More birthday party etiquette

[vgrandy]

AFter the last thread about paying for birthday parties I thought I'd throw out my question.

I am planning on having my daughter's birthday party here http://www.newenglandwild.org/visit/bigbugs
It is a wildlife sanctuary with a Bug sculpture exhibit. The cost is $4 per kid, $8 per adult. My daughter is switching schools and would like to invite the 10 kids from her previous class (close friends) and her entire new class (kids she is just meeting)for a potential of 30 kids (ages 6-8). We looked long and hard to find something that would be affordable for that many kids so we didn't have to pick and choose who to invite.

My question is do I need to pay for the parents that want to attend as well? Most of the kids live about 15 minutes away from where the party is located. Is it tacky to put on the invite that "siblings and parents welcome to pay the admission fee and join us?" or should I just say something like "due to parking issues please drop your and pick up your child off at such and such area where we will be waiting"

I really don't mind parents or sibs joining us but can't afford to pay for 30 parents.

Just want to do what's right.

opinions?

Victoria

 

[mjkacmom]

How old is your child? I might try and find another party, since these parents don't know you well enough (or at all) to drop off their children. If one of my children received an invitation for a child I didn't know, 15 minutes away, and I had to either drop off my child with strangers, or pay for myself and 4 other children, I would have to decline.

When planning parties, keep in mind that most kids have siblings. My dd7 was invited to a party, 1/2 hour away, and it was a 2 hour party. Parents had to stay (even though it was a very safe place to drop off, single parties at a time) because it wasn't worth it to drive 2 hours for a 2 hour party.

 

[bwatlas]

My DD is now 15, and I had/have been invited to such parties. As long as you specify on the invitation that it is RSVP, stating the cost up front, with additional note in invitation for parents and siblings. Something along the lines of this is where the party is at, and family members are allowed to join, and here are the prices, you would like to join in the fun.
Again, this is my first post here (been lurking awhile tho), and actually found a thread I understood!
Good luck, and enjoy the party!

 

[HeShootsHeScores]

A lot of this depends on age. For example, I don't mind dropping DS11 off at a party and picking him up later ... at age 11, that's what they want you to do, anyway. But, if he were 7 yo, I'd want to go in and make sure he got to where he needed to be. If I had to pay admission, I would. I wouldn't complain about it nor think twice about it, either.

If it were me, I'd suck it up and pick up the tab for everyone. If that was a problem, then I'd reconsider the size of the party.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

So I'm having a similar quandry with my DD birthday at the aquarium. I'm not planning on having nearly as many kids though. They allow for 1 parent per kid in the cost of the party...with a group discounted rate for the other parents.

Does the museum cover a certain # of a adults (as chaperones) in the birthday pary? 30 kids is a lot to chaperone just yourself..So I'm thinking you'll need some other parents there, right? You wouldn't want everyone to drop off.

With that many people, I guess its okay to say siblings, parents are welcome to stay admission is blah blah... but maybe ask a few parents that you are more friendly with to stay to help..and pay their way?

That said..I'm pretty sure I'll end up paying for the extra adults admission to the aquarium for my DD party...but keeping the guest list reasonable and accounting for siblings. I'm not going to pay for parking though just giving options in the area in the invite.

 

[vgrandy]

follow-up

My daughter is turning 7 (2nd grade). The kids will be 6-8 years old. When we had my son's 7th birthday party several parents just dropped off. We would like some parents to stay and are expecting the ones that are from the "old school" to stay. (just from knowing them the last 2 years and the longer distance they are coming). I don't think I can offer to pay for some and not all. I really have no idea how many will come. IF it's only 15 kids the cost is acceptable for us but 30 would be an extra$240 over the cost of the kids. As far as minimizing the numbers- who do I pick not to invite? I know many kids do have siblings but most tend to leave them at home. We always have a few sibs come but usually not all the siblings.

thanks for all the input so far. I still have about a month to decide what to do.

Victoria

 

[vgrandy]

If one of my children received an invitation for a child I didn't know, 15 minutes away, and I had to either drop off my child with strangers, or pay for myself and 4 other children, I would have to decline.
.

So you would expect me to pay for you and your other 4 children in order for your child to attend?

 

[HeShootsHeScores]

No way would I do a drop off for a 6-8 yo. If it were w/family, sure. Otherwise, no way.

 

[vgrandy]

good point. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not sure I would drop off my daughter either. Hasn't come up yet.
Victoria

 

[rt2dz]

I would not be paying for siblings and don't think that is necessary at all. If the siblings are not invited (and, yes, I do have 3 kids), they should not attend, or at least not by having the hosting family pay for it. Be upfront on the invitation on that.

Now, as far as parents being invited... With 7yo with a child/parents we don't know very well outdoors in an area that isn't enclosed and 30 kids total, I don't think I'd want my child attending without me. And I'm a believer that I shouldn't have to pay to attend a child's birthday party. I think it will disappoint and hurt the feelings of a lot of the invited children.

I think you should either eat the cost of the adults (offer to allow a drop off option) that choose to stay. See if you can get a group rate. Or choose a different venue where the cost wouldn't be so bad or dropping off doesn't seem so risky. Or pick and choose who you invite by who your child is playing with.

 

[zoemurr]

just do the girls from the new class?

I would definitely not drop my youngster off at a party with parents I had never met before.. but if it were somewhere fun I would pay for myself and my son.. but may not be overly thrilled with it.

 

[mjkacmom]

So you would expect me to pay for you and your other 4 children in order for your child to attend?

No - I just don't think this is a good idea for a party. I've held many parties, and I've never had it at a place where parents would have to pay their own admission - I'd never expect another parent (epecially someone I don't even know) pay to attend my child's birthday party.

Kids love parties - we love our kids, so we have them, and let our kids go to them. However, it usually stinks, when they're younger, to have to give up a few precious hours on the weekend to attend them. When we invite the whole class, I make sure I pick a local spot to have it, and preferrably a place that is self contained, so parent can drop off (gymnastics, dance studio, etc.).

If I have it at a venue that charges everyone admission (professional soccer game, medival times, etc.), my children pick only their close friends, and I'll usually pay for another parent (a friend, one of the children's parents) to go and help out. We drive.

 

[Lilogirl]

I would not drop my 6-8 off, especially with not knowing the parent (new school). When I had a party at "pay per person" kind of place for my dd in that age range, I included 1 parent per child. Yes it cut down on the number of children invited, but everyone had a great time. I did have one mom ask if they could bring siblings, and I told her the additional cost which she offered to pay.

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

I would not drop my kids off at a public place like that for a party (they are 5 and 9), but I would pay my own way if it was not included. If I were hosting the party, I would state in the invitation that admission will be paid for the invited child and one parent, but parents may drop off their child if they wish. Admission costs for additional family members may be paid at the entrance to the sanctuary. Have you checked to see if you can get group rates (maybe those are group rates), or as a PP said, maybe some chaperones can get in free. I know a lot of places (like zoos) allow one adult to get in free for each 15 kids or so. It wouldn't help much, but it would help a little!

I think it's great that you are inviting the whole class. At 7 years old, DD9 had at least as many friends who were boys as girls, and the boys will probably love the bug exhibit! This year, DD9 chose to invite all the girls in third grade but no boys. Things have changed since last year!

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

Kids love parties - we love our kids, so we have them, and let our kids go to them. However, it usually stinks, when they're younger, to have to give up a few precious hours on the weekend to attend them. When we invite the whole class, I make sure I pick a local spot to have it, and preferrably a place that is self contained, so parent can drop off (gymnastics, dance studio, etc.).

If I have it at a venue that charges everyone admission (professional soccer game, medival times, etc.), my children pick only their close friends, and I'll usually pay for another parent (a friend, one of the children's parents) to go and help out. We drive.

This is very well said. When we have a party at a place that is closed except for our group, I am fine with dropping off, and most other parents are too. If my kids are invited to a party that is public (like the local arcade that also doubles as a restaurant and sports bar, NO WAY am I dropping them off alone and hoping they will be OK.

 

[islangrl]

Looks like an interesting place!! 15 minutes is NOT far to go for a party, and besides us Dis moms, lots of parents start doing the drop off thing in first grade! I'm sure (you) the hostess has a few other adults joining, (friends) plus there is probably a tour guide. When the parents call to RSVP, tell them they are welcome to drop them off, and if they want to stay, there is a charge for extra people. I have sent my daughters (the older ones) to parties where I've had this conversation with the host parents. I wasn't offended. It's a kid's party, no way should you be responsible for entertaining 30 parents. Just tell them that there will be plenty of adult supervision. Get there early, and have all your helpers there as well so parents can meet everyone. The cord has to be cut sometime, and if not at a supervised party, then where? They aren't going to the mall alone... Good luck, Have fun! And, you know, if you alienate any "Moms", in the class by doing this, well they probably have a whole different outlook on life and child rearing than you, and you wouldn't have made friends with them any way.

 

[nyyankeegirl]

My DS6 was just invited to a bday party for this past weekend. He came home from school on the very first day of school, with an invitation for a boy that he did not know. I guess his bday was a few weeks before school started, so the mom just invited the entire new class. DS came home & I asked him if he even knew who this boy was, for about 3 days, he did not know. Finally about Wed. of the first week he put a face with the name. I decided to let him go to the party, b/c I thought it would be a good way to get to know some of the new kids in his class. Well, it was the biggest flop. Out of 22 kids in the class, it was the bday boy, my DS, 1 boy from last years class, and 1 totally new kid. I felt so bad, only 3 kids out of 22 attended. So my point is, don't expect all the new kids to even come if they don't really know her yet - therefore cancelling out most of those parents.

 

[emma'smom]

Around here...the drop-off parties started at about kindergarten. I don't know of any parents who would oppose having a parent stay who wished to, but we've received several invitations that say "This is a drop-off party, parents do not need to stay if they do not wish to." As for asking parents to pay for extra siblings, I wouldn't be offended at all. Maybe you could budget for one parent/one child and say something like:

"Parents do not need to stay as we'll have plenty of adult supervision." We'll have wrist bands (or whatever) for all of the children who are invited to the party at the gate. Anyone else who wishes to join us may meet us inside at the party pavilion (or wherever---somewhere beyond the admission gate). We'll have plenty of refreshments to share with anyone who wishes to attend!

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

Looks like an interesting place!! 15 minutes is NOT far to go for a party, and besides us Dis moms, lots of parents start doing the drop off thing in first grade! I'm sure (you) the hostess has a few other adults joining, (friends) plus there is probably a tour guide. When the parents call to RSVP, tell them they are welcome to drop them off, and if they want to stay, there is a charge for extra people. I have sent my daughters (the older ones) to parties where I've had this conversation with the host parents. I wasn't offended. It's a kid's party, no way should you be responsible for entertaining 30 parents. Just tell them that there will be plenty of adult supervision. Get there early, and have all your helpers there as well so parents can meet everyone. The cord has to be cut sometime, and if not at a supervised party, then where? They aren't going to the mall alone... Good luck, Have fun! And, you know, if you alienate any "Moms", in the class by doing this, well they probably have a whole different outlook on life and child rearing than you, and you wouldn't have made friends with them any way.

I have to say that I agree with this. I think the party idea is a great one. And if any parents want to stay, they can pay their own admission.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I would not pay for sibling and parents. That gets out of control.

Since the admission price is low just list it on the card and that they are welcome to stay if they pay the admission.

Were not talking about a place that is $20pp... If I did not feel comfortable just dropping my child and going thn I would pay the admission fo rmyself and my other kids If I brought them and go off on our own. I will meet back up with my child after the party was over.