Maybe I'm just overprotective? - Update #49

[DisneyBamaFan]

So every time your children have a friend over to you have the parents sign a waiver:...

No - as the article would indicate, that wouldn't help, anyway.

I only produced that article because you asked me to do so to prove that the law is on the side of the parents and child if something happens when you are away.

You take someone's child away, you are responsible. To reduce any possible friction in case of an accident, you had better at least clear it with the parents before you go. Or you can just decide that if the parents don't call, that is on them - then deal with their wrath if something happens.

I can tell you this - If I didn't give a parent my permission to take my boys out of town, and they were injured on said trip, I would be furious. Would I sue? I don't know. But there is a much higher likelihood than if I had approved the trip.

 

[NHdisneylover]

No - as the article would indicate, that wouldn't help, anyway.

I only produced that article because you asked me to do so to prove that the law is on the side of the parents and child if something happens when you are away.

You take someone's child away, you are responsible. To reduce any possible friction in case of an accident, you had better at least clear it with the parents before you go. Or you can just decide that if the parents don't call, that is on them - then deal with their wrath if something happens.

I can tell you this - If I didn't give a parent my permission to take my boys out of town, and they were injured on said trip, I would be furious. Would I sue? I don't know. But there is a much higher likelihood than if I had approved the trip.

If said parents took your TEEN (kids in question are 13--I have no idea how old your kids are) boys 40 minutes away as part of a scheduled birthday party event that included a written invitation to the party which discussed this and you had drop your teen boy off at said party and you, yourself had not read the invite or initiated speaking to the parent you would be furious at the parent and not at yourself or your child for not telling you the plan? That seem like avoiding being responsible for your own decisions to me.

If having permission (even written and signed) doesn't protect you from being sued and a oarent is that worried about it I guess the thing to do would be for that parent to never host their kids' friends.

 

[msjprincess]

My take:
1. 40 miles away is not "out of town". It is not like they are going on some huge road trip. They will only be gone afew hours and it is not like a parent couldn't get there shoudl there be a problem.

2. these kids are old enough to handle the RSVP themselves.

3. I don't get what the huge issue is with taking them to the venue for the party? Agian they are nto going across the country here, and we are talking about teens, not preschoolers. If they were 5, I would expect parents to call, but not at 12-13.

ITA with all of your points.

To me going "out of town" means hours away, not 40 miles

 

[yoopermom]

Call me "overprotective" but when I took DS and his BF (both 14 at the time) to WI Dells for the weekend last winter (5 hours away), I asked BF's parents to sign a medical consent waver so that "just in case" I would be covered. I could just see them horsing around on a waterslide and the BF cracking his head open! They're very good friends of ours (the parents and the child), but I wouldn't want to be sitting around in the e.r. waiting til we could get ahold of one of them to do whatever was medically necessary.

When we took the BF on a fishing trip to Canada with us when the boys were maybe only 8 or so, I had a notarized letter stating I could take BF out of the country AND a medical release "just in case". Never asked to show either one, but felt better having them.

Terri

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...That seem like avoiding being responsible for your own decisions to me...

I am an overprotective parent, so this wouldn't happen to me. I would call - I might even call during the event. Heck - I would have to know the parent pretty well to begin with to allow this.

My point of view in this thread is as the parent inviting others - the OP. As a parent inviting others, I would not take on the responsibility of children without their parents expressed permission for the reason stated.

 

[tlbwriter]

To me going "out of town" means hours away, not 40 miles

But it's possible the parents of your child's guests will think differently. When you drive 45 miles away from my house, you are definitely out of town - you are in a MUCH larger city. And I wouldn't take anyone's 13 yr old to that city unless I heard, from the parent's mouth, that is was okay with them.

 

[Hannathy]

If said parents took your TEEN (kids in question are 13--I have no idea how old your kids are) boys 40 minutes away as part of a scheduled birthday party event that included a written invitation to the party which discussed this and you had drop your teen boy off at said party and you, yourself had not read the invite or initiated speaking to the parent you would be furious at the parent and not at yourself or your child for not telling you the plan? That seem like avoiding being responsible for your own decisions to me.

If having permission (even written and signed) doesn't protect you from being sued and a oarent is that worried about it I guess the thing to do would be for that parent to never host their kids' friends.

I agree with this.

sounds to me that some of the overprotective parents on here really just have a problem with their children telling them what they are doing, perhaps from being kept under too tight of reigns?

If your child lies to you isn't my problem that is yours and your responsibility.

 

[tlbwriter]

sounds to me that some of the overprotective parents on here really just have a problem with their children telling them what they are doing, perhaps from being kept under too tight of reigns?

LOL! If expecting a 13 year old to ask me if she can go out of town with an adult I don't know well, not tell me, means I'm being overprotective, then I'll wear that badge with honor.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...sounds to me that some of the overprotective parents on here really just have a problem with their children telling them what they are doing, perhaps from being kept under too tight of reigns?...

Yep - got my boys wrapped up tight.

 

[Beachbumpirates]

Here is my most recent experience with a similar situation: DD 12 was invited to a sleepover/pool party at a nearby resort hotel. 12 girls were invited and the invitation was obviously printed by the birthday girl. All the girls had been RSVPing to the birthday girl and that was fine with her mother. I decided to call (honestly only to be polite) and found out once speaking with her that her and her husband were planning to have dinner at the steakhouse in the hotel while the girls swam and hung out, and for sleeping arrangements she had 2 rooms booked - one for her and her husband and another for 12 girls to share. I ended up not letting my very responsible 12yr old go to the party because I felt there was a huge lack of supervision and coiuld not handle the thought of 12 girls sleeping on the floor of a hotel room and having the run of the resort on their own. My moral - had I not called I would not have known the intentions of the parents until I picked my daughter up the next morning.

 

[Hannathy]

LOL! If expecting a 13 year old to ask me if she can go out of town with an adult I don't know well, not tell me, means I'm being overprotective, then I'll wear that badge with honor.

How you get that out of my statement I'll never know. I never said anything like that in fact if anything myself and others who trust our children and treart them as they are growing up, say they DO ask us and DO tell the truth.

It was if anyone the proudly overprotective (and why that would be something to be proud of I don't know) that say they don't trust their kids or expect them to tell the truth as to where they are going.

I would expect my children to always ask me before committing to a party at 13. 16 not so much, it's more of a heads up but at 13 yes they ask. No one said they wouldn't.

 

[disfan07]

I grew up in the 90s and early 2000s so not TOO long ago but it was amazing how much more freedom my friends and i had even just 10 years ago from what I have read from some parents on these boards.

Most of my friends were boys when I was younger. I had 3 very very good friends that were girls but most of teh time playdates adn hanging out was with boys. We were allowed in the basement, the spare room and my bedroom alone. Heck, at 12 and 13 my friends and I were hanging out at each others houses alone...no parents home. Boys AND girls and NO cell phones

At 10, I was allowed to ride my bike a mile from my house to my friends house across the neighborhood alone.

In 4th grade my friends and I would go to the shopping center to go to mcdonalds, baskin and robbins, etc by ourselves.

We would ride our bikes to the community center to play volleyball, basketball, etc.

Our parents would drop us off at the movies, mall, etc in 5th grade.

We went to kings dominion in 6th grade as an end of the year field trip and we were allowed to go off in the park by ourselves in groups. The chaperones were there but we didnt have assigned adults to stay with us at all times.

I was flying by myself from virginia-florida to see my grandparents by myself when I was 8. My brother and I were changing planes in Atlanta together when he was 13 and I was 10. We were both flying by ourselves with connections in Atlanta when we were 13.

I was BABYSITTING until midnight when I was 11 years old.

Yes, we had to tell our parents where we were going. yes we had to call if we wanted to stay later than originally planned but no cell phones, no parents WITH us at all times.

My parents taught us about strangers. About responsibilities and about what to do in emergencies, etc. But they didnt SCARE us about it. It was matter of fact information and about making sure we know what to do. I feel like parents these days are doing 1 of 2 things. They are either placing fear into a child with stories, eetc about what COULD happen or what to be cautious about OR they are just not informing their child of anything and there is no way their child could protect themselves or know what to do if something DID happen or in an emergency.

I get that parents are supposed to protect their children. I know that parents WANT to protect their children from everything. But there is a difference between protecting them and providing them with the knowledge and skills necessary to have some freedom and to be trusted and being overprotective and not letting them do anything because of what MIGHT happen. They wont learn anything if they are not allowed to TRY and expereince these things on their own.

I am a very cautious person. I am also very shy and very reserved especially about trying anything new or doing anything on my own. I cant even imagine what I would be like if my parents HADNT given me the freedom they did. Letting me have all those freedoms did not harm me in any way. If anything it helped me.

 

[princessmom29]

Call me "overprotective" but when I took DS and his BF (both 14 at the time) to WI Dells for the weekend last winter (5 hours away), I asked BF's parents to sign a medical consent waver so that "just in case" I would be covered. I could just see them horsing around on a waterslide and the BF cracking his head open! They're very good friends of ours (the parents and the child), but I wouldn't want to be sitting around in the e.r. waiting til we could get ahold of one of them to do whatever was medically necessary.

When we took the BF on a fishing trip to Canada with us when the boys were maybe only 8 or so, I had a notarized letter stating I could take BF out of the country AND a medical release "just in case". Never asked to show either one, but felt better having them.

Terri

Those ar completely differnt situations. Overnight and out ofthe country are very different than a day trip less thna an hour away. When I was 12-13 we would all load up in a friend's suburban( the old school kid that held like 12 kids) and hit the beach abot 100 miles away with her mom. No one had a problem with it, asked for a waiver ect.

 

[golfgal]

Those ar completely differnt situations. Overnight and out ofthe country are very different than a day trip less thna an hour away. When I was 12-13 we would all load up in a friend's suburban( the old school kid that held like 12 kids) and hit the beach abot 100 miles away with her mom. No one had a problem with it, asked for a waiver ect.

I agree. We have DD's best friend staying with us for a week in March. She has a peanut allergy and we will get a medical consent form for her. DD may go to Florida the following week with another friend, we will send a medical consent form with her for that if she goes.

I thought it was sort of funny when DS18 brought home a "field trip permission form" when the band went to China. Please, please, please Mommy can I go on the field trip to China