birkner
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2006
- Messages
- 8,140
Sceen II Act I. Today is Sat and John and I were going to see Sandi and Joe and try to make amends before they left. Well first we had to move Ray from a shared room into a private room. Me, John, the kid, Sandi and the boys showed up to do the move. Joe stayed home. Sandi met us at Mrs. Bush's, where Ray is staying. She didn't want us going to meet her and Joe at their house.
We did the move, I stayed in and talked with Ray while John went outside and talked with Sandi. John extended any help and all his courtesy to her and to Joe. Sandi's reply was that Joe was ready to make amends with John and the kid, in small doses, but not with me. Sandi was standing by her man and following his lead. Meanwhile I have a 17 year relationship with her. She crashed my wedding and got married with me because she was already pregnant. She moved in with us when the boys were only 2 and 3 years old. We took care of her and the boys every time she was in need. We just bought her a car that she needed for work. We just paid for a lavish and wonderful vacation with them. We have overextended ourselves just to get cut off and have Joe control who he sees and how much he sees us.
Scene II Act II. So on the ride home when John told me this I let him know that I'm way too old for high school drama and I will now cut myself off completely from Joe and Sandi too. I told John to continue his relationship with his daughter and do whatever he wanted to with Joe.
John and I got back to the house and talked it out. John has decided to take a stand against his daughter in support of me. He feels she drew the line in the sand and forced him to take a side. He feels that I don't warrant being treated that way by either one of them, especially Sandi.
So be it. I'm tired of playing the role of the wicked stepmother. The other night when she came over to pay us....John did all the talking. I kept my mouth shut. Yet Joe has decided to punish me and accept John and the kid. The kid has absolutely nothing to do with this and although I agreed with John I never said a word. I let it be a conversation between father and daughter.
I hope, for John's sake, someday Sandi can realize the damage she has done by supporting Joe in his madness.
Talk about a dramatic afternoon!
Since I turned 50 last year I decided to cut out all the drama and BS in my life and just live real. To be the best person that I could be everyday without compromising my values.....Yes, John1.....I still do totally agree with you the importance of truth, respect, integrity. Yet I was willing to lie so that my husband could keep his good relationship with his daughter. Just to see his daughter throw it all away for a putz!
The door is closed, the bridge is burned, there is no going back now. She made her bed, now she needs to lie in it!
Deb, I am so sorry Sandi is treating you both so shabbily. Resuming a relationship with John on in her words, "small doses" is an insult to all of you.
She clearly is afraid of Joe's reaction to any decision she might make on her own. I suspect this whole drama was orchestrated by Joe for his own pleasure. I feel terribly sorry for Sandi and the choices she is making. Sandi also clearly has emotional problems and is dependent on an abusive relationship for her own self worth.
However, that being said, you have done all you could do and more for both Sandi and Joe. There may be a day that she will regret her actions but I agree with you for now, she and Joe should be out of your lives.
Just my thoughts...