Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

Obsessedwiththemouse,

I don't mean this in any way as a flame, I'm just very curious. You are obviously a proud mother of two (as am I - mine just have four legs and a tail!) We have wondered numerous times on this thread why a happy parent would even bother reading these posts. Can you shed any light?

And just as a side bar - I happen to think I'd make a great mom. I happened to have a dog that I loved dearly who had all sorts of health problems - to the point where I would sleep on a sleeping bag in my family room so that I could let him in and out all night long on his worst nights. Poor boy finally has some peace, but I would have walked to the moon and back if I could have made him healthy.

Anyway, my real point was just trying to figure out why a happy parent would read this thread...?

Liisa

Hi Liisa!

I think it's just curiousity to see how the "other side" does Disney.

Personally, I was curious to see A) Why a single person would go to Disney since it seems so kid-oriented, B) What said single person DOES in Disney

Honestly, I didn't come to judge or come across bad.

Linda
Courtney 9-5-01
Collin 1-30-06

 

[zima-cheryl]

Maddhatir - I really like that last pix you posted - the silhouettes are really sharp. You should frame that one put it on the fireplace mantel.

 

[Liisa]

Personally, I was curious to see A) Why a single person would go to Disney since it seems so kid-oriented, B) What said single person DOES in Disney

Ok... I understand. And just to clarify (it might have been a typo) - but most of us are married or in long-term relationships. We just happen to not have kids. I for one can shed some light - DH and I enjoy alot of the pricier restaurants (easier to do on a budget for 2 people instead of a whole family). We like to stay out late (usually at Adventurers Club on PI). I also think that Disney can be very romantic for two people - think walking down Main ST USA after dark, heading to the Boardwalk bakery in the light of dawn for that first cup of coffee and some fresh pastry or strolling around world Showcase with a couple of adult beverages just before Illuminations starts. It is also nice enjoying the thrill rides together without having to "child swap" or miss out because the little ones are too young / scared to ride. We have the ability to change plans on a whim, eat whenever we like, stay out late, sleep in (or not) without having to worry about keeping a schedule with kids... Disney is a wonderful place to share with a loved one and not having children to cater to / worry about is such a freedom. Of course, we LOVE watching the little ones as they meet the characters. I get such a kick out of that look of awe. And seeing all the little princesses running around in their dresses is fun. I think our trips to Disney make more sense when you realize that we don't have anything against children (well behaved ones of course, but that is a whole other topic....) we just don't necessarily want the responsibility of raising our own. My 2 cents, for what it's worth....

 

[zima-cheryl]

Personally, I was curious to see A) Why a single person would go to Disney since it seems so kid-oriented, B) What said single person DOES in Disney

I'd like to add my 2 cents to this too.

First off - I'm not a single person...I'm married to one of the most wonderful and loving men in the world. I don't know how I was so lucky as to find him. We are a happily married pair, taking on the world together. (Of course that said I go single/solo to Disney in a heartbeat if the chance ever came up.)

As for why we go there... I never got to go as a kid, so for him it is a treat to show me around the parks and share w/me all his childhood memories and favorite rides and shows. Also we honeymooned at WDW, so we have a lot of special memories there.

And you don't have to have kids to appreciate the service and attention the cast members give all their guests. We have been doted on for birthdays and anniversaries. (I still have the card Donald Duck gave me for my birthday.) Disney really sets the bar for everywhere else we go in terms of service.

As for what we do - probably exactly what you do. We ride the rides, enjoy the shows, eat way too much junk food, stay up too late and basically have a good time. Granted we skip some of the "kiddy rides" like Dumbo, but we still enjoy rides like Pirates, Test Track and Tower of Terror. Plus we take in the shows (we never miss La Nouba) and enjoy some nice dinners (Ragalan Road is a favorite).

We are planning our next trip for Food & Wine Festival and my goal is to try at least one thing from every country/booth there over a long weekend!

 

[kennancat]

Hi Liisa!

I think it's just curiousity to see how the "other side" does Disney.

Personally, I was curious to see A) Why a single person would go to Disney since it seems so kid-oriented, B) What said single person DOES in Disney

Honestly, I didn't come to judge or come across bad.

Linda
Courtney 9-5-01
Collin 1-30-06

I'm assuming she means that she went to the adult and solo travelers board first out of curiosity and then stumbled upon this thread.

I think the idea that "Disney is just for kids" is very common, but also wrong. Disney is one of the top honeymoon destinations in the US, I believe. While there is a lot of great stuff for families with children, it's also a legitimate (and humongous) resort offering fine dining, shows, spa, golf, and other activities. One of the other reasons DH and I like it is that the whole Vegas "what happens here stays here" attitude doesn't appeal to us. No, we've never been to Vegas and we do want to go at least once, there are just a lot of other places that I'd rather go first. Don't kill me, Vegas fans Disney is great for us because we can get the good food and fun stuff to do in a wholesome environment.

So, speaking of food & wine, anybody know when the list of events comes out?

 

[Hixski]

I'm assuming she means that she went to the adult and solo travelers board first out of curiosity and then stumbled upon this thread.

I think the idea that "Disney is just for kids" is very common, but also wrong. Disney is one of the top honeymoon destinations in the US, I believe. While there is a lot of great stuff for families with children, it's also a legitimate resort offering fine dining, shows, spa, golf, and other activities. One of the other reasons DH and I like it is that the whole Vegas "what happens here stays here" attitude doesn't appeal to us. (No, we've never been to Vegas and we do want to go at least once, there are just a lot of other places that I'd rather go first. Don't kill me, Vegas fans ). Disney is great for us because we can get the good food and fun stuff to do in a wholesome environment.

So, speaking of food & wine, anybody know when the list of events comes out?

DH and I say "What happens in Disney stays in Disney" but then I guess we are kind of weird.

 

[kennancat]

DH and I say "What happens in Disney stays in Disney" but then I guess we are kind of weird.

But what's funny about that is I see "What happens at Disney stays at Disney" and think "if I wear a giant Goofy hat to a character breakfast and have my picture taken with all of them, none of my co-workers will ever know" where "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" brings up... uh... different images.

 

[Hixski]

But what's funny about that is I see "What happens at Disney stays at Disney" and think "if I wear a giant Goofy hat to a character breakfast and have my picture taken with all of them, none of my co-workers will ever know" where "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" brings up... uh... different images.

I guess I just don't think everyone is so innocent when they get back to their resorts. If you know what I mean. Some folks might even wear that giant Goofy hat late at night.................

Ok, now I am scaring myself.

 

[ChisJo]

A really good article....A good friend of mine sent it to me and I thought I would share.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762056/site/newsweek/?GT1=10150

 

[Hixski]

A really good article....A good friend of mine sent it to me and I thought I would share.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762056/site/newsweek/?GT1=10150

That was a good article. Is is scary how true it is. Too bad most people will never see themselves in that article and that they are exactly like that. I guess there is always hope it might make an impression.

 

[Liisa]

A really good article....A good friend of mine sent it to me and I thought I would share.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762056/site/newsweek/?GT1=10150

ChisJo,

I actually just popped over here to post the link as well. Finally - an article that can truthfully see both sides of the coin.

Liisa

 

[kennancat]

ChisJo,

I actually just popped over here to post the link as well. Finally - an article that can truthfully see both sides of the coin.

Liisa

Me too!

There was another one too: http://lifestyle.msn.com/familyandparenting/raisingkids/articleab.aspx?cp-documentid=454101&GT1=10215

This one was part of the "Maybe, Baby" book.

 

[kennancat]

From the first article:

I am at a party chatting with a woman I know slightly. As her young son squirms out of her embrace, she slips her hand under my shirt. She's not getting fresh with me. She's touching my tummy with her cold hand and asking me, in a concerned voice, "Why aren't you pregnant yet?" I smile, break free from her touch, and head to the food table to fill said empty belly with her brat's birthday cake.

Let me just add, if any of my "slight acquaintances" ever do this to me, I think they will instantly become "former acquaintances".

 

[Prinny27]

I've been lurking on this thread for a long time, but reading that article I just HAD to post! FINALLY - something that puts my thoughts into words perfectly! My DH and I just got married two months ago, but for about a year and a half before that we were already fielding the 'when are you going to have kids' question from his family and mine. His sister even went so far as to ask us to get pregnant so her daughter could have a playmate. Please, tell me what is more selfish than that! I'm sorry if I would rather focus on some other areas in my life - you know, like being financially secure,owning a home, and enjoying my husband's company - before procreating.

DH and I decided a long time ago that we do NOT want kids, which we flat out tell both of our families. We just do not enjoy them. Sure, we can play with our nieces for a few hours, but we have no desire to have our own. Yet, we still get the 'you'll change your mind in a few years' from everyone, even his coworkers, as if it's anyone's business. Sadly, they all seem to think it is. It makes me so angry that people feel that they can comment on my life and my choices, as if they are involved in the decision. Where will they be when it's time to change diapers and pay for college?

I think my family understands that there's no way I'll ever have kids and a few members of his family get it. His sisters, though, are just clueless and really think it's okay to keep nagging us, as if THEIR happiness and THEIR view of how we should live our lives depends on it. I forwarded that article to both of them, as well as my sister, who fits the 'thinking everyone loves your kid as much as you do' description to a tee. LOL Thanks for the laugh!

 

[PilotWife]

I am one of those who is new to the board and just "stumbled" across this thread. I think that it is great that all of you "know" you do not want kids and really kids are not for everyone.....My husband and I were married for almost 10 yrs before we adopted our first child (2 more came later) anyway, we were going to have children, life turned out differently, and we almost chose to stay "without children" ..... My mom finally said to me, and I will say this to some of you as what your families might be "worried" about.....When you are old and your parents are no longer here, and your spouse may not be here on this earth with you....what will you have? you will "for all practical reasons" be alone (or your spouse will be) and if you can think about that and picture yourselves that way and happy....then I (my mom saying to me) absolutely support your decision. So my point is ...... parents especially.... tend to worry about their children and their happiness when they are no longer here, and my parents hated that my husband and I could be giving up on so much happiness later in life. Just to give you a different point of view....
There are definately good points to NOT HAVING those kids upstairs tearing up their rooms.

Oh yeah, and I have done Disney more times without kids than with, and you do the same things, but you see it through different eyes.


I will now "butt out" of your thread!!!!

Jennifer

 

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

I am one of those who is new to the board and just "stumbled" across this thread. I think that it is great that all of you "know" you do not want kids and really kids are not for everyone.....My husband and I were married for almost 10 yrs before we adopted our first child (2 more came later) anyway, we were going to have children, life turned out differently, and we almost chose to stay "without children" ..... My mom finally said to me, and I will say this to some of you as what your families might be "worried" about.....When you are old and your parents are no longer here, and your spouse may not be here on this earth with you....what will you have? you will "for all practical reasons" be alone (or your spouse will be) and if you can think about that and picture yourselves that way and happy....then I (my mom saying to me) absolutely support your decision. So my point is ...... parents especially.... tend to worry about their children and their happiness when they are no longer here, and my parents hated that my husband and I could be giving up on so much happiness later in life. Just to give you a different point of view....
There are definately good points to NOT HAVING those kids upstairs tearing up their rooms.

Oh yeah, and I have done Disney more times without kids than with, and you do the same things, but you see it through different eyes.


I will now "butt out" of your thread!!!!

Jennifer

Jennifer--

I am the typical mommy, but I really don't agree with what you just posted.

I had my children because there is no greater gift on this earth than a child. When I look at my children, the love and bond I feel for them is like nothing I have ever felt in my entire life. No relationship I've ever had or ever will have could ever compare to the love I have for my kiddos. Everytime I hear "I love you mama" and get the cracker kisses, my heart melts. Will it last forever? Nah...but the memories I will have from my children are amazing and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

I didn't have kids because I feared "being alone" later in life. That's not my children's responsibility to "babysit" me as I get on in years. I would NEVER want to put that type of responsibility onto my children---"You know, I had you so I wouldn't be alone later on in life...C'mon over and let's play bingo.."...

For the previous posters, I think it's very interesting to read what others do when you don't have to make the mandatory Bippity Boppity Boutique visit or the countless Dumbo rides laughing: Everytime we stand in line for that ride, my husband always goes "Why don't they just add more elephants?!?")

I am intrigued by the "romantic" side of Disney...Hopefully, when we're retired we can someday experience it!

 

[kennancat]

Jennifer--

I am the typical mommy, but I really don't agree with what you just posted.

<snip>

I didn't have kids because I feared "being alone" later in life. That's not my children's responsibility to "babysit" me as I get on in years. I would NEVER want to put that type of responsibility onto my children---"You know, I had you so I wouldn't be alone later on in life...C'mon over and let's play bingo.."...

Thank you! The "but you'll be all alone when you're old" is a really common thing that gets thrown at CF people. Yes, I worry about being alone, but like you just said, I will not make the decision to have children out of fear. Besides, you can have kids and still end up alone. The case I always use: my grandmother had three children. She has now lived longer than her husband and two of those three children. The surviving one, my mom, lives in a state halfway across the country. My grandmother is essentially alone at this point. Having kids is no guarantee of companionship in your old age, and IMHO, is a pretty selfish reason to have children.

 

[PilotWife]

Jennifer--

I am the typical mommy, but I really don't agree with what you just posted.

I had my children because there is no greater gift on this earth than a child. When I look at my children, the love and bond I feel for them is like nothing I have ever felt in my entire life. No relationship I've ever had or ever will have could ever compare to the love I have for my kiddos. Everytime I hear "I love you mama" and get the cracker kisses, my heart melts. Will it last forever? Nah...but the memories I will have from my children are amazing and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

I didn't have kids because I feared "being alone" later in life. That's not my children's responsibility to "babysit" me as I get on in years. I would NEVER want to put that type of responsibility onto my children---"You know, I had you so I wouldn't be alone later on in life...C'mon over and let's play bingo.."...

For the previous posters, I think it's very interesting to read what others do when you don't have to make the mandatory Bippity Boppity Boutique visit or the countless Dumbo rides laughing: Everytime we stand in line for that ride, my husband always goes "Why don't they just add more elephants?!?")

I am intrigued by the "romantic" side of Disney...Hopefully, when we're retired we can someday experience it!

I am sorry, I did not mean for it to come across "I had children to babysit me when I am old" I simply meant that....when your parents are going you will create your own nuclear family and your siblings will have theirs...Adult children and grandchild give elderly people a great amount of joy and happiness, even when they are not being babysat by an adult child. There are many other situations for elderly than being babysat. and I certainly did not mean to have kids so that I have a built in babysitter.
(my mom's experience is that her SIL never had children, and therefore is really alone because her husband died at an early age - 48 - she has no one other than my dad and mom - and that is not the same as a true nuclear family. It really is hard for her now and she is wondering why they made that choice of no children now) Life Changes.

Jennifer

 

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

I am sorry, I did not mean for it to come across "I had children to babysit me when I am old" I simply meant that....when your parents are going you will create your own nuclear family and your siblings will have theirs...Adult children and grandchild give elderly people a great amount of joy and happiness, even when they are not being babysat by an adult child. There are many other situations for elderly than being babysat. and I certainly did not mean to have kids so that I have a built in babysitter.
(my mom's experience is that her SIL never had children, and therefore is really alone because her husband died at an early age - 48 - she has no one other than my dad and mom - and that is not the same as a true nuclear family. It really is hard for her now and she is wondering why they made that choice of no children now) Life Changes.

Jennifer

Hi Jennifer--

I understand what you're saying, sort of. I think my life with just me and my husband would be very boring and lonely. The kids add a little something to it and together we've found out what we're made of and what an awesome team we are. When I see my husband hold my baby, it makes me fall in love with a different side of him.

BUT, not everyone feels that way. There are those on here who recognize that they don't want kids for this reason or that reason and that's awesome. That's awesome that someone would be mature enough to say "ya know, I don't want kids for X reasons, so we're not having any". There are those who are comfortable and happy with just being with their spouse and that's great. Personally, it wouldn't work for me, but everyone's different.

 

[Mrs.Reese]

That's an interesting thought. People who have kids so someone will take of them in their age-old. I really hope that nobody actually thinks that. It comes off as selfish to me. Why would you want to burden your children?

I took care of my great-grandma the last few years she was with us because I was in college and had the time. It was a burden at times. There were many things that I did not do because I had to go home. I don't regret that time because I was honored to know a very wonderful woman. A woman who divorced her husband in the 40's because they had too many differences. A woman who outlived all THREE of her husbands. She was quite the trailblazer. She didn't want to be a burden though and HATED telling me when she needed help. The last year she was with us, she surprised me by sending me to Cancun for spring break. She told me to "have lots of fun and try out lots of equipment. I know I'm off-topic here.

If I found out that the reason my parents had me was so I could take care of them, you can bet that would ruin my relationship with them.