Mean Girls

[EEyorelover22]

The best decision we ever made was to cut our DD off of aol instant message in 5th grade. Now that she's in 7th we are so thankful. There are all sorts of things going on with that and I'm glad we are not a part of it.

 

[auntpolly]

our DS was in 5th grade in a private school this was his first year.

well one of the trouble makers boys kept picking on DS cause we refused to buy him $200 athletic shoes eveyone was wearing (well almost everyone!!)

fastforward 14 years both boys are well out of school--

There was an article about an police officer that had flashed his gun at a bouncer and called him some "not so nice names!!)

I turns out this was the same kid that made fun of DS about shoes!!

I hope he enjoyed his 3 months in the house of correction

and "met" some nice new friends named "bubba"!!!!

DS is also a police officer

Congratulations to your son! If only our kids had crystal balls and could see the losers these kids turn out to be.

Someone just wrote a book about how these mean girls are becoming mean moms -- not to their own kids but to other moms and to other people's kids. (I think I've seen some of that online!) Anyway, to those types -- "Don't make me laugh!"

 

[SillyMe]

OK, so why aren't the teachers and parents doing more to discourage this? Why were the teachers always fawning over them. Not all of them, but I swear some of those teachers were afraid they wouldn't be cool if they weren't nice to the mean girls. They never stuck up for the kids getting picked on -- I remember one of them saying "they have to learn how to defend themselves!" (from a crowd of girls laughing and yelling things -- great lesson to have to learn!)

Some of the parents are the reason these kids are this way. I've seen many parents who criticize other adults or other kids right in front of or directly to their own children.

In other cases, some parents aren't even aware that their own children treat others the way they do. Their kids play off as the sweet, caring innocent ones in front of their family and turn into this snotty little witch around their friends.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

when my older dd started middle school 3 years ago, it was torture-
6 & 7th grade were horrible. she lost her grammer school friends and just didn't fit in anywhere. it got better last year, she became friends with the kids again. however this past week, she's on the outs with them.

she has a group of extremely mean, fast girls. i saw that in some of them back in the 2nd grade

 

[Wishing on a star]

Hey, I have the Kindergarten age beat.

When DS was in PreSchool, I swear, I do not think this girl had even turned 4 yet. And, she was one little 'mean girl'. I nicknamed her 'Queen Bee'. This was not just a snotty little girl. I am serious. She was most definately a mean girl. She had a couple of 'annointed' friends. And she would make a very big and loud show with how great her and her friend were, while making sure that everybody else was excluded. Sometimes even smacking them away.

I am thinking that her mom was somehow in with the preschool program. And, never once did I see one adult address this behavior with this little queen bee.

 

[auntpolly]

Hey, I have the Kindergarten age beat.

When DS was in PreSchool, I swear, I do not think this girl had even turned 4 yet. And, she was one little 'mean girl'. I nicknamed her 'Queen Bee'. This was not just a snotty little girl. I am serious. She was most definately a mean girl. She had a couple of 'annointed' friends. And she would make a very big and loud show with how great her and her friend was, while making sure that everybody else was excluded.

Oh geez, I really think you are talking about my neighbor's kid!!!!

lThat didn't last long with her, though. This nasty little thing lost her power in about the 3rd grade. All of the sudden kids just kind of realized she didn't have to take it any more! She's been friendless ever since -- actually it's sad. If her mom had stepped in long ago it might not be this way.

 

[debden]

DD and I were just talking about middle school and how mean the girls were -- would have been 10 years ago or so for her but I don't imagine much has changed. I don't remember it being that way, when I was that age. Oh, I know there were some mean girls, but they were the "harder" girls who smoked in the girls's room and threatened to beat you up if you looked at their loser boyfriends that no one but them wanted anyway.

But when DD was in middle school, it seemed so prevalent, and it actually seemed reinforced by teachers and parents. The popular girls were just ruthless in how they made fun people they deemed inferior. My DD was blessed with very strong self esteem and she couldn't have cared less, but for some girls it was very traumatic.The mean girls would target somebody -- and God help you if you were the target of the month.

It all evened out a little in HS, with girls like DD banding together, and finding popularity with their own talents and quirkinesses, but the mean girls stayed mean (they just didn't have the power they once did to hurt people because no one was afraid of them anymore.

Is my memory bad? Have girls always been this mean?

Yes.And it's unfortunate some of them turn into mean adults too.
Sad.
Debbie

 

[paigevz]

In my school, the popular girls were VERY mean...............and they weren't the rough/toughs who smoked in the bathroom..........actually, we didnt' have any of those, small town................

I should say it was early 1980s.................

 

[SillyMe]

Oh geez, I really think you are talking about my neighbor's kid!!!!

lThat didn't last long with her, though. This nasty little thing lost her power in about the 3rd grade. All of the sudden kids just kind of realized she didn't have to take it any more! She's been friendless ever since -- actually it's sad. If her mom had stepped in long ago it might not be this way.

Do you think the mom even knew though? Like I said before, sometimes the parents are the reason their kids are this way. However, sometimes they have no clue that their children treat others that bad. I would really hope that if my children were to treat others badly, that someone would have the nerve to tell me.

 

[auntpolly]

Do you think the mom even knew though?

Oh, she knew. My neighbor is a piece of work! She used to sit there and watch her daughter hit other kids with her shoes and tell them they were stupid and had to listen to her!!!

The only thing she ever said was, "She's so bright! She can't help trying to take charge!"

 

[SillyMe]

Oh, she knew. My neighbor is a piece of work! She used to sit there and watch her daughter hit other kids with her shoes and tell them they were stupid and had to listen to her!!!

The only thing she ever said was, "She's so bright! She can't help trying to take charge!"

OMG. Sounds like the mom needed to be hit with a shoe.

 

[auntpolly]

OMG. Sounds like the mom needed to be hit with a shoe.

LOL that sounds like one of my fantasies!

But now they are both pretty friendless -- it's what they deserve but it's kind of a hollow victory for me. I'm sorry it's like that for them, but they were such know it alls and wouldn't ever admit their kid was so mean.

 

[christineann]

My daughter has always been very tall (6' tall when she turned 12), and it made things very difficult for her at times, especially regarding clothing and shoes. She never complained much, but she did tell me that a certain girl was really giving her a hard time, so I told her that the girl obviously had a character flaw. The next day, the girl started in on Laura again, so she told the girl, "I don't have the same kind of shoes you do, but you have a defective personality!". The girl was dumbfounded, said she didn't know what that meant, and never bothered Laura again

 

[kpk89]

Yep, girls have always been like this. When I was teaching it was like there wasn't a day that went by that there wasn't somebody in tears because of the meanness of girls. And it's a very sensitive age, too -- tears come easily enough withOUT meanness. It was really sad, but unfortunately as a teacher there wasn't much to be done unless you caught them outright. When we did, there were consequences. But usually what we saw was the aftermath.

There's a book called Queen Bees and Wannabes that explores this very topic. I believe the author has also written a book about the Queen Bees once they've grown up into mothers themselves.

As a mother of 2 little girls, I dread that 5th-8th grade time period, and hope that I'm teaching my girls not only to NOT be mean, but to stick up for themselves and others being picked on. So far we've been lucky to not have any mean preschoolers or kindergartners in our lives.

 

[SillyMe]

My dd6 made me smile yesterday. I chaperoned her field trip yesterday. Before we got to the school I asked her who the other child was that I was to be chaperoning. She told me her name and I asked her if they were friends. My dd's answer was "well, yes, Mom, I'm friends with everyone in my class". If only it could stay that way.

 

[Jeafl]

I work at an elementary school, and sadly, I see this every day. Even in 2nd and 3rd grade there is a definite pecking order of the girls. Every grade level has at least one group that is deemed the "popular" group, and everything seems to revolve around them. There are a few girls in every grade that are just horrible to everyone else. Ironically, when I met their mothers it became very clear as to why the girls behaved liked they do. The queen bees at school had queen mothers at home.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

There's a book called Queen Bees and Wannabes that explores this very topic. I believe the author has also written a book about the Queen Bees once they've grown up into mothers themselves.

I have the book. It is very good.

 

[disney junky]

That's why I like Hope Floats.

 

[ozarkmom]

No it's way worse. Even my friends that teach say it's getting worse. Jr.high counselor says it's getting out of control. One of my friends that teaches Kindergarden says she's seeing it at that age too. I know when I was in Jr. high and High school we had different cliques but if I didn't like you I just didn't hang out with you. There wasn't this search and destroy mission you see now. The verbal abuse and sometimes violence is worse than when I was in school.