Moms.....I need suggestions and sensitivity traing.

[LoodlesNoodles]

I would definitely advise talking to your wife about this! It sounds like a great idea to me!

I would say that perhaps you should include a tidbit that your wife can do a similar trip when she wants to, to take your other daughter on a mother/daughter trip.

 

[Nancyg56]

Great reply kathy884!!!
Thanks for the honest responses from all of you!

A few of you need to keep in mind that you have no idea what our family dynamic is....this is simply a question on a message board. I know my daughters and I know my wife. I haven't put any of them in a position that would make them feel terrible. I'm sure some will disagree that's cool too. I was just looking for some feed back from some other Disney nuts that may have had similar experiences. Trust me or not.....both of my daughters love daddy time AND get plenty of it.....but one loves to ride roller coasters and the other likes to stay home and paint my finger nails. LOL!!!

I don't see why taking one daughter with you is a bad idea if the other really does not care. In our family, it is my DSIL who would be bummed if my DD went to Disney without him, so she would never go. I have tried to talk the two of them into going and leaving my DGD with us, and she has chimed in that they should go as well. They will not leave her behind. Now she was around 11 the last time the subject came up, but they were positive that as soon as they stepped foot on the plane, she would be upset. She is 13 now and has told me that no matter how hard she tries she just cannot "get rid of them!" LOL!

Talk to your wife and if she is okay with the trip, then go. If you feel that she would feel badly, let Disney go until you can go together as a family.

 

[mummabear]

I dont think it is a terrible idea.
Ask yourself how would you and your 8 year old feel if your wife and DD7 went on a trip without you.
I think kids getting one on one time and attention from a parent is important and very valuable for everyone.
Maybe if you can plan on the two of you doing this trip then your family trip then your wife and other daughter getting a trip just them.
But be respectful of how much you talk about it with them, take their lead about how interested they are in hearing about the planning so its not rubbing it in and make sure you bring back good presents.

I can tell you that my DH was at WDW for a conference this last week without the family (we are going as a family later in the year), he is by a long shot the least interested in Disney out of the whole family and I was envious but happy for him. He skyped mt to show us Wishes. He called from their private party at DHS telling me about all the rare characters (several of wish are on my bucket list) that were there and sent me photos with some of them.
Would I have liked to be there?-um yeah. Does me missing out make me wish he missed out as well? Not even a little. (Although a pity a dole whip wouldnt make the flight home)

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Am I out of bounds for even considering this? Am I a bad husband? Will she divorce me after 20 years? LOL!

Would you do this and if so any suggestions on a good way to present my case or how to go about bringing it up?

Silly post I know but it's possible there could be some hurt feelings for even thinking about it. LOL!

Help me Disboards....or set me straight!!

Great reply kathy884!!!
Thanks for the honest responses from all of you!

A few of you need to keep in mind that you have no idea what our family dynamic is....this is simply a question on a message board. I know my daughters and I know my wife. I haven't put any of them in a position that would make them feel terrible. I'm sure some will disagree that's cool too. I was just looking for some feed back from some other Disney nuts that may have had similar experiences. Trust me or not.....both of my daughters love daddy time AND get plenty of it.....but one loves to ride roller coasters and the other likes to stay home and paint my finger nails. LOL!!!

So your first post asked all kinds of questions about whether this was a good idea or not. You got lots of responses. Maybe you didn't like the responses. So now you feel we are all overstepping lines by actually responding to your questions.

Maybe they're just a little too honest and hitting too close to what you know is right.

 

[mommycrawford]

I leave my husband home most of the time, and take DD!...Last time I brought him, he preferred to stay to relax and watch the tele, and that put a real damper on things for DD and myself!

Perhaps, if you could pose the idea of them taking a staycation, with you planning mani pedi days and nice meals out and such for them, while other DD and you go, and see what they think?

People are not all the same, and the fact that you understand that it is your wife's busy season shows that you are being thoughtful and considering her!...She may surprise you and prefer to ask for time off. Just have some idea of the timing of the conversation...not when any other delicate things need to be discussed!

 

[anniemae]

It would not work for us, we vacation as a family. I would be so sad in Disney without DH and one of my kids, it just wouldn't be the same, and I know he would feel the same way. We wouldn't even consider this, but every family is different. I just think it could eventually hurt the child who stays behind. She may seem fine now, but once you are in Disney having a blast riding rides, eating ice cream etc., I think she will immediately change her mind and it will be too late. It may hit her when you are gone and she realizes her sister is at Disney and she is stuck home. I just couldn't jet off to Disney with one child, but we are all Disney nuts!

I think it is a slippery slope. Personally, I would save the money and do some extra stuff on your May trip with the child that is more like you, like maybe the two of you go to an early character breakfast and let mom and sister sleep in, or the two of you get up early to a park at rope drop and meet up with the other two later. Just a thought.

 

[mellyf]

My husband loves Disney as much as I do. That said, there have been two times that I've gone without him, and he's encouraged it. The first time was several years ago when two friends and I were doing the Disney Triathlon (not sure if they even still have that). It was in late September (I think), and he's a farmer, so it was at the start of busy harvest season. The second time was a couple of years ago when a different friend and I went in October because I was going to do the Tower of Terror 10-miler. He was in the middle of harvesting crops. Ended up not being able to do the race because of an injury, but my friend and I still went. Do I wish he could have gone both times? Absolutely...and after experiencing Food & Wine the second time I went, I would like nothing more than for the two of us to be able to go during the fall. Hopefully some time we can.

Now, how would I feel if I was the one left behind? Not sure at all. I like to think that I'd encourage him to go, if I couldn't. But I tend to think he's much nicer/more generous than me.

 

[Angel Ariel]

We both.love Disney. While we would both be ok with our spouse taking a solo trip, and we are fine taking an adults only trip, I dont think either of us would be ok with the spouse also taking our DD while the other spouse stays home and works. If DD is going, we both go.

Is there a more regional/local park you could take your amusement park loving Dd to instead? That I'd have no issues with.

 

[eyehartdisney]

I was also the daughter my father always left at home. It was not a great feeling. They would ask if it was fine if just them (my older sis and father) could do (fill in the blank). Of course I always said it was fine. I mean who would want to go if they aren't wanted.

ouch.

 

[Praying Colonel]

Not a Mom...just a Dad of 2 and have a DW who's a Disney fan, too. All I can say is...

Dude. C'mon.

You've been a Dad for awhile. You have to know you can't mention it to the kids without talking to DW first.

I know you couched it in a lot of contingency language, but young kids don't hear that. All the stuff besides "Do you want to go to Disney?" sounds like when Charlie Brown's teacher is talking. "I explained to them we will probably not do this and they know we're going next May anyway" sounds to them like "Wawawawawawa."

If I were in your shoes, I'd fall on my sword and tell the kids it's not going to work out for a fall trip. I wouldn't want to make my DW the heavy, and I wouldn't want her to have hard feelings about me going with one or both.

 

[MainMom]

Encouraging your wife to take your kids on 'outings' is not the same as a trip to WDW.

 

[JennyDrake]

You should never had said one word to your daughters without discussing it thoroughly with your wife first. Now you've put your wife in a position of not being able to say no without feeling like a jerk. Not cool.

DITTO!!!! Something this big should have NEVER been mentioned to the kids wo your wife's knowledge or consent.

 

[nugov2]

I love WDW and a huge fan and dh dislikes it, I would have no problem with this at all and think it is a great idea. It is nice to have special time one on one with your kids, or even just one of them. I'd go...mom needs to realize sometimes we can't do everything. If the other dd is fine with it, I can't imagine why mom wouldn't be.

 

[CuseWazowski]

Not a Mom...just a Dad of 2 and have a DW who's a Disney fan, too. All I can say is...

Dude. C'mon.

You've been a Dad for awhile. You have to know you can't mention it to the kids without talking to DW first.

I know you couched it in a lot of contingency language, but young kids don't hear that. All the stuff besides "Do you want to go to Disney?" sounds like when Charlie Brown's teacher is talking. "I explained to them we will probably not do this and they know we're going next May anyway" sounds to them like "Wawawawawawa."

If I were in your shoes, I'd fall on my sword and tell the kids it's not going to work out for a fall trip. I wouldn't want to make my DW the heavy,

That's what I was thinking too.

You should just talk to your wife about it. You'll be in a mess if one of the girls mentions it to her before you do. And telling the girls that it isn't going to happen could lead them into a "Dad said we aren't going to Disney" comment to their mom.

Just another DD/DH opinion here, but you should put out this fire before it gets out of control.

 

[prudence64]

only if you plan an equally fabulous trip somewhere for just you and your other daughter. You can discuss it with your wife to get her feelings, but I'm not sure you'd ever know for sure if your daughter was bothered by it or not.

 

[labdogs42]

I'm with kathy884. You know your wife. Talk to her. Get her honest feelings on the situation and go from there. No, you aren't crazy to consider this. Lots of families do trips with one parent and some or all of the kids, be it to Disney or the beach or the zoo. I have cousins with five kids and they split them up in all different combinations for different trips. The kids have traveled all around the world, but not all of them have been to all of the same places with the same parent. Are the kids jealous? No, because it is handled well. If this is something you want to try, just talk to your wife. She might enjoy a weekend to chill out at home with only one kid!

 

[shana398]

I am doing sort of this same thing at the end of Aug./beginning of Sept. DH cannot take off work because he started a new job this year. DS4 and I are going for a week without him for the first time in five years. We usually go annually all together, sometimes with other family members. I do feel a little guilty; however, DS and I are the big Disney fans. DH can take it or leave it. He may fly in at the end of the trip to join us for a couple of days.

Anyway, he is fine with it. I think we are more sad about it than he is. I guess it all depends on your family.

 

[smiths02]

I am doing sort of this same thing at the end of Aug./beginning of Sept. DH cannot take off work because he started a new job this year. DS4 and I are going for a week without him for the first time in five years. We usually go annually all together, sometimes with other family members. I do feel a little guilty; however, DS and I are the big Disney fans. DH can take it or leave it. He may fly in at the end of the trip to join us for a couple of days.

Anyway, he is fine with it. I think we are more sad about it than he is. I guess it all depends on your family.

DS and I went to California (to visit family, but we also went to Disneyland and Sea World), and factors prevented him from going. He was "fine" with it, but he still teases about it sometimes. (But he's had many weekend trips with his father to the woods, so we are even now)

We also went to Disneyworld as a family of three, but DS and I stayed a few days extra. DH teases about that some too, but it's all in good fun.

I think that just taking one kid is totally different from a parent not joining...no matter what the kid says. (Unless the kid is under 3 and won't understand)

 

[Sytrace]

A few years ago I took the kids and my Mom on a cruise to the Bahamas. My husband couldn't go because he had to run the business. We tried to have a good time, but we really missed him and when we got back, I told him we would never take a vacation like that without him. And we haven't. We grab time off together whenever possible and do mini Disney vacations at our favorite resorts and a couple of times a year go on Disney cruises. But we go together!
Good luck with this one, it is very hard to be apart from your family.

 

[Vincent405]

Not a Mom...just a Dad of 2 and have a DW who's a Disney fan, too. All I can say is...

Dude. C'mon.

You've been a Dad for awhile. You have to know you can't mention it to the kids without talking to DW first.

I know you couched it in a lot of contingency language, but young kids don't hear that. All the stuff besides "Do you want to go to Disney?" sounds like when Charlie Brown's teacher is talking. "I explained to them we will probably not do this and they know we're going next May anyway" sounds to them like "Wawawawawawa."

If I were in your shoes, I'd fall on my sword and tell the kids it's not going to work out for a fall trip. I wouldn't want to make my DW the heavy, and I wouldn't want her to have hard feelings about me going with one or both.

Bingo!