MIL Drama

[Allison]

I don't know, I guess to me, MIL being cold does not amount to drama in my house. It would take a whole lot more than that. I would have turned up the heat a little bit or offered a blanket. It's not something I would have beeen upset about as it seems very minor to me.

 

[golfgal]

I don't know, I guess to me, MIL being cold does not amount to drama in my house. It would take a whole lot more than that. I would have turned up the heat a little bit or offered a blanket. It's not something I would have beeen upset about as it seems very minor to me.

Even if it is EVERY time she comes to your house??? That is DRAMA.

 

[dollydell]

just because the people that live in the house don't think 68 is cold, doesn't mean someone that doesn't live there and normally keeps their house warmer won't think it is cold.

They aren'ts crazy, just used to a different temp.

 

[RUDisney]

I don't know, I guess to me, MIL being cold does not amount to drama in my house. It would take a whole lot more than that. I would have turned up the heat a little bit or offered a blanket. It's not something I would have beeen upset about as it seems very minor to me.

If this is an isolated incident, then, no drama. But, it seems like OP's MIL likes to stir the pot. That is drama.

 

[4nana]

I agree, many seniors have problems regulating their body temps . Having a thyroid problem and menopausal, I can vouch for up and down cold! Sometimes my temp runs as low as 96*, so even with med, I'm up and down all day . We used to keep our house 70* day/68* night, now that DH has some health issues, he prefers 70* 24/7. My dear 86yo Dad liked house at 80* in his later years.....perhaps it's simply thin skin with old age?!?!

Altho your MIL may have been a liltte dramatic (I have a SisIL like that ) demanding the temp be raised and standing by fireplace with coat on and I'm sure you're a great DIL, but honestly I don't think it would hurt to cut her a little slack . I'm not an all about me person at all, but if I had mentioned being chilly at one of our DD's homes, they'd simply offered to fix me some hot tea, probably turned up the heat or gotten me a sweater....no biggie.

 

[RadioNate]

At 68, I would be freezing. I just run cold. I often wear sweaters until it is about 80 in the house. I would be miserable if I was that cold. The last thing I'd want to do is be a guest in someone's home where I had to bring my own blanket in order to not feel miserable.

Listen, the woman was cold. 68 in November feels differently than 68 in the summer (not that I wouldn't still freeze then) and telling her she was crazy to be cold was mean. Sorry. Just because you weren't cold doesn't mean that she wasn't. Maybe she thought you were crazy to be hot?

I have no issue turning up the heat a few degrees to accommodate my guests. In fact, I regularly turn my air DOWN to accommodate my guests, even if it means I'm cold.

 

[ogreenlee]

I wish this were the extent of my MIL drama.

Luckily, we have separate heating/cooling units for upstairs and downstairs. Our guest bedroom is downstairs. It gets cooler down here in the summer and winter, but I allow any guest to adjust it however they like.

When we go to my MIL's, I kind of just take over the unit. Always have. She cranks the heat b/c she spends a lot of her time in the basement, in her office. When we arrive, I usually turn it down as she spends time upstairs and not in her office. She'll forget, and then we'll go to bed with it feeling like a sauna.

I would have turned on the heat just to take the chill out of the house. How long was she there for?

 

[Allison]

Even if it is EVERY time she comes to your house??? That is DRAMA.

Yes, even if it's every time. Being hot or cold is not drama to me. It just isn't.

 

[Disney Darling]

I feel like too many posters are missing this one point that the OP stated and that is her MIL "keeps hers chilled in the summer and hot in the winter btw." So, if it's chilled in the summer she obviously can stand cooler temps.

I have a MIL that makes me want to pull out my hair (or better yet, hers).

Maybe because of my personal experience, I am inclined to believe that the MIL is doing it for attention, to make the DIL uncomfortable, or to see if her baby boy still loves her the most.
Even if I am off base, I don't think we should scorch the OP with harsh remarks. I think sometimes people just look for a way to flame OPs. I don't mean you have to agree with the OP. Disagree repectfully, while realizing on the other side of these words is a breathing person with feelings.

OP, sorry your MIL makes you uncomfortable in your own home. I wish I had sage advice for you. However, after 18 years of marriage, mine still tries to play games.

I'm inclined to believe this as well.

What I highlighted sums it up best. My MIL pulled all sorts of drama whether at her house or at mine. Finally, after I was married for 10 years, my mother called her and told her to cut it out. My MIL called me that day and apologized for the last 10 years of crap she'd dished out to me. We've been friends for 5 years now because of this and I spent most of my summer with her as she was recovering from brain surgery.

Whether it's too hot or too cold; or you have animals and she doesn't like animals; or you go on vacations of which she doesn't approve; or you wear your hair differently than she'd choose for you; or you don't iron her DS's shirts the right way... it will always be something with some MILs.

The fact that your DH got annoyed with you is of concern. He could have accommodated his mother without involving you... or he could have spoken up and told his mother that everyone else was sweating because the heat was turned up. He chose his side... it was hers. My DH would have chosen his mother's side over mine, too. That's why our drama lasted until my Mom called her out on it.

My MIL screwed all of her kids in huge ways that I cannot fix. What I do know is that she won't always be here and then it'll be up to me to fix my DH. Even my SILs are afraid of losing our MIL because of how her kids will react. It won't be in a natural way. There will be wailing at the casket, my one BIL will become violent and my DH will crawl into a self-inflicted hole until he's ready to surface again.

There is hope, OP, as my MIL has gotten older, she doesn't come to our house anymore. She only goes to her DD's houses. Why? Who knows? She's welcome here but doesn't want to come. Probably because of our animals.

This is true, too. You're DH could have done something as well but instead, he just chose to get annoyed with you.

Amen! I'm willing to be sympathetic to the MIL for feeling cold due to possible age/thyroid/medication factors.

But the fact remains that she was saying it was cold in the house when it wasn't. She was cold but no one else was. Thus I can't overly blame the OP for telling her MIL that she was "crazy" to think that the house was cold. She was right... the house wasn't cold.

It is incumbent upon the MIL to acknowledge that she is the one out of step with temperatures. I'm sure if she had said kindly, "I'm sorry... I'm feeling extra cold today and I just can't seem to warm up. Would it be possible to turn the thermostat up?"... the OP would have been happy to comply.

My opinion is the MIL was at the OPs home. I would never ask my host to adjust the heat or air for me. I don't pay the bills. I do have a thyroid issue and I am generally cold and I STILL wouldn't ask someone to adjust their thermostat for me. I think the mother in law was just as rude for vocally going on and on and complaining with the added theatrics of making it a point for everyone to know she was wearing her coat and standing by the fire.

I think the OP was just at her breaking point with this woman, I probably would have said in a joking tone, "You're crazy" too. I mean, it's not like it was freezing in there and it wasn't a HUGE temperature difference. If a house is normally set at 74 but you go into someone's house and it's set at 60 then yes, that might be uncomfortable, not freezing, but uncomfortable. But, the OP said the house was 68-69 degrees. That's only a 6 degrees difference at the most. The MIL could have sucked it up for the little bit of time she was there, it's not like she lives in the house with them and has to be uncomfortable all the time.

 

[ilovejack02]

My dad is 83 yrs old. He has had a cpl of heartattacks over the years and on many many meds.

He is so sensitive to temperature changes. Keeps his house at about 75 in the winter. I just know when he comes over to crank up the heat about and suck it up lol.

My grandfather was the same way.. always wore a sweater in the summer.

My Dad will also be the first person to say something about the temp in the house if it isnt to his liking. When he was younger he would have NEVER done this, but as years have gone on he is more outspoken and a bit grumpier. His personality changed alot after his heartattack. Dr. told this does happen sometimes.

I honestly would be cranky with hubby if he said something rude to my Dad about him being cold.
Daddy is very good to us .. so I give him what he wants on this issue! Should be interesting for Christmas.. my FIL gets hot easy and Dad gets cold. All will be at my house . Thank God they like each other because if not it could get ugly!

We dont have any family drama.. so I tolerate this and I expect my DH to do the same. I keep my mouth shut at his parents house when I am freezing , just put on more clothes.

 

[Tink888]

In-laws can be annoying. Family can be annoying. Cut the woman some slack. She's old. She's cold. Turn up the thermostat a few degrees, toss her a blanket, make her some tea and give her a hug.

She won't be around forever, and when she's gone you'll miss her. If not for yourself, for your hubby and your kids.

Someday you'll be old, you might be cold and you'll have a DIL or SIL. KWIM?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

So, they are supposed to crank up the heat to accommodate the MIL while everyone else sweats to death?? Sorry, I don't agree with your statement at all and if the MIL does this all the time then perhaps it really IS the MIL's problem. If she is so cold, and knows she will be cold at her son's house, why doesn't she bring a sweater???

My cousin's house is always freezing, everyone knows that so they just bring a blanket along when they visit. Big deal.

OP, give her a blanket next time she whines.

Yes they are because she is a guest. My MIL is always hot and cannot help it. She has health issues. I open windows in my home in December to make her feel better. I will put on a sweater. My mother is always cold. I tell her to make the heat as high as she needs it and I dress light. I can't believe anyone would have to be so silly as to make a big deal over someone being hot or cold.

 

[Christine]

At 68, I would be freezing. I just run cold. I often wear sweaters until it is about 80 in the house. I would be miserable if I was that cold. The last thing I'd want to do is be a guest in someone's home where I had to bring my own blanket in order to not feel miserable.

Listen, the woman was cold. 68 in November feels differently than 68 in the summer (not that I wouldn't still freeze then) and telling her she was crazy to be cold was mean. Sorry. Just because you weren't cold doesn't mean that she wasn't. Maybe she thought you were crazy to be hot?

I have no issue turning up the heat a few degrees to accommodate my guests. In fact, I regularly turn my air DOWN to accommodate my guests, even if it means I'm cold.

So true.

I have a cold, drafty house. Our previous house was not like this. We have to have our heat at 74 degrees before one could say that it was truly comfortable. Naturally, we don't do that and we just suck it up and get used to it. But when people visit, I can tell they are just miserable. Heck, my DD who has been away at college came home over Thanksgiving and complained the whole time how cold the house was (we had it at 72 degrees). The outside temp was in the 50s so not too cold.

Some people just have different tolerances.

 

[ogreenlee]

Yes, even if it's every time. Being hot or cold is not drama to me. It just isn't.

My MIL wouldn't cause drama at the scene over this, but she would definitely make sure to tell all her sisters and friends how I didn't accommodate her while she visited.

I've had my heat on for awhile now and I live in Georgia. I'd be cold at 68 degrees and I'm only 38.

I can see the potential for drama b/c I have the most dramatic MIL ever. Just over Thanksgiving we got a "Y'all just wished I was dead", "I'd be better off dead", and "You treat me like a dog". All this over her getting into a fight with her 12 year old niece and after my husband worked like a dog getting her 8 trees pulled out of the attic and put up in various places around the house, listening to her freak out that a box was left on her new wood floor.

 

[dis-happy]

Having had a grandmother on blood thinners,a dad with circulation problems, a mom with thyroid issues, and my own temp fluctuations due to peri-menopause and pregnancy (yes, I managed both at the same time!), I'd cut her some slack. If she were standing next to the heater with her coat on, she was probably genuinely cold.

How about just solving the problem by getting a heated throw to keep at your house (or even better, give her one for Christmas?). Then she can snuggle up while the rest of you don't die from heat.

 

[Minnesota!]

Yes, even if it's every time. Being hot or cold is not drama to me. It just isn't.

Agreed.


We keep our house at 64-65. Everyone knows my house is cooler then most. they bring slippers, sweatshirts, etc. when they come. My main floor is the colder place, and when we have company, we hang out in the basement, anyway. Where we have stock piles of blankets for chilly guests.

 

[rie'smom]

I guess this is another thread that gives insight into our relationships with the inlaws-makes me happy that the relationship I have with DMIL and my late DFIL was and is wonderful.

 

[EthansMom]

MILs often cause drama.

Here's what I would do. I would buy a pair of slippers and a Snuggie for MIL to use at my home. When MIL comes to the home, I would turn up the heat a little and tell MIL, "We know you get cold so we've turned up the heat a bit. But in case you're still chilly, we bought some slippers and a Snuggie for you to use at our home."

 

[eeyore kelly]

MILs often cause drama.

Here's what I would do. I would buy a pair of slippers and a Snuggie for MIL to use at my home. When MIL comes to the home, I would turn up the heat a little and tell MIL, "We know you get cold so we've turned up the heat a bit. But in case you're still chilly, we bought some slippers and a Snuggie for you to use at our home."

But with a Drama Llama MIL the slippers would not fit right and the snuggie would be itchy. This is a MIL who is being disagreeable for the purpose of causing problems. No matter how sane you are with a person like this, they will find away to cause drama and insanity. It is very hard to kill their drama, because they are determined to cause it.

 

[Angelhalo]

It's not really MIL drama. It is DIL drama. Your guest was cold. I would have sucked it up and raised the heat. Why would you make someone uncomfortable in your home? You can't tell someone not to be cold or not. Everyone adjusts to the weather differently. If I was your DH I would be annoyed too.

Agreed