Moms of Freshmen Girls.....

[agnes!]

My DD is a Sophmore. No real advice, every year brings a new set of challenges.

There's a thread, started way back when the OP's daughter was having drama over a Prom dress (http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?p=28765108#post28765108), it's called "Let the PROM DRAMA continue........" Kind of a chat thread, but we all have kids in high school or college and it's reassuring to hear from folks who are on somewhat the same journey.

agnes!

 

[java]

A mom of a freshman boy butting in. The dances around here kids go in big groups. All meet up at the dance. So while not one actually WENT with a date there was dancing involved. And phone numbers exchanged.

As a typical boy he isn't as into the texting stuff that the girls are- he actually turns off his phone often because the forwards and the "mean girl" stuff drives him nuts.

But good luck to your daughters and know that not all the boys are out there on the hunt. Some just want to be friends and hang out.

 

[westjones]

But good luck to your daughters and know that not all the boys are out there on the hunt. Some just want to be friends and hang out.

I know this, and I encourage my girls to be "just friends" with the boys. They are starting to see how this is a good idea (after watching so many of their friends have boyfriends that didn't go well this year).

Your son sounds like a very nice boy, and I know there are many of those kinds of boys out there.

I think there are great benefits for all to forming friendships with both genders. I keep telling them that friendships can last, but a boyfriend means you WILL break up and then one of you (or both) will be hurt/upset and the friendship will probably be over.

DJ

 

[missypie]

Our high school does a really good job of keeping kids in their own age group. There is a JV drill team and a varsity dril team and freshmen cannot be on the varsity, no matter how good they are. DD was a JV officer last year and it was a fantastic experience. By the time school started, they'd already been to camp together and had two weeks of all day rehearsals under their belts...it's like a friendly, supportive sorority. Most of those girls went on to varsity this year and they're still close. Now they're with the older girls who have cars and boyfriends, but last year they're were't. Same way with choir...no matter how good a girl is in choir, freshman year she's in an all girls (either all 9th graders or 9th and 10th graders) choir. Cheer is the same way. There's a freshman squad, JV and varsity.

 

[westjones]

Our high school does a really good job of keeping kids in their own age group.

That sounds really nice. Our school can't do that. They are a K-12 School with a total of 500 kids in those 13 grades.
DJ

 

[westjones]

Would you guys ever consider letting your Freshman Daughter go to the prom with a Senior Boy?

I don't even think that my freshmen daughter should go to the prom--and I think senior boys are too old. BUT I also don't want her to have any boyfriend, stay home every weekend with us, and never leave home .

There is this boy that likes my DD (15) and he is a Senior (17, but will be 18 next May). From what I know so far (and I am looking into this boy) he is very nice, has good values, come from a good family. And basially if he were 2 years younger, I wouldn't mind my DD and him going to a dance together.

BUT he isn't 2 years younger and that seems like a big age gap for this time in her life for a boyfriend. She has never had a boyfriend before (which I love) and has had many boys ask her "out", but she has always said no. But this boy has her interested (she says they are just talking right now).

Have any of you let your DDs go out with a Senior boy? And would you even consider letting them go to prom this year (I know that will be coming up).

My DD has shown very good judgement in the past, and the thing is, she is not boy crazy at all. But I can tell this boy is her "type" (except for age), and even though they are just talking to each other now, I have a feeling it is going to become more than that.

So what do you guys think in regards to your own daughters?
Thanks,
DJ

 

[TLHB70]

I will subscribe and follow along. My oldest DD is in 8th grade so I will be hitting all of this soon.

 

[DVCLiz]

Would you guys ever consider letting your Freshman Daughter go to the prom with a Senior Boy?

I don't even think that my freshmen daughter should go to the prom--and I think senior boys are too old. BUT I also don't want her to have any boyfriend, stay home every weekend with us, and never leave home .

There is this boy that likes my DD (15) and he is a Senior (17, but will be 18 next May). From what I know so far (and I am looking into this boy) he is very nice, has good values, come from a good family. And basially if he were 2 years younger, I wouldn't mind my DD and him going to a dance together.

BUT he isn't 2 years younger and that seems like a big age gap for this time in her life for a boyfriend. She has never had a boyfriend before (which I love) and has had many boys ask her "out", but she has always said no. But this boy has her interested (she says they are just talking right now).

Have any of you let your DDs go out with a Senior boy? And would you even consider letting them go to prom this year (I know that will be coming up).

My DD has shown very good judgement in the past, and the thing is, she is not boy crazy at all. But I can tell this boy is her "type" (except for age), and even though they are just talking to each other now, I have a feeling it is going to become more than that.

So what do you guys think in regards to your own daughters?
Thanks,
DJ

I did let my freshman daughter go to the prom with an older boy. I think he was a junior. The circumstances were different, though - he was a friend from Drama class and he had broken up with (or had never had, I can't really remember) a girlfriend. He asked my DD because the whole Drama group had paired up and he wanted to go to the prom with them.

So there was no romantic interest. Still, I would have felt the same way - yes, you can go to the prom, but only to the official activities. At our school, they went out to dinner, to the prom, then to an afterparty sponsored by the school. As long as she was at one of those threee places she was fine. I knew when the events ended and expected her home soon after. We had discussed the issue of being with older kids and she knew a lot of her future options were going to be based on her choices that night.

So it worked out fine and in fact she went to the prom all four years -and has the Tshirts to prove it!!

 

[Buckalew11]

I agree with Liz, or at least, I would think about it. A senior? Hmm...it would depend on the boy. I certainly would not let her go with just any old senior, lol.
My nephew is a JR dating a freshman girl and my sister thinks she is too young for him. This is his first girlfriend. He is the type of boy every mom would want her DD to like. I'm just hoping this girl is the kind of girl who will use him! So far, she sounds nice and she is coming to my house soon as I have invited them over.

My DD likes a senior boy at the moment but I do not see anything happening there as I am sure 1/2 the school must be crazy about him. She'll always like older guys with the exception of a lifelong friend who is her age. So, I might as well be ready for those older boys because our day is acoming!

 

[fraggle551]

I just want to pop in as a girl who was a freshman in high school not too long ago.

You're all forgetting one major thing - hormones!!!!! High school is a crazy time. By the time they are seniors, I promise, they will not seem like such foreign creatures.

As for the girl drama - it happens everywhere, and its awful. Girls are awful to each other. I have 3 best friends who are girls - thats it. Every single other one of my friends is a guy, and there is no drama. I hate and despise drama, life's too short, and there is not reason for it.

And the poster who wanted to know about the prom - if you trust your daughter, and the boy, let her go. Proms are so much fun. I went to 3 proms in high school, because almost all of my friends are 2-3 years older than me. We went strictly as friends, and had a wonderful time. You have until May to get to know the boy more. Just follow your gut, you'll make the right decision.

Good luck to all of you - it gets easier, I promise!

 

[westjones]

Thanks for the responses. I'm glad I have a few months before the prom to think this thing over. AND, on the bright side, this guy may decide he isn't interested in her anymore! That would be great!

I am just not ready for the whole boys/dating thing. I remember when 15 sounded so old, but now it doesn't seem like that. She is still my baby girl!

DJ

 

[Buckalew11]

Well, my DD asked a guy to a play for this upcoming week. He said yes. Looks like new doors have opened, LOL. They'll be with us. He turned around and asked her to go somewhere too. Let the games begin. LOL

Liked the poster above's advice except I do not think one of us parents have forgotten about hormones! LOL I think that is why we are thinking and asking "let'em go or lock'em up" haha. And I suppose some of the mean girl crap is from hormones also? I never had such "mean" friends as my DD has known, that is for sure!!

 

[weare6travelers]

I have three daughters who have all made it through their freshman year and live to tell about it. If I can add one piece of advice it would to be always make your home a welcome place for all of your daughters friends to hang out, boy and girl. I have not always "liked" all of my daughters choices of friends and boyfriends, but they were always welcomed into our home. It would not be uncommon in our house to have 4 to 5 extra kids at our dinner table. The sad thing was many of their friends didn't have sit down dinners at ther homes and when they came to our house it was a rule that we all ate together. My youngest DD has a friend who said our converstions at dinner would make a great comedy movie!LOL Also, as stated in many of the other posts, TRUST and open communication with your kids is key!!!

 

[froggy5657]

All of a sudden Junior and Senior boys (who have cars) are interested in my daughters. I won't let them get in a car with older teenagers (and kids their age can't drive yet), but when do other parents allow this? I am thinking maybe at age 25 or 30?

Anyway, would there be any interested in a thread like this?

DJ

In high school a lot of the walls between grades are broken. Unlike middle school where the 7th graders stay with the 7th graders and the 8th graders stick with the 8th graders, in high school Seniors are Friends with Freshman. I completely understand your fear, but in high school you need to let your girl have a bit more freedom. Maybe not as a freshman, but as a sophomore. Your girl will probably start disobeying you a lot anyway, so you should get her some pepper spray, and let her enjoy herself

 

[dcast]

Talk about naive...My freshman daughter is "dating" a junior. She texts on my Blackberry and this morning she gave it back to me without deleting her text history. First of all she is not allowed to text past 9:30 on school nights and her last text was at 11pm. Second, her "boyfriend" had texted her very detailed descriptions of what he'd like to do to her on her last day as a virgin. After the red haze cleared and my initial rage had passed , I thought I was going to throw up. I have been sick to my stomach all morning but I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the situation. She is a good kid...honors student, varsity athlete, etc, etc...but I'm afraid she is going to cave to the pressure he is putting on her. As far as I know they are never alone together and she is not allowed to ride in cars with anyone unless a teammate is giving her a ride home from practice. We have a rule in our house that she has to call every time she gets somewhere and before she leaves so do my best to make sure she is where she is supposed to be at all times. I have already had the whole "bad reputation" and risks and being smart conversation but I think she just yesses me to death to get me to stop what she considers an uncomfortable conversation. Short of locking her in her room , I'm not sure how to keep her smart and safe.

 

[MelanieC]

Talk about naive...My freshman daughter is "dating" a junior. She texts on my Blackberry and this morning she gave it back to me without deleting her text history. First of all she is not allowed to text past 9:30 on school nights and her last text was at 11pm. Second, her "boyfriend" had texted her very detailed descriptions of what he'd like to do to her on her last day as a virgin. After the red haze cleared and my initial rage had passed , I thought I was going to throw up. I have been sick to my stomach all morning but I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the situation. She is a good kid...honors student, varsity athlete, etc, etc...but I'm afraid she is going to cave to the pressure he is putting on her. As far as I know they are never alone together and she is not allowed to ride in cars with anyone unless a teammate is giving her a ride home from practice. We have a rule in our house that she has to call every time she gets somewhere and before she leaves so do my best to make sure she is where she is supposed to be at all times. I have already had the whole "bad reputation" and risks and being smart conversation but I think she just yesses me to death to get me to stop what she considers an uncomfortable conversation. Short of locking her in her room , I'm not sure how to keep her smart and safe.

Oh man - yeah that is tough. My daughter is no longer going out with her boyfriend, so its been nice lately. She has been doing a lot more family things again and its been nice. I don't know what I'd do if I read a boy saying that stuff to my daughter - yikes. Her and I even went to see Twilight twice this past weekend (wow how lucky am I that my Junior hangs out with me, lol). She even paid for one of the movies herself from babysitting money.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Talk about naive...My freshman daughter is "dating" a junior. She texts on my Blackberry and this morning she gave it back to me without deleting her text history. First of all she is not allowed to text past 9:30 on school nights and her last text was at 11pm. Second, her "boyfriend" had texted her very detailed descriptions of what he'd like to do to her on her last day as a virgin. After the red haze cleared and my initial rage had passed , I thought I was going to throw up. I have been sick to my stomach all morning but I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the situation. She is a good kid...honors student, varsity athlete, etc, etc...but I'm afraid she is going to cave to the pressure he is putting on her. As far as I know they are never alone together and she is not allowed to ride in cars with anyone unless a teammate is giving her a ride home from practice. We have a rule in our house that she has to call every time she gets somewhere and before she leaves so do my best to make sure she is where she is supposed to be at all times. I have already had the whole "bad reputation" and risks and being smart conversation but I think she just yesses me to death to get me to stop what she considers an uncomfortable conversation. Short of locking her in her room , I'm not sure how to keep her smart and safe.

Oh, that is so tough! My first thought is to have a face-to-face chat with the boy. Tell him you read the text message and he's welcome to do anything he wants with your daughter but after he's done your DH gets to do the same things to him! Or maybe threaten him with neutering....
Seriously though, if you're open and honest with your daughter and not judgemental or freaked, I bet she'll open up and talk with you about it. Tell her you read the text and that it scared you a bit because of her reputation and her age.

 

[goofy4tink]

Having had a ds and a dd already go through our high school, I was a wee bit concerned about what was going to happen to my introverted, overly-sensitive dd when Sept came. My older kids are in their 30's now, so much has changed since they were in hs.
Well, late last spring, someone suggested my dd join the color guard with marching band. Her friends would be playing in the marching band come Sept so she figured 'why not?', and went to a practice. The older girls were so welcoming and friendly.
Well...fast forward to 'band camp' in August. Dd went off, looking forward to the daily grind. But, she was there with another friend. One who is bossy, pushy and has a boyfriend and talks about, or with, him constantly. She was constantly correcting my dd...to the point that she had decided to drop color guard. It was going to interfere with her 'theatrical pursuits' in Sept in any case. So, she emailed the coach, telling her of her decision. The coach called me, we talked, and long story short, dd stayed. Seems she was doing much better than she had thought. Oh, and the 'correcting' friend?? She was the one who was doing badly.
So...my dd started her freshman year off with upper classmen for friends. She took part in the Sat football games with a great group of kids. She does have friends who have started dating, and I'm sure she would love to be able to say that she has a boyfriend as well. But, her shy, sensitive nature seems to be getting in her way.
Her grades have never been better..she is truly loving high school. She is looking forward to recruiting 8th grade girls as well as some of her friends into color guard for next year and hopes to be a captain in her junior year!!!

Yeah, the attitude sometimes gets out of hand. But, she's not nearly as bad as some of the othe girls. I do worry about some of the other girls. They just seem to be in such a hurry to grow up. Would I let my freshman dd date an upper classman? Nope. She has gotten rides from the other girls....going from school to the other girls' homes for color guard practice, or from a sleepover over to the school first thing on a Sat morning.
But no dating upper classmen. Maybe that will change next year...we'll have to see. Thank heavens it hasn't been an issue yet.
They do have a Holiday Ball next week. The girls are all dressing up, and a bunch of them are going stag, but together. There are boys in their group but they have yet to pair off....okay with me.

 

[westjones]

Second, her "boyfriend" had texted her very detailed descriptions of what he'd like to do to her on her last day as a virgin. After the red haze cleared and my initial rage had passed , I thought I was going to throw up. I have been sick to my stomach all morning but I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the situation.

This is exactly the kind of thing I am worried about, I don't think my freshmen DD is ready to deal with older boys. It is one thing to hang out with girls on her sports teams that are older, but boys are a different issue.

My DD told me that one of her friends got a text from a boy asking her to go in the bathroom and take a "dirty picture" on her phone and send it to him. Well she went in and took a picture of the dirty sink and sent it and asked him if that was dirty enough for him. My DD thought it was funny, and the girl handled it, BUT I can't believe the nerve of these boys!

It seems like they say things in texting that they would never say in person.

Honestly, I wish I could get a copy of all of there texts sent to me in email, but they don't offer that service. I am starting to question the wisdom of getting texting. I thought it would be a helpful way for me to send reminders, and I love it at Disney World (it is too loud to hear each other talk there and texting works really well on vacation).

DJ

 

[cruisnfamily]

Talk about naive...My freshman daughter is "dating" a junior. She texts on my Blackberry and this morning she gave it back to me without deleting her text history. First of all she is not allowed to text past 9:30 on school nights and her last text was at 11pm. Second, her "boyfriend" had texted her very detailed descriptions of what he'd like to do to her on her last day as a virgin. After the red haze cleared and my initial rage had passed , I thought I was going to throw up. I have been sick to my stomach all morning but I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the situation. She is a good kid...honors student, varsity athlete, etc, etc...but I'm afraid she is going to cave to the pressure he is putting on her. As far as I know they are never alone together and she is not allowed to ride in cars with anyone unless a teammate is giving her a ride home from practice. We have a rule in our house that she has to call every time she gets somewhere and before she leaves so do my best to make sure she is where she is supposed to be at all times. I have already had the whole "bad reputation" and risks and being smart conversation but I think she just yesses me to death to get me to stop what she considers an uncomfortable conversation. Short of locking her in her room , I'm not sure how to keep her smart and safe.

I don't know what to say other than the fact that this is the norm not the exception....AND...the girls are just as bad if not worse than the boys. This is not just the "bad" kids either. It's pretty much all of them.

This is exactly the kind of thing I am worried about, I don't think my freshmen DD is ready to deal with older boys. It is one thing to hang out with girls on her sports teams that are older, but boys are a different issue.

My DD told me that one of her friends got a text from a boy asking her to go in the bathroom and take a "dirty picture" on her phone and send it to him. Well she went in and took a picture of the dirty sink and sent it and asked him if that was dirty enough for him. My DD thought it was funny, and the girl handled it, BUT I can't believe the nerve of these boys!

It seems like they say things in texting that they would never say in person.

Honestly, I wish I could get a copy of all of there texts sent to me in email, but they don't offer that service. I am starting to question the wisdom of getting texting. I thought it would be a helpful way for me to send reminders, and I love it at Disney World (it is too loud to hear each other talk there and texting works really well on vacation).

DJ

Impressive how your DD's friend handled! I do believe that they say lots of stuff in texts/IM/myspace that they wouldn't say in person...and then I think it ups the ante when they are together...like they have to act on what they talked about.

I have texting blocked on DD16's cell phone. She gets enough input with the IMs and the myspace that she doesn't need to be texting 24/7 which is pretty much what they all do. She of course thinks I am the meanest mom on the planet and insists that she is the only one in high school without texting...oh well, not my problem!