Losing a parent - sadness/depression

[7165red]

oh. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother went I was 19yrs. old. The grief is awful and you can't rush your healing. It will take time but you will start feeling better. Remember she is always with you in spirit. Be good to your self.

 

[Kitty 34]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[tvguy]

May will mark 1 year since my mom passed away. She enjoyed 89 years of amazing health, then was diagnosed with cancer, and 2 days later had a stroke. Literally on Sunday she walked 3 miles, and Wednesday she would no longer walk and talk. The stroke took away any hope of any cancer treatment. The cancer claimed her life a year later at age 90. She was trapped the last year of her life.
I miss her, but I am so grateful for the 89 good years she had, and thankful she is no longer trapped.

 

[JeanetteK]

May will mark 1 year since my mom passed away. She enjoyed 89 years of amazing health, then was diagnosed with cancer, and 2 days later had a stroke. Literally on Sunday she walked 3 miles, and Wednesday she would no longer walk and talk. The stroke took away any hope of any cancer treatment. The cancer claimed her life a year later at age 90. She was trapped the last year of her life.
I miss her, but I am so grateful for the 89 good years she had, and thankful she is no longer trapped.

So sorry for your loss. The suffering that they endured is the worst part of it all. Although I prayed for mom's suffering and pain to end, I knew that would mean her leaving us. Being with my mom that last day, it was apparent to all of us how she was struggling and fighting for each and every breath she took. It was sad and heartbreaking. You never want anyone to struggle through pain, but especially not a loved one. I thank God that she is no longer in pain and no longer struggling, but that does not yet eliminate my sorrow. I think, well maybe if she was older (she was only 68), it would be easier to handle her death. But then again, I don't really believe that it would be. Losing your mother is hard at any age.

For those that lost their mothers when you were younger or a young adult, I feel horrible for you. The years and life events that your mothers weren't here to witness and celebrate with you breaks my heart.

I never had children, but she loved her grandchildren immensely and was here to know and love her first great-grandchild for the first 22 months of his life. She got to see me get out of a bad marriage and then meet and marry a man who loves me just as my step-dad loves my mom. Thanks to her and my step-dad, I was shown what true love is and how wonderful marriage can be with mutual respect, love and honesty. We know how blessed we were to have her these last three years. I keep thinking I wish I had just one more phone call, but that "one more" would only lead me down a vicious path of one more is never enough.

 

[maxaroni]

I am so sorry for your loss.

My mom passed 3/5 and I am so mixed with emotion. One minute I feel as you do and the next I am still in denial. My mom was very very sick for quite awhile and in so much pain. While I know she is no longer in pain and is no longer suffering, it hurts so much. Mom had a blocked brain artery, had many strokes including a bleeding stroke. This past October she went into renal failure and started dialysis. She also had 2 cardiac stents put in. Her 2 other cardiac arteries were 100% & 93%. Dad was doing peritoneal dialysis at home. She never felt well and stayed in nightclothes unless going to the doctors. She had chronic pain and used a motorized scooter only walking a tiny bit with a walker. 2/21 she fell and broke her ankle in 3 spots. She needed surgery 2/22 and it was the catalyst that sent her downhill. 3/2 my dad stopped dialysis...mom indicated several days prior that she was ready to go Home. Hospice was called and she went home that night. A hospital bed went into their bedroom and she was happy to be home.

My DS21 and I were at my parents all day 3/3. DH went to work and came over after work. Mom knew we were all there. 3/4 mom had severe chest pain and a hospice nurse came. We hadn't gotten the care kit yet so DH ran to the pharmacy. The nurse said mom was having a heart attack and in congestive heart failure. She was given morphine and Ativan. We all stayed with her and she passed 12:20AM 3/5.

My parents were married 58 years and together since they were 15. My dad is taking this hard. I really am so emotional and we are all only children so a small family. I can't wrap my head around the fact my mom is gone.

 

[lucas]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[JeanetteK]

I am so sorry for your loss.

My mom passed 3/5 and I am so mixed with emotion. One minute I feel as you do and the next I am still in denial. My mom was very very sick for quite awhile and in so much pain. While I know she is no longer in pain and is no longer suffering, it hurts so much. Mom had a blocked brain artery, had many strokes including a bleeding stroke. This past October she went into renal failure and started dialysis. She also had 2 cardiac stents put in. Her 2 other cardiac arteries were 100% & 93%. Dad was doing peritoneal dialysis at home. She never felt well and stayed in nightclothes unless going to the doctors. She had chronic pain and used a motorized scooter only walking a tiny bit with a walker. 2/21 she fell and broke her ankle in 3 spots. She needed surgery 2/22 and it was the catalyst that sent her downhill. 3/2 my dad stopped dialysis...mom indicated several days prior that she was ready to go Home. Hospice was called and she went home that night. A hospital bed went into their bedroom and she was happy to be home.

My DS21 and I were at my parents all day 3/3. DH went to work and came over after work. Mom knew we were all there. 3/4 mom had severe chest pain and a hospice nurse came. We hadn't gotten the care kit yet so DH ran to the pharmacy. The nurse said mom was having a heart attack and in congestive heart failure. She was given morphine and Ativan. We all stayed with her and she passed 12:20AM 3/5.

My parents were married 58 years and together since they were 15. My dad is taking this hard. I really am so emotional and we are all only children so a small family. I can't wrap my head around the fact my mom is gone.

I'm so sorry for your loss Maxaroni. That's so sad. Usually a fall or something tends to really be awful for someone so frail, such as your mom. I am sure your dad is devastated. They were together so very long. Just try to be there for him and make sure he's taking care of himself now too. It's so tough, especially when you feel you need to be strong for your surviving parent. I know exactly how you are feeling. It's so new and fresh for both of us. But, unlike you, I am lucky to have four brothers and a sister, plus my step-dad to lean on through all of this. I'm sure being from such a small family, your loss is amplified. Please take care. If you want to talk to a stranger who is going through the same thing right now, please feel free to PM me. Hospice was wonderful with my mom too. They gave her the same thing in the end, Ativan and Morphine. Once they gave her the Ativan, her breathing became really shallow. But prior to that she was fighting for every breath and was in extreme pain. I think she only lasted about 3 hours after they gave her the Ativan and Morphine combo. They they put her on a continual IV drip of Morphine which was dosing her every five minutes. Again, I'm so very sorry you're also going through the same thing right now. Feel free to contact me if you want to chat.

 

[JeanetteK]

I am sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

 

[PizzieDuster]

OP,

I just couldn't imagine. I'm so sorry for your loss.

And to the other posters, you all make me want to go visit my parents and give them a big hug!

 

[CaliBear]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mother was my best friend as well, and it's coming up on two years since her passing. It is so hard sometimes. I still get moments where something makes me miss my mother so much that my chest and throat hurt from the rush of tears. But it isn't always that way. Usually the memories make me happy, like I'm reliving some great times in my life with my favorite woman ever. You're not being a baby. Take it easy on yourself and go through the grieving process at your own pace. You will find what works for you.

 

[PizzieDuster]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mother was my best friend as well, and it's coming up on two years since her passing. It is so hard sometimes. I still get moments where something makes me miss my mother so much that my chest and throat hurt from the rush of tears. But it isn't always that way. Usually the memories make me happy, like I'm reliving some great times in my life with my favorite woman ever. You're not being a baby. Take it easy on yourself and go through the grieving process at your own pace. You will find what works for you.

 

[superme80]

Just wanted to give you a big Grieve as long as you need to. I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[maxaroni]

I'm so sorry for your loss Maxaroni. That's so sad. Usually a fall or something tends to really be awful for someone so frail, such as your mom. I am sure your dad is devastated. They were together so very long. Just try to be there for him and make sure he's taking care of himself now too. It's so tough, especially when you feel you need to be strong for your surviving parent. I know exactly how you are feeling. It's so new and fresh for both of us. But, unlike you, I am lucky to have four brothers and a sister, plus my step-dad to lean on through all of this. I'm sure being from such a small family, your loss is amplified. Please take care. If you want to talk to a stranger who is going through the same thing right now, please feel free to PM me. Hospice was wonderful with my mom too. They gave her the same thing in the end, Ativan and Morphine. Once they gave her the Ativan, her breathing became really shallow. But prior to that she was fighting for every breath and was in extreme pain. I think she only lasted about 3 hours after they gave her the Ativan and Morphine combo. They they put her on a continual IV drip of Morphine which was dosing her every five minutes. Again, I'm so very sorry you're also going through the same thing right now. Feel free to contact me if you want to chat.

Thank you...just may take you up on that

My mom was also struggling with her breathing which we didn't realize. The hospice nurse said she could tell as it was shallow and the way her belly was moving. She seemed to calm down and be more comfortable with the morphine and Ativan...both via mouth (liquid). Within several hours of that she went from sleeping more comfortably, with a few moans here and there, to that death rigid, not moving sleep. By that evening, her mouth was open and very shallow breaths. The timing of your post and loss obviously struck me as it is so close to me. I am here for you as well..anytime. I always thought I was compassionate when friends have lost their parent(s) but have learned you really don't know what it's like until you go through it yourself. My mom was 77, my dad is 78. I am 57 and I still want my mom...
I have a wonderful DH and my DS21 has been a huge help. However, I stil want my mom to be here.

Don't put a timetable on yourself for the grieving process. There is no right or wrong in all of this. Your WDW trip may not be as you had planned but your mom would want you to go and it is good for you to get away and be with your family. My dad wanted to go through moms things right away. A co-workers dad died 3 years ago and her mom still hasn't gone through things. My point being, everyone has their own way of dealing and coping....no one is right. I may or may not seek the grief counseling through hospice...I will see how it goes. One thing that I am doing is listening to some of her favorite songs on you tube, have them on my Iphone, & Ipad...Itunes is wonderful.. Some of them go back to my childhood. My son will make a CD of them once I have the list all together, so they can be in each car, too.

We will get through this. We can lean on each other....

 

[MIGrandma]

OP, no need to be sorry about posting and rambling...you need to talk about this. I can understand what you're going through as I lost my Dad 6 years ago, and still miss him and think about him so often. He had Alzheimer's and was in a nursing home the last 6 months of his life. Mom took care of him at home as long as she could, but he started getting violent at night and she was afraid he was going to hurt her so we had to put him in the nursing home. The "firsts" were so hard. The "first" Christmas, the "first" birthday, especially the "first" Father's Day, so difficult. But, the saying that "time heals all wounds" is true. It will get better. It hurts like crazy for awhile, but slowly you can start thinking of them without bursting into tears, and eventually you can even think of them with a smile. Memories are wonderful. Having great memories will help you get through. And don't be afraid to talk about your Mom with your family, if they love you they will understand and help you get through this.

 

[Keli]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you. My heart really goes out to you.

 

[JeanetteK]

Thank you...just may take you up on that

My mom was also struggling with her breathing which we didn't realize. The hospice nurse said she could tell as it was shallow and the way her belly was moving. She seemed to calm down and be more comfortable with the morphine and Ativan...both via mouth (liquid). Within several hours of that she went from sleeping more comfortably, with a few moans here and there, to that death rigid, not moving sleep. By that evening, her mouth was open and very shallow breaths. The timing of your post and loss obviously struck me as it is so close to me. I am here for you as well..anytime. I always thought I was compassionate when friends have lost their parent(s) but have learned you really don't know what it's like until you go through it yourself. My mom was 77, my dad is 78. I am 57 and I still want my mom...
I have a wonderful DH and my DS21 has been a huge help. However, I stil want my mom to be here.

Don't put a timetable on yourself for the grieving process. There is no right or wrong in all of this. Your WDW trip may not be as you had planned but your mom would want you to go and it is good for you to get away and be with your family. My dad wanted to go through moms things right away. A co-workers dad died 3 years ago and her mom still hasn't gone through things. My point being, everyone has their own way of dealing and coping....no one is right. I may or may not seek the grief counseling through hospice...I will see how it goes. One thing that I am doing is listening to some of her favorite songs on you tube, have them on my Iphone, & Ipad...Itunes is wonderful.. Some of them go back to my childhood. My son will make a CD of them once I have the list all together, so they can be in each car, too.

We will get through this. We can lean on each other....

My mom fell into a coma Sunday night and never opened her eyes again. The last time I talked to her was three weeks ago today. She laid with her mouth gaping open the entire time we were there. I even at one point took one of the pillows from behind her head and repositioned her so that she would be more comfortable (her head had been falling to the one side all day) and when I did that, I tried to get her mouth closed up some. It didn't work. My step-dad said that meant that her brain wasn't getting enough oxygen to control her body. It was so sad looking at her laying like that all day. I prayed at her bedside all day for her to just wake up one time, just open her eyes one time. The nurses said that she could hear us. I really hope she could and knew that she wasn't alone on her last day.

My step-dad wanted to go through her clothes already too. I went over last Friday and went through them with him to sort out what to get donated, and the few items that my sister and I wanted to keep. Everything I brought home that day is still in the trunk of my car. While I could be there and do it for him, I'm just not ready or able to handle going through them here at home. My sister is the same way. So, I've just left them in the trunk of my car. Eventually when my sister is ready, they will be brought in.

My brother said he has some voice mail messages on his answering machine that his friend said he will put on a CD. Those are the last remaining recordings of my mom's voice. He said, well they're messages to me from mom. I told him I didn't care, I would like a copy anyway. Just so I can remember her voice.

I hope you're doing okay today. I haven't cried yet today, so it's a good day. Hugs to you!

To everyone else who has commented, my heartfelt thanks to all of you. You don't know how much your words have encouraged me and soothed my aching heart - even if it's just a bit. I'm thankful for each and every message.

 

[seven dwarfs]

I am posting here only because I need somewhere to get my feelings out. I can't post on my FB - well I could, but . . . I think my friends might think I'm a big baby for all my posts I've made recently about my mother.

My mom passed away on March 3. We buried her on March 7. Tomorrow will be two weeks since her funeral. She was absolutely my best friend. We really enjoyed each other's company. Before she was sick, we would always lunch together and go shopping, or just spend the day with each other looking through her cookbooks trying to find new recipes to try out. I talked to her on the phone at least every other day. We loved baking together.

Three years ago, she was diagnosed with cancer and given six months to live. I know that we got a lot more time with her than what the doctors had predicted. After her diagnosis and after she came home from the hospital, she had a Hospice nurse come to the house once a week. On Monday, February 24, she came down with pneumonia. They moved her from her house to the inpatient Hospice center on Thursday, February 27. My husband and I went to see her the next day, Friday. I was really optimistic about her chances of making it back home. We were all optimistic. She was eating okay, she had nice coloring in her face, she was talking and laughing. Saturday and Sunday, both, I got good reports that she was doing well. We got a bad snow storm Sunday and she made us all promise not to come up to Hospice to visit. She never liked any of us out and about driving in the stuff. The nurse said she was doing well Sunday. Then, Sunday night, something happened. They think she aspirated. Monday morning we got the call to come to Hospice because she wasn't doing well. She passed that night at 6:30.

I have never felt such pain in my life. There is such an emptiness inside of me. It's been two weeks since she's passed, and it already feels like she's been gone for an eternity. I miss her so much. There have been times already where I will reach for the phone to call her, and then remember that I can't. I can't stop crying. My mom was the greatest person. She was so loving and kind, and was always there for us. I am 46 and my mom was 68. I feel like a five year old child. I just want my mommy. I miss her so, so much.

Sorry for the long post and ramblings, but I just need an outlet.

It sounds as if you had a very special relationship with your Mom. All the emotions you are feeling are normal. For some people, that don't share that kind of a relationship, they may not understand the kind of loss it has been for you. You are going to have to find your "New Normal". What you have had daily has been ripped away from you. Maybe a good start would be to get yourself a journal. Every time you feel like calling her, write in your journal. When you miss having your shopping and lunch date, write that in your journal too. Many times just being able to vent helps so much. I am very sorry that your heart and spirit are hurting so much. I am sure she will send you little bits of peace here and there to help you through.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I am so very sorry for your loss. My mom passed away 10 years ago now from lung cancer. It was a very quick 12 weeks from diagnosis to death. She was my best friend. I miss her every day and for about 2-2.5 years after her death I really felt lost. I disengaged from my every day life and just went through the motions. My heart was literally broken. I lost those 2 years with my kids and husband which is why I am mentioning it. I feel terrible about it now but I am not sure how I could change it looking back. It was the darkest time in my life. There are days where I forget and I go to reach for the phone to call her. Don't put a time stamp on your grieving. It takes as long as it takes and that's that.

Hugs to you!!!

 

[Lady V]

I'm so sorry for the pain I know you are feeling. I lost my sister, who was 33, very suddenly in 2010. As in, one day she was singing happy birthday to my son and two days later she had flat-lined for the first of three times. I still have moments that catch me and it doesn't matter where I am I just cry. One thing I did in that first week was take something of hers that smelled like her, (like a shirt that had been worn and not washed), and I put it in a sealed huge Ziploc. When I really need to feel her I will open it just a bit and just smell her. It is amazing the emotions that come with scents. I also kept a bottle of her perfumed lotion and will just open it and smell it and it smells just like her. If I'm having a really bad day I'll put a tiny dab on my wrists and then I sleep with my hand on my pillow near my face and I smell her all night.
If you are able to do any of these things I hope they can bring you even a smidgen of peace.
After my sisters passing I also had a trip planned to WDW in three weeks. I won't lie-I was so sad and so bitter seeing all these people so happy while my world was destroyed. I did enjoy seeing my kids so happy though and I know my sister would have wanted that.

 

[JeanetteK]

Today seems okay, so far. My husband is home with me (his off day), so that helps. I spoke to my step-dad and checked on him. Still have mom's things in my trunk though. Not ready to deal with those just yet. AND, it's a beautiful day here today. My mom always, ALWAYS would make comments about these beautiful blue skies we're having today. She would say, "Just look at the sky, would ya? It looks like God just reached down with a paint brush and painted us a picture." So the blue skies and warmer weather certainly help my mood.

You all are great. Thanks for helping me feel a bit better.