more birthday party drama

[Jen414]

There's seems to be a lot of this lately, but here's my story. Saturday, my girls are having a glamor party at Snip-Its. The minimum number of girls is 8 and the maximum is 12. They invited 11 girls. 5 rsvp'ed by the date (this past Monday). I then had my girls attempt to get the other girls' phone numbers. They were able to get 2 of the 6. (We don't get a class list and there is no student directory. I do have access to every single child's phone number and address in our district due to my husband's job (juvenile detective) but I don't think I should be using that list to get phone numbers for birthday parties.) All of the girls who hadn't rsvp'ed come from homes where another language is spoken. Of the 2, I got one mom who I talked to for a moment, but then she gave me to her daughter who acted as a translator--she's coming. The other girl--I left her mom a message and then we called her again today. The girl answered and said she didn't know. I had my daughter tell her to ask her mom or dad and she said she'd have to call us back tomorrow. Whatever The party is Saturday--to be honest, I don't care if if the ones who didn't rsvp don't come.

Here's the dilemma--Jessica is one of the ones who hasn't rsvp'ed. Apparently she goes no where without Victoria. Victoria is not a girl who my 2 particularly like so didn't invite her. Jessica has said Victoria is sleeping over her house on Friday and then Saturday they're both coming the party. Now, I realize they're 7 years old, so there is probably no truth to this, but it could be true. What do I say if they both show up? First, if it was just Jessica, I would probably just make a comment about the fact that we're so happy you came, we weren't expecting you since you didn't rsvp, etc. etc. But if Victoria is there too........my girls didn't invite her and at $25 per girl, I'm not really up for just letting her stay. Anyone run into this situation? I would call Jessica's mom to confirm whether she's coming or not, but I don't have her number. My husband keeps saying, "Well, this is what you get for inviting kids who you don't know their mother." ---As always, he's a bundle of help!!!

 

[Cornhusk]

My advice? Cancel the party and run. Run away, Simba and never return.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Agree with the husband. Sometimes I wonder if you people try to make your own lives more difficult...

 

[DisneyJules]

If they haven't rsvp'd then I would assume they are not coming to the birthday party? and if a couple extras show up, so be it. It is the end of the world if this little Victoria shows up? Chances are if she didn't receive an invitation, I doubt her parents will send her to a birthday party even if her best friend is invited.
Go with the flow. It's just a kids birthday party!

 

[Brit17]

oy vey, poor you ... in order to save yourself anymore stress, I would stop chasing around these people for their rsvp's and I would just accept that whomever ends up showing up on Saturday, just ends up showing up and just pay the extra $ and be done with it ... and then the next time, I would do as your dh said and only invite kids whose mothers (and phone numbers) you know ...

 

[luvmy3]

oy vey, poor you ... in order to save yourself anymore stress, I would stop chasing around these people for their rsvp's and I would just accept that whomever ends up showing up on Saturday, just ends up showing up and just pay the extra $ and be done with it ... and then the next time, I would do as your dh said and only invite kids whose mothers (and phone numbers) you know ...

No way would I accept that I would be paying extra for someone who shows up but was not invited.

Putting flame suit on- OP, if it were me and this little girl showed up I would just tell her sorry that you were not expecting her, and she is free to "help" the girl she came with her makeover, but no way would I be shelling out more money for her to enjoy her own make-over with the invited guests. I'm guessing you probably won't have to worry about it, I can't imagine anyoine just sending their child that wasn't invited with a friend who was, or that the mom of the invited girl wouldn't mention to the mom of the friend that she really shouldn't let her dd tag along.

 

[MM27]

I don't have kids, but I think I am starting to understand why so many parents go overboard with the school birthday celebrations. Send cupcakes and some giftbags into the school and let the teacher deal with it

 

[brittsmum1998]

No way would I accept that I would be paying extra for someone who shows up but was not invited.

Putting flame suit on- OP, if it were me and this little girl showed up I would just tell her sorry that you were not expecting her, and she is free to "help" the girl she came with her makeover, but no way would I be shelling out more money for her to enjoy her own make-over with the invited guests. I'm guessing you probably won't have to worry about it, I can't imagine anyoine just sending their child that wasn't invited with a friend who was, or that the mom of the invited girl wouldn't mention to the mom of the friend that she really shouldn't let her dd tag along.

 

[Mermaid02]

No way would I accept that I would be paying extra for someone who shows up but was not invited.

Putting flame suit on- OP, if it were me and this little girl showed up I would just tell her sorry that you were not expecting her, and she is free to "help" the girl she came with her makeover, but no way would I be shelling out more money for her to enjoy her own make-over with the invited guests. I'm guessing you probably won't have to worry about it, I can't imagine anyoine just sending their child that wasn't invited with a friend who was, or that the mom of the invited girl wouldn't mention to the mom of the friend that she really shouldn't let her dd tag along.

I would not do that to a child- even a rotten child. I would hold my breath and hope neither girl showed up- if they did I would accept them- but I might speak to the "picking up Mom" "Gee Mrs. Z I'm glad Jessica could come but I was a bit surprised Vicki came too- she hadnt' been invited."

 

[laurie31]

I would have agreed that the parents wouldn't send an uninvited kid...until this year.

It hasn't happened to me at a birthday party, but DD has a new friend this year, and that girl has a best friend and they are joined at the hip. My DD likes the girl too, so it's not a big deal, and they are kind of like the 3 Muskateers all of a sudden, but you can bet if DD invites her friend over, the other girl will come too.

If DD didn't like this girl, I suppose she might cool the friendship with the first girl, but they're all happy together, but sometimes when she wants to have a friend over to play, I'm only banking on ONE friend, you know? Especially if she's staying for dinner and spending the night.

And those of you who think the OP is making too big a deal out of $25, how about sending me $25? Since you won't miss it, I could surely use it. And while I don't think the OP should have to pay for an uninvited kid *who her DDs don't like* to be at the party, if it were me and this girl showed up, I would probably not want to embarrass the girl and would include her without comment. I would be secretly po'd though. Not at the girl, but at her parents. A 7 year old has to go where she's taken. If she's spending the weekend with her friend, it would be awkward for her to stay alone at the friend's house while the friend went to a party. If they are a different culture they may not understand that it's costing $25/child, and think they're just dropping her off for some cake and a fun time.

 

[Mermaid02]

I would have agreed that the parents wouldn't send an uninvited kid...until this year.

It hasn't happened to me at a birthday party, but DD has a new friend this year, and that girl has a best friend and they are joined at the hip. My DD likes the girl too, so it's not a big deal, and they are kind of like the 3 Muskateers all of a sudden, but you can bet if DD invites her friend over, the other girl will come too.

If DD didn't like this girl, I suppose she might cool the friendship with the first girl, but they're all happy together, but sometimes when she wants to have a friend over to play, I'm only banking on ONE friend, you know? Especially if she's staying for dinner and spending the night.

And those of you who think the OP is making too big a deal out of $25, how about sending me $25? Since you won't miss it, I could surely use it. And while I don't think the OP should have to pay for an uninvited kid *who her DDs don't like* to be at the party, if it were me and this girl showed up, I would probably not want to embarrass the girl and would include her without comment. I would be secretly po'd though. Not at the girl, but at her parents. A 7 year old has to go where she's taken. If she's spending the weekend with her friend, it would be awkward for her to stay alone at the friend's house while the friend went to a party. If they are a different culture they may not understand that it's costing $25/child, and think they're just dropping her off for some cake and a fun time.

I agree except for the last part- money is the international language- they know it's costing someone!

 

[Brit17]

No way would I accept that I would be paying extra for someone who shows up but was not invited.

I was just saying that sometimes it's just easier to let the chips fall where they may so you don't end up worrying and stressing about something for the next 24-48 hours ... I doubt very much that Victoria is going to end up showing up anyway ... and I don't think that making a point to tell Jessica, if she shows up, that she didn't rsvp, etc., is going to make that much of an impact on a 7 year old ... so why even bother KWIM? ... just enjoy the day and have fun ... but it's just my friendly opinion ...

Happy Birthday to the girls ...

 

[laurie31]

I agree except for the last part- money is the international language- they know it's costing someone!

I actually wrote "or they may know, and just not give a flying fig" at the end but I didn't want to make it look like I was poking fingers at them just because they didn't speak English so I erased it before posting.

I think the "my special snowflake is worth the extra you're shelling out to bask in her presence" mentality can be present regardless of your native tongue.

Or, in the case of my DD's "third wheel" friend, I think the parents will just dump her on anyone willing to take her. She's come over to play on Friday (as an unexpected bonus with DD's friend) and stayed until SUNDAY afternoon! (and we do not know her parents, have never met them, or even SPOKEN with them. Their dd just goes whereever the other kid goes. )

 

[Jen414]

If they haven't rsvp'd then I would assume they are not coming to the birthday party? and if a couple extras show up, so be it. It is the end of the world if this little Victoria shows up? Chances are if she didn't receive an invitation, I doubt her parents will send her to a birthday party even if her best friend is invited.
Go with the flow. It's just a kids birthday party!

No, it's not the end of the world by any means. I just can't imagine sending my child anywhere where they weren't invited. One daughter was invited to a party the 2nd week of school. It was just a house party and my girls wanted me to call and ask if the other one could come. I said absolutely not, you weren't invited. If the little boy had wanted you there, he would've invited you. There were other kids there who brought siblings, so my daughter still wanted me to ask the mom and walk home and get the other girl. I still said no--she wasn't invited.

I don't have kids, but I think I am starting to understand why so many parents go overboard with the school birthday celebrations. Send cupcakes and some giftbags into the school and let the teacher deal with it

No cupcakes in the district they're in or the district I teach in. Too many allergies and the big obesity epidemic has put a kabosh on that.

I would have agreed that the parents wouldn't send an uninvited kid...until this year.

It hasn't happened to me at a birthday party, but DD has a new friend this year, and that girl has a best friend and they are joined at the hip. My DD likes the girl too, so it's not a big deal, and they are kind of like the 3 Muskateers all of a sudden, but you can bet if DD invites her friend over, the other girl will come too.

If DD didn't like this girl, I suppose she might cool the friendship with the first girl, but they're all happy together, but sometimes when she wants to have a friend over to play, I'm only banking on ONE friend, you know? Especially if she's staying for dinner and spending the night.

And those of you who think the OP is making too big a deal out of $25, how about sending me $25? Since you won't miss it, I could surely use it. And while I don't think the OP should have to pay for an uninvited kid *who her DDs don't like* to be at the party, if it were me and this girl showed up, I would probably not want to embarrass the girl and would include her without comment. I would be secretly po'd though. Not at the girl, but at her parents. A 7 year old has to go where she's taken. If she's spending the weekend with her friend, it would be awkward for her to stay alone at the friend's house while the friend went to a party. If they are a different culture they may not understand that it's costing $25/child, and think they're just dropping her off for some cake and a fun time.

I'm no longer surprised at anything anyone does either. I have enough stories of my own and then when I read stories on here, I realize that truly anything goes for some people.

It's really not about the $25, although that's annoying. It's the manners, or lack thereof. And really, I probably would let her stay--after all, she is a kid and it's not her fault and $25 isn't going to break me. (As my husband's co-worker says--all talk and a badge--meaning you talk a good game but when push comes to shove, you do nothing. )

I swear, next year, we're going way simpler with way less friends.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

I actually wrote "or they may know, and just not give a flying fig" at the end but I didn't want to make it look like I was poking fingers at them just because they didn't speak English so I erased it before posting.

I think the "my special snowflake is worth the extra you're shelling out to bask in her presence" mentality can be present regardless of your native tongue.
Or, in the case of my DD's "third wheel" friend, I think the parents will just dump her on anyone willing to take her. She's come over to play on Friday (as an unexpected bonus with DD's friend) and stayed until SUNDAY afternoon! (and we do not know her parents, have never met them, or even SPOKEN with them. Their dd just goes whereever the other kid goes. )

OMG, that is the funniest thing I've read all day!!

 

[hereyago]

She's come over to play on Friday (as an unexpected bonus with DD's friend) and stayed until SUNDAY afternoon! (and we do not know her parents, have never met them, or even SPOKEN with them. Their dd just goes whereever the other kid goes. )

WHAT?! I am sorry, but I am not that nice. I would have that kid call their parents and come pick her up, I am not keeping a kid all weekend that I didn't invite.

My DD'11s friend is like that tag along girl you described. I had to nip that in the bud real quick. Say if DD asked another girl to spend the night, they all rode the same bus, invited girl would open her trap. So, they would all be here-tag along girl lives 4 houses down. tag a long would want to spend the night, but I want dd to have other friends over one on one sometimes. So I would tell her that. She would pout and stomp, because no one tells her no.

 

[luvmy3]

I would not do that to a child- even a rotten child. I would hold my breath and hope neither girl showed up- if they did I would accept them- but I might speak to the "picking up Mom" "Gee Mrs. Z I'm glad Jessica could come but I was a bit surprised Vicki came too- she hadnt' been invited."

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to punish/embarass/whatever the little girl but at some point enough is enough. If we moms continue to accept this type of stuff than it will just keep happening. I have no problem being the bad guy in these kinds of situations because then those inconsiderate parents will soon figure out that I'm not a pushover and I won't be guilted into accepting their entitlement attitude. The sad thing is that these kids will grow up and think its okay and then they will do the same with their kids, and so on and so on. I look at it like I'm doing the future generations a favor, I'm just doing my part to stop the bad manners/entitlement cycle

 

[hereyago]

I would not do that to a child- even a rotten child. I would hold my breath and hope neither girl showed up- if they did I would accept them- but I might speak to the "picking up Mom" "Gee Mrs. Z I'm glad Jessica could come but I was a bit surprised Vicki came too- she hadnt' been invited."

I wouldnt tell tag a long girl, but I would tell the mom that brought them that tag a long wasn't invited and she would have to pay her way.

 

[hereyago]

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to punish/embarass/whatever the little girl but at some point enough is enough. If we moms continue to accept this type of stuff than it will just keep happening. I have no problem being the bad guy in these kinds of situations because then those inconsiderate parents will soon figure out that I'm not a pushover and I won't be guilted into accepting their entitlement attitude. The sad thing is that these kids will grow up and think its okay and then they will do the same with their kids, and so on and so on. I look at it like I'm doing the future generations a favor, I'm just doing my part to stop the bad manners/entitlement cycle

ITA!!!!!!!!! People will get by with only what you allow them to.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I would try one last time to get an RSVP either way from Jessica's mom. Since you don't have a phone number, send a note to school with your DD tomorrow for Jessica to give to her mom. Just say something like, "My DD gave Jessica an invitation to her party and we haven't heard from you yet. The party is on (date) at (time, place). Please call me tonight to let me know if Jessica will be able to come or not." If she doesn't call, don't worry about it. If she does and says yes, tell her you are looking forward to seeing Jessica at the party. Don't mention Victoria or ask if she's coming, too. Jessica's mom will have the chance to say something about Victoria if she wants to. If Victoria shows up anyway, let her join the party but mention to whoever picks her up that you were surprised to see her since she wasn't invited. That should wake someone up!