"May my wife accompany me?"

[Wishing on a star]

Someone asked me how I would feel if my husband was invited to a party without me, and honestly, I wouldn't really care. Especially if it was a work related event...

BUT, obviously I am in the minority on that one, so...

I will be sending out a follow up invitation that includes guests. The most important thing is that people have a good time, and obviously people would have more fun if they can bring someone special to celebrate with.

To the bolded above...

OP, I think that you are wrong in considering this a work related event... (underlined above) If a boss having some kind of event or acknowledgement, then THAT is a work related event. These people are not co-workers... And, this is not being thrown by a company or boss.

By your own posts, they are now considered 'friends'.
This seems to be a personal event, thrown by, and for, family and friends, and is in no way to be confused with a 'work' or corporate function.
I would simply never, ever, invite a friend to a personal party without including a plus-one.

PS: THIS IS NOT ABOUT SPOUSES BEING JOINED AT THE HIP, OR ABOUT ENTITLEMENT!!!!
THOSE WHO ARE GOING THERE ARE JUST OFF TOPIC AND OFF BASE.

You are doing the right thing to try to accomodate significant others.

I hope your party is just FANTASTIC!!!!

 

[GoodFairies]

WOW, I am really surprised at the amount of people that would not go if the spouse was not invited. I would have no problem with this!!

You defined the parameters of the party, and the purpose. Excluding partners of former co-workers is not rude in the least. Why would you invite them? Regardless of the argument that this is a social event, it's still centered around the professional aspect of earning the doctorate.

So no, you were not wrong to define the parameters of your party.

Those who received clearly worded invitations are wrong to call and ask if they can bring someone. The invitation tells the recipient who is invited.

If there are those who (rather oddly in my opinion) "would NEVER attend a party" without their partner, then good. That relieves you from having to pay for that person.

I would NEVER WANT to attend a function that had anything to do with my wife's work colleagues and relationships. That would bore me to tears. I don't know those people, and don't necessarily care to spend my very limited free time with them. Also, she would then feel constrained to "stick by me" as I wouldn't know anyone, and that would interfere in her ability to renew acquaintances or network.

So. Go ahead, have the party, tell those impolite enough to ask if they can bring an uninvited guest that you are too concerned about the size of the reception accommodations and go with it.

Honoring your husband is the key here, eh?

Agree. I have no interest in listening to shop talk, particularly when it's not my shop, so to speak. I do not think OP made a breach of etiquette nor do I think it can be assumed that people won't come just because they can't bring a spouse or SO.

 

[NHdisneylover]

OP--it sounds like you came up with your own great plan to recover I hope you and your DH enjoy the party.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Goodfairies, I have to disagree...

While you, and the others you quoted, might rather stick needles in your eyes than attend this kind of party... That is YOUR choice. There is no obligation to attend.

The question is, whether the host of such a party should invite spouses.
IMHO, just because there may be some who might not wish to come with their spouse. Since this is friends and family (NOT a work function) then I do feel that the host has a social obligation (etiquette) to invite spouses.

A GRADUATION IS A CELEBRATION OF A PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENT TO BE SHARED WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS, WHICH HAS NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH WORK.

So, in this case, most all friends and family and co-workers are free to bring have somebody with them, but these few are expected to come alone?????
NOT OKAY.... Not at all.....

Again, Whether or not one personally would choose to come is totally and completely irrelevant. Moot point.

 

[Ceila]

I think it was very rude because spouses from one social group (friends) are invited, while others (co-workers) are not allowed to bring their spouse.

 

[Scurvy]

The question is, whether the host of such a party should invite spouses.
IMHO, just because there may be some who might not wish to come with their spouse. Since this is friends and family (NOT a work function) then I do feel that the host has a social obligation (etiquette) to invite spouses.

I agree. It would not be rude for an invited guest to choose to attend without their spouse. It would be rude for the host to not invite the spouse on the assumption that they wouldn't want to attend.

And I also agree that the situation in the original post is a social function, not a work function. As such, it is appropriate to include spouses in the invitations.

OP I think you are doing the right thing by sending new invitations. I hope your party goes well!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I hope your party is just fantastic!

And, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

 

[JohnsPrincess]

I haven't read everyone's answers yet...but my answer is that yeah, I think it was pretty rude. My husband and I don't go to any sort of party/get together unless we're both invited. I can see not bringing a friend or a girl/boy friend...but a spouse is a TOTALY different thing. I'd never, ever invite one half of a couple and not the other.

Edited to add - I think your new plan sounds like a good one! I too truly hope all goes well!

And I'm with the others who say...it's not that I can't do anything without my husband...but we ENJOY social events together. With limited time to actually go out and have fun, we'd much rather spend that time together than alone.

 

[Disney Doll]

I am amazed at the number of people who fel the need to be attached to the hip of their spouse who is invited to a co-worker's party.

I would have no problem with my husband being invited and me not. He goes to many colleagues' functions without me. I feel no need to spend an evening with a bunch of people I don't know and DH is a big boy and can find his way to a party and home again without my guidance. Now, if it wasa party that was important or significant to DH in some way, of course I would go (and have done so) even if I wouldn't know anyone. But what you describe OP...I'd be like "Buh-bye honey have fun!".

OP, frankly, if people call you need to say "Unfortunately the room has space limitatios and while I would have loved to invite everyone who was important to DH, based on those limitations I just couldn't".

If they choose not ot come it'll be less people you're paying for...money saved!

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

You shouldn't have invited so many people if their spouses couldn't be included.

It's one thing to have to go to work functions w/out a spouse but a graduation party????
You are going to have many people that aren't going to attend if the spouse aren't included, you are also going to have people assuming their spouse is included & will be bringing them along. SURPRISE!

 

[cheermom1]

I am amazed at the number of people who fel the need to be attached to the hip of their spouse who is invited to a co-worker's party.

I would have no problem with my husband being invited and me not. He goes to many colleagues' functions without me. I feel no need to spend an evening with a bunch of people I don't know and DH is a big boy and can find his way to a party and home again without my guidance. Now, if it wasa party that was important or significant to DH in some way, of course I would go (and have done so) even if I wouldn't know anyone. But what you describe OP...I'd be like "Buh-bye honey have fun!".

OP, frankly, if people call you need to say "Unfortunately the room has space limitatios and while I would have loved to invite everyone who was important to DH, based on those limitations I just couldn't".

If they choose not ot come it'll be less people you're paying for...money saved!

I am amazed at how many people think this is an issue about being attached at the hip????

 

[zippitydoo]

I think it was kinda tacky of you to invite co-workers and not assume they would wish to bring their spouses in the 1st place. I think you may have gotten yourself into a bit of a pickle!

I have to agree with this. How would you feel if someone invited your Dh to a party and you werent welcome.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

Well, let's just say that if I were a former or current co-worker whose spouse was not invited, I would send my regrets.

same here. I am someone who isn't comfortable in groups of people alone(I'm pretty socially awkward), so I wouldn't feel comfortable going to something like that without my DH. I understand you may not have the money to accomodate that many people, and in that case I would have invited less people and accounted for significant others as well.

 

[SandrA9810]

If some one feels socially akward in that position, then don't go.

If I was the SO of some one invited to a party, I would send them on their merry way. I hate being in a room full of people I don't know with only one person to talk to. At least if you're inviting co-workers, the guys will all have something to talk about, head down memory lane. All their SO would probably feel out of place as they only know their spouse.

I don't find it rude or anything else. Your hubby spent time with these people, and they all spent time together. Their spouses were not at work...

 

[FireDancer]

The nature of the event is what is key to whether or not a co-worker would expect to bring their spouse. The event you described sounds like one that is more social then professional so I would invite spouses. If it were more professional, like a team building retreat, I think it would be understandable to only invite co-workers.

It isn't a question of being attached at the hip, it is a question of proper etiquette. I wouldn't have a gathering like described in the OP and not make the invitation a + 1.

 

[Imzadi]

I am amazed at the number of people who fel the need to be attached to the hip of their spouse who is invited to a co-worker's party.

I would have no problem with my husband being invited and me not. He goes to many colleagues' functions without me.

I'm surprised about this, too. When I used to cater for my cousin's catering company here, we did several Fortune 500 corporate events. Unless the event was the Holiday/Christmas party held for ALL the co-workers & their spouses, people didn't randomly bring their spouses. A party for ONE co-worker is a business related event. And if the spouse isn't a good friend of the co-worker, why should they be invited?

I have to agree with this. How would you feel if someone invited your Dh to a party and you werent welcome.

If the party was being held FOR DH, I'd get my nose bent out of shape. But, if it is for a business co-worker that I don't know, or don't normally socialize with, I'd understand it is a business event. Do you go to work with your DH so he doesn't have to go to work alone?

same here. I am someone who isn't comfortable in groups of people alone (I'm pretty socially awkward),

But, you wouldn't be alone. There would be fellow co-workers there, too. I'd ask around to make sure fellow co-workers would be there.

 

[cheermom1]

I'm surprised about this, too. When I used to cater for my cousin's catering company here, we did several Fortune 500 corporate events. Unless the event was the Holiday/Christmas party held for ALL the co-workers & their spouses, people didn't randomly bring their spouses. A party for ONE co-worker is a business related event. And if the spouse isn't a good friend of the co-worker, why should they be invited?



If the party was being held FOR DH, I'd get my nose bent out of shape. But, if it is for a business co-worker that I don't know, or don't normally socialize with, I'd understand it is a business event. Do you go to work with your DH so he doesn't have to go to work alone?



But, you wouldn't be alone. There would be fellow co-workers there, too. I'd ask around to make sure fellow co-workers would be there.

What you and a lot of other people are failing to recognize is this is NOT a work related event it is a SOCIAL one where other couples are there!!! So why is it ok for some couples to be there and not others???

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'm surprised about this, too. When I used to cater for my cousin's catering company here, we did several Fortune 500 corporate events. Unless the event was the Holiday/Christmas party held for ALL the co-workers & their spouses, people didn't randomly bring their spouses. A party for ONE co-worker is a business related event. And if the spouse isn't a good friend of the co-worker, why should they be invited?

If I am not mistaken--it is the spouse of a man graduating, hosting a party and invited friends/family/colleagues past and present.

It's not his present company hosting a congratulatory social hour with cake and punch.

If you don't want to invite spouses--that is up to you.....

But folks keep forgetting that this is not an employer-sponsored event and that other people's spouses will be in attendance.

 

[cheermom1]

If I am not mistaken--it is the spouse of a man graduating, hosting a party and invited friends/family/colleagues past and present.

It's not his present company hosting a congratulatory social hour with cake and punch.

If you don't want to invite spouses--that is up to you.....

But folks keep forgetting that this is not an employer-sponsored event and that other people's spouses will be in attendance.

LO< we posted the something at the same time.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

What you and a lot of other people are failing to recognize is this is NOT a work related event it is a SOCIAL one where other couples are there!!! So why is it ok for some couples to be there and not others???

It's b/c they're co-workers and it is a work...

oh wait....