Money Fights Predict Divorce Rates

[MarkBarbieri]

I think this is an interesting article. It basically says that fights over money in a marriage are a relatively strong predictor of divorce. What do you think?

 

[Acklander]

I think finances is one of those things that a couple has to be on the same page on, for a marriage to work. If you both have completely different ideas on how to handle the finances (therefore arguing at least once a week about them) then yeah, that's a couple who probably shouldn't be married.
In our family DH is more of a spender and I'm a bit tighter with the money, and while I don't mind spending money on the kids or giving to charities, Many times I have a hard time spending on myself. We created a good balance in he makes sure that we have a good time, and I make sure we're not eating cat food in our old age. Early on we found a compromise that works for both of us that we're comfortable with. In over 25 years together I can count on one hand the number of fights we've had about money.

 

[clarabelle]

I think it is a control issue. It would be difficult if you really really wanted to save to see your spouse spend it -especially if you felt like those things were silly.
It would also be difficult to live with someone who made you feel guilty about every penny you spent.

 

[DawnCt1]

I think it is a control issue. It would be difficult if you really really wanted to save to see your spouse spend it -especially if you felt like those things were silly.
It would also be difficult to live with someone who made you feel guilty about every penny you spent.

I think its an issue of control as well. I know a couple that if she buys something, either for the house or for herself, he feels that he is entitled to spend the same amount of money on himself or something that he wants personally. For example, her mother wanted her to have a diamond ring with the money left to her from the will, so she bought herself a very nice but modest size ring. It wasn't bought with money she earned although she works, nor household money but strictly from the inheritance that her mother made clear to her and her DH was for a ring. In response, her DH went on a week long golf vacation because he 'deserved something too". He took that out of his "overtime pay", which is still household money because they need overtime pay for expenses. The tit for tat situation always leaves them with money issues and not that much savings.

 

[eliza61]

I think it is a control issue. It would be difficult if you really really wanted to save to see your spouse spend it -especially if you felt like those things were silly.
It would also be difficult to live with someone who made you feel guilty about every penny you spent.

I think it's also a communications issue. Some times couples are very different money "types" For ex, my dh is waaay more discipline with saving money while even though I tend to be the spender, I am waaay better at getting the best bargain or the best bang for the buck. I depend on him to keep us on track with our goals and he knows when we spend money on a disney vacation that I have squeezed every penny until it's squelling. LOL

Since we know this about each other we talk and set priorities. How much should we have in savings? Is there a special trip we want to take? How are we going to handle the kids college? This way, at least for us if one of us brings in a spends on a "toy" for ourselve, we know the important stuff is taken care of.

 

[manning]

I think this is an interesting article. It basically says that fights over money in a marriage are a relatively strong predictor of divorce. What do you think?

I think I better start fighting with my wife

Just kidding, wouldn't know what to do without her.

 

[Sparx]

i took a marriage and family sociology class, and there are a lot of different things that lead up to divorce, but frequency of fighting (particularly over money) is one of the largest. money is the most common fight among surveyed married couples, and one in every two marriages ends in divorce.

 

[LoraJ]

I have seen this happen with many friends of mine. It is also why we keep separate accounts. We do not fight about money.

 

[mrsklamc]

It's a good predictor, but correlation is not equal to causality.

Ice cream sales skyrocket in the summer, so do crime rates. Eating ice cream causes crime? Nope.

Money is personal, and emotional, and people have lots of different issues surrounding it.

Money happens to be what they fight about, but I'm sure communication and problem solving skills- as well as plain old fashioned stubbornness and self-centeredness play a large part as well.

 

[manning]

I have seen this happen with many friends of mine. It is also why we keep separate accounts. We do not fight about money.

We keep separate accounts too. Her balance is $$$$$$$$. Mine 000000.00

 

[turkeymama]

DH is a spender, I'm not. We fight about it when things get tight, which is often these days with me in school. He is already itching to buy a bigger house and a new car when I graduate and start working. I dread the thought of having to buy a new car because I like not having the payment right now. So when graduation comes, we will likely have a knock-down drag-out fight (not literally, but I'll feel that way when it's done). Money is the only thing we fight about it. I know the root cause isn't really the money, but more about what it represents for us. Is it control, status, independence? I don't know, but I wish I could figure it out. My mom and dad divorced when I was young, and they both said it was over money disagreements.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

It's a good predictor, but correlation is not equal to causality.

Ice cream sales skyrocket in the summer, so do crime rates. Eating ice cream causes crime? Nope.

Money is personal, and emotional, and people have lots of different issues surrounding it.

Money happens to be what they fight about, but I'm sure communication and problem solving skills- as well as plain old fashioned stubbornness and self-centeredness play a large part as well.

UGH! I come here to escape my horrible social research methods class! What are you trying to do - drive me off a cliff?

 

[Luv2Scrap]

We keep separate accounts too. Her balance is $$$$$$$$. Mine 000000.00

I'm not seeing the problem here....

 

[manning]

I'm not seeing the problem here....

But she doesn't take my hints. She sees no problem with me walking around with my pant pockets in the inside out position. Very embarrassing in the malls

 

[dislal]

My DH and I have been married 16 years, and we have never had a fight about money. He knows nothing about our finances, I give him his "allowance" every pay and he is happy.

I give him $100 every two weeks and he usually spends it on the family: eating out with the kids, and sometimes he uses it for the tithe at church. ETC. Poor guy maybe that is why he is so grumpy. I never thought about that.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

But she doesn't take my hints. She sees no problem with me walking around with my pant pockets in the inside out position. Very embarrassing in the malls

I'd have to just sew your pants shut!

 

[Chicago526]

I don't think money is the sole cause of a lot of failed marriages, but I'm sure it's a major contributing factor.

DH and I had very different money "styles" when we met but I've gotten him to come around to my way of thinking. I'm a saver and budgeter and he'd spend every dime he earned and then some. But I've made him see the light with out too much trama!

I do have to say, I will always have to be in control of the finances. I could NEVER trust anyone else to pay the bills an manage the bank accounts. I'm just a control freak that way. I have no issues trusting my husband in any other aspect, but I just can't let go of the finances. And that isn't just because of my DH and his lack of money sense, I'd feel that way about anyone I was in a relationship with. They could be a CPA or run a Fortune 500 company, I'd still have to handle the banking and bill paying.

 

[DisneyKing82]

My DH and I have been married 16 years, and we have never had a fight about money. He knows nothing about our finances, I give him his "allowance" every pay and he is happy.

I give him $100 every two weeks and he usually spends it on the family: eating out with the kids, and sometimes he uses it for the tithe at church. ETC. Poor guy maybe that is why he is so grumpy. I never thought about that.

Who is earning the paychecks? If it is him and you're giving him an "allowance," something seems terribly wrong about that setup.

 

[dislal]

Who is earning the paychecks? If it is him and you're giving him an "allowance," something seems terribly wrong about that setup.

My DH earns about 85% of our income. I agree, it sounds bad, but I have tried to get him to sit down with me and help pay the bills and make some decisions and he says no as long as the bills are paid and the kids have what they need he doesn't care. He has written out a total of ONE check since we have been married. I do complain about him a lot, but I have to say this is his best quality.

DH didn't get married until he was 30 and he lived with his mom and he would do the same to her, he would give her his paycheck and she would pay all of their household bills and then give him an allowance. I guess now that I have typed this out and reread it, it does sound very strange.

 

[DisneyKing82]

My DH earns about 85% of our income. I agree, it sounds bad, but I have tried to get him to sit down with me and help pay the bills and make some decisions and he says no as long as the bills are paid and the kids have what they need he doesn't care. He has written out a total of ONE check since we have been married. I do complain about him a lot, but I have to say this is his best quality.

DH didn't get married until he was 30 and he lived with his mom and he would do the same to her, he would give her his paycheck and she would pay all of their household bills and then give him an allowance. I guess now that I have typed this out and reread it, it does sound very strange.

wow as long as your tried I'd rather jump off a 20 story building but if he's okay with it, do yo thang!