Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[aclov]

Just saw an interesting segment on 20/20 - about a restaurant owner who got tired of young kids misbehaving in his restaurant, so posted a sign saying kids were welcome, but they were expected to behave & use their indoor voices. Apparently a lot of parents initially flipped, (couldn't help thinking of the "mommy of's" ) & there were all kinds of news articles (worldwide) about this child-hating restauranteur. But then he started getting all kinds of SUPPORTING letters & articles & now his place is doing better than ever - WITH well-behaved children in it! Now that's a place I would go!

I saw that it too! I think it's interesting that parents put the blinders on when it comes to their children's behavior. I went to Chili's with two friends, one has 3 kids the other has 2. We were sitting behind another group with two women and about 4 kids. My friend's two year old kept hanging on the booth across from us, so the host comes with a couple (man and woman) to seat them there. He asks the man "Is this okay?" The man answers "No! I don't want to be around kids" So the host takes them to another booth. My friend than says "Gosh, that was rude!" and repeats what the man said. I say "Why is that rude? He doesn't want to be around kids. We don't know if him and his wife left THEIR kids at home for a quiet evening out or maybe he doesn't have kids and isn't used to them. I guess he just wants to enjoy his meal"
My friend 10 years ago would have reacted the same way and wouldn't have wanted to be seated aroud kids but now that she's a mom she expects EVERYONE to love children.

 

[HockeyKat]

I saw that it too! I think it's interesting that parents put the blinders on when it comes to their children's behavior. I went to Chili's with two friends, one has 3 kids the other has 2. We were sitting behind another group with two women and about 4 kids. My friend's two year old kept hanging on the booth across from us, so the host comes with a couple (man and woman) to seat them there. He asks the man "Is this okay?" The man answers "No! I don't want to be around kids" So the host takes them to another booth. My friend than says "Gosh, that was rude!" and repeats what the man said. I say "Why is that rude? He doesn't want to be around kids. We don't know if him and his wife left THEIR kids at home for a quiet evening out or maybe he doesn't have kids and isn't used to them. I guess he just wants to enjoy his meal"
My friend 10 years ago would have reacted the same way and wouldn't have wanted to be seated aroud kids but now that she's a mom she expects EVERYONE to love children.

Gee, was that my DH??

We have actually been known to do exactly that, although I probably wouldn't be quite that blunt about it. I have no desire to be seated next to someone else's kids or have their 2 yr old hang over the booth at me. Honestly, if the place has a linen tablecloth and linen napkins and a wine list (anything above family restuarant level), I expect if you bring your kids that they should act accordingly and SIT in their chair and eat like normal human beings, or you should leave them at home. If you bring a baby and it cries anywhere non-fast-food, take it out. My brother brought my 6 mo old nephew to a nice restaurant and it cried and he is a heathen, so *I* took it out.

Maybe I (at 31) was raised in a strict household, but even in our own house my father required my brother and I to sit at the dinner table, napkin in lap, and eat food with utensils. We were required to sit until everyone was done, help my mom clear the table, and then we were allowed to watch tv, play, etc. If we didn't eat what my mom prepared, we went hungry. If we protested, we were sent to our rooms with no dinner. Obviously, the upbringing didn't take with my brother!!

 

[TKDisneylover]

Maybe I (at 31) was raised in a strict household, but even in our own house my father required my brother and I to sit at the dinner table, napkin in lap, and eat food with utensils. We were required to sit until everyone was done, help my mom clear the table, and then we were allowed to watch tv, play, etc. If we didn't eat what my mom prepared, we went hungry. If we protested, we were sent to our rooms with no dinner. Obviously, the upbringing didn't take with my brother!!

Wow, this is my brother! Out of 3 kids, we have a sister too, he was the one that has children, and they are slobs! My mother was very picky about being clean, and organized and my father was like yours, teaching to wipe mouths with a napkin, no burping, farting, whistling, etc. at the table. It is amazing how many times we've been to dinner with them and the kids wipe their mouths across their sleeves, and have burping contests at 10 & 12 years old! Oh, and they are girls! I honestly feel he's being rebellious in a sense because he felt my father was too strict and he didn't want to do that to his children. Little did he realize how they look without manners!

Okay, off my soapbox......

My sister & I when going out for dinner with our DH's often ask to be seated away from families with small chidren for the exact reason as the previous poster. But I will also say that there have been times that we will encounter a family with well-behaved children. Good going mom & dad!

 

[maddhatir]

Hey- I haven't posted for a while- I am still lurking though. Not much kid stuff has been annoying me lately

I did want to say- wow- I would love to have those types of movie "theaters" that some of you have.

DH and I try and go to the movie theater where they play movies that no young kids would want to see anyway I am talking about the movies that are usually up for some kind of an award- not usually your major blockbuster ( I wanted to clarify incase some of you may be thinking "adult" )That is the only choice we have if we want to go to the movies- b/c I can't stand going to the movies with "tweens" BTW- *** is that word all about anyway, or teens- they are just so freaking annoying all of the time- I get chest pains just listening to them!!!

 

[PatriciaH]

I wonder how many of you other CF couples are like us. We are surrounded by mainly other CF couples. We only have one couple among our friends who have a child, with another on the way.

Most of our friends here in Florida are child-free. We go out a lot with two married couples in their 30's like us that do not want children. We also have a lot of single friends in their 20's and 30's that never want kids. Only one of our friends has a child and she is 13 and a nice kid. One of our younger friends (23) wants a child at some point but not for a while. We are meeting a lot of people that never want kids! It is wonderful because we always have someone to hang out with

 

[druidia]

Don't yall have an Alamo Drafthouse movie theatre? No I guess not. They're only in Texas (I just looked). This is an awesome theatre. Tables are set up in the theatre and you can order food/beer restaurant style. If a brat is acting up, you can write it down and put it in your flag that sits in the middle of the table (used for ordering/flagging down your server) and they take care of it and it's annonymous! Very cool place. Not to mention, they show other things besides new releases. They'll do old movies, RHPS, sports events, that sort of thing.

We used to have something like that, but never with the flags in the tables. That would be fantastic! They are more like a concession window where you place an order (for pizza) and they call your name, so no servers. We do have another dine in theater (actually where DH and I had our first date), but it is in a very family oriented neighborhood and you would be thrown out the door if you complained about someone's precious poo misbehaving.

What I don't get is that people who have children have made a choice. That choice has consequences. Those consequences include the fact that you no longer do all of the adult things you used to do and have the free time that you took for granted previously. No more nights out without a babysitter, etc. I don't understand those parents who get so bristled when people get annoyed at their screaming, bored kids because "they have a right to be out, too." All of those around you have a right to enjoy their hard earned $$ on a night out, too, without dealing with your kids.

OK, I'm down now.

 

[druidia]

I think I am one of the older people here on this thread. I am 47, DH is 48. We have been CF long enough now to realize that it was meant to be for us. We just went out to lunch today with a younger friend of mine. (She is 30) She brought her 11yr old DD with her as always. Her DD just loves us. We get in our kid fixes like that.

DH and I have been together for 25 yrs. In that time we have seen almost everyone we know have children. Most now tell us they envy us. Some even go so far to say they wish they would have done it differently. Several have commented that they had children because they thought that was what they were "supposed" to do. I don't think most people will admit these things to another parent but they will to someone CF. We like it here on the "dark side".

We have been together for 12 years, and initially considered kids, then mostly didn't, and now we're back to considering again, as we inch towards 40.

I am so afraid of feeling like this:

Most now tell us they envy us. Some even go so far to say they wish they would have done it differently.

But on the flip side, I don't want to regret NOT having children. I think I'm realizing what my true reasons are for not wanting them, and they don't seem so valid now. Mostly, I'm just terrified of the commitment, but eager for it at the same time. I'm terrified of giving up my free time, but then I wonder what I'm spending it on? And so on and so forth...

I have never felt that it was something I was "supposed" to do, but I agree that many couples do. I think I'm probably one of the most non-parent types that most of my friends and family know.

Choices, choices.

FWIW, I state right now before the Dissers that I would NEVER allow my child to act in such a manner that anonymous flags are warranted! We rarely go to the movies now due to such obnoxious behavior; I would not allow my kid to behave that way in public. We would be spending time at home until they could learn to behave properly.

If that means giving up the movies and nice restaurants for a while, so be it. That's part of the choice we make.

 

[LoveStitch626]

I don't understand those parents who get so bristled when people get annoyed at their screaming, bored kids because "they have a right to be out, too."

To the parents: You shoulda thought of that before spawning
To the kids: get a job.. pay some taxes THEN we'll talk about having rights

And that's all this monster has to say about that one

 

[dolcezena]

I don't understand those parents who get so bristled when people get annoyed at their screaming, bored kids because "they have a right to be out, too."

Isn't that why they invented those cheesy chuck places & restaurants like that? Seems like every time I turn around there's another "family-oriented" experience! Movie theatres, restaurants, malls...when will the insanity end?!?

OMG, I need one of those movie theatres you can order drinks at here! Maybe then I can get DFi to take me to a movie! If I can dose him with enough liquor, I can get him to do anything! (Hence my planning out our wedding/disneymoon itinerary based on wineries & bars!!)

 

[Poppinsme]

Hello all. Been married for almost 32 years now. In fact celebrating our anni. at the Poly. later this year. WooHoo!! Oh yeah we are DINKs and proud. Never regretted not having kids. I'm 50 now and my DH is 63 so we have gone through pretty much every kind of comment you can think of. And a lot of my friends now tell me they wish they'd never had children. Interesting. As far as giving your things away that you have acquired in life, well thats what friends are for. When I die the majority of my wealth and possessions will go to my friends (or DH if he is still alive of course). Do I regret not having children to pass my things off to, no. I will say that we talked about adopting but didn't. And I do love children just wanted to enjoy others and I take care of babies in my job.
There is nothing wrong with being childless. Nothing. And no guilt, ever.

 

[dolcezena]

Help me here people - I'm over-tired, over-caffeinated & feeling stupidly emotional - OMG, I think I'm a 3 y/o about to throw a temper tantrum.

Why oh why did I have to find all these "emotional" threads in the state I'm in?

Quick, I need some fluffly chat!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Help me here people - I'm over-tired, over-caffeinated & feeling stupidly emotional - OMG, I think I'm a 3 y/o about to throw a temper tantrum.

Why oh why did I have to find all these "emotional" threads in the state I'm in?

Quick, I need some fluffly chat!

I'm always like that! I feel four on a good day.

Here's the fluff:



They're all fluffy - esp. Stitch.

 

[dolcezena]

Here's the fluff:



They're all fluffy - esp. Stitch.

Thanks for making me smile!

 

[plgrn]

Enough said!!

 

[Disney Dee]

OMG! Having raised 3 kids (all grown now) and running my own daycare for 28 yrs, that pic tells me why women over 50 do not have babies, and just thinking of having to clean up that mess reminds me why i gave up my daycare

 

[maddhatir]

OMG! Having raised 3 kids (all grown now) and running my own daycare for 28 yrs, that pic tells me why women over 50 do not have babies, and just thinking of having to clean up that mess reminds me why i gave up my daycare

Women over 50???-- There are tons of us out there who just started out NEVER wanting babies! We must have seen that pic in our future and just....knew!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

OMG. I would just die!!!

Is that house paint?

 

[Hixski]

Enough said!!

All you fencesitters take note......should you decide not to be CF, that is your future.

 

[maddhatir]

Enough said!!

Now if we were parents here... we would be saying...:Oh how cute"..........

I say......"better them than us!"

 

[plgrn]

Now if we were parents here... we would be saying...:Oh how cute"..........

Well, props to the mom of these two for having nerves of steel! Snapping a picture would be the last thing on my to-do list!!!