Looking for handouts?

[browneyes106]

We did the same thing growing up except we were paying for food and electricity. My brothers were working the paper route at 8 and 9yos and we were babysitting.

Oh and why? Because my parents are like the ones in the post. They spend money until they are broke. In fact they are in their 70's now and are broke again.

SO yea, my sympathy meter is zero on that front.[/QUOTE

Your parents sound like my inlaws! I'm sorry you had to work to pay the bills, my parents both worked (sometimes two jobs each) to make sure bills were paid and Christmas was nice (not big, but I always had a few nice presents!) Now that I am older and can look back I see how much work they had to do and I am very appreciative! I'm like you though, they got themselves into the mess they will have to dig out. My sympathy meter is right there with yours! That poster sounds like the people in the show Downsized, I have no sympathy for them what-so-ever!

I watched an episode of Downsized the other day and I had a hard time sympathizing with the family that has seven kids and said they used spend 15k a month or something.

 

[browneyes106]

Three of her kids are in high school and their school marching band has an upcoming spring trip to NYC that the mom wants them to attend...the trip is at least $550 each....she posted that her 16 year old stated that the NYC trip could be his Christmas and birthday gift...

it just seems like something is off with that because she also said the kids receive free lunch at school, and she couldn't afford $15 to replace a stained toilet seat, but her 16 year old thinks a $550 gift is possible?? A 16 year old would understand what his family is going through and would know that is not realistic.

That doesn't really go along with the dire straits she portrays.

I think a 16 year old should be at the age where they understand that when it comes to money problems you can't get everything you want. If he is receiving a free school lunch and his parents can't afford a toilet seat he should have the maturity and understanding that $550 isn't possible even as a Christmas and Bday gift. When I was his age my parents weren't struggling but we didn't have a lot of money either to pay for additional trips/vacations there were times I was a bit sad that I couldn't go on trips that clubs at my school took to D.C., NYC, L.A. and overseas trips but I was ok because I had a home, food, and I was able to get new clothes whenever I needed to and my parents also had money saved up to buy me a car as a gift for my senior year. I had a summer jobs and occasional part time jobs and I would buy some of my school supplies, clothes and I would pay for my cross country and track uniforms.

 

[allison443]

I think a 16 year old should be at the age where they understand that when it comes to money problems you can't get everything you want. If he is receiving a free school lunch and his parents can't afford a toilet seat he should have the maturity and understanding that $550 isn't possible even as a Christmas and Bday gift.

Oh I agree with you, I would think he does understand, especially because the OP said he earns money with his band and gives it to his family to help with expenses...another thing was that OP had to get a fee waiver for him to take the PSAT at school. I just think it makes no sense for her to post that he said he would accept the NYC trip for both his Christmas and birthday gift. He definitely wouldn't be thinking they could afford the trip. Just doesn't ring true, does it?

 

[talulabelle]

There is a thread on the budget board that had me wondering if she was hoping someone would donate money again for her kids as someone had already donated to her daughter once before. Kind of had me thinking she was hoping someone would come to her rescue again. I know a lot of people are having a hard time right now, us included, but I would never get on a message board and tell my sad sob story and then accept money from strangers. Kids have to learn that they can't always get what they want no matter if they are gifted kids or regular kids. I know it is hard to say no but I had to tell my kids no this year too on a lot of things.

I saw that post too. (It's not often you see on on the DIS, but that was definately one. Made me mad. She was DEFINATELY looking for handouts. I started to comment, but was afraid I would get to flamed by the "back -patters" all saying "Oh, there there cheer up".

I just wanted to say - "SO? so? My gifted kid couldn't go on his band trip either because we couldn't afford it." He never even asked because he just knew it would be impossible. My husband isn't even laid off and we can't afford it. I mean - yeah, if I was like her, I could scrape the money together for him to go because "he wanted to and deserved it" - but I didn't bother, because there are 3 more behind him. What I do for one I have to do for all. It is a luxury not a need. I grew up poor and can remember looking for change under arcade machines at age 12, not so I could play an arcade game, but so that I could scrounge up enough money -I remember $1.14 to be exact- to walk 5 blocks to the grocery store and buy myself a new toothbrush (and enjoy the airconditioning for a half-hour or so on a blistering hot summer Baltimore day) my mother couldn't afford a new one for me because $1.14 would buy enough rice or beans or noodles to feed our family dinner.

Now I am very fortunate to have a husband who does well and we are comfortable. I thank God every day. But even with my good fortune, I can't afford the things this woman was whining about having to do without and I never think twice about it. I could have screamed when I read it.

Why did she mention that her kids had to turn down bday party invitations? Was that because they couldn't afford a gift? I mean the ages of her kids were 14-16 - old enough to get a job. I would have told them I didn't have money for gifts, but that they should go ask neighbors if there was raking to be done or picked up a shift a McDonalds or something so that they could have some pocket money for things like that. She had already taken money from a DISER so her daughter could go on a field trip. How much do you want to bet that money went into a Disney fund...I mean why are we all on the DIS anyway? Schools have funds to send kids on field trips that can't afford them.

Ok - thanks, had to vent.

 

[talulabelle]

yeah my sympathy meter is with yours.

wonder if the person this post has become about has got rid of her DH's Mercedes yet?
always a nice touch when you are getting free lunches.

I qualified for free lunches growing up - but my mother never made me get them. When I was growing up - if you got free lunches , you were given a monthly book of tickets to pay for your lunch with. Everyone knew the kids with tickets were the poor kids. My mother didn't want us to be embarrassed so she always put together a bag lunch for us. It was hard for her, but she did it. I could scream when I see people taking advantage of the program so they have money for the thing "they need" like nice cars and clothes etc.

 

[talulabelle]

When I first read that thread on the BB (that someone linked here on the CB) I have to admit that shortly into it, something didn't set quite right with me.. As I said earlier, I don't like to be cynical - but that particular thread is shooting all sorts of "red flags" at me..

Having said that, I think the only threads I have read that seem to be of the "hand out" nature on the DIS have been on the BB, Disney With Families, and Themes & Attractions boards.. I can't recall ever reading one on the CB - unless I missed it or just don't remember it..

I still prefer to be "less" cynical than "more"..

She was overly sappy with the "some one right here on this board sent money so my daughter could go on her fieldtrip - she will never know how much I appreciate it" She was baiting the hook and sending out the line. Disgusting.

 

[talulabelle]

Good to know my "gut feelings" are still intact.. The more I read (just in her 2 threads - didn't go searching via google), the more red flags I saw.. It's a shame, but at this point (even without google) she has said too many things for people to not be suspicious..

From what I can see, some people (myself included) are just offering her "suggestions" on how to get her older children motivated and what to do with the younger ones - with whatever she can scrape together.. I've seen no indication that anyone is even close to offering a hand out, so I assume she won't continue with this line of thinking.. Even if her situation was exactly as she described it, there are ways she can deal with it (like having the older kids get jobs, odd jobs, baby sitting) and explaining to the younger ones that this won't be a "big" Christmas without "begging".. I hope it's not what it appears to be, but my gut says otherwise..

I'll bet you there are at least 3 people who have fallen hard for her crap and pm'ed her offering money. Some peoples hearts are 5 sizes bigger than their brains.

 

[browneyes106]

Oh I agree with you, I would think he does understand, especially because the OP said he earns money with his band and gives it to his family to help with expenses...another thing was that OP had to get a fee waiver for him to take the PSAT at school. I just think it makes no sense for her to post that he said he would accept the NYC trip for both his Christmas and birthday gift. He definitely wouldn't be thinking they could afford the trip. Just doesn't ring true, does it?

I did see the part in the thread about how he earns money with the band but that part sounded kind of weird to me. I also would think he would understand with the free lunch, fee waiver and the family money problems or he could be a bit dense and not realize how bad the situation is.

I have been at points in my life when I gave priority or thought too much about things that didn't matter but in the past few months I have snapped out of certain thinking and accept what I have.

I think with this poster she doesn't see that despite her situation she needs to focus on necessities for her kids and she need to be thinking about ways, scholarships etc to make it possible for older kids to attend college within the next few years.

 

[browneyes106]

I saw that post too. (It's not often you see on on the DIS, but that was definately one. Made me mad. She was DEFINATELY looking for handouts. I started to comment, but was afraid I would get to flamed by the "back -patters" all saying "Oh, there there cheer up".

I just wanted to say - "SO? so? My gifted kid couldn't go on his band trip either because we couldn't afford it." He never even asked because he just knew it would be impossible. My husband isn't even laid off and we can't afford it. I mean - yeah, if I was like her, I could scrape the money together for him to go because "he wanted to and deserved it" - but I didn't bother, because there are 3 more behind him. What I do for one I have to do for all. It is a luxury not a need. I grew up poor and can remember looking for change under arcade machines at age 12, not so I could play an arcade game, but so that I could scrounge up enough money -I remember $1.14 to be exact- to walk 5 blocks to the grocery store and buy myself a new toothbrush (and enjoy the airconditioning for a half-hour or so on a blistering hot summer Baltimore day) my mother couldn't afford a new one for me because $1.14 would buy enough rice or beans or noodles to feed our family dinner.

Now I am very fortunate to have a husband who does well and we are comfortable. I thank God every day. But even with my good fortune, I can't afford the things this woman was whining about having to do without and I never think twice about it. I could have screamed when I read it.

Why did she mention that her kids had to turn down bday party invitations? Was that because they couldn't afford a gift? I mean the ages of her kids were 14-16 - old enough to get a job. I would have told them I didn't have money for gifts, but that they should go ask neighbors if there was raking to be done or picked up a shift a McDonalds or something so that they could have some pocket money for things like that. She had already taken money from a DISER so her daughter could go on a field trip. How much do you want to bet that money went into a Disney fund...I mean why are we all on the DIS anyway? Schools have funds to send kids on field trips that can't afford them.

Ok - thanks, had to vent.

I agree with you. She probably doesn't realize that other people's children can't go trips either and even some families with two working parents with no debt sometimes can't afford luxuries because they want to stay ahead. I agree the teen kids could get some kind of job. I have 15 year old cousin that works two evenings out of the week with a cleaning service. The cleaning service is owned by a couple who cleans offices, businesses, group homes etc. My cousin works on Monday and Wednesday eveings from 4 pm to 6 pm and sometimes she works Saturday mornings do full building cleans with the couple. This cousin is a second cousin her mom is my first cousin. My cousin and her husband are both nurses but they have taken some pay cuts and so their daughter is earning a little extra money that way she doesn't always have to ask them for money.

As for schools having special funds for field trips I have heard of schools doing stuff like this. For example if parents can't afford a museum or bus fee they contact the school and the adminstration makes sure that the teacher in charge of the field trip gets the money needed for that particular child.

This poster needs to take into account that despite the problems our country is going through economically she and her family are still able to have access to certain help and resources. In some countries, schools wouldn't provide free lunches or waivers for test fees etc.

Also in the thread about her son's band trip some people suggested that she look into having local business do a sponsorship for her son. I have seen this happen and it happened a few times in the town I grew up in. When I was in high school I was in cross country and track. One time our track coach told us about a track&field camp in Texas that was 4 weeks long and cost $1,000. A teammate of mine decided to attend and he got a few business to cover half his costs. To be honest, I would have just accepted that I couldn't go to the camp rather than to have businesses cover half the costs.

 

[tlbwriter]

I do have to say one thing in the poster's defense - it is entirely possible that they can't get McJobs. If they live in an area where the economy has tanked, and their schedules are limited because they're students, it might be that people who are desperate for work and have no other commitments have already taken up all of the jobs that don't require experience or training.

Mom, on the other hand, needs to step up to the plate...

 

[talulabelle]

I cleaned offices when I was in highschool. It was a hard job. I made good money for myself to cover my clothes and other expenses though because I didn't work for an agency. I went door to door with fliers and picked up 2 diff small offices. All the money went in my pocket and I didn't have to work for min. wage. People need to do what people need to do.

 

[browneyes106]

I do have to say one thing in the poster's defense - it is entirely possible that they can't get McJobs. If they live in an area where the economy has tanked, and their schedules are limited because they're students, it might be that people who are desperate for work and have no other commitments have already taken up all of the jobs that don't require experience or training.

Mom, on the other hand, needs to step up to the plate...

Good point tlbwriter I have heard and read about stuff like that happening. My neighbor's two teen sons lost their jobs when the Pizza Hut they worked at closed. One of the teen sons got a job soon after at a grocery store but when the other one applied they told them they couldn't hire anymore. He spent a couple of months looking in retail and fast food and some managers told him that because of the economy they were focused more giving employment to older people or people with families.

I agree the mom could get part time work doing something. Many restaurants sometimes have turnover rates in servers, hostesses etc and she could try temping for offices.

 

[browneyes106]

I cleaned offices when I was in highschool. It was a hard job. I made good money for myself to cover my clothes and other expenses though because I didn't work for an agency. I went door to door with fliers and picked up 2 diff small offices. All the money went in my pocket and I didn't have to work for min. wage. People need to do what people need to do.

I agree with that. I commend you for doing that in high school. My cousin has thought about putting flyers to clean on her own but she worries about it interfering with her school schedule and other activities she is involved in. Right now she saves up all her money from the job in case she wants extra things or will help pay for something that she wants.

I remember last year on Oprah, she did segments were celebrities went back to their 1st jobs and Kirstie Alley used to clean homes for wealthy people as a teenager and she gave several cleaning tips to the audience.

 

[hambirg]

I haven't read all the responses. But I do think that some people come with their sob stories hoping to get some kind, generous soul to help them out. It's too bad that there are so many scammers out there. I would only feel comfortable helping people I really know or something local.

One time, right after my divorce. I posted on the E-bay angel type thread. I really had to dig deep and work up my nerve just to do that. However, some people have no shame. My kids were still in private school and I was struggling to make that, but didn't want to pull them in the middle of the year. I needed $100 worth of stuff to donate to the benefit auction. I just posted our story and was asking for anybody that might have something that was collecting dust. . or maybe somebody local that would be willing to donate a service in our names. I would never have just asked for money. A very nice local dog trainer messaged me. Since I was on the auction committee I knew that a local breeder was going to offer a puppy. This very nice guy sent me several training books, a dog training clicker thing, and a leash and collar. He also included some brochures from his business. I was thrilled and very thankful. I made sure his business was listed in our catalog and that all the things he sent went along with the puppy. And because the puppy went for so much, my portion of the package covered the $100. I did donate other things. . .but I was so thrilled and thankful. If I ever get a dog I'm sooo using that trainer!

I hate that certain people do really ruin it for others. I also think that if out of the kindness of your heart you do send something to somebody and it does just turn out to be a scam, that that is on the scammers. . .and not on you! Like most people. . .I don't want to get scammed. . .I can think of better ways to use my resources. . .BUT if you think it is legitimate and you do something for the right reasons, and it turns out to be wrong, I hope that doesn't harden peoples' hearts. They still did the right thing. . .the wrong part of the equation will have to answer for their actions. Once in awhile you run into something local. . like people that have had a house fire. . .when I choose to give. . .I just let it go right then. If the people are taking advantage of the situation I relinquish myself of that. . .I'm doing it for the right reasons and I don't have any control over the end result. Because you do hear about people that blow all the donations they get because they have a child that has cancer or something. That's really sad, but in the end, I gave for the right reasons.

ETA-what is really sad and most likely the truth, is that the people that are really in the most desperate need, are usually the least likely to ask. I know after my divorce, I would have never been able to ask people for money, even though we were in some pretty dire straights. I knew, no matter how bad our situation, that there were others out there who needed help more. And I guess that's the moral. . .the people that would really be thankful and use what you give them appropriately are the same people that don't ask. . .and feel thankful for what little they do have. . .not the people begging and feeling entitled.

 

[browneyes106]

I haven't read all the responses. But I do think that some people come with their sob stories hoping to get some kind, generous soul to help them out. It's too bad that there are so many scammers out there. I would only feel comfortable helping people I really know or something local.

One time, right after my divorce. I posted on the E-bay angel type thread. I really had to dig deep and work up my nerve just to do that. However, some people have no shame. My kids were still in private school and I was struggling to make that, but didn't want to pull them in the middle of the year. I needed $100 worth of stuff to donate to the benefit auction. I just posted our story and was asking for anybody that might have something that was collecting dust. . or maybe somebody local that would be willing to donate a service in our names. I would never have just asked for money. A very nice local dog trainer messaged me. Since I was on the auction committee I knew that a local breeder was going to offer a puppy. This very nice guy sent me several training books, a dog training clicker thing, and a leash and collar. He also included some brochures from his business. I was thrilled and very thankful. I made sure his business was listed in our catalog and that all the things he sent went along with the puppy. And because the puppy went for so much, my portion of the package covered the $100. I did donate other things. . .but I was so thrilled and thankful. If I ever get a dog I'm sooo using that trainer!

I hate that certain people do really ruin it for others. I also think that if out of the kindness of your heart you do send something to somebody and it does just turn out to be a scam, that that is on the scammers. . .and not on you! Like most people. . .I don't want to get scammed. . .I can think of better ways to use my resources. . .BUT if you think it is legitimate and you do something for the right reasons, and it turns out to be wrong, I hope that doesn't harden peoples' hearts. They still did the right thing. . .the wrong part of the equation will have to answer for their actions. Once in awhile you run into something local. . like people that have had a house fire. . .when I choose to give. . .I just let it go right then. If the people are taking advantage of the situation I relinquish myself of that. . .I'm doing it for the right reasons and I don't have any control over the end result. Because you do hear about people that blow all the donations they get because they have a child that has cancer or something. That's really sad, but in the end, I gave for the right reasons.

ETA-what is really sad and most likely the truth, is that the people that are really in the most desperate need, are usually the least likely to ask. I know after my divorce, I would have never been able to ask people for money, even though we were in some pretty dire straights. I knew, no matter how bad our situation, that there were others out there who needed help more. And I guess that's the moral. . .the people that would really be thankful and use what you give them appropriately are the same people that don't ask. . .and feel thankful for what little they do have. . .not the people begging and feeling entitled.

I agree with you on that. If I had seen your thread a couple of years back I would looked for something that I could have sent you or suggested ideas.

The poster that we are discussing clearly has an attitude of entitlement especially when she said how her son "deserved and wanted" to go on the band trip. I found myself rolling my eyes at that because the kid is 16 and should be at the point in his life in which he is learning to see manage finances and priorities.

 

[Art 1]

Who knows if the lady is looking for a hand out, probably is. I have seen it before on other forums and it was quite sad what happened in the end. What I do know that the lady doesn't know is that she has it better than 95% of the worlds population.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree with you on that. If I had seen your thread a couple of years back I would looked for something that I could have sent you or suggested ideas.

The poster that we are discussing clearly has an attitude of entitlement especially when she said how her son "deserved and wanted" to go on the band trip. I found myself rolling my eyes at that because the kid is 16 and should be at the point in his life in which he is learning to see manage finances and priorities.

I know, right? When we were scrimping and working as kids it was to pay for food to eat and electricty because boiling water for a bath sucks. (We had a gas stove).

 

[hambirg]

I agree with you on that. If I had seen your thread a couple of years back I would looked for something that I could have sent you or suggested ideas.

The poster that we are discussing clearly has an attitude of entitlement especially when she said how her son "deserved and wanted" to go on the band trip. I found myself rolling my eyes at that because the kid is 16 and should be at the point in his life in which he is learning to see manage finances and priorities.

I'll have to find that thread. . .cause yeah. . .I wouldn't have ever felt comfortable telling strangers that my kid was entitled to a band trip. . .. That's nuts! He's old enough to get a job at McDonald's. Now if he wants help filling out the application, I would be more than willing to help out.

If that's the attitude. . .I really deserve to go to Italy. I've never been and would LOVE to go. . .so DISers. . .don't you feel sorry for me? Italy here I come.

 

[DawnM]

Didn't she also state that they not only had 90K in cc debt but that they stopped paying any of it????? That is where I lost all sympathy. Whatever goods they got for that huge amount gets to be paid by you and me now.....


Dawn

Yep, looks like there were some major financial (CC debt issues) before the job loss.

 

[hambirg]

I found the thread, but it must be closed. I couldn't open it. But like I said before. . .I hope these types of things don't make people too cynical. There really are people that need help. Choose wisely. .. but keep giving.