MIL - one thing I don't like about her

[ccgirl]

Just as not all DiL's are saints, I can assure you not all MiL's are either. At my wedding my mother in law would not walk down the aisle to the song she was supposed to because she decided she didn't like it. She wanted to wait until "Here Comes the Bride" started. Because, after all, it was her son that was getting married. Another time, after we just purchased our home some out of state relative's of my DH were visiting. I was going to have a cookout. She called me up the day before to say it was now at her house because she wanted them to see her house. She then asked me if I could bring my grill, table & chairs, and all the food because she didn't have anything and didn't want to go to the store since I had everything.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OMG!!!!!!!

Your MIL has mine beat!!!
(but only by a hair)

 

[ols386]

I think that there is no reason to enter into a relationship deliberately cutting off people just because you can. My DH mother is like that, she felt that I was not acceptable for her son....a widow with three young children was . It was okay to be rude to me, try publicly separate me from DH in public ( put her name with his and his brother at a funeral. The director called her name, my DH and his brother's while I was sitting there next to DH with the kids. My DBIL put his hand over my youngest and kept him sitting while my DH did the same to my DD, waited until MIL walked up alone and then both men escorted us up) MIL still has not learned that family is not blood, it is bond.

That's a very powerfull statement, and I totally agree with it.

 

[ChattaAlley]

I have seen how it affects families when a bad MIL is there.

After 10+ years of knowing me, she is finally FINALLY listening to her siblings (who don't even live in the States but can see who I am better than she can) and is opening her heart to me. She just hated me from the beginning b/c I'm not from her country-of-birth and I was never EVER given the benefit of the doubt at all.

Of course her siblings can also see, and have told her, that she destroyed every last bit of possibility that I will EVER open up to her, after all that she's done.

It's not always the younger person's fault. I promise you.

Maybe I should'nt make sucha a broad statement. BUT, I have seen too many times where the DIL is the one causing all the problems. Much moreso then the MIL.

Being a DIL you should expect the MIL to dote over her son. This is typical. Most daughters are close to her family even after she takes a husband. Sons, I believe want to be close after marrying but have a nagging voice in their ear all the time. Most DIL do not want to see the MIL and son express any emotions towards each other (again this is what I witness in my family and others around me). If the son hugs his mother or recieves gifts he is called a mommas boy, etc. But if the DIL does this with her parents it is suppose to be totally ok. My mother bends over backwards for my SIL and brother. Keeps my nephew overnnight alot, goes and gets him from school, buys him clothes, etc. But my SIL always has something to complain about. She is so controlling and thinks her way is the best way. Which we and most everyone around her thinks she is a nut and is lacking common sense. My mom nods her head and does what she wants, after all DN is taken care of (better then with her) and he loves her. She may get mad at how some things are done but we are at the point where it doesn't matter anymore. I could write books and books on this girl and her controlling bi-polar personality but i won't. I said all that to say "MOST" DIL expect WAY too much from their MIL. People are different and are not going to do the things you want them to (well, except my mom) do all the time. I would just consider her feelings and step back and look at myself to see if I am doing everything right. I tell my SIL ALL the time that she will have a DIL one day and it will most likely come back to bite her. Or I hope it does. I wish that my DN will marry someone just like his momma

 

[tlbwriter]

Maybe I should'nt make sucha a broad statement. BUT, I have seen too many times where the DIL is the one causing all the problems. Much moreso then the MIL.

For every story of a bad DIL, there's a story of a bad MIL. Neither side has a monopoly.

Being a DIL you should expect the MIL to dote over her son. This is typical. Most daughters are close to her family even after she takes a husband. Sons, I believe want to be close after marrying but have a nagging voice in their ear all the time.

Wow. All kids of stereotypes here.

Most DIL do not want to see the MIL and son express any emotions towards each other (again this is what I witness in my family and others around me). If the son hugs his mother or recieves gifts he is called a mommas boy, etc. But if the DIL does this with her parents it is suppose to be totally ok.

More stereotypes and assumptions.

I said all that to say "MOST" DIL expect WAY too much from their MIL.

Oh, look. More.

 

[ChattaAlley]

For every story of a bad DIL, there's a story of a bad MIL. Neither side has a monopoly.



Wow. All kids of stereotypes here.



More stereotypes and assumptions.



Oh, look. More.

Oh, look. Your post was FULL assumptions also so . . . . WELCOME! Also, I tried my hardest to explain it that this was our personal expierence and that I was NOT referring to all DIL.....so move along little troll.

 

[tlbwriter]

Your post was FULL assumptions also so . . . . WELCOME!

Really? That was unintentional. Could you please point them out to me?

 

[ChattaAlley]

Really? That was unintentional. Could you please point them out to me?

Your riddiculous statements that mine were assumptions - I am around this SIL/DIl daily so I think it would NOT be assumptions but more so reality. K!

 

[tlbwriter]

Your riddiculous statements that mine were assumptions - I am around this SIL/DIl daily so I think it would NOT be assumptions but more so reality. K!

I was actually referring to your assumption that many/all/most DILs behave like this woman. In other words, everything I quoted.

 

[Cinderella94]

Just as not all DiL's are saints, I can assure you not all MiL's are either. At my wedding my mother in law would not walk down the aisle to the song she was supposed to because she decided she didn't like it. She wanted to wait until "Here Comes the Bride" started. Because, after all, it was her son that was getting married. Another time, after we just purchased our home some out of state relative's of my DH were visiting. I was going to have a cookout. She called me up the day before to say it was now at her house because she wanted them to see her house. She then asked me if I could bring my grill, table & chairs, and all the food because she didn't have anything and didn't want to go to the store since I had everything.

OMG...please tell me you didn't oblige.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Which we and most everyone around her thinks she is a nut and is lacking common sense. ....... My mom nods her head and does what she wants

For me, both of these sentences above, the outright name-calling, and the fact that this grandmother feels she can simply ignore the wishes viewpoints of the childs mother, (as well as presumptuous use of the word 'most' several times in the post) completely and totally discount any consideration for this post.

I think it is very easy to see who is disrespectful.

 

[ccgirl]

Maybe I should'nt make sucha a broad statement. BUT, I have seen too many times where the DIL is the one causing all the problems. Much moreso then the MIL.

Being a DIL you should expect the MIL to dote over her son. This is typical. Most daughters are close to her family even after she takes a husband. Sons, I believe want to be close after marrying but have a nagging voice in their ear all the time. Most DIL do not want to see the MIL and son express any emotions towards each other (again this is what I witness in my family and others around me). If the son hugs his mother or recieves gifts he is called a mommas boy, etc. But if the DIL does this with her parents it is suppose to be totally ok. My mother bends over backwards for my SIL and brother. Keeps my nephew overnnight alot, goes and gets him from school, buys him clothes, etc. But my SIL always has something to complain about. She is so controlling and thinks her way is the best way. Which we and most everyone around her thinks she is a nut and is lacking common sense. My mom nods her head and does what she wants, after all DN is taken care of (better then with her) and he loves her. She may get mad at how some things are done but we are at the point where it doesn't matter anymore. I could write books and books on this girl and her controlling bi-polar personality but i won't. I said all that to say "MOST" DIL expect WAY too much from their MIL. People are different and are not going to do the things you want them to (well, except my mom) do all the time. I would just consider her feelings and step back and look at myself to see if I am doing everything right. I tell my SIL ALL the time that she will have a DIL one day and it will most likely come back to bite her. Or I hope it does. I wish that my DN will marry someone just like his momma

First, I think you did point out this is your experience. As you can see, others have different experiences as far as MiL's. The bolded is what I have issues with. It sounds like your mom just nods her head and does what she wants putting the DiL's desires for her own son aside. That's not cool. Picture if that happened with your MiL. You really wanted your son/daughter to be treated one way and your MiL purposely defied your wishes. Sorry, I would have a problem with that as well.

OMG...please tell me you didn't oblige.

Oh Lord No! I am not crazy. Sorry...but my wedding was absolutely MY DAY! She had a choice, get walking or not bother. She ended up walking. I did oblige her with the whole cookout thing as that is what my DH wanted to do and I wanted to support him. I think he is finally seeing just how nutty she is but he is her mom and as much as I love my mom, he loves his. I totally get that. I am not intentionally rude to her but I avoid her at all costs. She will even ask him, "who makes the better lasagna" "Who makes the better roast.?" "Who washes your clothes better?" I like my DH's response, "my wife (me) has it all over you as far as cooking but she is not my maid she is my partner and I am quite capable of doing my own laundry and hers too."

 

[Wishing on a star]

WOW!!!!!!

We all need a husband like yours!!!!!

It is when the husband fails to step up that inlaw problems become marriage problems!

 

[Cinderella94]

Oh Lord No! I am not crazy. Sorry...but my wedding was absolutely MY DAY! She had a choice, get walking or not bother. She ended up walking. I did oblige her with the whole cookout thing as that is what my DH wanted to do and I wanted to support him. I think he is finally seeing just how nutty she is but he is her mom and as much as I love my mom, he loves his. I totally get that. I am not intentionally rude to her but I avoid her at all costs. She will even ask him, "who makes the better lasagna" "Who makes the better roast.?" "Who washes your clothes better?" I like my DH's response, "my wife (me) has it all over you as far as cooking but she is not my maid she is my partner and I am quite capable of doing my own laundry and hers too."

Awwww .

She does sound like a nut!

 

[Jeafl]

Well, if that is your worst complaint call yourself lucky!

My beloved grandparents never had toys at their house. When we went to visit (at times for a week or more) we brought our own stuff. But my grandmother would bake with us and tell us stories and she taught me how to sew or we helped her in her garden. I also remember reading her Reader's Digest when I was there. Or I would hang out with my grandpa and listen to baseball games on the radio

Those were some of my happiest childhood memories.

I loved my grandparents and I really miss them. Perhaps your MIL is interacting with her grandkids or expecting them to entertain themselves.

I agree with this too. At the time I may not have appreciated it, but looking back, those were amazing times and I am very grateful for them.

Just as not all DiL's are saints, I can assure you not all MiL's are either. At my wedding my mother in law would not walk down the aisle to the song she was supposed to because she decided she didn't like it. She wanted to wait until "Here Comes the Bride" started. Because, after all, it was her son that was getting married. Another time, after we just purchased our home some out of state relative's of my DH were visiting. I was going to have a cookout. She called me up the day before to say it was now at her house because she wanted them to see her house. She then asked me if I could bring my grill, table & chairs, and all the food because she didn't have anything and didn't want to go to the store since I had everything.

Seriously??? What a nutcase.

In any case, we handled the toy issue by buying special toys that my mom left on a low shelf in her linen closet. The kids always looked forward to playing with them and never got bored with them. They knew the stuff on that low shelf was theirs to play with as they wished.

 

[dzorn]

ROFLMFAO---yea---no where did I say that---- if I had a son I sure as heck would be there to babysit his kids anytime too--
I said I was glad I didn't have one because of all the drama on the DIS with woman giving their mother in laws a hard time and always spouting off about what terrible people they are--

That might be because some MIL are not very nice poeple.

I am so glad I usually like my in-laws.

Denise in MI

 

[ChattaAlley]

First, I think you did point out this is your experience. As you can see, others have different experiences as far as MiL's. The bolded is what I have issues with. It sounds like your mom just nods her head and does what she wants putting the DiL's desires for her own son aside. That's not cool. Picture if that happened with your MiL. You really wanted your son/daughter to be treated one way and your MiL purposely defied your wishes. Sorry, I would have a problem with that as well.

It isn't stuff like giving him chocolate or candy. My mom would never do that. And she doesn't have a problem with it she doesn't know. Anyhoo . . .I will give you an example. My DN is 2 now but when he was 6 mths old she and my brother went to the beach 10 hours away and left him with my mom because they did not want to take him and there was no one else. She proceeds to write out a 4 page (4 PAGE) instruction note. Some of the things she listed out was please change him at least 4x's a day. You change his diaper by laying him flat and placing diaper under him. Then you make sure both velcro sides meet. We don't want any leaks. Who the heck doesn't know how to change a diaper esp. if you had 2 kids and kept kids. Then it was when you feed him his bottle make sure he burps half way. DUH!!!! My mom was more equipped and knowledgeable then she was about babies and still is. There were pages of crazy things. My mom kept it and will show it to her one day. We have shown several people the letter and they are baffled. Then again, my parents keeping him on days when he is off from school. She got mad cause he didn't have a nap right at noon when they didn't bring him over till 10 and he had just woke up. He wasn't tired. Its stupid stuff like that. I just didn't want to go into it all. So I guess unless you know the ull story on something like that - I prob would not comment.

 

[WicketsMom]

We don't leave my son with my MIL at all because she is not capable of keeping him by herself. She did attempt to buy some toys and supplies when he was younger when we would visit, but they were never age-appropriate or safe. (She also refused to child-proof the house so I didn't let him out of my sight!) One of the 'toys' she gave him as an infant was a bottle of prescription pills to use as a rattle!

I much prefer to bring a few toys with us for the short time that we do spend with her. That way I know that what he has is safe for him.

 

[ChattaAlley]

For me, both of these sentences above, the outright name-calling, and the fact that this grandmother feels she can simply ignore the wishes viewpoints of the childs mother, (as well as presumptuous use of the word 'most' several times in the post) completely and totally discount any consideration for this post.

I think it is very easy to see who is disrespectful.

I am the one calling her names noty my mom. She is a saint. And I can only bet your MIL does every thing you bark out too?

 

[tlbwriter]

Being a DIL you should expect the MIL to dote over her son. This is typical. Most daughters are close to her family even after she takes a husband. Sons, I believe want to be close after marrying but have a nagging voice in their ear all the time. Most DIL do not want to see the MIL and son express any emotions towards each other (again this is what I witness in my family and others around me). If the son hugs his mother or recieves gifts he is called a mommas boy, etc. But if the DIL does this with her parents it is suppose to be totally ok.

So I guess unless you know the ull story on something like that - I prob would not comment.

Yes, that's probably a very good idea. You probably shouldn't comment on "typical" MILs and "most" daughters and "most" DILs unless you know the full story.