Moms..Going To Conferences Without The Kids?

[becka]

It looks like there is a pretty good chance that I will be going to a conference in late August as part of my job. My only other job related conferences have always been day trips within driving distance and did not require an overnight stay. This is a 3-day conference in Los Angeles (actually at the Beverly Hills Hilton to be more specific but more on that later ).

With the dates the conferences falls on it is a pretty good chance that DH will not be able to take off work to come with me so that means he will have to stay home with DS since I can't take DS with me by myself. I have still not been away from DS overnight. DH and I had been discussing a weekend getaway in July and I think I am OK with that but it is something entirely different to go away so far by myself and leave them behind. Heck, I have only been away from DH for a handful of nights since we have been married!

The whole idea of flying in and out of LAX makes me pretty nervous and the idea of Beverly Hills has me in a bit of a panic. The idea of me in Beverly Hills is laughable at best. Something tells me that a midwestern Mom won't fit in very well. As I put it to my DH. The thought of me in Beverly Hills is just as ridiculous as sending Paris Hilton to Arkansas was!

I never had any interest in going to LA at all except for of course DL. If DH and DS could go I might try to make it into a little vacation but even if they don't go I don't know if I would ever get the chance again. When the idea of the conference came up I started wondering if it would be too much to tack on a day or two for me to see DL. I feel kind of selfish even thinking about it especially without DH and DS. I am also afraid that I am really going to miss my guys and just want to come home after the conference. Plus, I was kind of hoping to be expecting another little one by then.

How do other Mom's out there do it? Is it really hard to leave? Have you ever tacked on a day or two for a mini-Mom vacation? Did you feel so selfish that you didn't have fun or relax?

 

[Pete's Mom]

I had to fly out to Little Rock to install a whole new computer network and 5 stations and tranfer data from the old work stations when Pete was around 2. I scheduled it so I could go over a weekend (easier to work when no one is in). My plane landed, I went straight to the office and worked until midnight. Got up the next morning and worked from 8:00 am until midnight again. I only got to see the airport, the hotel, and the office but that was fine by me. I wanted to leave the next morning but they begged me to stay to do training. Ugh! I just wanted to go home. I missed Pete so much!

It is very hard to leave them especially when you are so far away. Time just drags by. I don't think you would feel guilty about tacking on a extra day or two. I just think you would feel lonely and miss them. Good luck! I hope that you DH and DS can join you!

 

[Microcell]

The only time I have been away from my kids I was in the hospital, having #2 and when #1 had her appy. I honestly felt like half of me was not there. The worst is being in your house without everyone there! My DH took over with appy girl and made me go home and it felt all wrong! I had dreams of taking her home against medical advice and if I could have figured out how to get the IV stand home I would have!
DH takes trips every couple of months and the first time he called every chance he could, but now he has gotten used to it. He goes to a movie wherever he is- becasue you know I am sure that movie going goes out the window as far as adult shows! Try to enjoy yourself. Think- no dirty diapers or kids yelling "Momma!!!"

 

[Sandy V.]

For me, those business trips away were a great opportunity for me to charge my own personal batteries. I would go away for 3-5 days every 3 months during a 2-year span during a project I was involved in.

Of course, you don't stop missing your husband and kids, but having a little "me" time every once in a while is a great thing. I never felt guilty about going away because I knew my husband is a great father, and my son and daughter were well taken care of!

I'm sure your husband would do a great job taking care of your son, plus it's a great opportunity for the two of them to spend some quality time together. Additionally, it might give your husband reason to appreciate just how much you really do around the house (not to say that he doesn't appreciate you already).

I liked exploring new cities on my own or with business colleagues. One of my most treasured photographs has the Twin Towers in the background when my boss and I went to Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty almost 6 years ago on a Sunday before a conference started the next day.

You can go to restaurants your family wouldn't otherwise frequent, can order anything you want from room service and "veg out" in front of the television, or read that novel you've been dying to start/finish.

And best of all, you get to go home at the end and hug and kiss your husband and son! The reunifications are wonderful!

But please don't feel selfish - because you aren't!! I say "Go" and enjoy yourself.

 

[Barb D]

I traveled a good bit for work this last year. Sometimes I took the kids with me (they're homeschooled, so missing school wasn't a problem) and sometimes I went by myself and enjoyed some peace and quiet. I called home a lot (several times a day) and e-mailed, too. It was still hard, especially on my 4yo, so I'm not going to travel nearly as much this year.

BTW, I couldn't have done any of it (either bringing the kids with me or leaving them home) without a lot of help from my mom. DH doesn't travel, so Grandma went with me both to Denver and Orlando, and did stuff with the kids while I was working. She also did a lot of the ferrying/babysitting/schoolwork monitoring when I left the kids behind.

 

[Keli]

Becka, There is nothing at all wrong with you adding a few days onto the conference. Nothing at all. But I will tell you from personal experience that it didn't work well for me when my dd was Nathan's age. It gets much easier to do as they get older but when they are toddlers it's just very hard to leave them. I think you will get there and miss both your fellas so much that you won't want the extra time. In a few years though...

 

[aprincessmom]

How do other Mom's out there do it? Is it really hard to leave? Have you ever tacked on a day or two for a mini-Mom vacation? Did you feel so selfish that you didn't have fun or relax?

The first time I went away on business after having DD she was 2 and I had to spend 6 days in Arizona. I was a wreck leading up to it -- arranging care for her, getting things ready for my mom to come take care of her, preparing her for not seeing me since we had been together everyday of her little life -- it was very stressful.

And a funny thing happened...I actually enjoyed myself and she enjoyed herself. Being a mom, it's tough to find time for yourself. You forget how nice it is to just take a bath without someone sitting next to the tub chatting with you! Being a single mom is a bit of a grind too...there's always something that needs doing at 10:30 at night. It was nice to actually sit and read a book at 10:30 instead of vacuum or cook the next day's meal!

I missed her terribly. I called each day at a set time, I took a book with me and each night I would read her a bedtime story over the phone (which really worked out nicely and we do that even now that she's 8 when I have to travel), and I made sure to sound happy and upbeat even though I missed her.

Since then I've done other trips...soemtimes I've taken her (and my mom and dad and we meet up at the end of the day and spend time having fun) and others I haven't. I don't travel for work frequently and it doesn't get any easier to go but I do know she is in capable hands, she's having fun and I come back feeling happy, refreshed and ready to be mom again!

Good luck Becka and enjoy some of that me time if you can!

 

[missypie]

I go away on business several times a year. It would be bad if I had to travel more, but several times a year is pretty nice. I went to two conferences in San Francisco and both times I tacked on an extra day.

Of course, now that my kids are getting older, they give me major grief for leaving. With a cell phone, you can stay in touch easily.

Go, enjoy, don't feel guilty!

 

[Shannon G]

While you will certainly miss the kids, I don't think you should feel guilty for going without them. I think that parents need down time, away from the kids, every once and a while. Personally, I think having some time away from DD once in a while makes me a better parent, because I've had some time to step back and relax, I'm less likely to get as stressed out by the day-to-day stuff. The first time I left DD was for a business trip when she was 4 months old - I was gone for 4 nights. A month later, I went on an all-girls' trip to WDW with my mom, aunt & cousin. DD stayed home with DH. Although I missed her very much, I had a wonderful time on that trip and would do it again in a heartbeat. DH is a great Dad, and I think it was also good for them to have time together without me around. This past September DH and I also went away for a few days and left DD with my DB and DSIL, and I still have to occasionally travel for work.

On a side note, why is it that it always seems like women feel guilty if they take the time to do something like this for themselves, but would think nothing of their husband going away?

I say go and enjoy yourself!

 

[lindajo]

Other than being in the hospital 2 times, I had not been away from my kids overnight. Last year at a spur of the moment, DH,who was in Orlando in October for work, called to say that he and some of his coworkers were going to go to Universals Halloween Horror Nights. So without allowing myself to think about it, I called my mom to see if she would watch DS3 and DS5 at the time. She said yes, I went, missed them a lot and had a great time. Now I have planned a solo trip to WDW for no other reason than to be TOTALLY about me.... I posted this on a Disboard, and had sooooo much support.. Thanks to all of you guys. You are going to be homesick a little. But you should go ahead, take the plunge and do a little something for Mommy. The kids will be fine. And you will have a great time. So I say........Go for it! At DL by yourself you can do what you want, when you want, if you want, if you don't want. I am sure you will have a good time.

I think it makes a huge difference if you have someone that you totally trust taking care of your kids. You have that, you are already going to be there. What's another day or two.. (You may like it enough to do it again!) And you will probably regret it if you don't give it a try.

 

[CamColt]

I appreciate this thread because Im sort of in the same boat. While I have left my kids for a night here or there from an early age, and I have gone away once without them, its always been with DH. I never felt any guilt from that.
Now, I am currently faced with the chance to get away, to WDW, alone in Dec. Ive never traveled anywhere alone so this is huge to me. Part of me feels guilty for the thought of leaving DH with the kids but a part of me feels like it would do me good to be alone for a few days...and going to MVMCP wouldnt hurt either.

 

[suzannen]

becka,
I have to go to a particular 3-day conference every year. The first time was the hardest when my DD was only 3. Now she's 9 and just says "where are you going this year?"

I travel with one or two female colleagues/friends and if the destination is one we are interested in (New Orleans, San Francisco...) we will add an additional day or two to sightsee on our own. My DH travelled the world for several years and encourages me to do this. And, since I know what a great dad he is and what a great job he's doing back home with DD (they love their special time together), I no longer feel guilty. I do miss them and so we talk about 2-3 times a day.

As far as LA - I have had some great trips there. Beverly Hills is beautiful with wonderful restaurants and shopping. And, of course it's not too, too far from Disneyland - but your family might not forgive you for that!

 

[snoopy]

I've never felt guilty leaving my kids with DH. He's their Daddy, after all, he knows how to take care of them as well as I do. I've had to travel for business several times a year for the past 10 years -- I rather like the get-away. I've never thought to bring DH or the kids, DH has a demanding schedule and the kids are in school. And as mentioned above, its kind of nice to have that "me" time.

My guilt comes into play with DH and I going away without the kids. We only did it once in all the years we've had kids, and I was not happy and we came home early. I guess its because my parents are dead and even though I trust my sister, who was taking care of them, I still felt guilty about it. I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that DH and I will have plenty of time for trips by ourselves when the kids are grown, so for now our vacations will include them.

 

[siouxi31]

Honey, I do trips away from home all of the time. If it's somewhere fun (CA, FL), I try to go around a weekend to include some "me" time. I would never dream of bringing my kids nor my husband with because it's business related. All of my side sight-seeing is just me going to places like, Napa, Monterrey, Disneyland, Miami, etc. You probably will feel guilty the first time but if you have conferences like this often you'll get very used to it and the guilt will disappear. There is no reason why you cannot enjoy yourself while you're in BH. Have a wonderful time during your conference. I hope you're able to fit in some personal time.

 

[lindajo]

You need to make Momma happy...

You know what they say...

IF MOMMA AIN'T HAPPY, AIN'T NOBODY HAPPY!

 

[crz4mm2]

I have been leaving DD overnight (and longer) since she was 1 year old. I leave her in her father's capable hands. It was hard the first few times, but I quickly discovered that she was ok and so was I. I even left her for 10 days ( she was older then though- about 6) when I went on a Mom's vacation to visit my best friend!!
I went back to school when DD was 1. I was required to do some overnight things and did them. I felt I was doing a good thing for my family (and I was!).
I still take trips without the family We all take trips together too, but DH does not like to travel much, and will not fly. So I usually go to conferences without him. My Mom has went with me many times, and I have a good friend who I meet sometimes. I look at it as a way to charge my batteries too. Makes me a better Mom.
(and Yes, I do miss them while I am gone-least any one thing I am a cold hearted ***** )
Lindajo- I agree, if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy

 

[Hillbeans]

I took my DS to a conference in Atlanta when he was 6 months old. My husband was bored to tears and my son got sick. The weather was lousy and they couldn't go outside most of the 5 days we were there.

We decided if I ever go on a work trip again, it wouldn't be a family trip unless it was Disney.

 

[ChibiJones]

The whole idea of flying in and out of LAX makes me pretty nervous

Have you considered flying into another airport. Orange County and Long Beach are my preferred airports when going home. I'll mostly be taking JetBlue from Boston to Long Beach in the future though.

Long Beach is really tiny (you even have to walk down stairs to get on/off the plane!) and the rental cars are right there. Orange County is a little bigger, but still has on-site car rentals.

Plus, both are fairly close to DL if you choose to go there for a couple of days.