Lulu201's Back In Action Journal

[DoeWDW]

Erin and Amanda, how I wish I could take both of you and all my other WISH friends! I'm looking forward to January when we'll all be together at Mickey's house!!

Erin, you did so well yesterday!!! You should be very proud of you for making it through your long day in a healthy way! Sounds like you're getting a lot out of your new book / devotionals!

I'm sending , and a to help you through your day!

 

[lulu201]

September 3, 2004 Day 3 of Thin Within (and WW?)

Today I'm celebrating 2 days of healthy living! I have to say that I'm feeling a sense of freedom that I didn't expect to feel. I haven't been overly worried about the points the last couple of days, and while I initially thought I might run into trouble by overeating or eating things that would be high in points and end up sabotaging myself, I haven't run into that yet. I LIKE not thinking about how many points I've earned by walking and how many points I have in the bank, etc., etc. I think instead of how hungry I am, what would satisfy that hunger, and what would be an adequate portion. I did try to total up in mind how many points I'd had by the end of the day yesterday, but today I don't think I'm even going to try (though I have to admit that thinking in points is almost habitual at this point).

Today I feel very open--very open to receiving goodness and to recognizing the overwhelming abundance of blessing in my life. I know that as stressful days approach--the start of school and resuming my heavier work load to be specific--I'm going to face the temptation of eating to deal with the stress. When it happens I'm going to do my best to rely on God's goodness and grace to help me seek out more positive ways to cope.

TW encourages you to be conscious of your eating--to eat what really pleases you, to be fully present as you eat (not reading, watching TV, surfing the net, etc.), to eat slowly and to enjoy, to sit down, to be calm at meals. . .all things that I realize I hardly ever do! I'm trying to be more intentional with my meals, and I hope over the next 28 days to give myself the time to stop during the day and reconnect to God and to myself at mealtimes.

I realized today that my problems with food are pretty basic: as a rule I eat too much and I eat when I'm not hungry. Other than dealing with WHY I eat when I'm not hungry, it's not too complicated. Eating when I'm hungry, stopping when I'm satisfied--pretty simple. I like simple.

Today's devotional was about goal-setting and these are two fo the three goals that I've set for myself for the next 30 days:

With God's help:

1. At the end of the month I'll be back to size 10. This is the size I feel I'm meant to be. I'm comfortable and feel healthy there. If it's to be smaller, I'll know at the end of the program.

2. I will walk 35 minutes or more each day.

My objectives for today:

1. Spend time in devotion and prayer, centering myself for the day ahead.
2. Take the vitamins.
3. Drink lots of cool, refreshing water.
4. Exercise
5. Food log:
breakfast--my stomach was growling at 10:00, had two scrambled eggs and a half an English muffin, coffee w/milk.

I know that my journal and this approach to eating may be a little different for some people and I hope no one is uncomfortable, but this is where I'm at now, and since this journal is about me ,I've got to be true to where I am in this search for wholeness and wellness.

So, I'm going out into another day. Since it's almost noon, I guess you could say it's about time!

,
Erin

Edit at 8:50 pm:

lunch--3 McDonalds chicken strips and 1/2 a med. french fry
small cup of coffee around 3:30
dinner--1 and 1/2 slices of pizza. I wanted to eat more initially, but made myself slow down and give it some thought. Ended with the amount above, and felt satisfied.
after dinner--frozen capri sun pouch

Walked for 37 minutes, drank some but need to drink more.

It's kind of weird; I find myself saying "I'm not really hungry" a lot. DD suggested we go out for ice cream, and my reply was "I'm not really hungry." DH and DD asking about dinner and it was the same again! I'm learning that it doesn't take much food to keep me satisfied, but there have been times tonight when I kind of wanted to chew away at something. Not a strong compulsive feeling, but as I feel myself getting tired, I know that a few days ago I would've picked up something to munch on out of habit.

I can say that during the last few days I've enjoyed my food more, also. It's all been just what I want. Tomorrow for lunch will be ice cream--the ice cream that I wasn't hungry for as an evening snack. It's not something we do every day, but DD and I will head to Dairy Queen tomorrow after Target. I'll be sure to save my appetite!

E.

 

[Strings]

Hi Erin,

Wow, you seem to really have it together. I agree that this is a different approach, and I applaud you for trying it and sharing it with others. There seems to be 2 diets at the moment WW and LC. They work for many people, but not all. You are a very spiritual person, and if that helps with your weightloss. I SAY DO IT. I also had never heard of this program, so you are educating me. It might work for others as well. It is your journal, and your life. Don't worry about what others think. We're friends here. Like I said, this program is making you listen to your body, and that is a great thing.

Have a wonderful weekend,
Beth

 

[DoeWDW]

Erin, you wrote:

I realized today that my problems with food are pretty basic: as a rule I eat too much and I eat when I'm not hungry. Other than dealing with WHY I eat when I'm not hungry, it's not too complicated. Eating when I'm hungry, stopping when I'm satisfied--pretty simple. I like simple.

These words really spoke to me when I read them. I usually eat the wrong things when I'm not hungry and am not mindfully eating.

I appreciate you sharing your TW insights in your journal! They are helping me also. However, I agree with Beth - this is YOUR journal and you need to use it in whatever way is helpful to you, regardless of the comfort level of others.

Thank you for sharing the journey with me, WISH-sis! I'm a better person because of your influence in my life.

 

[toystoryduo]

Good morning Erin,

I totally agree with Beth and Doreen. This is your journal and the purpose of this journal is to help you with your weight loss journey. Please don't worry about making anyone uncomfortable. Like Beth said, we are all friends here and we are here to cheer you on with whatever program works for you!

Have a great weekend Erin!

Tracy

 

[lulu201]

Thanks, Beth, Doreen and Tracy. You all are right. This is the place that I come to sort things out and I need to be honest and true to the issues in my life. So, here I go:

September 4, 2004 Day #4 of Thin Within

It's late for me to be posting; usually I'm in bed by now, but today was so jammed pack that this has been my first quiet time to myself. DD and I shopped until we dropped, but we got tons accomplished and she's all ready--clothes and supply-wise--for school on Wednesday. She's more anxious, though, than she has been other years, and I feel like I have to be very available to her, emotionally as well as physically in her presence. It was good that we got to spend a lot of time together today.

As far as my daily objectives:

1. I read my devotional book.
2. I tood my vitamins.
3. I drank a lot of water.
4. I walked 35 minutes, but not at my usual time. I was so busy, I didn't get to it until 9:45 p.m., but I DID get to it! Actually, I enjoyed walking in the dark. It was quiet. Don't worry, anyone, I only walked around my block a few times. Very safe.
5. Food log--get a load of today's menu: 1/2 cup kashi cereal with a few walnuts and almond slices thrown in, milk on top. Coffee w/milk x2 (7 a.m. and 5:30 p.m.). Lunch was an oreo and peanut butter cup blizzard at Dairy Queen. Dinner was one serving of pasta w/four cheese marinara sauce, two breadsticks, and salad at Olive Garden. Right now, I'm sipping at my frozen capri sun (we have tons of them left over from DDs early birthday party). Weird food, I know, but I ate only when I was truly hungry today. The O. G. meal was a bit much; I think I should've stopped eating sooner than I did, but I wasn't overly stuffed. On a scale of 1-10, I'd say I was a 7.5. 5 is my goal. I'll try to do better on that tomorrow.

I feel God's grace and blessings.

Time for bed,
Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

I LOVE your menu from yesterday!! YUMMY!! I've taken to eating when hungry also and it's amazing how much less I eat. Are you finding the same thing?

You're being true to yourself and I call that very healthy!! Good for you!

Bet you'll get lots more exercise minutes in before this long holiday weekend is finished!

 

[toystoryduo]

Erin,

I love Olive Garden!!!! Especially when they have the Never Ending Pasta Bowl! Woohoo!! I know it's not low carb, but it is filling and soooooo good. When DH gets paid this week,we plan on returning for round 2.

I am so proud of you, Erin! After all of that shopping you did yesterday, you still managed to get your walk in. Just please be careful walking at night, okay?

Have a wonderful Sunday!

Tracy

 

[lulu201]

Sunday, September 5, 2004 Day #5, Thin Within

Today's TW focus was on looking at and appreciating the body God has given us. I was reminded that I'm a creation of God--merely a vessel--to be filled with the love and light of God. He's the Potter, I'm the Clay. Guess what the sermon was in church today? How God remakes and reshapes us. What was the Bible verse? The one about the Potter and the Clay! What were the songs we sang? The ones about the Potter and the Clay. I got the message loud and clear: God doesn't make any junk, and when I mess up, I can be remolded again!

TW encourages us to observe, correct, and move on--no time wasted with feelings of failure or needless guilt. We're all works in progress, all imperfect, all washed clean by the grace of God's Son. I've been happy that I've been making this journey, but since this morning when I stepped on the scale, I've had some gnawing doubts.

Since I started on Wednesday, I'd lost about 3 pounds (when I got weighed yesterday). This morning, after my yummy trip to the Olive Garden and the cheese-filled pasta sauce, I'm back up those 3. Why did I have to put myself on the scale????? Now I'm wondering if I'll ever lose, if I'll make my goal, will this program work, am I doing it right, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. I'm tired from all my running around both yesterday and this morning and I'm tempted to think I'll never know what I'm supposed to do to be slim and stop eating compulsively.

So I'm going to stop the negative talk right now! This is what I know:

1. In the last 5 days, I've paid attention to my hunger signals and eaten smaller portions than I did the entire month of August.

2. I've made a stronger connection to the Holy Spirit.

3. I've exercised 4--soon to be 5--days in a row, and I have plans for a long walk tomorrow.

4. As long as I'm walking the walk with God, following my hunger cues and learning to stop when satisfied, I'm going to make long term progress. It's not about starving myself, making detailed calculations of points, and becoming rail thin. It's about being healthy, being ME--the woman God's created me to be! I'm overweight because I have a problem with portion size and compulsive stress eating and I know that if I learn to change these behaviors and adopt a more consistent approach, I'll be OK.

So I'm going to weigh in tomorrow and then (gulp) put the scale away for a week. Maybe 2 (double gulp). I'm going to live it day by day, trusting in Him.

Goals for today:

1. devotions--
2. vitamins--I'm going to restock my little pill container for the week so all my vitamins are handy.
3. water--have only a glass. I'm really thirsty; I'm going to drink more.
4. exercise--I'll do my 35 minutes or more. I think I want a nap with the puppy first, though. I'll put a load of laundry in and then zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
5. food log: not hungry at breakfast, so didn't eat until I came home from church and produce shopping around 11:30. Had a left over slice of pepperoni pizza. If I get hungry this afternoon, I
have my eye on a lovely apple I brought home. Had a cup and 1/2 of coffee.

DD wants to use the computer, I guess I'll have to catch up on journals later.

'Til then,
Erin

Edit: 8:10 p.m.

Another evening walk, but not as late as last night. Got in my 2.5 miles. Took me 39 minutes.

In the afternoon I had 1/2 apple with 1 and 1/2 tbsp. melted peanut butter and some kashi tossed in the mix. Ooh, that was yummy. Dinner was about 3-4 oz. of pork chop, some risotto (like that, too), about 2 tbsp. of corn and a few green beans. Later I'll have my frozen capri sun.

Beth, thanks for the post below. You've been so busy and had so much to deal with, that it really touches my heart that you find time to stop by. I AM enjoying my food and am feeling a lot of freedom to make choices that are right for me.

I accomplished all my objectives for today.

Tomorrow I'm doing a lonnnnggg walk. I'm kinda scared and kind excited about it--I'm lifting it up and going forward! All I can think of is how great it'll feel to accomplish it!

That's all for tonight--
Erin

 

[Strings]

Erin,

First, your menu yesterday sounded fun. You have been sounding like you are actually enjoying the food you are eating. One thing we forget is that food should not only nourish the body, but the senses. Colors, textures, tastes, and even sounds(crunching of that apple is important) By listening to what your body and spirit wants, I think you will have success. You also seem more at peace with yourself on this plan, probably because guilt isn't an issue with it. You don't go over points or carbs etc. I think you might be on the right track for yourself. As for the scale today, pasta is heavy. I am not saying it is necessarily fattening. Cooked pasta weighs alot. Give it a day or so before weighing again, and drink all the water you need.

I wanted to thank you for sharing this program with me. It isn't for me., but since you have been talking about it, I have been listening to my body too. I have been finishing my meals a little earlier because I am satisfied, despite the fact that I was allotted to eat more carbs Saturday.

I also wanted to thank you for your support these last few months. My WiSH sisters are definately one of the blessings I count daily.

Beth

 

[lulu201]

Sunday, September 6, 2004. Day #6 Thin Within

Well, I made it through yesterday. When the box of pretzels came on the table last night while we were playing Clue (who bought those pretzels anyway??? ), I thought I was a goner, but I had one and asked that the box be moved out of the way. If I'm honest, I felt like gnawing my way through the box and gobbling them all up, but I didn't, and I'm stronger for that today!

Got on the scale this morning and was still a little discouraged; I'm going to take Beth's advice and wait until Wednesday. I'll weigh in then and put the darn thing away. I have to be prepared for slow and steady loss, I think. I also wonder if exercising at night encourages me to retain more water than I'm used to in the morning?

Thoughts from TW:

We have "fat machinery" at work in us a lot of times. What's that? Well, it's ideas or behaviors that keep us wanting to eat.
The four major ones are:

1. Conditioned or habitual responses--like sitting down to eat when watching TV
2. Beliefs--like we must eat 3 meals a day, even if our bodies aren't hungry yet.
3. Stories--experiences or events that stress us and send us to food for comfort
4. Failures--struggles we've had with diets or plans in our past.

Today I'm challenged to see how these fit into the way I eat and the choices I make.


Objectives for today:

1. Devotions--
2. Vitamins--soon
3. Water--soon; it's still early!
4. Exercise--starting that long walk before long
5. Food--bowl of kashi, about 1/3 cup blueberries, a sprinkling of almonds, some 2% milk, and coffee with half and half (2 Tbsp.).

Gotta get out there and walk the walk.

Onward and downward!
Erin

Walked the walk--a BIG walk with Doreen today. I know I've said it before, but I feel so blessed to know Doreen. She and Todd are such lovely people; seeing them made today special.

It was also special because Doreen and I walked 11.16 miles in two hours and 55 minutes!!!

We had a nice lunch afterward; now I just have to figure out how I can get "I Walk for Cheesecake" into my siggie!

I'm feeling a bit sore in the hips and the archilles heel area, but other than that, I'm saying "BRING ON THAT HALF MARATHON!"

 

[toystoryduo]

Erin,

I love reading your posts! This program seems like such a good match for you. I am so happy for you!

Now... I must congratulate you! Way to go on pretzel control! That took some serious willpower and you did it Erin!!!! I am so proud of you!!

I hope you have a wonderful day today!

Take good care of you,
Tracy

 

[DoeWDW]

Yes, Erin - BRING IT ON!! We are jock athlete QUEENS now (we've promoted ourselves after our walk today! ). We can handle that half marathon!

It was so wonderful to spend time with you this morning! Our Labor Day was filled with a lot of labor but also a lot of friendship and fun! Todd really enjoyed himself too!

Best wishes for a wonderful start to your work week tomorrow!

 

[Princess Michelle]

Erin, way to go exercising that will power!

I said it in Doreen's journal and I'll say it here too, you guys did an amazing job on that walk today! You guys really are Jock Athlete Queens!

 

[lulu201]

September 7, 2004

Yep, bring it on! But not today, OK? I'm feeling a little stiff around the hip area, but boy, it was well worth it. I feel like I now have a better idea of what I can expect on the half marathon day and what I have to do to get through it all a little easier. One thing I have to do is to prioritize LONG walks. My goal now is to get in a long walk once a week (long=anywhere from 8-14 miles). I'm not too worried about the speed of those walks, but I know my body has to be conditioned to the longer distances. I'd like to beef up my walking schedule overall this week and get in more 4 mile walks.

The week in review:

Wed., Sept. 1--2.5
Thurs., Sept. 2--2.5
Fri., Sept. 3--2.5
Sat., Sept. 4--2.5
Sun., Sept. 5--2.5
Mon., Sept. 6--11.16
Tues., Sept. 7--2.5 (slow and easy)

Total mileage for the week (if I get through today): 26.16
Tomorrow I'll weigh in; it'll mark one week on Thin Within.

The focus in TW today was on emotional eating--recognizing how I use food (what kind and what ways) in specific emotional situations. My conclusion: in the past I've predominantly used food to celebrate, to comfort, to release stress, to stuff anger, to soothe fatigue, and for recreation/boredom. All these behaviors have kept me from releasing extra weight and maintaining those losses. I swing from being in complete and total control to having no control at all; I basically make little to no progress. Now my journey is more centered in a walk down the middle of the road--slow and steady, trying to stay focused in the present: two steps forward, one step back.

Yesterday was one of those days. I ate more than I have been eating--but then again, I exercised harder than I have any other day in my life! Still, I didn't eat thoughtlessly or compulsively. I went out to dinner with my family and had a little of the appetizer and ate half of my dinner. Later, while I ate when I wasn't at a zero (I had 4 pretzels), I didn't graze the kitchen or say, "what the heck, I'm blowing it today so let me eat whatever I want." That's progress for me--not HUGE progess because I ate when I wasn't really hungry, but it was progress.

Today the plan is to eat lightly as my body suggests. I don't think I'm going to be overly active physically, so I'm going to just eat a little here and there. I know I want to drink a lot of water.

1. Devotional w/Thin Within
2. Vitamins
3. Water--my body is calling for lots!
4. Exercise--an easy 2.5 mile walk after work this afternoon
5. Food log--so far, just a cup of coffee.

Thanks for stopping in Doreen and Michelle. It's always nice when friends come to call.

I'm off and into the day--
Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

I hear you were at the Cheesecake Factory.....twice in one day?? I know I have to take some responsibility here, since it was me who suggested that it would be a good reward for Liz if she made lots of progress on her school paper. I just gotta ask - did you try any of the other cheesecakes that we were drooling over????

I hope you're not too sore today. I'm sore but in a good way, a "challenged my body and came through it" way! I like your idea of longer walks once a week. I think I'll be adopting that idea too. Be gentle with yourself and if you do 2.5 miles today, make sure it's at a slow and comfortable pace. I really think a rest day is in order but you know your body best.

Have a wonderful day, dear WISH-sis!

 

[lulu201]

Hey, Doreen, I may have been to the Factory twice in one day (and it was YOU who gave me the idea, don't forget), but it doesn't mean I had more cheesecake! DH had the carrot cake and couldn't finish it. I may have had a bite or two or three of his, but that's it, I'm tellin' ya!

 

[DoeWDW]

So, how soon will we get to eat at the Factory again.....ummm, I mean walk a long walk again???

 

[Auntmeme]

Walking for cheescake I'm with you! Ashamed to say I've never been to the cheesecake factory but I better stay away till after my cruise

Congrats to you & Doe on that 11.16 mile walk Awesome!Your weekly total is great, how are you doing 2.5 every day?

You'll need to tell me more about TW. I would love to walk on friday - tell me where & time

 

[toystoryduo]

Erin,

You and Doreen are amazing!!!!:thewave: I am so proud of both of you! Have a wonderful day today!

Tracy