Moms. does it make you smile when a pregnant woman says this?

[wilma-bride]

I remember, when I had my second baby, sitting watching my dinner go cold while I fed her and my friend, who didn't have any kids at the time, saying when she had kids, she would let her baby wait for it's feed while she ate her dinner.

Lo and behold, some 12 months later, her first baby was born and, within weeks, she was complaining to me how she'd forgotten what it was like to eat a hot meal while it was actually hot I tried not to say 'I told you so' but it was hard...

 

[Cee]

I also love it when first-time parents proclaim, "This baby is not going to change anything. The child will fit into OUR life, not the other way around."

Uh-huh.........

 

[GinnyEmma]

If you guys really think you knew NOTHING about babies, you must have been really bad nannies. No, being a nanny is not the same as being a parent, but a good nanny knows a LOT about children.

Eh you learn the behaviors minus the intensity. Feeding kids, listening, diapers are all a job at that point. It I like a teacher without kids. They might offer insight into observations but they don't know the big picture.

 

[MrsPete]

That made me laugh because disposables came out I think sometime after my brother was born (not sure if he was out of diapers or not) but my mom put me in disposable diapers so fast it would make your head spin! There is no way she would ever go back to cloth diapers unless she absolutely had no choice whatsoever
. . . None of my kids had pacifiers....not that I really was against them but really didn't want to deal with them either.

Yeah, it's one thing to use cloth diapers when no option exists -- it's quite another to use them when you know there's something more convenient available.

As for pacifiers, that's something that the baby chooses to use or not. My daugther and niece were born within days of one another, and they both took to pacifiers quickly, BUT they were each super-fussy about the specific type they'd accept. I didn't mind the pacifier a bit; it was very easy to ditch when I thought the time was right.

My second child, though, wanted no part of a pacifier. She chose her thumb. That habit was much, much harder to break.

Understandable, but what other posters are saying is that until you actually HAVE a child of your own you don't know anything. I fail to understand why the fact that I have not given birth to the child I spend 50 hours a week feeding, diapering, etc. means I don't know anything about children and how to take care of them.

Here's the thing: Having worked as nanny, a babysitter, whatever, you think that knowing "how to take care of them" is the whole story. You think that being able to get a baby to sleep, reading a story and emphasizing voices, feeding the baby healthy foods is the sum of parenting. I don't doubt that you can change a diaper better than I could when my oldest was born, know how to kiss a boo-boo, can pop the stroller into ready position with one hand . . . you have child care skills. That's about 10% of parenting.

You have been concerned with the physical caring of a child -- and I don't doubt for a moment that you've done it well. But you haven't worried about every aspect of that child's life: You haven't made plans for that child's future, you haven't concerned yourself with the child's emotional, spiritual, educational, and financial past, present, and future. You've not had to make choices about the best place to raise the child, balancing your desire to spend on a great nursery and fancy stroller against saving for his college education, choosing the great church youth group that means 30 minutes driving or the close church youth group that's nearby, picking sports or dance or scouts for his extra-curricular activities. You haven't had to discipline the child beyond a simple, "Don't touch that". You haven't had to negotiate child-related decisions with your spouse, when both of you are sure you're right. And you haven't done it 24 hours a day, no matter what else is going on in your life. It's the never-a-break thing that gets you when your children are younger.

So, when you say that being a nanny has taught you all about parenting, I think you're under-estimating the vastness of raising a child. You're confusing it with child care skills, which ARE important and are an absolutely essential start . . . but are not the same thing as parenting.

i just want to say that there are WONDERFUL lactation consultants out there too. i had one come to my house on Christmas day to help me. she was a tremendous help to me when DD quit eating on Christmas Eve.

Oh my, yes! Learning to nurse wasn't nearly as easy as I'd expected it'd be, and the lactation consultant in the hospital helped me so much! For me, it was the positioning the baby that didn't come naturally. Just a few minutes helped me so much.

 

[jodifla]

Eh you learn the behaviors minus the intensity. Feeding kids, listening, diapers are all a job at that point. It I like a teacher without kids. They might offer insight into observations but they don't know the big picture.

Yes, I agree with this. It's the underlying EMOTIONS that make parenting the unique roller coaster it is. A nanny or a teacher has some knowledge of the basics mechanics of children, but they don't experience that punched in the gut -- or euphoric -- feeling a parent does on a regular basis.

 

[5lilfish]

Yes, I agree with this. It's the underlying EMOTIONS that make parenting the unique roller coaster it is. A nanny or a teacher has some knowledge of the basics mechanics of children, but they don't experience that punched in the gut -- or euphoric -- feeling a parent does on a regular basis.

Absolutely! I have 5 children. The single biggest thing that kept me from having a 6th was the worry. I could not take on worrying about another person. Each of my children takes part of my heart with them wherever they go. I worry about them all the time. I couldn't do it a 6th time. I know there are plenty of people that could, but 5 is all I can manage.

Before I had kids, I worked in childcare too. I definitely knew HOW to take care of a child well before I had kids. So many things change, though, when it is your child.

Jess

 

[ccgirl]

As a hospital maternity nurse, may I tell you how offensive your "nursing Nazi" term is. I don't think you would like anyone to call you a predjuiced killer of innocent people, would you?

Nurses are under pressure to promote/ encourage & teach about breastfeeding. The World Health Organization & the American Acedemy of Pediatrics & the US government (WIC program) have set standards for hospitals re: breastfeeding statistics.

I work in a high risk inner city hospital with many different types of patients. Some want to BF, many do not. Yet we get compared (unfavorably, of course) to our sister hospital in the suburbs. Most of our patients are young, several different minority groups, recent immigrants & a fair number with drug problems. The other hospital has mainly middle or upper middle class , college educated patients. We are constantly being "lectured" about our poor BF statistics.

Even with patients, it often seems we can do nothing right. If we encourage the mom to not give a bottle & exclusively BF, we are pressuring. If we let a mom give a bottle, we are not supportive.


I am sorry you weren't able to BF. I am glad I was able to nurse my 2. Personally, I encourage my patients in whatever choice they make. I think it is much more important for a baby to have a happy, relaxed mom, however it is being fed. I hope you will just reconsider your use of a very inappropriate & offensive term when referring to anyone, let alone medical professionals trying their best to do their jobs.


Off my soapbox. Back to the topic at hand.....

Perhaps that is not the best term. However, I took offense to the nurses's and lactation consultants that just wouldn't listen to me. I made a choice, I did not want to breastfeed. This was my second child. I had been through it once and had no desire to go through it again. I don't care about the stupid statistics. These are human lives and desires and they should be respected. The mother of my niece was a young mom. She did not want to breastfeed. She called me up crying so badly because the nurses were forcing her to and asked me to come down to talk to them. I did and we actually had a screaming match. The nurse lecturing me how I didn't know what was best blah..blah...blah. The fact of the matter is she was not listening to the wishes of her patient. I'm glad you are encouraging your patient's with whatever decision they want to make.

 

[ccgirl]

The reality is that the same moment you have you're baby in your arms you have two "problems" that will never ever go away or even fade.
The first is a life long addiction to your child and the second one you will not be out of fear for a second as long as you live.
A child will always come first no matter what and a persons that has no children has no idea what this means a life long.

Just wanted to say this is very well put.

 

[ccgirl]

Absolutely! I have 5 children. The single biggest thing that kept me from having a 6th was the worry. I could not take on worrying about another person. Each of my children takes part of my heart with them wherever they go. I worry about them all the time. I couldn't do it a 6th time. I know there are plenty of people that could, but 5 is all I can manage.

Before I had kids, I worked in childcare too. I definitely knew HOW to take care of a child well before I had kids. So many things change, though, when it is your child.

Jess

Oh, girl! I give you credit! I couldn't do it past 2! My DD8 goes for a bike ride outside and I am looking out the window worried all the while thinking I have to keep an eye on my DS3 as well.

I have a friend who had children much younger than I did. Her kids are in high school now. She says it very well, "little kids, little problems - big kids big problems." Some day (probably before I know it) I will be worrying about my little girl riding in a car rather than a bicycle. I think I'll thank my lucky stars it's just a bicycle for now.

 

[shortbun]

I have three children and cloth diapered them, didn't use bottles and didn't use pacifers. I don't think any of those criteria are particularly difficult to achieve. I also made my own baby food- some of it grown from my own organic vegetables..

I didn't use a schedule, but overall don't see anything wrong with what your friend is going to do.

I would guess that you are a SAHM, which is wonderful and what you were able to achieve-fabulous. It's not always possible for everyone, well-most of us. We used cloth, then we travelled a lot and switched to disposables-cloth not practical on airplanes, long car trips. Our son was adopted-had to use bottles. I made my own baby food or bought organic from the local co-op almost all the time-again the travelling was a problem-not always having organics; it was 15 years ago. My son would not take a pacifier; I tried because he had reflux and needed something to soothe him at times. He ended up chewing on one of our cloth diapers for comfort because I inevitiably had over my shoulder due to his reflux. Babies can not be conformed; they are human beings and start using their brains upon arrival.
Schedule? Yeah, right. We managed night sleeping fairly well but the nap schedule...whoa, all of a sudden he'd wail and it was naptime-no schedule.

 

[sajetto]

Good luck to this girl if she's a working mom. Now that I have a DD, I've learned to "roll" with it! Geez, I'm still trying to figure out to wean her. I remember saying I'd do it right after she turned one.....well now she's almost two.

 

[focusondisney]

Perhaps that is not the best term. However, I took offense to the nurses's and lactation consultants that just wouldn't listen to me. I made a choice, I did not want to breastfeed. This was my second child. I had been through it once and had no desire to go through it again. I don't care about the stupid statistics. These are human lives and desires and they should be respected. The mother of my niece was a young mom. She did not want to breastfeed. She called me up crying so badly because the nurses were forcing her to and asked me to come down to talk to them. I did and we actually had a screaming match. The nurse lecturing me how I didn't know what was best blah..blah...blah. The fact of the matter is she was not listening to the wishes of her patient. I'm glad you are encouraging your patient's with whatever decision they want to make.

Thanks! That's all I was saying, just that word. I'm sorry so many seem to have run into those "militant" (I like that word better, ) BF consultants. Unfortunately, a lot of this pressure is coming from agencies like the World Health Organization, the Americam Acedemy of Pediatrics, & the federal gov.'s WIC program. They are pushing for 100% BF in hospital! Hospital's must track & report statistics on exclusive BF vs formula fed. If a baby gets even 1 bottle in the hospital, it must go in the formula fed category.

Most of our staff has been in maternity for 20 -30 years (we're old!). We had our kids in the 70s -80s. We did the BF, natural chil birth stuff so we are pro BF. But we all know it's up to Mom. If she's happy, baby will be happier. Unfortunately, we get constant lectures / meetings about how poor our BF rates are. These statistics get put out for the public, so our hospital gets poor "grades" published.

For all those that had pressure from consultants, nurses, etc, make sure you complain about it when you get your patient surveys after you get home. Maybe hospitals will start listening to their patients, instead of all those agencies.



Edit to add: I forgot to say during thes BF "lectures, we have actually heard of hospital where you must BF. No formula allowed. How illegal is that? I would never choose to deliver at a hospital like that!

 

[tlbwriter]

Yes, I agree with this. It's the underlying EMOTIONS that make parenting the unique roller coaster it is. A nanny or a teacher has some knowledge of the basics mechanics of children, but they don't experience that punched in the gut -- or euphoric -- feeling a parent does on a regular basis.

But people weren't talking about emotions when they said nannies and non-parents don't know anything. They were talking about diapers and making your own baby food. Nannies may not know the gut-wrenching feeling of letting your heart go walking around outside of your body, but child care is also an important part of the parenting experience. So saying they know NOTHING, as a few posters have said here, is absolutely untrue.

 

[ccgirl]

But people weren't talking about emotions when they said nannies and non-parents don't know anything. They were talking about diapers and making your own baby food. Nannies may not know the gut-wrenching feeling of letting your heart go walking around outside of your body, but child care is also an important part of the parenting experience. So saying they know NOTHING, as a few posters have said here, is absolutely untrue.

Wow. This is very well put too. A lot of posters making some great points here. I'm actually enjoying reading this thread (which I tend not to do on parenting threads).

 

[ccgirl]

Thanks! That's all I was saying, just that word. I'm sorry so many seem to have run into those "militant" (I like that word better, ) BF consultants. Unfortunately, a lot of this pressure is coming from agencies like the World Health Organization, the Americam Acedemy of Pediatrics, & the federal gov.'s WIC program. They are pushing for 100% BF in hospital! Hospital's must track & report statistics on exclusive BF vs formula fed. If a baby gets even 1 bottle in the hospital, it must go in the formula fed category.

Most of our staff has been in maternity for 20 -30 years (we're old!). We had our kids in the 70s -80s. We did the BF, natural chil birth stuff so we are pro BF. But we all know it's up to Mom. If she's happy, baby will be happier. Unfortunately, we get constant lectures / meetings about how poor our BF rates are. These statistics get put out for the public, so our hospital gets poor "grades" published.

For all those that had pressure from consultants, nurses, etc, make sure you complain about it when you get your patient surveys after you get home. Maybe hospitals will start listening to their patients, instead of all those agencies.



Edit to add: I forgot to say during thes BF "lectures, we have actually heard of hospital where you must BF. No formula allowed. How illegal is that? I would never choose to deliver at a hospital like that!

Thanks for understanding. I think it's awful they are putting so much emphasis on those statistics. Being able to not breastfeed (it does happen as you know) or choosing not to breastfeed should not be a failure in any way. When I couldn't exclusively breastfeed my DD I was made to feel like a failure from most of the nurse's and LC's. The Dr. reminded me the most important thing was the baby was getting fed. I repeated this to one of the nurses's and she actually said, "what does he know he is a man". I was shocked and I absolutely did report that. I had one nurse I remember fondly. Tearing up thinking of her. SHe would just hold me when I cried because I wasn't BFing so well. She echoed the words of the doctor and let me know a happy mommy is a happy baby. She let me know I did have a choice. I left there feeling much better thanks to her. It's amazing how much better that nurse made me feel. I requested her when I had my son. I went in there much more confident and let each nurse know if they had a problem with my decision they were free to move on to another patient because I wasn't hearing another word about breastfeeding.

Sorry to get so off track.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Lol, but it is different. Nanny might be able to cloth diaper, bottle feed, and make baby food. But they dont have to do so while dealing with all the other real life stuff. House stuff, husband/partner stuff, nursing, business stuff. Which was the point. The op posted about a gal who was a business woman and hopes to accomplish a laundry list if good mommy stuff. Not anything like a nanny with some good childcare skills.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

Depends on what is important to you. I said I would never use pacifiers or bottles, exclusively breastfeed and then let my child self-wean, and I did just that. I'm on baby #2 and only used a bottle for a few days with DS when I had to pump and give him my milk in a bottle. (BTW, I nurse while I eat so baby doesn't have to wait and my dinner doesn't get cold.) I used a couple of jars of "baby food" with each baby, but largely skipped traditional pureed baby food (never made my own either) and just gave table food. I use disposable diapers because I like the convenience, but I know plenty of moms that use cloth or cloth hybrids. I also wear my babies and never carry them around in a bucket (infant car seat), because that is what is important to me.

Of course other things I thought I would "never" before I had kids changed. I said I would never let my kids have a tantrum in public, but I learned they have to have tantrums in public so they can learn the consequences of having tantrums in public!

 

[Becky2005]

Edit to add: I forgot to say during thes BF "lectures, we have actually heard of hospital where you must BF. No formula allowed. How illegal is that? I would never choose to deliver at a hospital like that!

How the world does THAT work? I know BF is best, etc... but what if you had breast cancer or something? What about if you were giving the baby up for adoption? What if it was an emergency c-section? What if the worst possible outcome happened and there was no mother? Are they going to let the baby starve?

My mom BF my brother & sister and couldn't with me...she started but apparently she literally just dried up. I guess I was the cause of all sorts of issues (that's apparently why I'm the youngest! )...if you put all 3 of us together, I doubt you would know I was the one in the disposable diapers, formula feed (and I'm sure the formula back then wasn't near as good as it is now), etc...

In my case I would be sending DH out to go buy formula so fast it would make their head spin! I'm going to guess they also encourage rooming in, since there is breastfeeding -- if the baby is with me all the time, the nurses aren't in the room all the time -- guess what I'm going to feed my baby what I want. They aren't there to be required to be on a special diet for some reason.

Then again, by baby #4 -- I was at a hospital that rooming in was optional and I chose NOT to room in. I'm sure they probably thought I was a little crazy (although once they found out this was baby #4 they usually went "OH")...but you better believe I was going to let them keep the baby so I could shower, actually EAT the hot meal IN bed even!!! It was a mini-vacation for me! I knew when those 48 hours were up....there wasn't going to be anyone else around to change the diapers or feed the baby at 2 AM!!! I so wasn't worried about bonding or anything like that, then again I'm not an infant person too much myself. It's a stage to survive through until they get to be fun...and well...I haven't decided about these teenage years yet (I think that's another stage to survive through...ages 5 - 10 were nice! ). Yes, I have a DH but he is so not an infant dad...give him the older kids and he is great.

 

[cari12]

Don't you know? Until you have kids, you're not allowed any opinions on anything child-related. When you're sitting at the lunch table with a bunch of moms, you just have to keep your mouth shut and not contribute ANYTHING because your ideas are worthless, no matter how many kids you've been around.

It's not so much that your opinions are worthless but not in reality and you will not get the reality of having a baby until you take care of one 24/7. One that you do not get to give back at a specified time so you just have to find a way that works for both of you no matter what. Anything can be talked about in theory and if you've never had a baby, it's all just theoretical.

 

[3boymthr]

How the world does THAT work? I know BF is best, etc... but what if you had breast cancer or something? What about if you were giving the baby up for adoption? What if it was an emergency c-section? What if the worst possible outcome happened and there was no mother? Are they going to let the baby starve?

My mom BF my brother & sister and couldn't with me...she started but apparently she literally just dried up. I guess I was the cause of all sorts of issues (that's apparently why I'm the youngest! )...if you put all 3 of us together, I doubt you would know I was the one in the disposable diapers, formula feed (and I'm sure the formula back then wasn't near as good as it is now), etc...

In my case I would be sending DH out to go buy formula so fast it would make their head spin! I'm going to guess they also encourage rooming in, since there is breastfeeding -- if the baby is with me all the time, the nurses aren't in the room all the time -- guess what I'm going to feed my baby what I want. They aren't there to be required to be on a special diet for some reason.

Then again, by baby #4 -- I was at a hospital that rooming in was optional and I chose NOT to room in. I'm sure they probably thought I was a little crazy (although once they found out this was baby #4 they usually went "OH")...but you better believe I was going to let them keep the baby so I could shower, actually EAT the hot meal IN bed even!!! It was a mini-vacation for me! I knew when those 48 hours were up....there wasn't going to be anyone else around to change the diapers or feed the baby at 2 AM!!! I so wasn't worried about bonding or anything like that, then again I'm not an infant person too much myself. It's a stage to survive through until they get to be fun...and well...I haven't decided about these teenage years yet (I think that's another stage to survive through...ages 5 - 10 were nice! ). Yes, I have a DH but he is so not an infant dad...give him the older kids and he is great.

This was me only it was baby #3.

BF is best but as you said what happens when you can't BF. I have a cousin for whom her milk never ever came in for all three of her kids. I also have another cousin who'd had surgery that caused her to be physically unable to BF. I have another cousin who was so set on the fact that she was going to BF until her DH told her it was repulsive and she had to make a tough choice - family harmony or BF.

I did BF all three of my boys - for 2 years each, let them wean on their own, wore #3 (but only because if I put him down he screamed), and I never gave them a bottle but it's not that they NEVER had a bottle it's that I never gave them one. And I think that's where the OP's cousin is unrealistic. Unless she never ever lets that baby leave her sight, never has an appt. etc where baby can't be there (never has to take DH to the ER at 10PM ) then that child will at some point have a bottle especially since she is running a business. At some point in time she's going to have to give in to the reality that you can't be all things to all people and that that baby is going to do things on it's own schedule.

I just hope she's not setting herself up for a case of post partum depression when things don't go exactly as she planned.