Originally posted by minniepumpernickel
Oh my gosh Esmerelda that is an awful story. Atleast you found out before you married him. 
I was suspicious of my aunts new boyfriend, so I started an investigation on him. It's amazing what you can find out about people if you really try. Guess what though, my aunt won't listen to me and still likes him. 
Unfortunately I think that it's a good idea to check out someone you get involved with. You really can't trust people at face value sometimes.
Poor Lori Hacking. The whole thing is so tragic.
Unfortunately, I found out after I married him but was able to have it anulled 3 weeks later.
I hope your aunt listens to you.
That's the worst most helpless feeling, when you know someone is in danger of being hurt and they just won't listen. I feel the same way about my friend with the alcholic husband.
I refuse to stop trusting people. I am a little more inquistive to people now, than I was before the whole ordeal, but I don't think I could ever hire a PI to check out someone I was personally involved with. (although, for someone else, I might...)
But I have learned to ask a lot more questions and pay closer attention to the way people react to things, esp when angry.
With my ex, it was not him hiding anything from me other than his abusive and possesive behavior. He slipped up and started snapping at me a few times as the wedding date got more and more set in stone. I should have paid more attention to the way he treated me then instead of chalking it up to normal pre-marital nerves.
I have been with my current BF for about 3 years. We live together, and are quite content. We rarely argue, but when we do, the words might get nasty but the tone does not and I have never felt the slightest bit belitteled, or afraid. We usually make up after like 15 minutes. We have seriously only had shouting matches maybe 3 times in 3 years. Everyone argues, but I know now to pay close attention to what is not said during an argument. (everything from tone of voice, to the look in a persons eye can tell you a lot about how they are when they are angry). How people are when they are angry, and how people manage their tempers can be a good indicator of what a person is really like.
Relationships are complex things. With my friend, she knows all about her husbands past, and she is aware that he is an alcholic. She won't call him that though. She'll make excuses for him and put up with some awful things. There is not much I can do to point out to her anything else and make sure she has my number and knows she can call me anytime (esp. for a ride...she does not have a liscense and the only person who ever drives when they go out is him...
). That situation is not so much a case of a double life, as it is a woman who thinks she can't do any better. It's so sad and as a friend it's so hard and often scary to sit on the sidelines watching someone you care about get hurt.
Sorry, I went kind of off topic here, but it's just an issue that hits me very close to home and I am really passionate about it.
Horrible. 
I love playing "detective". I guess I just have a suspicious nature.
