MIL Drama

[Ciao Mickey]

MIL came over for dinner the other night and could have won an Academy Award. Everytime she comes over she complains about the temperature. The house is too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter.She keeps hers chilled in the summer and hot in the winter btw. That night it was 55 all day and we had the oven on,- the house was 68-69 degrees. After we ate she starts complaining that she's cold and we should put the heat on. DH turned on the electric fireplace and the living room was very warm. I hear her complaining so I go look and she's standing huddled by the electric fireplace with her coat on. I told her she is crazy that it is not cold. Oops DH was a little annoyed but I couldn't stand to hear it anymore. So was I wrong, should I turn my heat to 74 degrees when shes here and 65 in the summer? It bothering me because I've never said a word back to my MIL in 11 years and Im starting to feel bad...

Yes, you were wrong not to raise the heat while she was there and you were RUDE on top of it. She is your husband's mother and a guest in your home. Have some respect.

Would you have reacted the same way if one of YOUR parents made the same request?

 

[SaraJayne]

MILs often cause drama.

Here's what I would do. I would buy a pair of slippers and a Snuggie for MIL to use at my home. When MIL comes to the home, I would turn up the heat a little and tell MIL, "We know you get cold so we've turned up the heat a bit. But in case you're still chilly, we bought some slippers and a Snuggie for you to use at our home."

DIL's often cause drama, as anyone who's read these boards for longer than a week knows.

OP, turn the heat up for the few hours she's there. When she's gone, turn it back down. I'd be annoyed at you, too, if I were your spouse. Being rude and ungracious to a guest in your home is unacceptable.

 

[Christine]

But with a Drama Llama MIL the slippers would not fit right and the snuggie would be itchy. This is a MIL who is being disagreeable for the purpose of causing problems. No matter how sane you are with a person like this, they will find away to cause drama and insanity. It is very hard to kill their drama, because they are determined to cause it.

I guess I haven't read any of the OP's previous MIL threads? I'm not getting where the MIL has yet to be officially designated as a Drama Llama. All I got from the post is that the MIL always complains about the temperature in their home, be it winter or summer? Yes, it could be that the MIL is a drama queen. It could also be that the OP's family is one of those families that keeps their house at temps that other people might find uncomfortable.

 

[eeyore kelly]

MIL came over for dinner the other night and could have won an Academy Award. Everytime she comes over she complains about the temperature. The house is too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter.She keeps hers chilled in the summer and hot in the winter btw. That night it was 55 all day and we had the oven on,- the house was 68-69 degrees. After we ate she starts complaining that she's cold and we should put the heat on. DH turned on the electric fireplace and the living room was very warm. I hear her complaining so I go look and she's standing huddled by the electric fireplace with her coat on. I told her she is crazy that it is not cold. Oops DH was a little annoyed but I couldn't stand to hear it anymore. So was I wrong, should I turn my heat to 74 degrees when shes here and 65 in the summer? It bothering me because I've never said a word back to my MIL in 11 years and Im starting to feel bad...

I guess I haven't read any of the OP's previous MIL threads? I'm not getting where the MIL has yet to be officially designated as a Drama Llama. All I got from the post is that the MIL always complains about the temperature in their home, be it winter or summer? Yes, it could be that the MIL is a drama queen. It could also be that the OP's family is one of those families that keeps their house at temps that other people might find uncomfortable.

The woman was huddled like Bob Cratchit over his candle in an almost 70 degree house. Her own house fluctuates wildly with the seasons. This has been going on for 11+ years.

I go somewhere where I know it is going to be cool I bring a jacket, if it is hot I dress a little cooler.

A lot of people are talking about being a good host, but the guest has the responsibility to be a gracious guest also.

 

[Christine]

The woman was huddled like Bob Cratchit over his candle in an almost 70 degree house. Her own house fluctuates wildly with the seasons. This has been going on for 11+ years.

I go somewhere where I know it is going to be cool I bring a jacket, if it is hot I dress a little cooler.

A lot of people are talking about being a good host, but the guest has the responsibility to be a gracious guest also.

In my home, 70 degrees feels very cold unless you are up and cooking or doing some housework. As I said earlier, at 72 degrees, my daughter was sitting on the couch with her hoodie on and her snuggie on and she was complaining it was cold. I was fine but I was vacuuming and washing floors. The minute I sat and watched TV, I got cold too. Yes, in a 72 degree house. I remember when my neighbor (who has the same house as me) hosted my baby shower, she had the heat at 70 degrees. All my old aunts and cousins came over and they were absolutely FREEZING in her house and talked about "how cold she keeps her house" for months!

I'm not arguing that, indeed, the MIL could be being a pain, but I don't think the issue is totally black and white here.

 

[disykat]

I'm another one with trying to make the guest comfortable by bumping the heat a few degrees. Putting it up to 70 would not have been unreasonable. As far as drama, it sounds like MIL is overly dramatic, but the OP insisting she could assertain whether MIL was cold or not was overly controlling.

When you are in your own home, not only do you have control over your temperature but you have the ability to put on or remove clothes etc. As a guest, you're often stuck. If she had on a coat and a blanket and she was still cold, she didn't have much other recourse than to ask for more heat.

 

[VillageMama]

If she had on a coat and a blanket and she was still cold, she didn't have much other recourse than to ask for more heat.

Or just suck it up and feel cold for a while. That's what I would do if I was visiting someone's home. It really is an option to suffer for a little bit. We don't have to go around adapting the world to fit our every preference.

But I totally agree with your first paragraph!

 

[mickeymedic]

I feel like too many posters are missing this one point that the OP stated and that is her MIL "keeps hers chilled in the summer and hot in the winter btw." So, if it's chilled in the summer she obviously can stand cooler temps.

I agree. If she was on meds or had a medical condition that always made her cold, then she would also be cold in the summer - not chilling her house as the OP described.

 

[jrmasm]

For those of you that suggested that the temp should have been changed to suit the guest (I don't disagree), do you ask your guests to remove their shoes?

Just wondering.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

For those of you that suggested that the temp should have been changed to suit the guest (I don't disagree), do you ask your guests to remove their shoes?

Just wondering.

No. Esp. for my mom and dad. They need their shoes for balance.

 

[puffkin]

I honestly don't see how turning the heat up in the house a few degrees would make this situation any better. I mean, seriously, she was standing directly in front of a fire place and was still cold. Turning up the heat is NOT GOING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

The OP did make accomodations to keep their guest comfortable. They turned on their fireplace. Besides possibly offering a sweater or even pulling a chair over to the fireplace, I don't really see what else they could have done. So in this instance, I do agree with the OP that it was a bit overdramatic.

I keep my house FROSTY. I detest paying for heat so the thermostat is set at 60. We do run our gas fireplace in our main living area a lot though and it gets very warm in those few rooms. There is no way I would turn up my entire house heat with the fireplace option. If someone is cold in my house, they can sit near the fireplace or I will give them a sweater/blanket. I do not adjust my thermostat.

 

[luvestodizz]

OP HERE: My MIL has been dong this temperature thing for 11 years now. She never complained when my SIL had a party and her house was a chilly 65 degrees. She also never complained when that same SIL didn't turn on the AC for a summer party and it was hot. Over the summer we had birthday cake for my DH. It wasn't hot enough for the AC but I had all our windows open.As soon as the kitchen got a bit warm, the complaining started, Oh it's so hot turn on your AC etc. She turns her AC on in April and the heat in October. I think it is just her thing to complain about our house.

 

[eeyore kelly]

OP HERE: My MIL has been dong this temperature thing for 11 years now. She never complained when my SIL had a party and her house was a chilly 65 degrees. She also never complained when that same SIL didn't turn on the AC for a summer party and it was hot. Over the summer we had birthday cake for my DH. It wasn't hot enough for the AC but I had all our windows open.As soon as the kitchen got a bit warm, the complaining started, Oh it's so hot turn on your AC etc. She turns her AC on in April and the heat in October. I think it is just her thing to complain about our house.

That is what I got from your post. It seems that she is using the temp of your house as a controlling point. Sorry, OP that your MIL is a pain. Please be rest assured that it could be much worse. I have horror stories.

 

[m&m's mom]

I like to keep the house pretty chilly. It is in the high 40's now and I am wearing shorts inside w/ no heat on.
A couple of nights ago I realized my poor Dad did not say a word but had the dogs blanket on him. If we had not been about to leave I would have turned up the heat.
My DH's and I solution is to keep the heat upstairs any temperature he wants. When MiL comes over she heads right upstairs and that works fine.
I have to say when we have guests staying with us I do keep it at a more popular temperature to make others more comfortable.

 

[Disney Darling]

People keep wanting to point out that the OP was not an accomodating host but she did say she started the fireplace for her MIL so it does seem she did try and accomodate her MIL and it still wasn't good enough.

The woman was huddled like Bob Cratchit over his candle in an almost 70 degree house. Her own house fluctuates wildly with the seasons. This has been going on for 11+ years.

I go somewhere where I know it is going to be cool I bring a jacket, if it is hot I dress a little cooler.

A lot of people are talking about being a good host, but the guest has the responsibility to be a gracious guest also.

Exactly, if I know it's going to be cool I go prepared. This isn't the first time this MIL has been to her Son and DIL's house so she has a good idea of what their house temp. is going to be. When I go to my neighbor's house, I know it's going to be cool so I make sure I have a sweathshirt and jacket.

Or just suck it up and feel cold for a while. That's what I would do if I was visiting someone's home. It really is an option to suffer for a little bit. We don't have to go around adapting the world to fit our every preference.

But I totally agree with your first paragraph!

Exactly, I could not see myself asking someone else to adjust the temperature in their home when I was just visiting for a few hours. It's not like this MIL was staying for a few days or lived with the OP.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Sorry but you are not just visiting someone's home when you go to see your own child. The MIL should be able to say that she is cold and ask if they could turn up the heat. It is not like visiting a friend. It is her son.

Maybe all the people who think she should suck it up should just tell the woman to wear a snowsuit when she visits? Is it really that big of a deal to turn up the heat? Really? When someone's house is really that cold no matter how you are bundled up sometimes it is impossible to warm up. I hope to God that none of my children marry someone who thinks that something like making their guests feel comfortable- no matter how dramatic they are- is something they can't possible strain themselves to do. That is really a shame.

 

[disykat]

For those of you that suggested that the temp should have been changed to suit the guest (I don't disagree), do you ask your guests to remove their shoes?

Just wondering.

Absolutely not. I also try to keep my dog off them. I won't go as far as letting them smoke though! (Have I covered all the usual arguments?)

I don't disagree that the "guest" shouldn't complain about the temp of the hosts house. But if a host sees a guest with a coat and a blanket on, why not bump the heat - especially if it is below 70 in the house?

With the stuff I've put up with from my inlaws, I just don't see bumping the temperature a few degrees as a big deal.

 

[ilovejack02]

For those of you that suggested that the temp should have been changed to suit the guest (I don't disagree), do you ask your guests to remove their shoes?

Just wondering.

No I dont .. not sure why I would do that.
Well .. now if they had horribly muddy shoes on I guess I would , but I would hope they would know to do that lol.


I have friends the live in upstate N.Y. and I guess with the snow etc.. that is a common thing. I wouldnt have a problem someone asking me to do that and if I lived there I would prob have an assortment of slippers or warm socks for guests, just in case someone gets chilly.

 

[eeyore kelly]

Sorry but you are not just visiting someone's home when you go to see your own child. The MIL should be able to say that she is cold and ask if they could turn up the heat. It is not like visiting a friend. It is her son.

Maybe all the people who think she should suck it up should just tell the woman to wear a snowsuit when she visits? Is it really that big of a deal to turn up the heat? Really? When someone's house is really that cold no matter how you are bundled up sometimes it is impossible to warm up. I hope to God that none of my children marry someone who thinks that something like making their guests feel comfortable- no matter how dramatic they are- is something they can't possible strain themselves to do. That is really a shame.

People keep wanting to point out that the OP was not an accomodating host but she did say she started the fireplace for her MIL so it does seem she did try and accomodate her MIL and it still wasn't good enough. Exactly, if I know it's going to be cool I go prepared. This isn't the first time this MIL has been to her Son and DIL's house so she has a good idea of what their house temp. is going to be. When I go to my neighbor's house, I know it's going to be cool so I make sure I have a sweathshirt and jacket.

Exactly, I could not see myself asking someone else to adjust the temperature in their home when I was just visiting for a few hours. It's not like this MIL was staying for a few days or lived with the OP.

I hope when I am a MIL that my DIL and SonIL adore me as much as my BILs adore my mother. That IL relationship works both ways.

My mother calls her SonILs her sons and threatens to get rid of those girls and keep her sons (jokingly of course). Their relationship is rich with love, gentle family teasing, and respect that goes both ways. She says they bond over those troublesome girls (again jokingly--I hope).

My MIL calls me "that (insert ugly word here)." Now, I am not saying that the OP's MIL is even in the same universe as mine. However, not all MILs have medical problems and/or poop angels. Some are just disagreeable.

Disclaimer: This post no way implies that DILs are perfect.

 

[cdepauli]

The woman was huddled like Bob Cratchit over his candle in an almost 70 degree house. Her own house fluctuates wildly with the seasons. This has been going on for 11+ years.

I go somewhere where I know it is going to be cool I bring a jacket, if it is hot I dress a little cooler.

A lot of people are talking about being a good host, but the guest has the responsibility to be a gracious guest also.

It seems to me you're reading into this post a lot. The OP used terminology that is opinion based, at best. She keeps her house set at 68-69 degrees. I am a fairly thin 31 year old woman and that is bleeping freezing to me. I'd be pulling out a blanket and I'd probably still feel very uncomfortable.

The OP then goes on to use qualitative terms "chilled in the summer" and "hot in the winter". My mother, who I love, and who would find this thread quite silly, as do I, would agree that I keep my house the same way. She's happy at about 68 in the winter as well and I freeze my butt off. Funnily, my "chilled in the summer" house is set at about 74-75 and "hot in the winter" is about 71-72. I'd say that's pretty close in temperature. But someone whose temperature runs like my mother's might think I was "crazy" for keeping my house soooo warm in the winter and sooo chilled in the summer.

Secondly, the OP goes on to say that her MIL complains about this everytime she comes over. Well, that makes sense to me as well, since the OP likes to keep her house freezing cold (oh wait, am I using a qualitative term?) or 68 degrees and her MIL finds this temperature uncomfortably cold.

I'm not sure if the OP has other issues with her MIL, but I would say that she over-reacted by calling her mother crazy for just trying to keep herself warm. MIL might be a pain, but if she consistently complains that she is cold, then she's probably cold. If the OP does not want to turn the heat up (which I can understand) then she will have to deal with the consequence of her mother sitting by the fire trying to warm herself. I'd do the same thing. It sounds like the MIL probably anticipated that she would be cold, brought her coat with her, and used it. So the people suggesting that she should come prepared - she DID come prepared and her DIL called her crazy!

I'm not sure if the issue is one of a dramatic MIL or a dramatic DIL, but based on the original post, I think I've pointed out that you can't automatically assume the MIL is the dramatic one.