Marrieds choosing not to have kids

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Our 4th plans are very boring. DH and I are both working. I am in IT so since we cover 24/7 and Wednesday is one of my days......I get to work. Don't feel sorry for me though. There won't be a darn thing going on. I will watch a movie or 2 on my laptop and get paid TRIPLE time for sitting on my **** for 12 hrs. I will also go hit the gym downstairs to break up the night. I will just take my money and use it for WDW and the cruise in September. I have a Sunday in July too that I am covering for a coworker. Sundays pay doubletime. I figure those 2 days alone will add a big chunk of change to my drinking budget for the trip.:rotfl2:


Hixsi, I have all weekends and holidays off, but if somebody wanted to pay me double or triple time, I would be thrilled to pieces to work a little extra!:banana:
 
Saw this article in the paper today and thought you all would find it interesting: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/services/newspaper/printedition/sunday/orl-marry0107jul01,0,6410175.story

Fewer call having kids key to good marriage, survey finds

David Crary | the Associated Press
July 1, 2007


NEW YORK - The percentage of Americans who consider children "very important" to a successful marriage has dropped sharply since 1990, and more now cite the sharing of household chores as pivotal, according to a sweeping new survey.

The Pew Research Center survey on marriage and parenting found that children had fallen to eighth out of nine on a list of factors that people associate with successful marriages -- well behind "sharing household chores," "good housing," "adequate income," a "happy sexual relationship" and "faithfulness."

In a 1990 World Values Survey, children ranked third in importance among the same items, with 65 percent saying children were very important to a good marriage. Just 41 percent said so in the new Pew survey.

Chore-sharing was cited as very important by 62 percent of respondents, up from 47 percent in 1990.

The survey also found that, by a ratio of nearly 3-to-1, Americans say the main purpose of marriage is the "mutual happiness and fulfillment" of adults rather than the "bearing and raising of children."

The survey's findings buttress concerns expressed by numerous scholars and family-policy experts, among them Barbara Dafoe Whitehead of Rutgers University's National Marriage Project.

"The popular culture is increasingly oriented to fulfilling the X-rated fantasies and desires of adults," she wrote in a recent report. "Child-rearing values -- sacrifice, stability, dependability, maturity -- seem stale and musty by comparison."

Virginia Rutter, a sociology professor at Framingham (Mass.) State College and a board member of the Council on Contemporary Families, said the shifting views could be linked to America's relative lack of family-friendly workplace policies such as paid leave and subsidized child care.

"If we value families . . . we need to change the circumstances they live in," she said.

The Pew survey was conducted by telephone from mid-February through mid-March among a nationwide sample of 2,020 adults. Its margin of error is 3 percentage points.

I found Whitehead's comments a little odd - personally, I don't link people thinking the goal of marriage is "mutual happiness and fulfillment of adults" to "popular culture is increasingly oriented to fulfilling the X-rated fantasies and desires of adults", but hey, that's just me ;) I'm tempted to see if I can find her comments in full somewhere to see if they got taken out of context.
 
Hi,
I have only just found this thread and have read some from the beginning.
I would like to share my experiences of choosing not to have kids.

I go married in 1979 at 30 years old.
I have never wanted kids as i had such an awful childhood myself i couldn't imagine why anyone would want to bring kids into the world. I made this decision when i was 3. I met a wonderful man who also didn't want children but for different reasons.
when i lived in Canada when was about 31 i found a doctor who allowed me to be sterilized remember this is 27 years ago. Very unusual to make choices like that then.
I too, had many people asking why i didnt have kids and most people thought i was selfish. But i knew i wasn't and that is what counted. i knew it was absolutely the right decision. and have never regretted it.
Many years of therapy later, which led to a divorce too, i felt so much better about myself and life but still never regretted having kids.
After my divorce i came to live in The Gambia from the UK and after 2 years of being here was "given" a Gambian child to bring up as my daughter.
It just happened and she has been with me now for 6 years and she is 8.
I never planned this and it was never on my agenda but you know it is one of the best things i have ever done.
i love her like my own and now at 58 is the right time to have kids for me anyway.
So i guess i am saying never rule it out you never know what is around the corner or what is in your life plan.
Thanks everyone for letting me share this and hope it hasn't spoilt the latter part of this thread.

What a beautiful story. I am glad for that little girl that she was able to be adopted by someone like yourself.

I once had a mom with 3 wonderful girls live with me. The mom asked that if anything should happen to her, would I take care of her girls. I would have done it in a heartbeat.

While I never had a desire for my own, I wanted to leave room in my life for whatever might happen. I am re-married and my husband is a little more militant about not having children. And I am "cheerfully child free".

I know it sounds like I am talking out of both sides of my mouth, but honestly, there are some great kids out there that I easily could have raised, just not given birth to!
 
I totally agree with you krisalee.

Forgive me if I spelled you name wrong and also forgive me I did not read any of the replies. I haved been married for 15 years and we originally thought we didn't want any children, but then we decided to try to have one.

Let me tell you, deciding to just have one child is just like what you are going through. My mother-in-law told us if you are only going to have one, you shouldn't have any. My sister actually said it was very selfish of us.

I think many people have children because they think it is what they are suppossed to do. I'm not saying all, but there is a large amount of them who are in marriages where they aren't happy, and by having children, they think it will change things.

I married my wife because I loved her, not because she could give me children. Now don't get me wrong, my 12 year old daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me, but I am glad I only had one child and and I wish people would just mind their own businss and let each family be the kind of family they want to be. Be that no children, one child or ten.

Getting off my soap box now.

I applaud your decision to follow your hear and go against what society dictates.
 

I
I think many people have children because they think it is what they are suppossed to do. I'm not saying all, but there is a large amount of them who are in marriages where they aren't happy, and by having children, they think it will change things.

That is exactly what happened with my friend. Her marriage of 2 years had changed and became miserable for her. She had moved away from all her family because HE wanted to be near his family. She was miserable. He pushed her to have a kid even though she still had not finished school. Well the baby wasn't the panacea she thought it would be and a year later they were divorced.
 
Hey all - just a little warning I wanted to post.

I've been playing around with the new improved search, and it's much better. However, if you search on a particular user name, not only can you see what that user has posted, but it also returns ALL matches on that user name, even in the body of the messages (e.g. a post with "Username is an idiot" would show up in the search). I figure the last thing we need to do is make it easier on our trolls, so wanted to make sure everyone was aware in case anyone feels the need to make edits to previous posts ;)
 
:lmao:

Well everyone has posted at one time or another how aggravated we have been that people ask us when we are having kids.......I can't be aggravated at this though.....

I was at SIL's house today and my little 5 year old niece looks at me and says........"are you ever having kids??":lmao:

I said, "no way" "we have to save all of our love so we can give it to you and your brother!":lmao:

She was fine with the answer, for now;)

well- to top it off she asked me if I was going to be in a wheelchair b/c I told her I was getting old after I couldn't breath after jumping on the trampoline with her!

HEY! That takes a lot out of ya! :lmao:
 
:lmao:

Well everyone has posted at one time or another how aggravated we have been that people ask us when we are having kids.......I can't be aggravated at this though.....

I was at SIL's house today and my little 5 year old niece looks at me and says........"are you ever having kids??":lmao:

I said, "no way" "we have to save all of our love so we can give it to you and your brother!":lmao:

She was fine with the answer, for now;)

well- to top it off she asked me if I was going to be in a wheelchair b/c I told her I was getting old after I couldn't breath after jumping on the trampoline with her!

HEY! That takes a lot of ya! :lmao:

:lmao: :lmao:

Our friends daughter was about 6 when she asked us if we were going to have kids for her to play with. We told her no. She said that was ok because she would always be SOOOOO much older than ours. I told her she could just be my best little buddy. She said that was good because I was her best OLDEST buddy. :rotfl2:

I am bored out of my mind here at work tonight. I think I better go make some coffee. Then I will go hit the treadmill in the gym in an hour or so.
 
Morning guys. How was everyone's 4th of July? We got completely rained out. It was raining so hard it looked like a hurricane outside. We ended up having to cook inside. :rolleyes:
 
Hi,
I have only just found this thread and have read some from the beginning.
I would like to share my experiences of choosing not to have kids.

I go married in 1979 at 30 years old.
I have never wanted kids as i had such an awful childhood myself i couldn't imagine why anyone would want to bring kids into the world. I made this decision when i was 3. I met a wonderful man who also didn't want children but for different reasons.
when i lived in Canada when was about 31 i found a doctor who allowed me to be sterilized remember this is 27 years ago. Very unusual to make choices like that then.
I too, had many people asking why i didnt have kids and most people thought i was selfish. But i knew i wasn't and that is what counted. i knew it was absolutely the right decision. and have never regretted it.
Many years of therapy later, which led to a divorce too, i felt so much better about myself and life but still never regretted having kids.
After my divorce i came to live in The Gambia from the UK and after 2 years of being here was "given" a Gambian child to bring up as my daughter.
It just happened and she has been with me now for 6 years and she is 8.
I never planned this and it was never on my agenda but you know it is one of the best things i have ever done.
i love her like my own and now at 58 is the right time to have kids for me anyway.
So i guess i am saying never rule it out you never know what is around the corner or what is in your life plan.
Thanks everyone for letting me share this and hope it hasn't spoilt the latter part of this thread.

Just wanted to comment on such a wonderful post!
You are so right...you just never know what is in store for you!! I always wanted kids - I was actually going to be Carol Brady - 6 kids and yes, a maid named Alice!! Well that didn't happen - not even the husband part. Work and illnesses sort of intervened, but I am a happy mother of three "fur-babies" - these are my kids!!! And who knows what the future will bring.
 
We were getting closer to the bottom of the page. That will just not do.;)
 
We were getting closer to the bottom of the page. That will just not do.;)

Yes, but we are communicating on the "They're my kids, they should be able to go anywhere" thread!:rotfl2:
 
It was on the cruise board. About the adult only areas of course!!!

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=854971

If DCL didn't have adult only areas, then wouldn't families complain that all the beach chairs are being taken up by adults and their precious little ones won't get a spot to sit when they come out of the pool?

I mean, really, Disney does its best to accommodate everyone. Three different pool areas to keep everyone happy. Wouldn't parents be happy that there's a quiet pool to go relax and get away from the kids for a few minutes, too?

I will just say that if DCL didn't have adult only areas, I would be much less likely to go back, esp. w/o kids.
 
If DCL didn't have adult only areas, then wouldn't families complain that all the beach chairs are being taken up by adults and their precious little ones won't get a spot to sit when they come out of the pool?

I mean, really, Disney does its best to accommodate everyone. Three different pool areas to keep everyone happy. Wouldn't parents be happy that there's a quiet pool to go relax and get away from the kids for a few minutes, too?

I will just say that if DCL didn't have adult only areas, I would be much less likely to go back, esp. w/o kids.

The thread was about the adult only age being 18+. People were asking about their OH SO MATURE 17 yr olds. They felt it was not fair because they could not go to Palo and the adult pool. People need to remember we all had to go through an age discrimination phase. I said there were things in 1977 when I was 17 that I was restricted by age too. Thats life, its just the way it is.
 
The thread was about the adult only age being 18+. People were asking about their OH SO MATURE 17 yr olds. They felt it was not fair because they could not go to Palo and the adult pool. People need to remember we all had to go through an age discrimination phase. I said there were things in 1977 when I was 17 that I was restricted by age too. Thats life, its just the way it is.

ahhhh, Yes, like driving for one, how about drinking, getting into an R rated movie!

It was just something you KNEW you had to wait for- and we never expected our parent's to complain about the age to get it moved up so all of us little angles who were "more mature" than some others will get special privileges!:sad2:

Rules are rules people........get over it.:coffee:
 
Interesting discussion on that thread - personally, I'd be okay with 16 and 17 YOs in the adult area provided they were with their parent/guardian the whole time (no 19YO guy they met on the ship) and it was a 1:1 ratio. So if you have three kids between the ages of 16 and 17, pick your favorites! ;) Also, it'd be a one-shot deal; kid tries to drink or act out and that's the last of that privilege for this cruise.

A friend of DH's got married on DCL and they couldn't have the reception at Palo because the groom's brother was 17 and they wouldn't let him go to Palo. I appreciate that DCL enforces the rules, but I felt kind of bad for the family.
 
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