, and that's what makes it (in my opinion) a better choice to drop the relationship than to hold on with disappointment and bitterness.

Absolutely. You aren't going to change these people; don't waste time trying. Turn over responsibility for gifts/cards to your husband and concentrate on the family members who care about you. Spending $100 on these people is crazy!

 

[JoiseyMom]

I have to agree with the others. I wouldn't send gifts to those that don't treat my family right, especially my children. I wouldn't even let them in my home. If my dh wanted to visit with them I would let him, but I wouldn't be there. Just my opinion. And btw, they are never going to change.

 

[Iforgetmypassword]

I love my father-in-law dearly, and miss my mother-in-law so much. I never spent more than $50 on the both of them combined, and did so willingly.

Why do something that's just going to make you more bitter?

 

[maggiew]

We really enjoyed the Polynesian Cultural center. You don't have to do the "deluxe" package to enjoy the place. We did the villages and then the evening show. We didn't do the luau because we heard the luau there wasn't good. But if you do the villages and the evening show, it includes an evening dinner.

The luau we did was the Germaine's luau and we really enjoyed it.

Maggie

 

[bumbershoot]

In your situation I would give myself the gift of peace, and that would look like not dealing with them any longer in ANY way. If DH wanted to, he can go for it, but it seems to me they are making it incredibly obvious they want nothing to do with you or your children.

Dh's family doesn't give gifts to other adults, and MIL gives gifts to her grandchildren; DH and his sister do not give gifts to the children of the other. I think BIL gives gifts to his nieces, but that's mainly b/c their sister is broke and it's a way to help her out. DS gets nothing from BIL and that's 100% OK.

My family doesn't give gifts; well if my mom were still alive, we might exchange gifts with HER, but she's gone and no one exchanges gifts and it's 150% OK.


I can't imagine giving $150 to people who treated me like that, and if I were in their shoes I would be getting INCREDIBLY uncomfortable receiving such gifts...

 

[danygirl]

the hale koa is the military rec hotel. their luau will be the best bet

 

[tarak]

Have you ever considered donating to a charity in their names? $100-150 would do wonders for a local food bank, animal shelter, etc. Your money will go to someone who will appreciate it, and they can't say you didn't think of them (send them a card telling them what you did in lieu of a gift).

 

[steves1bear]

When people talk about the PCC being on the other side of the island, it really is on the other side. If your inlaws are in Honolulu, it will take them roughly 45-60 minutes to drive to the PCC located in Laie. I know there is a shuttle many tourists catch when down in Honolulu/Waikiki area, but I'm not sure where it picks up and drops off and I don't know the expense. You can get your inlaws admission to the PCC and the night show without having to do the luau. There is a McDonalds within walking distance or there is a buffet within the PCC called the Gateway. I believe they give military discounts, but not 100% sure since we're not military.

If you would like more information, you can visit the website at www.polynesia.com

Good luck making a decision. I applaud you for thinking of your inlaws even though your relationship is a very difficult one.

Sorry, can't help on the restaurants in Honolulu because we only ever eat fast food since we're usually in a hurry running errands.

 

[auralia]

Lol dh hasn't gotten me a gift for anything... Except once... Ever. Not even our 10 year anniversary.. But he is a good dad and husband. Usually I do a donation in their name to st.jude I just thought since they are in Hawaii over Christmas it might be a neat idea. I like making people happy at Christmas. I do what ever I need to to make that happen within reason. My brothers and I are very close we all go in on a gift for my parents the total of which is usually a 1000$ value (250$ for each of us). The only year it wasn't that high I spent 6 months making my mom an elaborate king size quilt. I am currently working on a huge cross stitch for her, several 100 hours of work. Last year I made about 30 chain maile candle holders to give out that took me 4 hours each to make. I don't resent the time or money spent but I do know if I pick something on the island that isn't a great experience they will spew nastiness about it. And I really don't need any more of that.

 

[woodkins]

I am at Aulani in Oahu right now! We did the luau at Paradise Cove and it was very overpriced and touristy in my opinion. We ate an amazing dinner at Roy's in Ko'olina right across from Aulani & there are multiple location, so a gift certificate there would be lovely. Dinner for two with wine, apps, entrees and two desserts was about $160. So you would be right on target.

You could also gift them a day trip to Pearl Harbor and pre pay for the torus of the uss Missouri as well as the submarine etc.