Shugardrawers
<font color=teal><b>Ovarian Cancer Survivor!<br><f
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2003
- Messages
- 9,309
I'm sure this has all been said in one way or another but these are the things my beloved PawPaw and my Daddy (whom I certain carries the wisdom of the ages) told me. I ignored them the 1st time around 
This time, I've paid heed and it's saved me a LOT of grief 
Love is not a feeling, it's an action. It's also a daily choice. Sometimes you have to love your mate when they aren't being very lovable.
On the same note, the song is wrong. LOVE DOES NOT HURT! If loving someone makes you miserable, this IS NOT the person for you! Yes, marriage is work. Sometimes it's hard work. But it's not supposed to be THAT hard. Most everyone knows the verse from Corinthians and I'm paraphrasing here
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude nor self-seeking, or easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me...And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Marriage is not a 50/50 deal. You must always be prepared to give 100% effort 100% of the time.
Don't marry someone because you think you can live with them. Marry someone you are certain you never want to live without.
Be prepared for the day you look at your spouse and wonder
WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING??? 
Be prepared for that day to come sooner than you expect. Be prepared for that feeling to last several days at a time, sometimes several weeks and to return with no warning over the course of decades together for no particular reason. There will also be just as many times you'll look at your spouse and know EXACTLY what you were thinking 
Bottom line: love waxes and wanes; usually at the most unexpected and inconvenient times
Feel free to go to bed angry. HOWEVER, no matter how...spirited...the fight (I speak from VERY recent experience here, as in Sunday night
) NEVER leave a fight for another day. Our policy is that if we haven't settled it by bedtime, we each apologize for the part we know ourselves to be wrong about, and everyone can find something, and then we kiss, snuggle a bit, say our I love yous and go to sleep. By morning, 90% of the time it's blown over. If not, there's at least no insecurity about the commitment and we can talk more rationally later.
There are many more but one last one I can't stress enough: NEVER LEAVE EACH OTHER WITHOUT A KISS AND HUG AND AN I LOVE YOU! I attended a church once where the pastor and his wife had an argument. It was extremely vocal and quite bitter and went on for several days. Neither would concede their point and they were barely speaking when he left for the first Sunday service before her. He kissed his DD(5 or 6 I think??) goodbye and said he loved her and walked right past his DW and left. Neither ever made the service. They were killed in a head on collision making a left turn into the church parking lot that morning.
His greatest regret was that his wife was gone and he'd withheld his affection over something immaterial. He said he'd always wonder if she died thinking he no longer loved her. For as long as I attended that church, and it was well over 20 years, he preached the same sermon every year on the anniversary of her death. Even after he'd remarried and started a new family.
So....as both my beloved PawPaw and my amazing Daddy have said:
Your spouse should be the one person you are willing to do ANYTHING for. If you are ready to put aside your pride, give everything you own, put their needs and happiness above your own, lay down your life for the well being of that one person, then you're ready to marry them. Guaranteed at some point in your marriage you WILL need to do at least one of those things and definitely more than once.
This time, I've paid heed and it's saved me a LOT of grief Love is not a feeling, it's an action. It's also a daily choice. Sometimes you have to love your mate when they aren't being very lovable.
On the same note, the song is wrong. LOVE DOES NOT HURT! If loving someone makes you miserable, this IS NOT the person for you! Yes, marriage is work. Sometimes it's hard work. But it's not supposed to be THAT hard. Most everyone knows the verse from Corinthians and I'm paraphrasing here
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude nor self-seeking, or easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me...And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Marriage is not a 50/50 deal. You must always be prepared to give 100% effort 100% of the time.
Don't marry someone because you think you can live with them. Marry someone you are certain you never want to live without.
Be prepared for the day you look at your spouse and wonder
WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING??? Be prepared for that day to come sooner than you expect. Be prepared for that feeling to last several days at a time, sometimes several weeks and to return with no warning over the course of decades together for no particular reason. There will also be just as many times you'll look at your spouse and know EXACTLY what you were thinking Bottom line: love waxes and wanes; usually at the most unexpected and inconvenient times Feel free to go to bed angry. HOWEVER, no matter how...spirited...the fight (I speak from VERY recent experience here, as in Sunday night
) NEVER leave a fight for another day. Our policy is that if we haven't settled it by bedtime, we each apologize for the part we know ourselves to be wrong about, and everyone can find something, and then we kiss, snuggle a bit, say our I love yous and go to sleep. By morning, 90% of the time it's blown over. If not, there's at least no insecurity about the commitment and we can talk more rationally later.There are many more but one last one I can't stress enough: NEVER LEAVE EACH OTHER WITHOUT A KISS AND HUG AND AN I LOVE YOU! I attended a church once where the pastor and his wife had an argument. It was extremely vocal and quite bitter and went on for several days. Neither would concede their point and they were barely speaking when he left for the first Sunday service before her. He kissed his DD(5 or 6 I think??) goodbye and said he loved her and walked right past his DW and left. Neither ever made the service. They were killed in a head on collision making a left turn into the church parking lot that morning.
His greatest regret was that his wife was gone and he'd withheld his affection over something immaterial. He said he'd always wonder if she died thinking he no longer loved her. For as long as I attended that church, and it was well over 20 years, he preached the same sermon every year on the anniversary of her death. Even after he'd remarried and started a new family. So....as both my beloved PawPaw and my amazing Daddy have said:
Your spouse should be the one person you are willing to do ANYTHING for. If you are ready to put aside your pride, give everything you own, put their needs and happiness above your own, lay down your life for the well being of that one person, then you're ready to marry them. Guaranteed at some point in your marriage you WILL need to do at least one of those things and definitely more than once.
We may be so disgusted with each other we're practically hanging off opposite sides of the bed but we 
I guess mine would be, never forget to say you love each other before you leave, even if you're mad at eachother because you never know if it's going to be the last time you'll ever see each other again.
