Lulu201's Back In Action Journal

[septbride2002]

Good Morning Erin! Get out there and enjoy that walk today! I wish I could be walking with you instead of hanging out in my dark, gray, cubicle. Blah! I can't wait to hear what you have decided to do about your scale!

~Amanda

 

[toystoryduo]

Good morning Erin!

I hope you have a wonderful day today! Enjoy your walk with Mary Ellen. It's a sunny day here in Ohio. I hope it's sunny in PA for you too!

Take care,
Tracy

 

[Auntmeme]

Thanks for the wonderul walk I appreciate the good company & chat while getting in that exercise Hope the rest of your friday is fantastic Let me know when you want to do it again

 

[Princess Michelle]

Erin, I'm so glad everything worked out well for your mom, she sounds like a wonderful lady!

I hope you enjoyed your walk!

 

[lulu201]

Sept. 10, 2004 Day #10 on Thin Within, cont.

So, here's my decision about the scale hopping on today:

I'm going to give it up for the next 20 days. I just can't stand the tyranny of the dumb thing. Even when I lose, I don't like how dependent I am on that number for my well-being. I'll do the best I can relying on God to give me the strength and the ability to discern when I'm hungry and when I'm satisfied. I'll try to develop new strategies for coping other than eating. Basically, I'll just keep pressing on and trusting God to help me make sense of all this! If I stay the same and don't lose, I'll just observe and correct and keep trying. If I lose weight, I'll just keep trying. Either way, I'm walking the road of grace and provision and plodding along.

I have to go take my vitamins; I forgot them. I drank lots of water today and had a great time walking with Mary Ellen. I want to walk again, soon, MeMe!

My food:
b--1/2 cup kashi cereal with a few blueberries, coffee, milk.
s--some grapes
l--1/3 serving of F. fries and 3 chicken strips.
s--one itty bitty baby reese cup
d--small sub at Quiznos, 1/2 a cookie
Probably ate past satisfied, but at least I didn't eat the whole cookie when I knew I was done.

Gotta get to sleep I have to work tomorrow a.m. More tomorrow.

Bye!
Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

Erin, glad to hear that you're giving up that nasty scale. Funny how a simple number can hold such importance. I think you're in a good place to give it up though. You've been doing a great job of listening to your body!

Expect a PM later today!

Hope today brings smiles and happy times for you, WISH-sis!

 

[lulu201]

September 11, 2004 Day #11 on Thin Within

Typing the date above brings so much to mind. Wow, how the world changed for us all three years ago. . .

Thoughts from today's lesson:

"Bible teacher and auther, Kay Arthur, says 'Don't struggle in self-effort to be better. Don't determine that you are going to "try harder." Acknowledge your need of His all-sufficient grace and go forward, surrendering and trusting in the power of God's transforming grace. "As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him" (Colossians 2:6). You were saved by faith; therefore, you are to walk in faith. It may be one step at a time, but walk. You can say, "I can't" as long as in the next breath you say, "But, God, You can." ' "

That sure applies to life as well as weight loss, right?

Victories the last few days:

1. I came home late from work the other night tired but not hungry. Instead of browsing through the kitchen--which is what I always do--I took a deep breath and said a prayer, had a cool glass of water, and went up to bed. I realized that what I was really feeling was deep fatigue and only rest was going to help that. DD and DH came up and we talked there instead of me talking in the kitchen while rummaging through the cabinets and fridge looking for anything to use as a food pacifier!

2. I brought home my left over cookie from Quiznos last night and had the other half for breakfast this morning. I knew last night in the restaurant I wasn't hungry any more, so I just kept it for later. Now this may sound silly to others, but my usual routine is to eat it without thinking or caring whether I'm hungry or not. If it's in front of me, I eat it! SAVING it, well, that's a new and radical behavior for me! It felt good, and when I saw that 1/2 cookie waiting for me this morning, well, I just had to smile.

3. I put that darn scale away. Doreen'll tell you that I'm rather attached to my scale and feel that daily weigh-ins are my only way of staying on track. . .still, I feel putting it away is my way to focus on what is really important here. I'm gonna walk in faith.

Today is a new and beautiful day. Physically, I'm tired and would rather stay here in my jammies than head off to work, but when I get down there and see "my kids," I know I'll feel happy to be there. DD is at a friend's house sleeping over--I know she's happy as a clam. DH will come to work with me; he's got his own students and paperwork to do.

This afternoon I'll clean and do laundry--my goal is to have all of that done so tomorrow I can truly observe an afternoon of healing rest! I'm going to squeeze a walk in there, too, before we head off to the Olive Garden for that Never Ending Pasta Bowl!
Tonight--movies and a big crash! I hope to get in some cross stitch; haven't done that since we were on vacation. Why does that seem a million years ago???!!!

I'm going to post at a couple of journals and then hit the shower.

Take care, everybody--
Erin

Seen on the sign outside of a nearby church: "Count blessings, not carbs." Just had to throw that at you Atkins people! Hey, I never said it!

 

[Princess Michelle]

Erin, I just loved reading your post this morning. That quote from Kay Arthur is fantastic, boy do I need to live that more than I do. I'm so bad about telling God that I can't do this or I can't do that but I often seem to forget to add, but I know You can! Seeing Phillipians 4:13 in your signature all the time and seeing as how it's Tracy's favorite verse to share as well I think I just might be starting to get the message! LOL Thanks for being so honest and open and faithful to share everything that is on your heart. You're a real blessing!

I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Also, I love that church sign! Ha Ha, that is hillarious!

 

[lulu201]

September 12, 2004 Day #12 on Thin Within

Did I say I was going to do housework yesterday? What was I thinking?! Never did get around to it, but that's OK. Better post what I ate yesterday:

b--1/2 a cookie left over from Quiznos and coffee
midmorning--cheesestick
l--slice of mushroom pizza
d--one breadstick, a little salad, 1/2 a portion of linguine with four cheese marinara at O. Garden. This was a real victory here. I tuned into how hungry and satisfied I was and was able to stop before I became FULL.
evening--ate a pretzel. Now this is not a biggie, but why did I decide to eat it? Was I hungry? No. Was I anxious and needed some stress relief? No. Did I forget how a pretzel tastes and need a refresher? Uhh, no. I ate it JUST 'CAUSE I WANTED TO! Now one pretzel does not a binge make, but that kind of "I-want-to-experience-it" eating is eating I know I have to be careful of, because one pretzel can easily lead to a "taste" of one cookie which can lead to one serving of ice cream which can lead to one bag of microwave popcorn. . .see where I'm going here? It's much better to stick to the "eat when hungry" discipline, I think.
Like the "Thin Tastes Better" book says: "If I never start, I never have a problem."

Today is a glorious sunny day. Here's how I'm standing with my goals:

1. Devotional--
2. Vitamins--not yet
3. Water--uhh, not yet, but I did have two cups of coffee
4. Exercise--will get out and walk 60 minutes today
5. Food--1 slice of toast with pb; hand full of blueberries/11 a.m. a chocolate macadamia nut cookie/1 p.m. pretzel and cheese/4 saltines, slice of swiss cheese, 4 olives/cheeseburger w/a few slices of green pepper/cookie/pretzel

Have been to church and the produce store, now I'm on my way to Kohl's to get a new pair of pants. After stopping at Vicky's last night at the mall and after buying all of DDs school clothes last week, my clothing budget is almost in the negative numbers, but I don't have much to wear for fall!

Today I'm going to try to remember to let go and to let God take care of things--
Erin

Edit:
Oh, man, this was a tough day. I'm not sure I really like this "feel all the feelings" kind of thing. I think I was much happier anesthetizing (sp) my feelings with food! Had arguments with both DH and DD today over different things--it was stressful and I felt EVERYTHING WITHIN ME SCREAMING TO EAT!!!!!!!! One time I went into our bedroom and shut the door, sat down in my rocking chair, put me feet up and just tried to release it all. The second time I thought I'd take Mickey for a walk, but when I got toward the park there was a man going 15 miles an hour on the road leading to the parking lot. I just couldn't take it anymore so I turned around in the road and went home!!!!! Fortunately DH and I were able to talk out some DD issues that eased my need to eat, but I can feel even now that I want to munch until the stress is released.

Is this bizarre or what? I know it's weird, but it's how I work--or at least how I used to work. I'm going to send all this frustration and tension up to God, sit down with my cool glass of water, and try to think happy thoughts--and not about carb laden goodies, either. I guess all the carbs I had today didn't help my cravings any!

Oh, and yeah, I know those pretzels have to be thrown out of the house tomorrow morning. We cannot live peacefully under the same roof! Either they go or I do and since I help pay the mortgage, they're out of here!

Praying tomorrow will be easier--
Erin

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Erin,

Sending big for you today. It sounds like today was tough, but just remember Erin.... God's mercies are brand new each and every morning and tomorrow is a new day!

I hope tomorrow brings much and happiness your way. Take good care of you and have a great evening.

Tracy

 

[lulu201]

September 13, 2004 Day #13 on Thin Within

Yes, Tracy, it's a brand new day filled with promise and love! Whatever's out there waiting for me--well, God and I will handle it!

Today's lesson was about how we KNOW what we're supposed to do, but how we often struggle to actually do it. The only way I'm going to press on, having faith that God will give me the strength to turn from binge eating when I'm in the midst of a struggle, is to commit it up to God and move forward in faith (not dwelling on past mistakes). That's what I'm going to do. And yesterday, with God's help, I moved past a binge! It wasn't easy, but today I feel a little stronger because of it.

So, here I am today. I was tempted to get that scale out this morning, but I thought, "no, I'm not going to give in." When I realized I still had two weeks to go, though, I felt a moment of panic. That seems like a VERY long time, but then it's already been 5 or 6 days since I put it away, so maybe it won't be so bad after all. It's all a learning and growing experience.

The plan for today:

1. devotions--
2. vitamins--not yet
3. water--none yet, but I'm drinking my coffee!
4. exercise--I wimped out on this yesterday, but I'm going to try for it today
5. food--oatmeal's sounding good for breakfast

I'll take the dog to his hair appointment, go to the dentist for a cleaning, straighten up around the house, and then go to work.
I'm looking forward to a and day.

Erin

Edit: vitamins
water
exercise--3.8 miles in 54 minutes
food--enjoyed the oatmeal for breakfast, two chicken tenders and some eggplant and olive stuff for lunch/1/2 a kashi bar/2 saltines w/pb/some chicken soup w/noodles and a bit of rice--put leftovers away; knew when I'd had "enough"/frozen capri sun pouch

No cavities

Edit: added some more food to the list above. I'm done for the night and feel comfortable with that. I'm tired. We all get up at 5:15 now that school is here.

Today I felt good in my skin! Not bloated, a little trimmer than a couple of weeks ago. . .I'm grateful for this journey. I find it interesting that WW has its new CORE program where you don't weigh or measure anything, just eat from the approved list when you're hungry and stop when satisfied. Seems like a good idea to me!

 

[Strings]

Hi Erin,

I just got caught up on your journal. You are doing a great job. I'm really proud of you for listening to your body, and stopping when satisfied. Amazing job saving the cookie for breakfast. I understand about the pretzel. I am the same way with nuts. I can't stop once I start, but you DID stop. I am also proud of you for talking with DH about DD instead of turning to food. You were productive, and not destructive. That is a HUGE achievement.

I hope you have a wonderful and cavity-free day,
Beth

 

[septbride2002]

I love reading your journal. It just helps set everything into perspective sometimes.

Great job on moving past the binge it is a great feeling isn't it?

Have a great day today Erin!

~Amanda

 

[toystoryduo]

Good morning Erin!

Way to go on getting past that binge last night! That is wonderful! Your victory brings to mind, " I can do all things thorugh Christ who gives me strength." Your example reminds me that through Christ I can definitely turn away from my emotional eating and turn to Him for comfort and support. Thank you for that reminder, Erin.

Today is a gorgeous, sunny day in Ohio. I hope it is the same for you in PA.

Have a great day!!!

Tracy

 

[lulu201]

September 14, 2004 Day #14 on Thin Within

Hey, friends! Thanks for dropping by! If I'd known you were all coming, I'd a baked a cheesecake! Uhh, wait a minute, no, I think I'd BUY a cheesecake! No, uhh, wait again, I don't know what kind of cheesecake you'd like--how 'bout we all meet at the cheesecake factory for lunch?That way you can pick your favorite! I'll start walking toward it right now!!!!

Today's TW lesson was about believing you're an eagle (not a chicken), acting on it, and letting God take you to new heights. Though I'm tired this morning, I'm feeling like I'm ready to soar! How 'bout it, girls?

So, this is the end of my second week. Let me quickly review:

*I've read my devotional each morning. It sure helps keep me centered and focused on 0-5 eating (hungry-satisfied) while relying on God for strength.

*I've taken my vitamins every day!

*I've been drinking lots of water!

*I've walked 9.55 miles this week. Not that much compared to last week, but it was what I could handle.

*Food: I've had some victories this week in abstaining from binge/compulsive stress-eating. I'm feeling like a "work in progress" in this area. I've also made some strides in stopping when I'm satisfied. I struggled a bit with the pretzels this week--I didn't always wait until I was hungry, but now the pretzels are out of here! I had fewer meals in restaurants, too.

For the upcoming week, I'd like to continue with the devotions, vitamins, and water, but increase my mileage to 15-20 miles.

Plans for today:

1. Devotions--completed
2. Vitamins--after breakfast
3. Water--continue
4. Exercise--2 miles on the treadie
5. Food--hmmm, not sure what sounds good for breakfast--pb toast?

Well, I'm off and running. I'll try to stop by a couple of journals during the day. . .

Erin

Edit: got my two miles in, had some toast for breakfast, 1/2 a kashi bar for a snack, a whole kashi bar later in the day for lunch, an apple. . .feeling a little hungry now, may have a thing of yogurt, maybe not. . .I'll be going to Saladworks with DD for dinner--want to have some appetite for that.

Today was fairly stressful with the start of some new classes. I never know quite what to expect, but things went fine.

Meant to tell everyone that my mom's eye problem was the result of a stroke in her eye--not a cerebral stroke--and should get better within a month.

Gotta run!

 

[DoeWDW]

Erin, I can't believe how much I've missed in just a few days! You're doing a wonderful job, sweetie, and you're starting to feel the results in your body - less bloating, a bit trimmer - HOORAY!!

I loved the quote from Kay Arthur and the idea that I've been saved by grace and I need to walk in grace. Why do I feel I have to work so hard at my daily walk, my daily eating, my daily everything??? If He was good enough to save me, why do I try to do everything myself and not rely on Him to watch over me and help me through my days? I will spend my day more mindful of His presence and His willingness to help me through. Just typing that thought seems to have lifted a weight from my shoulders and brought sunshine into my heart. Thank you!!

Saving 1/2 of your cookie - AMAZING!! Through all your stories I am seeing a transformation. You are no longer controlled by your urges to eat. You seem to still feel them, but they don't control your behavior like they used to. I'm hoping to follow your path in this! Thanks for sharing your daily struggles and triumphs!

I'm sending you best wishes for a wonderful day, Erin!

Check for a PM from me.

 

[Strings]

Hi Erin,

I have to echo what Doe said. Your journals is really helping me to focus on what my body needs, not wants. Thanks!

You are doing a great job. You are still having struggles, but you are consistantly overcoming them. I know you will have the results you want soon. Keep it up, girlfriend.
Have a great day,
Beth

 

[toystoryduo]

Good morning Erin

Cheesecake?!!!??? Did you mention cheesecake? Let's see.... if I start walking toward PA now, by the time I get there, I will have burned enough calories that I can eat an entire cheesecake by myself. Yummy!!

Let's soar with God to new heights today, okay WISH-sis?

Have a great day!

Tracy

 

[DoeWDW]

Erin, I like the idea of soaring like an eagle with God's help! I must admit that I'm feeling more like a chicken though! I don't think I'm quite ready for that leap of faith, but I think you are!! You're an inspiration to me, WISH-sis!

I'm so glad to hear about your mom's good news regarding her eye problem!! It's nice when the body can resolve things on its own, without a lot of invasive procedures and heavy-duty meds. I bet she's relieved!

Hope you are boldly walking into your day, with God's grace and love to guide you!

 

[lulu201]

September 15, 2004 Celebrating two full weeks on Thin Within!

Good morning! Thanks for stopping by yesterday, Tracy, Beth, and Doreen. Your encouragement consistently lifts me up--like you're the wind beneath my wings. And those are my eagles wings, girls--no chicken wings for me! (Unless they're BUFFALO chicken wings w/a little bleu cheese on the side, of course )

Today's lesson kind of follows along with what you were saying yesterday, Doreen, of being mindful of God's presence:

"Our faith is not a religion but a relationship with God, which involves breathing in His goodness and love, walking with Him, living each moment in conscious awarenss that He is ever mindful of us. What a blessing it is to be so loved by one who wants to be with us, even in the most mundane aspects of our lives."

It's hard not to smile when you know you're loved so much, isn't it? Even when I'm tired like I am this morning, it's nice to plod along knowing Someone cares.

Today I'm celebrating--and I mean CELEBRATING! two weeks free of compulsive eating!

It hasn't been easy and there have been times I've literally begged for strength, but God has been right there with me and helped me through. Phil. 4:13--that's all I can say.

I have to guard against perfectionism coming into play here--a compulsive tendancy to want to follow the rules and not mess up. I have to remind myself that it's not about that--messing up isn't a problem here! It's about trusting and living in the present time. No worries about the past or the future. Like they say in AA: One day at a time.

A special little thought that I hope will help me stop when I'm full--especially when I'm eating out and feel like I'm being wasteful if I leave the food:

"As we reach our comfortable hunger level and stop at that 5, "Lord, I give back to You the rest of the food on my plate. Thank You for such abundance. I pray that others who lack might experience Your provisions."

We have SO MUCH here in this country. . .everything jumbo portioned and super-sized. . .If I remember that my stomach (at its normal size) is comparable to my fist--what the heck am I doing with entrees that fall off the sides of platter-sized plates? No wonder my thighs look look I've stuffed them with leftovers!!!
No, learning to stop when I'm satisfied continues to be a challenge, but like I've said before, I'm a work in progress--never perfect but walking forward.

The plan--
1. Devotions
2. Vitamins
3. Water
4. Exercise--resting today
5. Food--?

Moving onward and looking Upward,
Erin