Moms. does it make you smile when a pregnant woman says this?

[RainbowBrite]

I was a nanny for quite a few years before I had my son and I totally agree. I thought I knew it all, and I was a GREAT nanny. Once I had my son, I realized I knew nothing. It is just totally different, and I don't think anyone can understand until they have lived it. And this is not taking away from the nanny who posted. I believe that the family you work for listens to you, and they should, as you are a big part of their child's life. But when that living, breathing child comes from you and is totally dependent on you for everything, it is totally different than anything you experience while you are a nanny. I used to say about the kids I nannied for "I love them like they are my own!" and I meant it. As soon as I had my son, I knew that was something I would never say again

Understandable, but what other posters are saying is that until you actually HAVE a child of your own you don't know anything. I fail to understand why the fact that I have not given birth to the child I spend 50 hours a week feeding, diapering, etc. means I don't know anything about children and how to take care of them.

 

[fairestoneofall]

i just want to say that there are WONDERFUL lactation consultants out there too. i had one come to my house on Christmas day to help me. she was a tremendous help to me when DD quit eating on Christmas Eve.

she was not militant. she was kind and helpful. and the fact that she would take time out of a family holiday to come help me was amazing for me as a brand new mom.

 

[diznygirl]

i just want to say that there are WONDERFUL lactation consultants out there too. i had one come to my house on Christmas day to help me. she was a tremendous help to me when DD quit eating on Christmas Eve.

she was not militant. she was kind and helpful. and the fact that she would take time out of a family holiday to come help me was amazing for me as a brand new mom.

I met one after the birth of my daughter. She made up for the other one.

 

[si-am]

As someone without children I have to say you are incredibly rude. Why go on to a thread about parenting and bash people for talking about raising their kids? Go get some childless friends if you don't want to talk about children.

I am smart enough to understand I know NOTHING about raising a child. Do I see some parents and want to smack them upside the head? Well, yes. But for serious things not what kind of diapers they use. Everyone has to do what is best for their family. I'm sure if and when I have kids I will make declarations and then throw them to the side. But as long as a parent is doing what they think is best for their kid who is anyone else to judge?

Huh?

I think you misinterpreted my posts. I wasn't bashing anyone. I wasn't judging anyone's parenting style. I was simply saying that it is incredibly rude and condescending for someone to automatically dismiss and exclude anyone from conversation based on the fact that they don't have kids.

It's not that I don't want to talk about children... it's that I'm apparently not ALLOWED to. That was my point, exactly.

 

[auntie]

Makes me think of how different you are from when you have your first baby as compared to subsequent children. You just think you know everything. You do find out pretty quick, it's the baby calling the shots. As soon as we got that straight I remember making my own baby food for my first child. That never semed to happen for the others. I just didn't have time. I remember thinking how being on a schedule was vitally important. Still do. Yet, when the other's came along...being flexible was just as important. It really is a learning experience.
You can't wait for your first born to walk. When the second one comes along, you trip them when they take that first step.

 

[minkydog]

I was a nanny for quite a few years before I had my son and I totally agree. I thought I knew it all, and I was a GREAT nanny. Once I had my son, I realized I knew nothing. It is just totally different, and I don't think anyone can understand until they have lived it. And this is not taking away from the nanny who posted. I believe that the family you work for listens to you, and they should, as you are a big part of their child's life. But when that living, breathing child comes from you and is totally dependent on you for everything, it is totally different than anything you experience while you are a nanny. I used to say about the kids I nannied for "I love them like they are my own!" and I meant it. As soon as I had my son, I knew that was something I would never say again

My sister is a music teacher in two schools. She has on average about 200 students per week. As such, she believed that she was in a special position to give parenting advice to me, because she had sooooo many children, doncha see. OMG. I got it coming and going from her. My oldest has severe ADHD and needed pretty close management. Oh, she was a fount of information and criticism. I couldn't do anything right in her eyes.

Then, at 40, she had her one and only. One day she called me crying hysterically. Parenthood was NOTHING like she thought it would be. It was endless and exhausting and 24 hours a day. She begged forgiveness for being an idiot Of course, i resisted the urge to say "I told you so", mainly because she was so distraught. Her DD is 13 now and was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome last year. The whole family has had a hard row to hoe. But you can bet your boots, Dsis the Teacher no longer gives out parenting advice.

 

[focusondisney]

I'm pretty sure she meant "nursing" as in breastfeeding - as in lactation consultants who are not nurses. I don't think she was disparaging the Nursing Profession.

I can tell you, I met one of those lactation consultants who was militant about it - and tried to force me to feed my son. First, my ****s are mine not yours so get your hands off! Second, he wasn't hungry. The baby wouldn't open his mouth. She practically suffocated him pressing against my ****s. Crazy mom alert!! Yeah, it's all MY fault!

My babies and I got the hang of it without help and did just fine.

Actually, all 4 of our ILBC certified lactation consultants are nurses.

My point was & still is : "Nazi" is an derogatory term, with offensive connotations. We don't use the other "N" word, or derogatory terms for other ethnic groups or people with alternative life styles. I think casually throwing it around is as inappropriate as using any of those others is.

 

[3boymthr]

Understandable, but what other posters are saying is that until you actually HAVE a child of your own you don't know anything. I fail to understand why the fact that I have not given birth to the child I spend 50 hours a week feeding, diapering, etc. means I don't know anything about children and how to take care of them.

They're not saying you don't know anything but they're saying that you won't understand the full effects of being very definite in your opinions on child rearing until you are a parent. Because while as a nanny you spend 50 hours a week taking care of the child you still get to go home at the end of the day and you still get sick days and vacation days and personal days and weekends (or similar) off. You don't spend 50 hours a week tending that child while you are sick with the flu when the child is also sick with the flu after having been up all night taking care of said sick child for 5 days running because I'm betting that when you are sick with the flu you are at home because the mom you work for wants you no where near her healthy baby. This is when all those lovely "my child will never provisions" go out the window.

 

[MamaJessie]

My cousin is 9 months pregnant, and when we visited with her yesterday, she told me that she will NEVER use disposable diapers, bottles or a pacifier. She also said she will grow her own organic vegetables and make all her own baby food.

The part that cracked me up is that she said she will be putting the baby on a strict schedule the minute he/she is born to ensure that the baby sleeps through the night.

I think it is the ABSOLUTES that get me. NEVER use a disposable, NEVER use a bottle, NEVER use a pacifier etc. I used cloth and breastfed and made my own baby food. Most of the time. I hope she allows herself some leniency I am surprised by the sleep through the night goal at birth though.

whenmy sister was pregnant with her first, I remember her ironing the baby's onesies. I kind of remember laughing about that... Really? Ironing onesies?

Cute. It's one of those things I hope she enjoyed because chances are once the baby arrived she never did it again.

Yes, babies have their own plan but there's nothing wrong with having your own plan of attack.

I think it's always nice to go into it with really great intentions - beats the alternative, I think - but it's kind of like going to Disney, it's really great to have a plan, but be realistic enough to know that you're probably not going to get all of it done!

Actually, cloth and disposable diapers are about equal for the environment. With all the bleach, detergent, water and electricity for all the laundry, apparently cloth are not so good for the environment either.

I didn't use bleach and line dried them. I suppose elimination communication is the only perfect way around it, but I know I don't have the patience for that!

There isn't anything "earth friendly" about all the wasted water, spent washing cloth diapers. I was explaining my concerns to a friend, who pointed me to a "green baby" site. They suggested washing each diaper a minimum of three times per use

No doubt the same hippies selling the "green" line are the same people who insisted it was green to manufacture thousands of plastic bottles, fill them with water and cart them around the country on 18 wheelers.

I never washed diapers three times per use. When using shampoo I also decline the advice to rinse and repeat I guess I'm a rebel.

I have no idea what the water bottle reference is.

I kind of take offense to this. I've been a nanny for 9 years and taken care of many infants for up to 10 hours a day. I've helped many parents get their infants on successful schedules, I've helped many parents manage their "problem child", etc. So, at least to them my opinion DOES matter.

I totally understand that a nanny can have amazing advice. I worked in daycare for years and the owner didn't have any kids and if I had a question right now I'd call her and chat about it. I do think being a nanny and being a mom is different, but there is no reason, at all, to belittle the wealth of knowledge a childless nanny/aunt/cousin/neighbor etc can have.

Now if they start telling you their kids would be perfect, that's another story

 

[C.Ann]

Lots of things people say on this board make me "smile" - and not just about babies and such..

As for the person you are speaking about in regards to her baby - I know someone who said all those things and actually did them! Her DD just turned 3 last February, is a charming child, very, very healthy, is already able to speak another lanuguage fluently, and just flew off to Greece with her mommy to visit extended family there..

 

[mnrose]

They're not saying you don't know anything but they're saying that you won't understand the full effects of being very definite in your opinions on child rearing until you are a parent. Because while as a nanny you spend 50 hours a week taking care of the child you still get to go home at the end of the day and you still get sick days and vacation days and personal days and weekends (or similar) off. You don't spend 50 hours a week tending that child while you are sick with the flu when the child is also sick with the flu after having been up all night taking care of said sick child for 5 days running because I'm betting that when you are sick with the flu you are at home because the mom you work for wants you no where near her healthy baby. This is when all those lovely "my child will never provisions" go out the window.

That is so true. When you realize that the child is *yours* and there is no going back. And, no giving the kid back at the end of the day or the end of the week or whatever. Nope. You have responsibility for them always. It will shake your world to actually be a parent.

I nannied too. And, helped raise my siblings. But, nothing prepared me for that moment when they let me walk out the door of that hospital with my babies. Really? They are mine? LOL! Of course, I knew how to diaper kids, I knew how to feed them, I knew that stuff, but I didn't know how to parent. I will also say that parenting a baby is really pretty easy (except for being physically exhausting!), it's parenting a tween or teen that will test everything you thought was true.

 

[Katy Belle]

I was never going to let my babies have pacifiers. Boy was I happy that someone gave me one in a shower gift! It was a lifesaver. My oldest DS used a pacifier for over 2 years. I even slip them into shower gifts now.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Understandable, but what other posters are saying is that until you actually HAVE a child of your own you don't know anything. I fail to understand why the fact that I have not given birth to the child I spend 50 hours a week feeding, diapering, etc. means I don't know anything about children and how to take care of them.

You migh be able to put a baby to sleep, so could i. Pretty much any baby, any time. It is still not the same as dealing with your own 24/7. Being exhausted, responsible, and having your whole heart wrapped up in a little person makes it a whole different animal. You might gave an idea of something to try and if might even work. That is a out the whole of it.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Lots of things people say on this board make me "smile" - and not just about babies and such..

As for the person you are speaking about in regards to her baby - I know someone who said all those things and actually did them! Her DD just turned 3 last February, is a charming child, very, very healthy, is already able to speak another lanuguage fluently, and just flew off to Greece with her mommy to visit extended family there..

He sounds great. Chances are with that caring parent all the choices could have been the opposite and he still would have been a great little person. I've seen too many sobbing moms feeling like failures because they couldn't breastfeed, or give up on a stronghold belief like going with disposables when it really just doesn't matter in the end.

 

[Uuaww]

god i hope i never have kids...

 

[GinnyEmma]

god i hope i never have kids...

There are ways to avoid it...

 

[torinsmom]

My sister is a music teacher in two schools. She has on average about 200 students per week. As such, she believed that she was in a special position to give parenting advice to me, because she had sooooo many children, doncha see. OMG. I got it coming and going from her. My oldest has severe ADHD and needed pretty close management. Oh, she was a fount of information and criticism. I couldn't do anything right in her eyes.

Then, at 40, she had her one and only. One day she called me crying hysterically. Parenthood was NOTHING like she thought it would be. It was endless and exhausting and 24 hours a day. She begged forgiveness for being an idiot Of course, i resisted the urge to say "I told you so", mainly because she was so distraught. Her DD is 13 now and was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome last year. The whole family has had a hard row to hoe. But you can bet your boots, Dsis the Teacher no longer gives out parenting advice.

I have a friend like that. When I was nervous about sending my DS with my ex for a visit, she would tell me I just needed to let him go and enjoy my weekend. She told me I was overprotective and needed to lighten up. Fast forward 10 years to her having her first child. The "baby" is almost 3 and she has never let her dad(they are not together) take her outside her house for a visit. Every time there is something we need to go to after hours at school, she uses the child as an excuse--"I can't leave her with a babysitter." I also specifically remember her complaining about a parent sending in a pacifier for her child to use during rest time(we had 3 year olds, as well as 4's, and 5's), and guess whose child still has a pacifier? The list goes on and on. Somehow something changes when it is your own.

My sister and BIL used to say they were going to build a sounds proof room, so they could have peace and quiet. Instead, they have an intercom, so they can STILL listen to make sure their "kids" are all right at 15 and 12, LOL.

 

[DisneyCher]

As a hospital maternity nurse, may I tell you how offensive your "nursing Nazi" term is. I don't think you would like anyone to call you a predjuiced killer of innocent people, would you?

Nurses are under pressure to promote/ encourage & teach about breastfeeding. The World Health Organization & the American Acedemy of Pediatrics & the US government (WIC program) have set standards for hospitals re: breastfeeding statistics.

I work in a high risk inner city hospital with many different types of patients. Some want to BF, many do not. Yet we get compared (unfavorably, of course) to our sister hospital in the suburbs. Most of our patients are young, several different minority groups, recent immigrants & a fair number with drug problems. The other hospital has mainly middle or upper middle class , college educated patients. We are constantly being "lectured" about our poor BF statistics.

Even with patients, it often seems we can do nothing right. If we encourage the mom to not give a bottle & exclusively BF, we are pressuring. If we let a mom give a bottle, we are not supportive.


I am sorry you weren't able to BF. I am glad I was able to nurse my 2. Personally, I encourage my patients in whatever choice they make. I think it is much more important for a baby to have a happy, relaxed mom, however it is being fed. I hope you will just reconsider your use of a very inappropriate & offensive term when referring to anyone, let alone medical professionals trying their best to do their jobs.




Off my soapbox. Back to the topic at hand.....

I'm sorry you personally took offense, but the "professional" lactation consultant at my hospital was horrible to me, my husband, and my parents who were made to wait out in the hall for over an hour while she lectured me on how my baby NEEDED me to breastfeed and implied that if I didn't he would not thrive. She was horrible. My OB said they LC's at our hospital have a bad reputation among OB/GYNs in the area. The comment wasn't about you, so sorry that you took it that way. The fact is, this woman made me feel like dirt, lower than low, for something that wasn't my fault. And I still hate her for it. And she left me with a very bad impression of LC's. The regular maternity nurses, however, were wonderful and very encouraging and helped me pump and didn't bat an eye at me needing to use formula. If only I'd passed on the LC . . . . Well, lesson learned for next time.

 

[sjaakie]

The reality is, until you have kids, you really have no clue. Opinions are fine, but in reality, they mean nothing.

I love the woman I used to work with who had a dog. Everytime the subject of kids came up, her dog would come up. Apparently her dog could read, write, speak, etc. lol. It was ridiculous that she thought it was the same thing.

The reality is that the same moment you have you're baby in your arms you have two "problems" that will never ever go away or even fade.
The first is a life long addiction to your child and the second one you will not be out of fear for a second as long as you live.
A child will always come first no matter what and a persons that has no children has no idea what this means a life long.

 

[tlbwriter]

Being a nanny is nothing like parenting. Been there done that. And I worked around the clock. It made me think I knew something. Lol.

I was a nanny for quite a few years before I had my son and I totally agree. I thought I knew it all, and I was a GREAT nanny. Once I had my son, I realized I knew nothing.

If you guys really think you knew NOTHING about babies, you must have been really bad nannies. No, being a nanny is not the same as being a parent, but a good nanny knows a LOT about children.