Moms.....I need suggestions and sensitivity traing.

[DisneyFive]

Taking out the whole question of, is it okay or not… let me say:

Sounds like you have a trip planned for May already, your 4th year in a row. You want to go really bad in November (not sure why exactly), but I get the desire to go to WDW. There is such a thing as WDW burn out (been there). If you go in November, it will only have been 6 months from your last trip. Hardly ANYTHING will be new. (heck, you’ve just done it all 6 months prior) Consider your upcoming trip in May. If you go through with this, you and your daughter will have just gone 3 times in a 13 month span. That’s a lot. You may run into a situation in May where you feel like you were just there. Been there, done that… some magic lost. ...but your wife and other daughter may be on a whole different page.

Just throwing that out there.

Dan

 

[lovin'fl]

Last Aug I took my mom and my DDs to Disney leaving my DH and DS at home. It was a fun ladies trip. DH was cool with it and DS was 17 so he didn't care. You could suggest that you'd like to do father daughter trips and start this Nov with the DD that is on your touring schedule....but then you'll have to take the DD that is on your wife's touring schedule another time. Might not be easy (touring with that DD) but you get a win-win with 2 extra trips and bonding with each of your DDs.

 

[RedskinFan]

We are a family of Disney fans. Due to a terrible experience I had with Southwest I had travel vouchers that needed to be used by the end of June. DH took DS(8) to Disney World for Star Wars weekend. DD(7) and I are not Star Wars fans and the credits would only cover two flights. I will be taking DD on a girls trip to a runDisney weekend or a Christmas party weekend in 2015-2016.

 

[JAA'smom]

One year I took my middle DD down a few days early and my husband, who is a teacher, and my other two daughters came down for the weekend. My other two daughters didn't want to miss school time and they were perfectly fine coming down a couple of days later. Maybe something like that would work. So maybe you and your one dd go down a few days early and maybe your wife could take a friday or monday off and she and your other dd join you for the last half of your trip. I don't know if this would work for you, but it did for us.

 

[skateshome]

So your first post asked all kinds of questions about whether this was a good idea or not. You got lots of responses. Maybe you didn't like the responses. So now you feel we are all overstepping lines by actually responding to your questions.

Maybe they're just a little too honest and hitting too close to what you know is right.

Sorry....that's not it at all. I like everyone's thoughts opinions EXCEPT those that think I am somehow ruining my family or always leave one of my poor DD's behind with a "if nobody wants you" comment. That's assuming quite a bit about a family you don't know and is WAY off base here. Sounds like my post is actually hitting a few other folks too close to home actually. And I'm sorry if that brought up bad memories for some of you.I really am.

One point of clarification just for anyone that's interested. We are going to the beach in Sept. with the whole family. We asked the kids if they wanted to go to the beach or Disney and they wanted to go to the beach. They know they get to go to Disney a bunch so they actually wanted to do other things as well. Completely their choice. Disney isnt the "end all be all" for them and they will not be bothered in the least if I decide we are not going to Disney in Nov. No one will be thrown under the bus.

An idea I haven't seen suggested yet that I thought about last night.....I know my wife's boss/company they are actually a customer of mine and I'm the one that got her the job. Maybe I'll call and talk to her boss to see if it really would be that big of a deal to miss 3 days in Nov. My wife is the type that wont even ask. If I could get the okay then I could plan a surprise trip for the whole family.

Thanks for your idea's and opinions and no I'm not destroying my family or anyone in it. LOL!!!

 

[MainMom]

Sorry....that's not it at all. I like everyone's thoughts opinions EXCEPT those that think I am somehow ruining my family or always leave one of my poor DD's behind with a "if nobody wants you" comment. That's assuming quite a bit about a family you don't know and is WAY off base here. Sounds like my post is actually hitting a few other folks too close to home actually. And I'm sorry if that brought up bad memories for some of you.

One point of clarification just for anyone that's interested. We are going to the beach in Sept. with the whole family. We asked the kids if they wanted to go to the beach or Disney and they wanted to go to the beach. They know they get to go to Disney a bunch so they actually wanted to do other things as well. Completely their choice. Disney isnt the "end all be all" for them and they will not be bothered in the least if I decide we are not going to Disney in Nov. No one will be thrown under the bus.

An idea I haven't seen suggested yet that I thought about last night.....I know my wife's boss/company they are actually a customer of mine and I'm the one that got her the job. Maybe I'll call and talk to her boss to see if it really would be that big of a deal to miss 3 days in Nov. My wife is the type that wont even ask. If I could get the okay then I could plan a surprise trip for the whole family.

Thanks for your idea's and opinions and no I'm not destroying my family or anyone in it. LOL!!!

Try talking to your WIFE before her boss. I would be livid if my DH went over my head like that when I wouldn't want to rock the boat at MY job. Is WDW really worth it?

 

[bear_mom]

I am doing sort of this same thing at the end of Aug./beginning of Sept. DH cannot take off work because he started a new job this year. DS4 and I are going for a week without him for the first time in five years. We usually go annually all together, sometimes with other family members. I do feel a little guilty; however, DS and I are the big Disney fans. DH can take it or leave it. He may fly in at the end of the trip to join us for a couple of days.

Anyway, he is fine with it. I think we are more sad about it than he is. I guess it all depends on your family.

The difference is you left dh at home, who isn't a Disney fan.

Not dh, who is a Disney fan, and another child, who also appears to be a Disney fan.

 

[skateshome]

Try talking to your WIFE before her boss. I would be livid if my DH went over my head like that when I wouldn't want to rock the boat at MY job. Is WDW really worth it?

Yeah..I've thought about that as well. The only reason I would consider it is because I know them really well and have for a long time now. Might still be akward and put some folks in a bad position.

 

[Roxyfire]

Personally, I would consider a trip where it's not as crucial to "get up and go early" and take both girls. A day trip or long weekend to a city with some nice sights, zoo, aquarium, maybe a good shopping mall, any of that kind of stuff. I agree with the person who said you might get WDW burn out. Get the girls involved in picking a city that looks interesting and try it out! It might end up being a fun tradition.

 

[prudence64]

DO NOT CALL HER BOSS. I don't care what your relationship is with them. That's rude to them and demeaning to your wife.

 

[LoveThatMouse!]

Taking out the whole question of, is it okay or not… let me say:

Sounds like you have a trip planned for May already, your 4th year in a row. You want to go really bad in November (not sure why exactly), but I get the desire to go to WDW. There is such a thing as WDW burn out (been there). If you go in November, it will only have been 6 months from your last trip. Hardly ANYTHING will be new. (heck, you’ve just done it all 6 months prior) Consider your upcoming trip in May. If you go through with this, you and your daughter will have just gone 3 times in a 13 month span. That’s a lot. You may run into a situation in May where you feel like you were just there. Been there, done that… some magic lost. ...but your wife and other daughter may be on a whole different page.

Just throwing that out there.

Dan

This is a FANTASTIC point! Do you want to risk the magic of your May trip with your whole family? I would hate for the trip in May to be laced with comments like 'When Daddy and I were here in November, we ....(fill in the blank)'..... or 'I don't need to stand in the line because we just did that in November'... Sure, your wife and daughter who have stayed at home may not have a problem with the green eyed jealousy monster and will whole-heartedly celebrate your November joy, but I know very few people who are truly that happy to be left behind when others are making memories.

That said, if once you've talked with your wife and get her perspective and if she is completely supportive and feels the younger DD won't harbor bad feelings, and if your family dynamic is such that you can 100% celebrate without there being any future ramifications, I will change my view and will celebrate for you that you will get to have that sweet trip. Weigh all the consequences and opinions and then go with your gut. Only you know your true family dynamic.

You sound like a sweet dad (many Dads wouldn't even consider spending time painting nails with a daughter) and you obviously love your wife and girls very much or you wouldn't have asked the question in the first place. I think your fatal flaw, as seen by some of the previous posters was that you discussed with your daughters before you discussed with your wife. Lesson learned. Father on!

 

[skateshome]

DO NOT CALL HER BOSS. I don't care what your relationship is with them. That's rude to them and demeaning to your wife.

So how do some people pull this off?
I saw a Youtube just yesterday where a guy surprised his wife with a trip to Europe. She was about to walk out the door to go to work and he surprised her with airline tickets to Europe. Had planned everything out and talked to her employer as well. She didn't seemed to feel demeaned. But I complete understand what you are saying.

 

[anniemae]

I would not call her boss. If my dh did that, I would be livid. I would feel undermined. If I say I can't go because work is too busy, I can't go because work is too busy. Period. And if dh did call and get the "okay" behind my back, I would feel guilty the entire trip knowing in my heart that I just made my coworkers scramble to cover during a busy time so I could go on vacation.

It MAY be a different story if called and asked her boss when would be the slowest/best time for her to be out and planned a trip around that. I still would not like it, bet then I don't like surprises. But the fact that it is a busy time for her is not fair to her coworkers and it kind of puts her boss in a strange position.

 

[skateshome]

I would not call her boss. If my dh did that, I would be livid. I would feel undermined. If I say I can't go because work is too busy, I can't go because work is too busy. Period. And if dh did call and get the "okay" behind my back, I would feel guilty the entire trip knowing in my heart that I just made my coworkers scramble to cover during a busy time so I could go on vacation.

It MAY be a different story if called and asked her boss when would be the slowest/best time for her to be out and planned a trip around that. I still would not like it, bet then I don't like surprises. But the fact that it is a busy time for her is not fair to her coworkers and it kind of puts her boss in a strange position.

Very valid points. Thanks! I will not call or do that....you are correct....this may be a good idea for slow time of year.

 

[sharonabe]

Since you know her employer, I think it would be fine to call and tell him you're trying to plan a surprise trip for HER. You'll need to couch it in such a way that he can still say no without ruffling feathers, but it sounds like you have the ability to do that. Go for it!

 

[nilla]

She knows the girls know it's a possibility, so she's going to say yes even if she doesn't want to.

Can you please send a copy of this rulebook to MY wife? I don't know that she ever says yes to anything she doesn't want to.

I don't think he was out of line, but then again, I'm a dude, too. IMO, his wife could always say, "I would be sad if you went without me", and the girls would understand. Since she's a Disney fan, apparently, her saying "no" to this doesn't imply the kids will never get to Disney again, so I don't see it making her the "bad guy".

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

I've got a simple solution here! And it should really be a "Duh, why didn't I think of that?"

TALK TO YOUR WIFE!!!!!!!! You've talked to your daughters. You were just about to talk to her boss (REALLY hope you thought twice about that--she's your wife, not your child!). You've come to a board full of strangers.

So you're willing to talk to everyone but her. Why?

Still sounds like trying to avoid what you know is the case. She will be hurt or disappointed. If you knew she'd be okay with it, you would have already had the discussion--even before talking to your daughters. You're trying to come up with a way to make it okay when deep down you probably know it isn't. Why else would you be coming to a board of strangers looking for reassurance and justification?

You've already brought it up to the girls. You NEED to bring it up to your wife. They WILL say something at some point and then you've really got a hole to dig out of. Or are you going to tell them to not tell mommy?

 

[Angel Ariel]

Sorry....that's not it at all. I like everyone's thoughts opinions EXCEPT those that think I am somehow ruining my family or always leave one of my poor DD's behind with a "if nobody wants you" comment. That's assuming quite a bit about a family you don't know and is WAY off base here. Sounds like my post is actually hitting a few other folks too close to home actually. And I'm sorry if that brought up bad memories for some of you.I really am.

One point of clarification just for anyone that's interested. We are going to the beach in Sept. with the whole family. We asked the kids if they wanted to go to the beach or Disney and they wanted to go to the beach. They know they get to go to Disney a bunch so they actually wanted to do other things as well. Completely their choice. Disney isnt the "end all be all" for them and they will not be bothered in the least if I decide we are not going to Disney in Nov. No one will be thrown under the bus.

An idea I haven't seen suggested yet that I thought about last night.....I know my wife's boss/company they are actually a customer of mine and I'm the one that got her the job. Maybe I'll call and talk to her boss to see if it really would be that big of a deal to miss 3 days in Nov. My wife is the type that wont even ask. If I could get the okay then I could plan a surprise trip for the whole family.

Thanks for your idea's and opinions and no I'm not destroying my family or anyone in it. LOL!!!

I second the talk to your wife before talking to her boss. It is *not* your place to talk to her boss about her possible vacation time. I would also be livid if DH went behind my back and did this. I am also the type that generally chooses not ask - and if I am *choosing* not to ask, it's for a reason, and I would expect my husband to respect that.

 

[BabyGirl09]

I was also the daughter my father always left at home. It was not a great feeling. They would ask if it was fine if just them (my older sis and father) could do (fill in the blank). Of course I always said it was fine. I mean who would want to go if they aren't wanted.

I was thinking about this too. You're right, OP, I don't know the dynamic of your family. But I do remember what it was like to be a 7-year-old girl. I can recall every single time my dad did something special for one of my siblings and didn't reciprocate with me. I would have said it was fine, too. Why make my sibling miss out just because I am? But it still stuck with me.

You of course know your daughter better than I do. But she may not be as ok as she appears, that's all. Disney World and nail painting at the kitchen table aren't really the same thing. If you do decide to do this, maybe there's a special trip you can take with her another time?

 

[katibosch]

I am going on a trip to WDW this fall with only my DD and not my wife. BUT my wife stays at home with daughter and I work about 50 hours a week plus an hour commute a day. So I don't see my daughter a lot except when I'm really tired and kind of crabby from work, and really think we need some time together to reconnect. I also went to Europe in June by myself and wife and daughter were supportive. BUT wife and daughter went on a road trip themselves for a month, and wife will be visiting friends this fall by herself. I got to several concerts / music festivals a year by myself also. I love traveling solo -- really gives me a chance to disconnect. I'm considering taking a solo trip to Korea next year as well as a family trip or possibly just with my DD to France. So far, no one has gotten their feelings hurt. Personally, as long as the money isn't an issue (i.e. cutting into money we'd spend for things for our family) I'd be cool with it.