Just as not all DiL's are saints, I can assure you not all MiL's are either. At my wedding my mother in law would not walk down the aisle to the song she was supposed to because she decided she didn't like it. She wanted to wait until "Here Comes the Bride" started. Because, after all, it was her son that was getting married. Another time, after we just purchased our home some out of state relative's of my DH were visiting. I was going to have a cookout. She called me up the day before to say it was now at her house because she wanted them to see her house. She then asked me if I could bring my grill, table & chairs, and all the food because she didn't have anything and didn't want to go to the store since I had everything.
Maybe I should'nt make sucha a broad statement. BUT, I have seen too many times where the DIL is the one causing all the problems. Much moreso then the MIL.
Being a DIL you should expect the MIL to dote over her son. This is typical. Most daughters are close to her family even after she takes a husband. Sons, I believe want to be close after marrying but have a nagging voice in their ear all the time. Most DIL do not want to see the MIL and son express any emotions towards each other (again this is what I witness in my family and others around me). If the son hugs his mother or recieves gifts he is called a mommas boy, etc. But if the DIL does this with her parents it is suppose to be totally ok. My mother bends over backwards for my SIL and brother. Keeps my nephew overnnight alot, goes and gets him from school, buys him clothes, etc. But my SIL always has something to complain about. She is so controlling and thinks her way is the best way. Which we and most everyone around her thinks she is a nut and is lacking common sense. My mom nods her head and does what she wants, after all DN is taken care of (better then with her) and he loves her. She may get mad at how some things are done but we are at the point where it doesn't matter anymore. I could write books and books on this girl and her controlling bi-polar personality but i won't. I said all that to say "MOST" DIL expect WAY too much from their MIL. People are different and are not going to do the things you want them to (well, except my mom) do all the time. I would just consider her feelings and step back and look at myself to see if I am doing everything right. I tell my SIL ALL the time that she will have a DIL one day and it will most likely come back to bite her. Or I hope it does. I wish that my DN will marry someone just like his momma
I think that while this is your experience with an IL it would be interesting to hear your Sis IL's observations about you and your Mom. There is a vast difference between loving and respecting your son and doting on him just as there is a vast difference between loving and respecting your Mom and allowing her to run rampant through your marriage.
If I ignored what my DD asked me in regards to caring for my DGD I would not see her again unsupervised. And trust me....your SIS IL knows that your Mom is ignoring her requests. Your Mom raised her family and from your post I think she had some difficulty learning and teaching respecting boundaries. This child is nto hers or yours and therefore neither of you has the right to disregard what his Mother has decided is best for him. You are not required to agree, you are required to respect.
I raised three children and I taught my sons that once they married their wife came first. I expected that I would be treated with respect but that if I intruded where I did not belong I expected my sins to take a stand and it had better be beside their wife. I also treat their wives as I would treat my own DD, and thankfully I get that returned tenfold.
Now as to your unfortunate name calling. I have no idea why your refer to your SIS Il as "controling bipolar personality"
How offensive! I will promise you that if your post is any indication of the way that your family treats your brother's wife it is no small wonder that she does not like you. The next step she and your brother may take is the one my DD and her DH had to take. Very little contact with your nephew. No one, not even a family member has the right to undermine a parent, ridicule a parent or disrespect a parent because a child will pick up on it. It is a shame that you and you rMom have decided that you can usurp your SIS Il's role as the mother of her child and that you find your behavior above reproach.
I love my DD and have a close relationship with her and love both of my sons as much. I have heard that sons are caught between their Mother and their wife but that is poppycock! If a Mother has done her job properly her daughters by marriage know that there is no contest. And that Mother will never lose a son!
Your riddiculous statements that mine were assumptions - I am around this SIL/DIl daily so I think it would NOT be assumptions but more so reality.
K!
The statements are your reality. If any of your reality pertained to me I would be heartbroken!
For me, both of these sentences above, the outright name-calling, and the fact that this grandmother feels she can simply ignore the wishes viewpoints of the childs mother, (as well as presumptuous use of the word 'most' several times in the post) completely and totally discount any consideration for this post.
I think it is very easy to see who is disrespectful.
ITA!
She proceeds to write out a 4 page (4 PAGE) instruction note. Some of the things she listed out was please change him at least 4x's a day. You change his diaper by laying him flat and placing diaper under him. Then you make sure both velcro sides meet. We don't want any leaks.
Who the heck doesn't know how to change a diaper esp. if you had 2 kids and kept kids. Then it was when you feed him his bottle make sure he burps half way. DUH!!!! My mom was more equipped and knowledgeable then she was about babies and still is. There were pages of crazy things. My mom kept it and will show it to her one day. We have shown several people the letter and they are baffled. Then again, my parents keeping him on days when he is off from school. She got mad cause he didn't have a nap right at noon when they didn't bring him over till 10 and he had just woke up. He wasn't tired. Its stupid stuff like that. I just didn't want to go into it all. So I guess unless you know the ull story on something like that - I prob would not comment.
I think she is a new Mother. I will also say that things have changed since your Mother raised her family. I raised three children and they are all still alive. When Kady was born I was shocked to learn I did not know what I needed to know but instead of ridiculing my DD I listened and learned. The the young woman on my street left her infant with me and I needed to learn more. And I did. I found by paying attention to what mattered to the mothers I was trusted and coulld use my judgement for just about anything. They knew I would never undermine them as parents and that I would never inadvertantly harm one of the kids. becasue I was too ignorant and stubborn to admit that perhaps I had something to learn.
If I sound harsh it is because I am so irritated but the behavior that you seem to find perfectly acceptable. My future DDIL had heard all of the MIL things and was worried about my relationship with my son. I think it was women who had married into families like yours who gave her the impression that a Mother challenges her DDIL for attention. That behavior makes it very difficult for the rest of us who just want our sons to be happy and loved by the woman they love.
I remember when my first husbands sister left her baby with my DMIL for the first time. There was a four page letter included. DMIL laughed it off but I was a bit testy back then so I was insulted for her. Needless to say, her grace and humor under those circumstances is one of the most precious gifts she gave to me. SHe taught me some things about how not to treat a DDIL but those things were minor in comparison to the many lessons I took from her in how to make a DDIL one of the family. Thank you for sharing this story, you just brought her back to me today and that is a wonderful way to begin a Saturday 
