Hi Deb,
I just read an article today about losing a loved one over the holidays. It said that the first time the holidays pass without that person is difficult, but the second time can be even worse. The first year is full of change and turmoil, and the second year, you have more time to think. I can tell you that I personally am feeling the loss of my mom more this year. She passed so close to Christmas (Dec 3) , and we went on that December cruise, that I don't think I had the ability to process it all.
This year is different, and I keep wondering if Holidays will ever be the same . . .
Things will change again for you John in due time, you kids will grow up and have families of their own and you'll experience the joy of watching your grandkids at Christmas. You will still miss your mom, maybe even more so then, but you have a lot to look forward to in the coming years.
John and I are on the downside of that joy. The grandkids are teens and moving away, while missing my mom for the first holiday. The only thing for John and I to look forward to in our future is when John retires in a few short years and we can move to Delaware and build our dream home. It will be a lot quietier for us from now on, but we have each other and that's what matters most.