Maybe I'll do a trip report? Don't read! I haven't decided! NEW for 1/31! Read it!

[celerystalker]

First, let me start by saying that I LOVE trip reports. They provide that nice fix when the shakes for the World start. They give you insight into your fellow posters. They let you pretend that it’s perfectly fine to think about Disney every single day. They make you feel NORMAL (especially with the weirdos that post trip reports around here).
So I’ve thought about posting a trip report before. But I have this aversion to failure. Like a lot. Like I don’t do things unless I know I’m going to be absolutely incredible. And while I find myself amusing, I’ve been told not everyone thinks I’m quite so funny. The nerve!
And honestly, why write a trip report if it’s not funny?
The best trip reports

(should I name my favorites? Hmm. Ok! My favorite writers [in no particular order] are:
Kay7979, Twinkiemama, 1000thHappyHaunt, UtahMama, Nebo, Punkin413, AGPrincess, Mr._The_King, kpk89, Mr. and Mrs. Silly (HaleyB))

are funny. They have conflict. All but three in that list have people under 18 in them. None of them have gay people in them (except one of Kay’s Vikings seemed a little fruity to me).

So without conflict, with no kids, with two lesbians, what fun is a trip report going to be? I guess I could make up half of it (like Mel does – I mean really, she has three reports going now. She’s just TELLING us what she did on a particular day. She really has no clue.).
I guess I could practice my creative writing Walter Middy style like Kay does. Or I could ramble on and on about philosophers, time travel and Hitchiker’s guide to the galaxy like Mr. Silly does.

Or! Here’s a novel idea! Plan a trip that’s guaranteed to have lots of conflict just so you can write a super cool trip report! It might help to meet some other great trip report writers so at least you can steal some of their thunder. You definitely need kids. And straight people. And maybe some alcoholics too? How about a road trip? It will increase the suspense.
Why not be broke at the same time? Anything else? Hmm. Ok. 20 ADRs. And plans to make all of them.

I can do it!

 

[Lauralee131]

Ok, you have my attention.....

You're not just going to leave us (me) hanging....

Or are you?

 

[celerystalker]

So first I’ll tell you about me. I’m from Nashville (hi y’all!) and I do NOT have a Southern accent (contrary to what a certain DISer from Utah says. ).
I’ve lived in the Nashville area for most of my life. My family has always been lower middle class, but Disney was always high on their priorities (kinda odd, I know). I went to WDW either 3 or 4 times growing up and it always felt like home. We always drove (that’s around 11 hours from Nashville) and we always stayed off site.

I went one more time in 1997 (with my ex husband. I’m weird. Unlike Nebo and Smidgy, it didn’t get us back together. But it was fun) and from then on I kept saying I wanted to go every year.

But my friends wouldn’t go with me.

And said I’d be a loser if I went by myself.
For some reason, I listened to them.
Grrr. Sometimes I’m too co-dependent.
Finally, after watching my alleged best friend go to the World without me, I said enough is enough.
I informed my circle of friends that I was going to Disney World in September 2005. They could go with me, they could stay home. If they didn’t like it, tough .
I also let my mom and my sister know that they could go with me, if they wanted. Of course they were the only two who took me up on the offer.

I spent months planning every detail. I had the 2004 and 2005 Birnbaum’s guide, I had the Luxury guide, I had the unofficial guide (it’s an addiction, ya know?). I stalked the disneyworld.com site. And I do mean stalked. Waaay back then , they weren’t so quick to update the calendar. Today, it’s updated all the way to January 2008. Then it was no more than two months ahead.

What was an obsessive planner to do?!?!?!

I had one of my employees who came in every morning to check the website for me. She’d never even been to WDW and had no desire to go. She just loved me that much. She helped me stalk so that I could finish my daily itinerary.

I mean, really! How can you go to WDW if you don’t know which park has EMH on which day?
If you’re not sure what day Spectromagic will be?
How can you go without knowing if Animal Kingdom will stay open until 4 or 5?

I made little itinierary/autograph books for me, my sister and my mom. They had hand painted stamped Disney characters on every page. They had our flight times, our hotel confirmation number, our ADRs, parade times.
They even had bathroom breaks scheduled in!
Ok. Not really on the bathroom breaks. But they did have what time we were going to wake up and go to sleep each day.

So away we went for our first taste of on site bliss (along with free dining). We had a lot of fun.
Well, I say that now. At the time, I vowed never to go anywhere with my mother again.
I come from a family of morbidly obese people. I’m morbidly obese, my mom is, my father is, my sister is. It’s not a good thing.
My sister and I can at least get around on our own. My mother, not so much.
I speed walk when I’m at Disney. Who doesn’t, right? There’s so much to do! So much to see! And even if you stay 10 days, you still have to rush.
My mom would be waaaaaaay behind my sister and I.
I’d feel guilty, so I’d back track to where she was resting (on our first day there, she had to rest near the “Leave a Legacy” display in Epcot. We weren’t even to “the ball” yet and she stopped! ).
She’d say “Just go on and leave me.”

The first time my sister and I fell for it.
We said
“Ok. Meet us in one hour at Morocco. Can you get there in an hour? Good. Bye!”

And we ran-walked to World Showcase to begin our favorite game.

 

[NAB]

Great start Celery!!!

Is this an old trip report? Or a pre trip report?

I am not an over planner like you. I just read the papers that are in the room telling me what is open late or early...

Can't wait to hear more....

 

[MissMichelle]

OOOO! I can't wait..

You have my attention..You had it LONG before the remarks about conflict and being a couple of lesbians...but that helps..I love conflict and just so happens my 2 best friends are lesbians

Anyway---get back here and keep it coming. I NEED MORE! Especially with 20 ADR's...I have to admit..I am a tad obsessed (ok, I am beyond that point) with the food porn thread...I am a freak of nature and can't break the habit..No matter how many times TC threatens to leave me and move in with a woman who doesn't obsess over Disney food---seriously..he says that.
Anyone got the pitchforks?

 

[celerystalker]

So back to 05 and our favorite game:
Drinking around the world!!!!

We naively thought we invented it.

Not so much.
The only rules are:

1. You must drink something with alcohol in it in every country (unless you’re too drunk to find a drink).

2. You can not puke.

We started our rounds. And more rounds. I think we stayed in England for two rounds since we didn’t drink in Canada.
Anyway. We eventually made it to Morocco and met my mom for lunch. Then my sister and I continued on our merry, drunken way.

Several drinks and some time later, we made it to that trader area where they have some African merchandise for sale.

And I flirted way too much with one of the wood/soapstone carvers. He gave me his card with his cell phone number on it so he could meet us later. I almost called him several times over the course of the trip, but I chickened out.

I still have the card though.

After our trip around the world, we stopped for my most favorite part! El Rio de Tiempo. Did you know they let you carry your beer on the ride with you? This and Maelstrom are infinitely more fun if you are drunk.

We met my mom at Les Chefs de France for dinner (incidentally, they let you bring in drinks to the restaurant as well) then watched Illuminations.

I was chit chatting with a lady beside us and showed her my autograph book I made (why do I think some random stranger wants to see the notebook I made? Cuz I’m a dork.).

She said I’d fit right in with the people on the DIS.


The DIS?

What's the DIS?

I had never heard of the DIS!?!
What’s wrong with me?

I filed the information away for future use and finished watching Illuminations.

On the way back to the bus stop, the real fun begins.

Yes, we’d been in WDW for a total of maybe 8 hours and my mother was already getting on my nerves.

She’d stop at every bench or fountain or wide rail for another break.

Then she said it again.


“Just go on and leave me.”



So I said “Ok” and started walking away.



And then I hear it.



“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE LEAVING ME HERE BY MYSELF!”



So I turn around and stay with her while she huffs.


And puffs.



And yells at me and my sister.



And EVENTUALLY (four hours later) we make it to the bus stop.

I know my mother and my sister.
Neither is a quiet sleeper.

My mother snores real bad. For the longest time when we were growing up, she blamed it on my dad.
Then my dad got a CPAP machine and his snoring stopped.
But we still heard scary and loud noises coming from their bedroom.

My sister almost died back in 2000.
She was in a car wreck (in a field for 3 hours, torn aorta, kidney busted in half, ruptured spleen, conscious the whole time) and hasn’t been right since. She has post traumatic stress disorder and schizoaffective disorder.

Basically, she’s loony.

And an alcoholic.

But all that aside, she moans in her sleep. Like she’s dying.

So I came prepared.

I brought ear plugs.

Oh yeah. I made another rule if they were going to come with me. Since we were sharing one room at Pop (yes, three morbidly obese woman, two double beds), and I covered part of the cost of the trip for them, they had to sleep in the same bed.
Sometimes I’m *really* mean.
Anyway. I put my sleeping mask on, put my ear plugs in and went to sleep, knowing that Mickey (and Stitch! Yuck!) would be waking me up in just a few hours so we could go to Chef Mickey’s for breakfast!

 

[celerystalker]

lauralee - thanks so much for reading! I have two months until I leave, so I figure I'll fill you in on a little history first.

nab - I have no clue if it's a pre trip report or a past trip report or what! I was just going to mention a couple of things about previous trips and I just kept typing?

missmichelle - I love thinking about the food there too! and deciding where I'm going to eat. Which is probably why I have so many ADRs.

 

[maiziezoe]

Keep it coming... I'm addicted.

 

[Backstage_Gal]

Cel, great start, that was funny!!

And for heaven's sake, get your mom an ECV next time!

 

[NAB]

I accidently unsubscribed.....

Just keep writing your doing fine!!!!

 

[celerystalker]

So I roll out of bed at the but* crack of dark to get ready.

I wake my sister up next and force her into the shower then begin the process of getting my mother up.

Apparently I missed the horrible night my mother had (ahhh the bliss of ear plugs and sleep masks).

Indigestion.

Or so she says.
The bisque at Les Chefs de France was too rich.
What it boils down to is she will NOT be going with us to dine at the fabulous Le Chef de Mickey.

I know she was looking forward to this as much as I was.
So maybe the indigestion was really bad.

This morning set the precedent for the rest of the trip. She’d sleep all day, getting to the parks around 3 or 4 PM. She’d meet us for dinner around 7 then she’d be in bed by 11 PM.

The first day or so it bugged me, then I got used to it.

My sister and I had a blast running around the parks doing whatever we wanted.
We’d go to Pleasure Island, we’d swim, we’d have lots of fun.


Until the fateful Animal Kingdom day that caused me to say “NEVER AGAIN! At least until 2007.”


Since my mother had never been to Animal Kingdom, she wanted to get up with us for our AK day.


Sure.

Fine.

But you need an EVC (See, Marita! We thought ahead!).

By the time we’re ready, it’s 11 AM.

Did you know that when you get to AK at 11, all the EVCs are gone?

Yep, even during the last of September, when it’s not crowded, they’re all gone.

So what do we do?

Yeah.

You guessed it.

We get a regular wheelchair!

Wheee!

But she can’t push herself, can she?

Oh no!

She relies on her loving daughters to take care of it for her.

And one of her daughters is more selfish than the other.

(Really – I’m the less selfish one, I swear)

So I end up pushing her all over AK.

Did you know there are lots of hills in AK?

Did you know that it seems 20 degrees hotter in AK than it does in the other parks?

Did you know there are lots of hills in AK?

Did you know it’s hot in AK?

Did you know that people pay no attention whatsoever to you if you have a stroller or a wheelchair?

Do you know how hard it is to stop the momentum of a 330 pound woman who is rolling down one of those hills towards a family of five who do not care what is around them while you are dripping in sweat?

I was *SOOOOOOO* tempted to just let her go on some of those hills.

By 2:30 PM, I was wiped out.

I asked my mom if she wanted to see the parade.

She said “Yes.”

So I left her somewhere between Africa and Asia on the parade route.

About 4:30 I started feeling guilty so I picked her back up so we could go see “It’s Tough to be a Bug.”

Umm. Yeah. Maneuvering a wheelchair through the roots of the tree is not fun.

After the show (which I loved, by the way), we hightailed it out of there.
And left her somewhere around Dinoland.
Ha.
Just kidding.
We took her back to the room and eventually back home (after our ten day excursion).

And I told her never again. But that I’d be going back every year.

She said she didn’t want to go again until she had grandchildren.

She was lying, and I knew it, but oh well.

I also knew I was lying about “Never again!”

 

[Marion]

Or! Here’s a novel idea! Plan a trip that’s guaranteed to have lots of conflict just so you can write a super cool trip report! It might help to meet some other great trip report writers so at least you can steal some of their thunder. You definitely need kids. And straight people. And maybe some alcoholics too? How about a road trip? It will increase the suspense.
Why not be broke at the same time? Anything else? Hmm. Ok. 20 ADRs. And plans to make all of them.

I can do it!

Ok... you totally got me here! I'm loving the beginning of your report. And just what I need, yet another report to read

We started our rounds. And more rounds. I think we stayed in England for two rounds since we didn’t drink in Canada.

And then you lost me! What... you couldn't find anything worth drinking in Canada? Is that what you're saying? That's what I'm reading here... my goodness.... we have fabulous beer here. We have Caesars! Bah... BAH I say!


PS: I'll stick around though... just to see what happens next. Even if you skipped Canada.

 

[celerystalker]

Marion - when the food and wine festival is going on we DO NOT SKIP CANADA!
But there's not usually an easily accesible beer stand during the rest of the year.
is there?
All I've ever seen is Le Cellier.
And I've never been down there.
But I'm going this time!
It's not like in England where you just grab a yard on your way to watch the british invasion (I love those guys!).

 

[Marion]

Hehehe... you're forgiven then. I don't know the layout of the lands since I haven't actually been there yet, but I couldn't resist teasin' you about your Canadian snubbery

 

[Carrieannew]

Is there any reason why in the last 10 minutes you have not posted another update.. or information? I mean really... You get me hooked and then nothing...


thanks alot

 

[MeLaNie9]

I'm on board because you're funny - I like the history! And because I fear that your mom story is my near future (trip in Nov with MIL who isn't morbidly obese but really cannot walk long distances and has already nixed the ECV - aaarrrgh!!!!)

 

[UtahMama]

Dude.

Celery sounds as Southern as Paula Deen. Her accent is SO obvious, to me anyway. It's just precious y'all.

I'm planning on soberly meetin' up with her no less than 50 times this September, so I bettah be nice-ish.

This WILL BE the most brilliant TR in the history of the DIS, or don't bother.

 

[celerystalker]

Marion - I will scour Canada for appropriate drinkage this time, I swear!
But I can't do beer anymore.
You'll see why in a few more updates.

Ohhhh! the suspense!

Carrieannew- I have 62 days before I leave for the trip! If I post it all now, what will we do in the meantime?!?!

Utah - ya know, I keep saying y'all a lot now cuz of you.
Like I'm about to go start a training session with people who don't know me. From all over the country.
And I'm a gonna make my drawl pahsitively drip with hunny.
Just for you!

Melanie - even if it's bad, in time it fades and you're left with the good memories and the funny stories.

 

[NAB]

Celery won't snub Canadian's. She loves Canadians don't you....

Mel is Canadian and so am I...... And we won't forget Marion she is Canadian too.

Glad you are writing this, I am getting to know you more. How can that be....

 

[Carrieannew]

Dude.

Celery sounds as Southern as Paula Deen. Her accent is SO obvious, to me anyway. It's just precious y'all.

I'm planning on soberly meetin' up with her no less than 50 times this September, so I bettah be nice-ish.

This WILL BE the most brilliant TR in the history of the DIS, or don't bother.

Excuse me.. Your going in Sept? Is there any reason why you havent started a pre-trip report for us yet????

Just wrong..