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[Frozen72]

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[LisaR]

They do after they have had a chance to clean up.

Why am I not still packing? That is a good question. I don't know. I am not focusing on what I really need to be doing I guess. He is asleep and I am wasting time goofing off instead of doing what I should be doing.

You aren't going to leave tonight, are you? Be honest, you simply aren't ready to walk out that door, are you?

 

[Hrhpd]

You aren't going to leave tonight, are you? Be honest, you simply aren't ready to walk out that door, are you?

If you won't leave, at least pick up the phone and make a call to a mental health professional for an appointment for yourself. You need help to break this cycle of co-dependant abuse.

 

[cabanafrau]

Thanks, at the moment I do not have to pay for medical insurance. That will save me some money. I tried to sign up for something since what I had through my former employer was going to skyrocket. They walked me through the stuff and I ended up getting one of those free medical cards. I didn't ask for something for nothing, they just sent me one and it's like here ya go. I am not in a position to refuse it. If I could find something relatively inexpensive to rent...and the town I am looking in is not known for being upscale, I should be able to make it.

You have financial reserves, tried to sign up for a plan & were handed a free card as a "here ya go" -- but you didn't ask for it?

They do after they have had a chance to clean up.

Why am I not still packing? That is a good question. I don't know. I am not focusing on what I really need to be doing I guess. He is asleep and I am wasting time goofing off instead of doing what I should be doing.

Not doing what you should be doing is your standard operating procedure. "Goofing off" is how you avoid reality when you're not busily handling tasks for your DH -- it's just a different approach to the same thing. I'm absolutely not being very nice to you. It's purposeful. Not in any attempt to be rude or hurtful, rather hoping to shake you from your sleepwalk through life while your life burns down.

You'll note I'm not following the trend of recommending you leave your DH. I tend not to do that online except in extreme cases, preferring to allow the people actually in the marriage attempt to make decisions about their relationship. The problems are not solely your DH's. A huge part of why you're in the position you're in is your failure to accept responsibility for the choices you make in life, preferring to assume a passive role while others take actions on your behalf. Your circumstances have deteriorated from a job and home ownership to a HUD housing situation, no job and a "here ya go" medical plan. Sooner or later you will find yourself in a position where there is no "here ya go" to be handed out and pull your bacon out of the fire. Make some positive changes in your life while you still have some assets and such to work from. The deeper you fall simply means a steeper eventual climb to try to get up.

 

[NewRVLady]

to me priority is not leaving immediately

Priority is dusting off the resume-and tomorrow send to a gazillion schools in your area
Focus on your life and how to fund it-honestly few will rent to someone without a job-unless its another Section 8 place

Move out-start a new life THEN worry about the divorce

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

You have financial reserves, tried to sign up for a plan & were handed a free card as a "here ya go" -- but you didn't ask for it?



Not doing what you should be doing is your standard operating procedure. "Goofing off" is how you avoid reality when you're not busily handling tasks for your DH -- it's just a different approach to the same thing. I'm absolutely not being very nice to you. It's purposeful. Not in any attempt to be rude or hurtful, rather hoping to shake you from your sleepwalk through life while your life burns down.

You'll note I'm not following the trend of recommending you leave your DH. I tend not to do that online except in extreme cases, preferring to allow the people actually in the marriage attempt to make decisions about their relationship. The problems are not solely your DH's. A huge part of why you're in the position you're in is your failure to accept responsibility for the choices you make in life, preferring to assume a passive role while others take actions on your behalf. Your circumstances have deteriorated from a job and home ownership to a HUD housing situation, no job and a "here ya go" medical plan. Sooner or later you will find yourself in a position where there is no "here ya go" to be handed out and pull your bacon out of the fire. Make some positive changes in your life while you still have some assets and such to work from. The deeper you fall simply means a steeper eventual climb to try to get up.

I'm in the "leave" camp now as well, but it's more for him than it is for her at this point. Her leaving would surely do them both some good in many, many different ways.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

This is one of the saddest threads I've read in a while.
Sad if it's true...Same if it's not.

 

[cabanafrau]

I'm in the "leave" camp now as well, but it's more for him than it is for her at this point. Her leaving would surely do them both some good in many, many different ways.

That may very well be the case. Unless someone is stating they are being physically abused or threatened I don't tell people to leave their marriage as a general rule. If I am talking face to face with a person, know a bit more of the facts of a situation and am asked for my opinion I may suggest considering the option of leaving the marriage, but that's a line I'm reluctant to cross, especially online. A huge percentage of marriages are probably salvageable if the individuals both own their flaws and try to improve themselves. It's funny how people playing the blame game wind up in lives just as turbulent and messed up despite leaving their disaster of a spouse if they don't bother to own up to their own failings and try to do better themselves.

 

[Frozen72]

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[littleblackegg]

Remember reading about the teenagers who post abusive messages to themselves on message boards in the effort to get others to post abusive messages? This is the adult version of that. By encouraging other people to post messages about the disturbing and provocative conditions of her own life, the poster avoids the dull and tedious realities of her life. Don't get sucked in.

 

[sunshinehighway]

For the record, I was up front with them about what I used to make. They also didn't care what you have in the bank. They said it is based on your current income, if you make below a certain amount per month... you are getting this benefit. In fact the lady who walked me through the whole thing said she put her husband on the same program when he was short on work. She said the only time your assets are going to be relevant is if you are applying for SNAP. I am not trying to work the system, but yes if they offer me something I am going to take it in the short term.

I am taking a break from the packing. I will say that it is very hard for me to do. I can say whatever I want to say, but when I start doing it, the whole thing becomes more real. I CAN do this, it is just freaking me out a little.

How long are you packing for ? It just seems so dramatic. If you were really leaving and really wanted to change anything, you'd pack up enough to get you through a few days to have a break, clear your head and assess the situation.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

...changed my mind.

 

[Frozen72]

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[RitaE]

I keep rereading it and I've come up with 3 different scenarios

1. Guy really did just soil himself and then undergo a completely humiliating experience at the Doctor's office just "get" his wife.
2. Guy has for whatever reason lost bowel control, but wife has decided the feces is being created just to "get her" and she's getting angrier and angrier about it.
3. It's all fake. Or it's mostly fake and it is feeding some need for attention.

Between #1 and #2 I'm not sure which sounds worse because they both sound about 2 steps away from all the previously reported mental abuse to where baseball bats, poison, and weapons come into play. I think on the TV shows they call this escalation and it means, somebody stop it now because it is going to get worse. I'm not saying that to be funny. I'm saying that like if this is going on, people need to be separated from each other now.

3. Well, it is the internet.

 

[sunshinehighway]

This is not a temporary move planned. Just have to pack clothes and some personal items. None of the furniture in here is mine and I do not want it anyway. This place was furnished with my mother in-law's stuff, I have no claim to it.

We got rid of "our" furniture when we sold our house. Between the stuff he did to it, and the cat clawing it, our furniture was just awful. Things have been like this for a long time, once you are cooped up in tight quarters with somebody like that, it really really turns up the heat on you.

So you just have to pack clothes and personal stuff and you've been at it for hours? K.

 

[RitaE]

This is not a temporary move planned. Just have to pack clothes and some personal items. None of the furniture in here is mine and I do not want it anyway. This place was furnished with my mother in-law's stuff, I have no claim to it.

We got rid of "our" furniture when we sold our house. Between the stuff he did to it, and the cat clawing it, our furniture was just awful. Things have been like this for a long time, once you are cooped up in tight quarters with somebody like that, it really really turns up the heat on you.

For goodness sake just pack a bag, grab the cat, and go. Maybe call Sister In Law or an ambulance and have them check on him later.

You can send your Dad over for some other stuff once you've had a couple of days to process.

 

[Frozen72]

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[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

The vibe's starting to change a bit...

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Sorry if it is offensive or annoying. If you met me out (w/o him around) you would think I am a perfectly normal person. I am a regular poster on here and I did not use my own ID because it is embarrassing. It helps to talk about it. I really does help. If anything to document my descent into madness. I used to sit and just write this stuff out on legal pads, page after page. I can't even go back and read it myself. But I know it is there and that gives me some kind of comfort or something. I don't know how to describe it. I am not trying some experiment. This IS my life for good or bad, it is my reality. It just helps to air some of this.

So you are just using the forum as a sounding board to just "get it out there"? Do you have plans to act or is this just all a getting it out there issue?

 

[Frozen72]

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